It's so hard wanting to help someone that doesn't want help

Her weight and her body and her health are her business.

Why are you angry about someone else? I get you care about her, but unless she specifically asks for your help, she doesn't want it.

People give "excuses" to people who badger them because just saying, "I'm not interested" never shuts them up.

I don't know about the OP but I'd be frustrated if someone harped on and on about finally doing something about it and then did nothing. It just gets annoying listening to that and all the excuses. Not to mention she's probably giving her kid childhood diabetes and goodness know what else. If no one cares about the care of the child where will he/she end up?

Sadly to say I was having the same issue with a loved one and what made that person realize the severity of unhealthy living was when another loved one passed away just a year older than he. Now he is eating right and working out and dropped a noticable amount of weight in just a week. I'm so proud. All you can do is be there for her for when she is trully ready. You are great and continue what you are doing!

I don't mean this to sound abrupt, but you can't help her because you are too close to the problem. Also, because you aren't qualified. Her weight is a symptom of something else that is going on in her mind or in her life. She needs a trained professional.

I just lost a very dear friend of my mom's. She lost her legs, and even in rehab she refused to eat the food they gave her. She called, and people brought her junk food. She even had gastric bypass, lost weight, but NEVER changed her lifestyle. Her mind was still fat. You see what I mean? It is a disease, a compulsion, an addiction. It is not your responsibility to lead her to a better lifestyle.

Treat her as you would anyone you love who has an addiction. Don't enable her in any way, yet support her. If she loses her child, has no job, and is obese, she may feel she has nothing left to lose. Just show her that you do love her. If she makes excuses, tell her you don't want to speak on the topic if she isn't gonna be straight up, and change the subject. Let her know you will be there whenever she decides to make a change.

I wonder whats really behind her lack of motivation.

I've got it: Go over to their house and hide all the food and staple gun all the cabinet doors shut. Leave a head of lettuce with a fork in it on the dining room table. When she gets mad, let her chase you around for the exercise. Three weeks of this and I bet she'll thank you!

Seriously, what's your brother say about it? He's the one that has to take care of her when her health starts to deteriorate. He should care a lot more than you do.

This too!

while I understand your frustration, reality is that there's nothing you can so about SIL's diet plans. I know when my family nagged me about my weight, it just made me more stubborn (even though I knew they meant well). I've read similar things from others. My journey started only because I made the decision that it was time to start. Either your SIL will make that decision for herself, or her health will continue to go down hill.

I totally understand. Here is someone that seems to be crying out for help but then does everything they can to block that help with excuses. I heard a great way to think about excuses (you need a laugh).....Excuses are like A@@holes.....we all have them and they all stink.

Sorry couldn't help myself. But the best thing you can do is keep being a great example. She will need to hit her rock bottom. I've got a friend who is the same way with both weight loss and her debt. She knows I'm losing weight (and recently became debt free except for my home and student loans) and is always asking how I do it. I tell her and it sounds great to her but then she tells me she eats out, has breakfasts from McDonalds (and not oatmeal) with smoothies and eats a lot of prepackaged stuff full of preservatives/sodium/crap because she has no time, is tired, etc. Not good for weight or debt. I have little tolerance for someone who plays mouth service and then does these things. I've had to take a step back and then when she asks tell her what works for me and she has to make the choice.

But I totally understand. Be a healthy example to the little girl, invite them over for healthy meals, take the girl out and play with her. You can be an awesome healthy example!!!

Oh, and for the love of Pete, take the phrase "fat and lazy" out of it. You can't help anyone for whom you feel disgust. People can feel that.

Agreed. @Ninja, I get that it was a vent & I have had the exact same feelings about others myself. But I wouldn't assume she doesn't WANT to change. For many who struggle with weight (or anything else, for that matter), they truly do want to change & just don't know how. Or maybe they've made attempts we don't know about & ended up discouraged because they weren't successful for any number of reasons. It's not like she's going to proclaim to the world (or you) that she tried to lose weight & failed.

I weighed 300+ lbs for a lot of years, & my mother & sister are both in the medical field. I know for a fact they worried about me & my health. I appreciate that they never harassed me about it, & the few times my mom did mention something, it was very nonjudgmental & she expressed genuine concern for my health. Never pressured me.

When my sister asked me to be matron of honor in her wedding a couple yrs ago I decided to give my weight loss an honest effort. I made healthier food choices & started a 10,000 steps program. Wore a pedometer & for over a month straight, I walked 10,000 or did some other equivalent activity (like swimming) & lost MAYBE 3 lbs. I was devastated. Plus I was sore & tired all the time & it wasn't worth it. I hadn't made it real public what I was doing, which was a relief because I gave up & stayed fat for another year after that.

Of course now I know that where I really went wrong was overexercising & not tracking my food. I ate tons of rice thinking it was a healthy choice, but only when I started logging food this last time around did I realize it's much higher in calories than I thought.

Give her credit for having those conversations with you about weight loss, I think it shows good intentions, & if you really want to help her, don't set expectations about what those conversations SHOULD result in. You can't know how much of it is "sticking." She may not be ready to take action yet, but at some point I think she will be or she would avoid the topic altogether.

Sounds like her self-esteem issues carry over into other aspects of her life (i.e. the drugs, dating etc.) & it's hard to overcome that kind of stuff. But it can be done, & by remaining a positive force in her life, you make it more likely she'll find her way out.