How much do you tell someone new? (Dating after weight loss
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After you tell him (whenever that is) he's going to remember and deeply regret that text comment. I'd probably mention it if it casually comes up in conversation. Otherwise, IT'S A DATE! Just enjoy it for what it is and worry about your future together if/when you know him well enough to decide whether or not that's a good thing.0
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Why does it matter what you used to be? I don't think the details need to be spilled just yet?! Just enjoy your date and your new YOU.. and maybe down the line that will come up (several dates from now) but no reason to say anything now.0
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I say go for coffee. This sounds pretty new to me. i wouldn't rush into telling him to much. As/if the relationship progresses, at some point sure I would tell him the history. But now have fun!!0
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Well this is always going to be a sensitive issue but i can only respond as a sensible guy who's giving an opinion based upon personal experiences.
Honestly, what you've achieved in terms of weight loss is extraordinary. Someone who is able to commit themselves and discipline themselves in such a way has characteristics to be proud of so why hide it?
Obviously you don't want to make it a feature of you're date but when the time is right there is no harm in mentioning it, lets face it if things go well between you he's hardly going to be influenced by you past if he like everything about who you are now.
Honesty is always the best policy, if you hide it i guarantee it'll come up at the worst time, just wait until the conversation and your relationship is at the right place before mentioning it.
You're looking great and you've achieved something incredible that has made you what you are today, if he's a decent enough guy he'll appreciate that
Good luck!0 -
See how it goes before revealing too much information. If you hit it off, and feel like sharing the information, that's your call.
Congrats on the weight loss, too!!!0 -
he's a D-bag, do you want to pursue it? Don't go by me, I don't know where I am with this. Guys who chat me up now but used to act like I was invisible.. I just laugh at them - 'as if' no
One of my MFP friends says 'If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best"
I don't cast pearls before swine - I'm telling you now it NEVER works out for the pearls.
I kind of agree with this.. I've had guys that I have known for a year or two, some just mutual friends, try to pick me up now that I've lost almost 50 lbs when they wouldn't ahve given me the time of day before.. Most of the time I just flirt with them until they think they are getting somewhere and then go on my way. :laugh:0 -
Double post...0
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I don't think he was being an *kitten*, I really think he thought he was being funny.
And I think it is unfair to not date someone just because they wouldn't have been interested in a heavier version of yourself. Physical attraction means a lot and you just can't make that up.0 -
Oh, wow! Well, first of all, you're amazing and I'm in awe of your progress. That's a really interesting question! I have been talking to a guy for a few months (long story) and we haven't met yet but he knows all about my weight loss. We talk about it everyday. It helps me because he's really thin and I can say, like, "Check this out. I am worried about my boobs or my tummy or my whatever. Let's talk about it. What do you think?" sort of thing. Initially he was like, "Oh, I'm sure you're fine. You probably look great!" and I had to reel him in a bit (because I don't want to false advertise!) by saying like, "Not really. It's different after weight loss and I'm self-conscious about my body." It seems like he mostly gets it and is super understanding! But I can't imagine waiting to spring it on him til right before we're about to get busy. lol
So, my vote is to talk about it soon. Maybe not details the VERY first date as ANY kind of surgery is arguably too personal and serious for something that should be light and fun and happy. But, mention your weight loss. Maybe even, if you're comfortable with it, satisfy his curiosity by telling him your heaviest weight. Then again, you just may shock the poor guy because you look so beautiful and he would not see it coming! I, personally, haven't told the man I'm talking to my heaviest weight but he knows roughly what I weigh now and how much I lost so he's probably put two and two together. lol But I explicitly said, "Few non MFP-people know that number and I'd prefer to wait to tell you til I'm closer to goal." And he was great about it.
Sorry I'm relating by talking about my experience so much! But our situations are similar enough that I figured some back story might help you decide how you want to handle it.
Ultimately, I feel confident about my body and my weight loss, even if I'm not 100% happy with how I look yet. (We're women...when will that EVER be the case? lol!) But what helped was what a great reaction HE has to all of it. He's seen me from pretty much every angle, in various stages of undress (thank you, camera phones!) and definitely likes what he sees, so it quells my insecurities.
There are definitely guys out there who appreciate real women with real bodies and real experiences. I am crossing my fingers for you that your guy is one of them. All the best, honey! ♥0 -
he's a D-bag, do you want to pursue it? Don't go by me, I don't know where I am with this. Guys who chat me up now but used to act like I was invisible.. I just laugh at them - 'as if' no
One of my MFP friends says 'If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best"
I don't cast pearls before swine - I'm telling you now it NEVER works out for the pearls.
This is a little harsh. If he saw your pic, he thinks it is current and is saying you don't look that bid in your pic, unless you are lying.
Thanks for the male point of view. I'm not lying. The picture is super current. That's me, 100%.
