My Mom Died

I am sorry for your loss. As you know, 'stuffing your face' is not a fix, rather the opposite. If you react like I do, then you feel guilty afterward.

Life throws us curveballs and if eating would give us comfort then most of us would run around with a feeding tube attached to us.

Ask yourself what your mom and your husband would want? And if you think they would encourage you to eat your feelings away, then do it. If not...well, I guess you know the answer.

All the best to you!

I am so sorry to read about your husband and your mom, that's incredibly tough. The grieving process appears to be very individual, but one of the thoughts that I had reading your post is the obvious amount of stress you'll be under and reading that you've lost 32lbs since August (Congratulations, by the way!) and with weight loss being another type of stress, I wonder if you'd benefit from eating at maintenance for a little while. I know that sounds counterproductive, but the physical break could help. This is just a suggestion of course.

Congratulations on the 2.5 years free, as well! You're doing so well, even though it might not feel like it sometimes.

As for your question "How do I get through this without stuffing my face?" I struggle with this and I bet many other people here can also relate to you. The answer lies, I believe in doing our best to educate ourselves of how things work behind the scenes (in our brains), and trying to learn the mechanics of it all. I've just finished reading a book called 'Hijacked: How Your Brain Is Fooled by Food by David A. MD Kessler', It's a book on overeating, which I found useful, and maybe you might, too.

I wish you the best.

I'm so very sorry, @TexasTallchick!

I won't pretend to know how you feel, because we're all different, but I also lost my husband when he was 45, and my dad (last of my parents alive) about 6 years later, so in that sense I lived in a near neighborhood to your current situation for a while. I empathize.

I know it's hard to even think at times like this, but are there any things you can think of that could comfort you besides food?

Some things I've used myself, or seen others use, are getting out into sunshine and nature, warm aromatherapy bubble-baths or showers, meditation or prayer, stretching/yoga or mild exercise, some creative pursuit that's immersive if there are any you enjoy (needlework, sketching, playing a musical instrument, etc., even adult coloring books), listening to calming recorded or live music, getting in touch with friends to talk about anything at all, . . . ?

Another option to consider, if you have time and could find the emotional energy, might be to think of a charitable organization that would've been special to your husband or mom in some way, and invest some time in volunteering there in their memory.

I do think that "go to maintenance calories for a while" idea may be worth considering, too, in order to reduce stress on your body, not so much to accommodate comfort eating.

You've learned and done some amazing things, developed some good new routines over the past few months. You were so wonderfully committed and strong in putting aside alcohol before that. I'm betting you still have that core of strength inside you, even if it's a little bit obscured at this moment. As others have mentioned, I would guess your dear ones would like to see you continue in those positive directions, too. I hope you can.

For myself, after somewhat similar losses in my own life, one of the things that helped me was simply going through all the normal motions of daily life that were still available to me: Job, hobbies, home chores, social events, etc., etc., just following the usual routine pathways on autopilot. I didn't feel like I decided to do those things, I just could do them because I'd been doing them. They were devoid of feeling at first, kind of like I was sleepwalking, but eventually some intention and meaning gradually seeped back into those rote actions. It took time.

When a bit of feeling began to return, another thing I did - though this might sound alien or negative - was to think of things I'd once enjoyed, but had put aside or not had time for or something when I still had my husband or dad around me to enjoy with immediacy. They hadn't ever stopped me from doing things I liked: It was a question of them having been a higher priority for me at the time than those other things. Without them with me, it helped me when I began to add some of those enjoyable but formerly lower priority things back in.

I'm not saying any of that would work for you, because like I said, we're all different. I'm just saying a little about how it was for me.

I hope you are able to find a personal path that will lead you on into the future, and start to make that future a brighter one for you than this current moment feels. It's out there, I think, if you can find a way to work your way toward it, however gradually.

Virtual hugs!

So sorry about you mom and your husband. Those two people would want you to care for yourself. Nothing wrong with finding comfort in food..or anything else that isn't really destructive; like watching t.v...or sleeping in...
Maybe you could make a tiny shift; from eating processed or fattening foods for comfort, and start making healthy pots of soup...or healthy versions of your favorite foods.. You can make anything tasty better and healthier homemade. Cooking is s skill.. preoccupies the mind and may help give your grieving mind something else to think about.
put yourself first... and simply not gaining weight as you navigate yourself back to a better place would be a stellar success.

I lost my mom in September. I am living with my father who is 87 & has dementia. It's been a very difficult year, to say the least.
The grief, stress, and anxiety is hard to describe. I eat when I'm stressed. I am gaining weight and I hate the way I feel. I work out 7 days a week, but you can't outrun a bad diet.
I would love to have an accountability partner.