Confidence & weightloss

As a woman of similar age to Riverside, I support what she's saying. It does get easier, because experience creates a different perspective. But I'm betting you'd like not to wait until your 60s to feel good about yourself. :flowerforyou:

Like her, I think you look good in both your photos, but visibly more toned and strong in your more recent pic. Your work is paying off!

Is there a way you can shift focus a little bit, from your appearance to your accomplishments (because you've accomplished a lot)?

In many developed world cultures, women are even more likely than others to be seen AS our appearance, not as our total selves: Skills, accomplishments, contributions, character, and more. (I fear men are heading down that track more and more, too.)

It's not surprising to me at all that you had hoped that a dramatic change in appearance (which you've achieved) would by itself change self esteem. Part of the issue for us, I think, that some of our cultural conditioning has led us to equate self-valuing (or valuing of others) with appearance. If anything, I think it runs the other way: Increasing self-esteem can increase the likelihood that we invest in ourselves, invest in self-improvement in all ways. (Then that can become a positive cycle, of increasing accomplishments driving increased self-esteem, which motivates us to reach for new goals.)

I think part of the perspective that experience brings is that (speaking for myself), I realize that I value others in my life for reasons that have zero to do with how they look. Valuing people mainly for how they look would be shallow of me, wouldn't it? I can't speak for everyone, but what makes my mature self value people is things like the example they set for me, of how much a human can do, for themselves, family, others . . . the doing and being, not the visuals of appearance. Friends, it's more complicated, because I do notice that they do things for me (selfishly!), but also I appreciate and enjoy the deeper web that grows between us as we mutually help and support each other. But that's all just me.

Working on ourselves - things like self-esteem - is hard work, in its way. There's a tendency to discount our own accomplishments. ("If I can do it, anyone could, not a big deal". But an honest look around reveals that, realistically, not everyone does do it, even if they claim they want to - whatever "it" is.)

I'm not a big fan of self-help books and such, but this is a realm where some of that can be a thing to explore. Beyond that, there should be no stigma in looking for more personalized counseling. We hire a plumber for their knowledge and expertise when there's a problem with our pipes or water. It should be no different to utilize someone who's an expert in thought patterns, if that's where we have a thorny problem that's limiting our quality of life. (Yes, I have done that myself, though the context was not specifically a self-esteem issue.)

I hope and believe you can work your way through this, but I know it isn't easy. I wish you good outcomes on that front!

I lost about 75lbs in total. But my confidence started increasing as soon as I started losing weight. Not because I looked better necessarily (hardly noticeable at first, and even now I'm no supermodel), but because of what I was accomplishing.
Currently, I think my increased confidence is 50% being lighter (esthetically) and 50% from what I've achieved losing weight (consistency) and becoming that much more active.

Self confidence is a tricky thing, it doesn't necessarily follow reality. Good advice above!

@IzzieDizzie93: What you've achieved already in the gym absolutely is an accomplishment! (Raising good kids isn't small potatoes, either. Not everyone does it adequately, even, unfortunately.)