Does anyone else find it hard to accept a compliment?

i can't accept them at all

You're not alone. I can't take a compliment either.

I always find it hard to accept a compliment. My son always gets mad and says, can't you just say thank you instead of running yourself down. If someone compliments you they mean it. So now even though it is still tough I say thank you first!

I have the same issue-although I am doing better at it. For me, a lot of it comes down to confidence. As the weight has gone down, I am feeling better about myself and it is helping me believe in myself more.

I have the same problem ... I guess it's after hearing all the bad comments most of my life, it's hard to believe the good ones, if that makes sense. I am working on it though ...

Same here! I always feel the need to point out a negative or "correct" the person and it's kinda embarrassing! I second the poster above who said just grin and say "thank you!"

It is ok to feel uncomfortable when getting complments, infact it shows how humble you are. However Please DON'T insult yourself! Just say thankyou, thanks, yup I have been working on it or I am making health my main priority.....practice them so you don't get thrown off when someone does compliment you.
It might even help to go to the bathroom mirror and say to your self "I am doing a wonderful job and I deserve to be complimented, I am a beautiful person and I deserve to be loved! "

You can be your own worst enemy or your best friend! after I had my first son I worked hard to lose all the weight and i looked awesome....but i didn't think so and everytime i would look in the mirror I would pick apart all of my flaws, everyone saw my beauty but me. I see it now when i look at the old pics and I regret wasting time letting my poor self esstem control me.

I dont think anyone graciously accepts comments over their appearance without feeling a bit silly. yet when I get praised in work for a good job I really love to be appreaciated and get good feedback because I have worked hard and feel like I do deserve it. Its mad really because when Im being heathly and looking after myself this is also really hard work and surley I should feel like I deserve the compiment but I dont so I completely get where your coming from.

I do secretly like it when somebody notices I look slimmer It does make me feel good about myself x

I have always found it much easier to hear the negatives vs the positives... I am such the generous, giving person - that I think I have trouble with the whole having attention focused on me. I am a problem-solver by nature, so if it's constructive (or, not so constructive) I can go and "fix" something -- but what do you do with positive feedback?!? ha, ha, ha.

Compliments are tricky... especially when it comes to this weight release journey. For me, I don't want anyone to think that I don't realize JUST where exactly I am at. Yep, I am almost at 100 pounds gone... but it's hard because people want to comment and know the number and I won't say it out loud because I don't want the inevitable -- "You still look like THAT after that much weight loss?" Initially, I said "a little" but that didn't seem to fly. Plus, I know that we all need to be better about accepting compliments so I needed to practice what I "preach" so I am saying Thank You - though will still, if needed, pull out a humor statement to get moving to another topic (remember, I hate the questions about numbers) such as "Well... I haven't really lost it because that would imply I am trying to find it and I don't plan to find it again."

In the end all I can say is that we judge ourselves and see ourselves in our own unique way. Sometimes, we just have to TRUST those that love us and those who don't really even know us so have no investment in what we feel. If someone is saying something or telling us something good -- fake it until you make it. Eventually, it will be easier and we will realize and KNOW that what they are saying is true!

What helps me is giving compliments myself. "you look great." "Thank you, you are looking really well also." Silly, but it turns the attention off of me, ha!

Seriously though, I just think about how I feel when I give someone a compliment, and they don't accept it. It makes you feel like crap and like you don't want to compliment them again. I know people like that, who I tell them they are looking pretty or whatever (because they are!) and they say, "Oh, well I think I look fat." After 5 or so times of that, I just stop complimenting them. Their lack of self confidence is frustrating. So when someone compliments me, I make sure to NOT make the compliment-er feel that way. I always smile really big and sweetly say thank you.

Internally, yes of course. Someone years ago told me to learn to say Thank you and then shut up already! Now, even though my HEAD wants me to say "but...[insert self-deprecating comment here]" I replace that with "that is so kind of you to say" or "I like your [insert compliment back]". Try it! Be super conscious of it. Eventually, it becomes second nature to quiet the "but" monster.

I'm getting better at accepting compliments. I've learned that people can be sincere about it and I don't need to question motives. I can smile and say "Thanks" and go on without getting all paranoid about why they're bothering to be nice.

That leads me to something I've been thinking about here on the forum, though:

A lot of posts on MFP are related to coworkers/family members who are insensitive to our weight loss/health efforts. I see things qutie often about how my [coworker/spouse/sig other/family member] said something along the lines of "you don't need to lose any more weight" or "you're obsessed" or "come on, you can have just one donut/cookie/whatever." The reaction from the poster in these cases has been one of frustration, that they weren't being supported, understood, etc. The follow up posts have generally been in support of the OP.

But...and there are exceptions, I realize...what if the people saying those things are actually trying to compliment you on the job you're doing? "Wow, you don't need to lose any more weight" could be translated into "You're looking really good!" rather than "I'm not supporting you in your efforts because I think you're nuts." "You can eat a cookie" could mean "You look like you can afford to eat a cookie without blowing your diet" - I'm not sure I see what's wrong with that. Yeah, it might not be the most understanding thing in the world, but there could be a positive message there.

Like I said, there are exceptions. Some people truly don't get it and can be downright hurtful, and that's wrong. I do think, however, people with self-worth issues (and I'm including myself in this group) who are beginning to NOT have self-worth issues anymore, are on pretty fragile ground. We want to be complimented, we want to be okay with ourselves, BUT...when we get a compliment, we evaluate it (and the person giving it) for any possible signs of someone cutting us down. I sometimes think we manufacture those signs - it gives us a reason to build ourselves up and reassure ourselves that yes, we ARE okay.

Example:

My coworker offers me a cookie. I decline. Coworker says, "Come on, you've been dieting for AGES. One isn't going to kill you."

Initial reaction: Coworker is an inconsiderate SOB who doesn't realize that I'm on this journey for GOOD and trying to stay away from crap food like cookies.

Other possibility (because I know my coworker isn't an inconsiderate SOB - s/he's actually a really good person): Coworker ha noticed that I'm getting in shape, eating really healthy. Coworker knows that eating a cookie isn't going to derail a healthy eating plan but doesn't understand the depth of my commitment to really healthy eating or that cookies are a trigger food for me. Coworker's real intent is to compliment me on my hard work, because s/he knows that weight is a touchy subject and saying anything outright might be taken the wrong way.

Is that making any sense? This is me just thinkin' me thinks - I'm not a psychologist or behaviorist or anything like that. I just think we do enough putting ourselves down - accepting compliments (my opinion, again!) is something to get better at.

Phew! Thanks for reading all this, if you made it this far. :flowerforyou: