What age to talk about the "bird and the bees" to your kid?

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ninerbuff
ninerbuff Posts: 48,565 Member
in Chit-Chat
To expand on the dating, I guess it's also important to talk to them about sex. So what's a good age in your opinion? No right or wrong answers, but let's hear what may have worked for you.
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Replies

  • shelbym87
    shelbym87 Posts: 122 Member
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    Thank god I'm not there yet. My son is only 3. And my parents never talked to me about anything like that!
  • Fairysoul
    Fairysoul Posts: 1,361 Member
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    I got the talk in 5th grade, just before school dances started in sixth grade... Around the time that the woman thing begins..
  • heybrit
    heybrit Posts: 140
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    I think that due to our society most children have an idea and basic understanding at a very young age. I cannot remember a time in my life not knowing about sex and whatnot. With sex education starting in 6th grade here we didn't need the discussion. And again as a freshman in HS, we definitely didn't need our parents to have the awkward conversation with us since our teacher got to instead.

    I think that as long as you keep an open, trusting relationship with your child, if they have questions they will come to you with them. But with the internet, friends and education in schools, it's pretty unnecessary nowadays.
  • Fayve
    Fayve Posts: 411 Member
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    Well... I'm almost 19 now, and never had this talk with my parents. I ended up finding out most of what I know from online, safe resources.

    If I could go back, I think that somewhere between 12-14 would have been appropriate? Then again, I'm pretty sheltered (first kiss when I was 17), whereas my mother had a kid when she was 16.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    Well my parents never talked to me about it. I'd recomend maybe 6th grade. This is when they will be going into middle school and they start wondering these things. Just tell them the basics and about protection and whatnot, that way if they decide they want to have sex, they wont end up pregnant.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 4,999 Member
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    I really think it depends on the age, but I try to talk to them about dating and sex for their age level ,very basics to start with from the time they are about school age. They dont need to know too many details until they are about 5 or 6 th grade I would rather they hear the truth from me.......
  • nikkit321
    nikkit321 Posts: 1,485 Member
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    With our oldest son, we waited until 7th grade. With our youngest son, we decided to do it before he started 6th grade as he's asking questions that the oldest didn't. I asked the oldest whether he thought his dad was early, on time, or late with his "talk" and he said it was a little late as he heard a lot on the bus (middle school rides with high schoolers).
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    my mom touched on it a bit when i was in 4th or 5th grade..and again when i was 11 and started my period. we had sex ed in school but it was very basic (taught in utah, if that tells you anything).
  • yeabby
    yeabby Posts: 643 Member
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    The earlier the better. Children are encountering sexual material from a young age. Also, many, if not most, girls start their periods before leaving elementary school. They need to be prepared ahead of time. For way too many 5th or 6th grade is a year or two too late.
  • CBKMom
    CBKMom Posts: 59 Member
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    Before they turn 10 -11. They will already be hearing things from kids at school. I was much happier giving them the real truth and then letting them know that at any time, they could ask any question about it and I would tell them the real truth. It made it nice for my boys when they would hear things that were not always accurate. I was really open from a very young age about drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex. My three year olds knew that smoking was awful for them and drugs would kill you. I have the opinion that parents are more than willing to tell a small child not to play with guns - they will kill you - but they struggle with what to say about drugs and alcohol. You treat them the same as any other dangerous item you do not want your kids into. Make it a part of your raising them and you will not have to worry about what to say when the time comes. Honesty, brutal honesty, is always best. They have a ton of kids out there, some who already know more than you could imagine, telling them things. Make sure what iinformation you are giving them is the real truth. And even if the question is super embarrassing, even about your own sex life, be honest.
    Hope that helps
  • aaleigha1
    aaleigha1 Posts: 408 Member
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    my children are 29 and 31 so the talk in this house happened many many years ago
    but we had a policy in our house of open doors so they learnt as they went along, to a certain extent. I and my dh answered all questions as and when they arose
    my children were very very open with me and knew they could tell me anything and also ask me anything - the question of contraceptive seemed not to come up as they were older as they had asked previously why no more children turned up - it was also the time of many adverts about safe sex due to HIV and AIDS being big news

    neither child has children yet - did I put them off completely :):)

    strange now when they come to visit the doors always seem to be open the only time doors were closed seemed to be when someone wanted alone time a closed door in this house meant a knock was required
  • Plutox
    Plutox Posts: 1
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    You may begin discussing with them at any age actually. What will be different is the content and how you present it. You may just discuss basic anatomical differences for very very young children (e.g., 3-4 years old.) 1st and 2nd grade is a good time to introduce more topics such as different family units. There are books out there about sex made for children, that could help you. Remember, children are very accepting of information early on. As they get older, the more awkward it will be for both of you. Best of luck.
  • Adynata
    Adynata Posts: 128 Member
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    I think that due to our society most children have an idea and basic understanding at a very young age. I cannot remember a time in my life not knowing about sex and whatnot. With sex education starting in 6th grade here we didn't need the discussion. And again as a freshman in HS, we definitely didn't need our parents to have the awkward conversation with us since our teacher got to instead.

    I think that as long as you keep an open, trusting relationship with your child, if they have questions they will come to you with them. But with the internet, friends and education in schools, it's pretty unnecessary nowadays.

