I Think My Husband Wants a Divorce

LovelySnugs
LovelySnugs Posts: 389
in Chit-Chat
and i also think he's an idiot. what gives him the right to try to leave me behind? oh, darn, things're hard! tough squigglies! trying to "spare me" the pain and trouble of living through these hard times is NOT what love is supposed to be about! he said "for richer or for poorer", the fool! this is just the "poorer". i NEVER said i wanted to be gone! i NEVER said he wasn't good enough. i NEVER even PRETENDED that i could EVER be without him.

more importantly, he sucks at money and lacks self-discipline. he won't get out of his current troubles if i don't help him. but, if he lets me stay, we'll have about 5 years of pain and heartache and sacrifice, and then a LIFETIME of freedom and security. i know i can make that happen. God has already told me that this is how things will go if we buckle down and work hard right now. the blessings are literally right around the (really really big, scary, dark, ominous-looking) corner. it's an if/then relationship. IF you work hard, THEN you will be rewarded. simple as that. that's how life works in the end. sometimes it just takes awhile.

he loves me. he believes that i have good-will toward our relationship. and he trusts me with our children. we'll be fine, if we work at it.

now all i have to do is convince him to work at it.
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Replies

  • New_Hope
    New_Hope Posts: 84
    AMEN! I hope you two can work it out and that things get better.
  • PHYYOU
    PHYYOU Posts: 11 Member
    will be praying for you.
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
    Sounds like you two need to have a talk. Good luck.
  • Pidders89
    Pidders89 Posts: 1,169 Member
    oh god i know how this feels, even though im not married im in a serious relationship and everytime it gets tough my bf thinks it would be easier on me if we were "Just friends" until i basically told him like it is. I ranted on how im not going anyway and he cant just push me away when times are hard.

    i hope you get through this together

    xxxxxx
  • runnermel
    runnermel Posts: 278
    so sorry girl! that is tough. I will say a prayer for you both.
  • skinz2k2
    skinz2k2 Posts: 99 Member
    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Good luck. I hope everything works out so you are both happy.
  • pixardad
    pixardad Posts: 184 Member
    Sounds like he's scared, but has trust issues that if he tries and fails, you'll still be there. Maybe you two can try some counseling?
  • ANewMaria2014
    ANewMaria2014 Posts: 104 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that, I wish you the best of luck!!
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
    Agreed with most of what you said, but maybe he is scared of the fact you are talking to an invisible man.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    You can do your best, but what I found out is that it takes 2 to make the marriage work. You can only carry an unwilling person for so long.
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    Lovely you mentioned some things that lead me to believe you have a strong faith base. If so, you know that you are trusting God and just before your blessing the enemy will try to make you stray. You stay true to God and you keep praying and you will prevail.

    I wonder how deep it is that it would take 5 years to recover. I did credit repair for years and not that rip off stuff. I actually want to start a business doing this for low income families. If you feel comfortable sharing with me (not your personal info) but your situation details I can assist you to see if there are any shortcuts to a quicker recovery. There are little things like messing around with interest rates on debt or moving debt around to get lower rates or even the order that you pay the debt off will drastically save you tons in the long run and get you out of debt quicker. It is work, but way worth it.

    God bless you both and good luck.
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    i think you will make it through this just fine. some people have a flight response when things get tough but stay grounded and stay strong in faith
  • BeautifulScarsWECHANGED
    BeautifulScarsWECHANGED Posts: 749 Member
    You can do your best, but what I found out is that it takes 2 to make the marriage work. You can only carry an unwilling person for so long.

    Agreed!! You can't "force" love...he needs to be just as committed as you are. If he's not, let him go and don't let him drag you down.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
    and i also think he's an idiot

    don't lose respect for him or things will be that much harder
  • lexximan
    lexximan Posts: 322 Member
    Agreed with most of what you said, but maybe he is scared of the fact you are talking to an invisible man.

    you are my hero =]
    hah
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    Agreed with most of what you said, but maybe he is scared of the fact you are talking to an invisible man.

    seriously? come on man this isnt the time to take jabs at a person's religion
  • tattooedtwiin
    tattooedtwiin Posts: 246
    Starting out a sentence with I also think he's an idiot won't help. Would you want him to read that?
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    and i also think he's an idiot. what gives him the right to try to leave me behind? oh, darn, things're hard! tough squigglies! trying to "spare me" the pain and trouble of living through these hard times is NOT what love is supposed to be about! he said "for richer or for poorer", the fool! this is just the "poorer". i NEVER said i wanted to be gone! i NEVER said he wasn't good enough. i NEVER even PRETENDED that i could EVER be without him.

    more importantly, he sucks at money and lacks self-discipline. he won't get out of his current troubles if i don't help him. but, if he lets me stay, we'll have about 5 years of pain and heartache and sacrifice, and then a LIFETIME of freedom and security. i know i can make that happen. God has already told me that this is how things will go if we buckle down and work hard right now. the blessings are literally right around the (really really big, scary, dark, ominous-looking) corner. it's an if/then relationship. IF you work hard, THEN you will be rewarded. simple as that. that's how life works in the end. sometimes it just takes awhile.

    he loves me. he believes that i have good-will toward our relationship. and he trusts me with our children. we'll be fine, if we work at it.

    now all i have to do is convince him to work at it.

    God told you?
    Hmm.
  • marshalemar
    marshalemar Posts: 106
    Praying that everything works out for you and your family. When things are tough, it is hard to see that things can be better with a little work. Marriage is not always easy, but if you truly love someone you can work through just about anything. Sounds like you are faithful and have a true love for him - hope you can open his eyes to that and everything works out.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Nice vent...

    Looks like you Respect and Honor the Vows you took. Sit down with him and remind him of those. If he blows it off. Let him go. You are the better person.

    Remember that you can only choose to take care of the part of relationship that is YOU. You can not expect him to do the same. You can hope he has the respect to remember why he married you, why he loves you...but that is ultimately his choice. It sucks, but it is reality. And he he can not trasure that which he has, then he has no respect for anyone, including himself.
  • pinkakira1
    pinkakira1 Posts: 235 Member
    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Very well said!

    And yes I will pray for you too. You are so very right about marriage being hard work and it is a constant work in progress. I hope it all works out for you guys. Just tell him marriage is till death do you part not when I get bored, it gets hard or either of you get lazy do you part!
  • ginny1214
    ginny1214 Posts: 338
    You can't force it.

    I forced my marriage for over the past year, now we ARE friends, we have two children together, and I'm loving our decision, we haven't gotten the divorce yet but have been separated for over two months, it has it's ups and downs as were in two different states, but I value our friendship
  • ckdub428
    ckdub428 Posts: 453 Member
    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Amen!!! Praying for you and your family! If its a big scary financial corner, check into "debt snowballing". It worked for me and my husband when we were battling that!
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Amen..
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    You can do your best, but what I found out is that it takes 2 to make the marriage work. You can only carry an unwilling person for so long.

    Agreed!! You can't "force" love...he needs to be just as committed as you are. If he's not, let him go and don't let him drag you down.

    I think there is a diffence between forcing love like a stalker and fighting like he** to make your marriage work. She is staying true to the promise she made to him and to God. Some people get so overwhelmed they feel it is easier to walk but that is when your partner has to be the stronger one and hold you both up (but only for as long as she can). I tell my Sisters, never give a man so much of yourself, and he is giving nothing in return. That only leaves you with nothing left of yourself. If you are giving him all you got and he is giving you all he's got them you've still got a strong part of you left.

    They may be going through tough times but for her to turn her back immediately is just as two-faced as she is angry at him for. I agree tearing him down when he already feels like he has failed as a provider will not help. If you can't argue with respect you 2 need some help.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    sounds like there's something to try to save, but you and he don't have the tools you need to communicate about the issues in a non-confrontational manner. I recommend that you read about Retrouvaille (see link below) and talk to your husband about signing up for a weekend.

    http://www.retrouvaille.com/
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
    You sound like a strong woman who is in this for the long haul. I'll add my prayers to the mix and hopefully your husband will see that you are worth sticking around for. Money problems are tough and if he knows that he spends unwisely and gets in trouble he probably feels guilty. Keep the faith.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I can only hope my husband is telling people on an online forum that he thinks I'm an idiot. That being said, sit down with him, talk it out calmly, explain how you feel, and ask him how he feels. Be straight about it, tell him you FEEL like he wants out and ASK him if that is the case. Maybe don't tell him you think he's an idiot, though. That might not go over well.

    Best of luck to you both! I pray it all works out - sooner, rather than later.
  • Cortez123
    Cortez123 Posts: 78 Member
    Dear Lord, please intercede for this family and give them patience and acceptance to work through the issues they face. Amen

    Very well said!

    And yes I will pray for you too. You are so very right about marriage being hard work and it is a constant work in progress. I hope it all works out for you guys. Just tell him marriage is till death do you part not when I get bored, it gets hard or either of you get lazy do you part!

    Amen! Keep firm in your faith. God will see you through this. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless...
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