My first response was that it was a little bit of a d-bag comment, but not a deal breaker. I do think that I'll have to have the conversation at some point, and perhaps sooner rather than later.
And back to your previous post, naked wasn't the plan for tomorrow, but it was absolutely part of the plan. : )0 -
he's a D-bag, do you want to pursue it? Don't go by me, I don't know where I am with this. Guys who chat me up now but used to act like I was invisible.. I just laugh at them - 'as if' no
One of my MFP friends says 'If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best"
I don't cast pearls before swine - I'm telling you now it NEVER works out for the pearls.
That's the way I feel... I was completely invisible before. Now I meet lots of men and I've got plans every weekend. It's a strange feeling. Sometimes it's exciting, and sometimes it just makes me mad.0 -
he's a D-bag, do you want to pursue it? Don't go by me, I don't know where I am with this. Guys who chat me up now but used to act like I was invisible.. I just laugh at them - 'as if' no
One of my MFP friends says 'If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best"
I don't cast pearls before swine - I'm telling you now it NEVER works out for the pearls.
This is a little harsh. If he saw your pic, he thinks it is current and is saying you don't look that bid in your pic, unless you are lying.
Thanks for the male point of view. I'm not lying. The picture is super current. That's me, 100%.
My first response was that it was a little bit of a d-bag comment, but not a deal breaker. I do think that I'll have to have the conversation at some point, and perhaps sooner rather than later.
And back to your previous post, naked wasn't the plan for tomorrow, but it was absolutely part of the plan. : )
Good luck and enjoy the date.
Congrats on your progress you look great.0 -
he's a D-bag, do you want to pursue it? Don't go by me, I don't know where I am with this. Guys who chat me up now but used to act like I was invisible.. I just laugh at them - 'as if' no
One of my MFP friends says 'If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best"
I don't cast pearls before swine - I'm telling you now it NEVER works out for the pearls.
cracks me up =].
I don't know how your conversation and all went with him. HOWEVER that last bit makes him sound overly concerned with how you look. It sounds kind of rude of him to say that. I did the whole online dating thing and if someone said that to me I wouldn't want to waste time with them anymore. So what if you were still 300lbs? You're obviously very pretty and have a personality that attracted him to you.
Ultimately it's your decision, good luck and I hope he ends up being a winner =]0 -
I'm a man, so I hope I qualify to give advice.
Firstly, a lot of men don't engage brain before opening mouth, so in all likelihood it was just a flip comment that means absolutely nothing at all.
Secondly, 300lbs is pretty much spot on, so maybe he knows somehow. if that's the case, and he's still seeing you, he doesn't care. Win!
Thirdly, if he's worth his salt, when he does find out he should be impressed. If all he can focus on is a few scars, kick him to the kerb and find someone less shallow.
Lastly, do you have to tell him straightaway? Maybe you won't want to leave it too long, but at the outset probably not.
HTH
That's funny and creepy at the same time. He is a cop and my driver's license picture is definitely a fat picture... Maybe he guessed 300?!!!0 -
I sense that you are reading too much into a text message from a stranger and over analyzing it. And I personally like the French woman's approach to issues with personal weight modifications (losing or gaining weight), which is that it is a very personal issue and rarely discussed with strangers or even with friends. And with regard to making positive first impressions, you may find the chapter on self-disclosure in this excellent book very helpful:
http://www.firstimpressionsconsulting.com/index.html
And remember that confidence is very alluring.0 -
Oh, wow! Well, first of all, you're amazing and I'm in awe of your progress. That's a really interesting question! I have been talking to a guy for a few months (long story) and we haven't met yet but he knows all about my weight loss. We talk about it everyday. It helps me because he's really thin and I can say, like, "Check this out. I am worried about my boobs or my tummy or my whatever. Let's talk about it. What do you think?" sort of thing. Initially he was like, "Oh, I'm sure you're fine. You probably look great!" and I had to reel him in a bit (because I don't want to false advertise!) by saying like, "Not really. It's different after weight loss and I'm self-conscious about my body." It seems like he mostly gets it and is super understanding! But I can't imagine waiting to spring it on him til right before we're about to get busy. lol
So, my vote is to talk about it soon. Maybe not details the VERY first date as ANY kind of surgery is arguably too personal and serious for something that should be light and fun and happy. But, mention your weight loss. Maybe even, if you're comfortable with it, satisfy his curiosity by telling him your heaviest weight. Then again, you just may shock the poor guy because you look so beautiful and he would not see it coming! I, personally, haven't told the man I'm talking to my heaviest weight but he knows roughly what I weigh now and how much I lost so he's probably put two and two together. lol But I explicitly said, "Few non MFP-people know that number and I'd prefer to wait to tell you til I'm closer to goal." And he was great about it.