    These are exactly my thoughts. I never really had the talk with my mum, other than an explanation on how to use sanitary products, because I seem to have had a pretty basic understanding all my life. We had some incredibly thorough sex education at school with varying degrees of detail from about ten years old and onwards. Ages 10 - 13 were all about the basic principles and science behind it, and 14+ they focused on contraception.

    Though I've heard some schools, particularly Christian ones (perhaps more in America from what the media seems to think) don't offer very thorough sex education, so it's always worth going over it with your kid just in case.
  • Jensey76
    Jensey76 Posts: 18
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    I was a school nurse in an Elementary school and I can assure you that 5th graders are aware of sex and they talk about it on the playground. So if you want your child to hear it from you instead of on the playground, I would say talk prior to 5th grade. I talked to my daughter in 4th grade, just started with what changes she could expect her body to go through and opened the line of communication so she knew she could ask me anything. I told her not to trust what she heard others say, to ask me and I would verify it or refute it, explain it, whatever was appropriate.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
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    My youngest daughter is in 1st grade & I am dreading the time for "the talk"- It kind of means she's not my baby anymore...but I know it has to happen because my parents never had the talk with me & it wasn't a very comfortable subject in our house so I didn't feel like I could just ask questions. They hardly even talked to me about my period. It was a very confusing time for me & I want to make the transition as easy as possible for my daughters.

    I also think that parents need to say something to the kids & not just rely on the classes kids have. I want my kids to be comfortable with asking ME questions about whatever problem they may have & be comfortable about normal bodily changes- unlike me, embarrassed & ashamed.

    I really never had a good idea of when that talk should happen though, so I'm hoping to get some good ideas from this topic.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
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    I started Sex Ed in grade 5, and between then and grade 9 I learned pretty much everything I needed to know. My mom never sat me down and said "so this is what a penis is" etc. but whenever I had questions she answered them. We have a very open and understanding relationship, so it wasn't weird when I became sexually active and had questions either.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
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    My son is 4 & knows that a baby grows in a mummies belly & that a mummy & a daddy make a baby together from their love. (easiest way to answer the question honestly without getting too graphic.) He also knows that a baby comes out of a mummies mooey ( kid speak in our house for a vagina, haha)

    We have a fairly open policy on any subject as well as no embarrassment about being naked & if he asked a specific question try to answer as honestly as possible for his understanding so I hope as he gets older he will just know about this stuff through open discussion. The idea of a "talk" sounds awful to me, very impersonal. I just knew about this stuff growing up in a mainly female family so I hope my son does too.

    I don't' believe it should be up to schools to educate kids about sex, contraception & STD.
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
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    Answers questions as they are asked don't give more detail than you need to when kids are little. As they approach puberty they NEED to know. There are excellent books and websites for tastefully explaining things to kids. There is no specific age. My little sister was ten when she got her first period. She had been wearing a bra for at least six months and she was busty. She was not told and when she got her period she thought that she was dying. When I asked my mother years later why she didn't tell her about the facts of life. She said that she felt my sister was too young to know! ?????????????? What!!!?????????? If they are old enough to develop they are old enough to know what is happening. Even if you don't want to talk about sex you talk about what is happening to their bodies. Over all you need to talk about it in about fourth grade or just before 5th grade. Be matter of fact. Answer their questions or tell them you will find out the answers and get back to them. Then do it.
    If they ask about your sex life do not share that . Express that you are taking about the scientific facts and that your sex life is off limits. It is difficult in this day and age but encourage them to see sex as something other than as a specator sport or a way to pass the time. Sorry, I sound like I am preaching but I think kids have a right to know the facts and treasure the gift and pleasure that sex can be. FYI..my kids are 23, 25, 30, and 33. They are all pretty normal adults. My big thing to my daughters is... don't let anyman treat you like a Kleenex girl. (use and then throw away.) I tell my sons not to treat women that way too. Sermon over. Have fun this can build a real bond between you and your child.:flowerforyou:
  • kayleeblue
    kayleeblue Posts: 273
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    I started a "lighter" sex talk as soon as they were old enough to talk...you know the one..it's NOT ok for people to touch you here or like this..We raised different animals...calves, sheep, pigs, horses and dogs..they seen nature doing it and we just took the subject from there. It was a "talk" that keeps on going. My boys are now 19 and almost 21, we are very open with each other and we share stories all of the time. I made sure they had "coverage" for whenever the "time" may aRISE. You can never have the talk to soon. Be open and honest and leave the door open for any questions they may have. You don't want to look back and say I should have started sooner..because by then it may be to late.
  • ursy87
    ursy87 Posts: 287
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    In our local schools they start a gentle introduction at 10 (puberty etc) then feelings and stuff the year after, when my oldest was 15 they had talks on STDs.
    With all that being said, we are generally quite open, and if the kids have questions, I will try and answer in an age appropriate manner. What I tell my 8 year old is a very watered down version of what his older brothers get (12 & 18) , we have good books in the house, and they arent shut away, just on the bookshelf alongside Harry Potter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid., we have looked at them together and I answered anything that cropped up at the time.
    I never got any talk when I was younger (mum died when I was a child) so had to figure stuff out for myself, and then I was the one who in turn had to tell my little sister(must have got thbat wrong cos she was pregnant at 16:happy: )

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