Sorry I'm relating by talking about my experience so much! But our situations are similar enough that I figured some back story might help you decide how you want to handle it.
Ultimately, I feel confident about my body and my weight loss, even if I'm not 100% happy with how I look yet. (We're women...when will that EVER be the case? lol!) But what helped was what a great reaction HE has to all of it. He's seen me from pretty much every angle, in various stages of undress (thank you, camera phones!) and definitely likes what he sees, so it quells my insecurities.
There are definitely guys out there who appreciate real women with real bodies and real experiences. I am crossing my fingers for you that your guy is one of them. All the best, honey! ♥
Thank you so much! That helps. A lot.
Good luck with your journey and man! : )0 -
I think you're reading too much into it. I don't know the context of the conversation that went along with the this final text message, but it sounds like an innocent joke. Guys bond with each other through good-natured ribbing all the time. This is often a sign of affection. 300 pounds is a round number, and one that someone might use because they didn't think you would ever be that heavy. I doubt if he meant anything by it, and I don't think you should take it that way.I'm a man, so I hope I qualify to give advice.
Firstly, a lot of men don't engage brain before opening mouth, so in all likelihood it was just a flip comment that means absolutely nothing at all.
Secondly, 300lbs is pretty much spot on, so maybe he knows somehow. if that's the case, and he's still seeing you, he doesn't care. Win!
Thirdly, if he's worth his salt, when he does find out he should be impressed. If all he can focus on is a few scars, kick him to the kerb and find someone less shallow.
Lastly, do you have to tell him straightaway? Maybe you won't want to leave it too long, but at the outset probably not.
HTH
That's funny and creepy at the same time. He is a cop and my driver's license picture is definitely a fat picture... Maybe he guessed 300?!!!
I agree with the other guys here, that he will likely be impressed that you are capable of the effort it take to lose 120 pounds. I am.0 -
I'm a man, so I hope I qualify to give advice.
Firstly, a lot of men don't engage brain before opening mouth, so in all likelihood it was just a flip comment that means absolutely nothing at all.
Secondly, 300lbs is pretty much spot on, so maybe he knows somehow. if that's the case, and he's still seeing you, he doesn't care. Win!
Thirdly, if he's worth his salt, when he does find out he should be impressed. If all he can focus on is a few scars, kick him to the kerb and find someone less shallow.
Lastly, do you have to tell him straightaway? Maybe you won't want to leave it too long, but at the outset probably not.
HTH
That's funny and creepy at the same time. He is a cop and my driver's license picture is definitely a fat picture... Maybe he guessed 300?!!!
So not only did he make the comment knowing that you used to be 300lbs (they are trained to guess this very accurately) but he looked up your file on the police database without your consent or legal reason. Dump him now and don't look back! Both those things are inexcusable.0 -
I'm in favor of not telling him right away. Although with such a great accomplishment, I can see that eating right and exercise would be a big part of your dating conversation.
What you have to answer for yourself with all new people you meet is: When you think of what your initial first impression, what do you think: I am a 300lb+ woman who has now lost 120lbs or I am a great looking woman? Obviously, people who have never seen you before, don't know what you used to weigh and their lasting first impression is going to be how you look now. But what is YOUR lasting first impression of how you look? If you still think of your looks as how you looked when you weighed 300lbs+, then you will feel like you're hiding something when you meet new people and will want to tell them you've lost a lot of weight.
But that larger sized woman is gone and there's no reason to bring her back. Eventually, if you like this guy, you will want to tell him. But tell him as a great looking woman who has earned the right to look good and is going to stay that way, not as a 300lb+ unhappy woman who may be lurking around waiting to come back.
And although that "joke" set my teeth on edge, I agree with the guy who said that men tend to joke first and engage brain later. So I'd give him a one-time-only pass. One more joke like that and ditch him.0 -
I'm a man, so I hope I qualify to give advice.
Firstly, a lot of men don't engage brain before opening mouth, so in all likelihood it was just a flip comment that means absolutely nothing at all.
Secondly, 300lbs is pretty much spot on, so maybe he knows somehow. if that's the case, and he's still seeing you, he doesn't care. Win!
Thirdly, if he's worth his salt, when he does find out he should be impressed. If all he can focus on is a few scars, kick him to the kerb and find someone less shallow.
Lastly, do you have to tell him straightaway? Maybe you won't want to leave it too long, but at the outset probably not.
HTH
That's funny and creepy at the same time. He is a cop and my driver's license picture is definitely a fat picture... Maybe he guessed 300?!!!
So not only did he make the comment knowing that you used to be 300lbs (they are trained to guess this very accurately) but he looked up your file on the police database without your consent or legal reason. Dump him now and don't look back! Both those things are inexcusable.
I don't know that he for sure did... I was guessing. That would probably make him a dbag for sure. LOL0
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