is this the right thing to do?

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Replies

  • jamk1446
    jamk1446 Posts: 5,577 Member
    thanks guys, its so hard though :( im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...

    I made this mistake too for many years. Then I realized "that guy he can be" wasn't really him, it was a myth I created to justify sticking around. Maybe after time apart and therapy, 12 step program, whatever he may change but right now, what you see is who he is.
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
    Yes, you're doing the right thing. When you start to question that, picture your daughter in your shoes in 20 years. Would you advise her to stay with a man who treated her this way?
    You and your daughter are in my thoughts. I wish you the best. Your life WILL improve, you both deserve better.
  • janet_pratt
    janet_pratt Posts: 747 Member
    GET....OUT....NOW! My daughter was in love with her asshat of a husband too. She gave him 3 years of her life that damaged her so emotionally I don't know if she will ever be able to have a normal relationship. She doesn't trust men and and has no self esteem. She used to be happy, positive and fun. Now she's bitter and emotionally crippled. And has two kids. And she's not in love with him now. Your feelings for him will pass once you escape. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
  • Shariegreen
    Shariegreen Posts: 13
    Sweetie, it's time for you to go. You may have had a great relationship at one point in time but that doesn't give ANYONE permission to speak to another human in such a way. Does he treat strangers, servers in restaurants, co-workers, etc. in such a way? I most sincerely doubt it, otherwise he would have been decked by now himself. So if he doesn't treat others this way, it certainly isn't acceptable for him to treat a loved one like this. It's good that you recognize that there's something wrong here, because there really, really is. You will be better off alone (and it will be easier) raising your girl by yourself than staying.

    Once you get some distance and perspective, you'll probably be surprised that you put up with that for so long. And one day, you will be in a relationship with a real man who is loving, respectful, kind, mature, decent, polite, and caring that will treat you and your daughter with nothing but goodness and love, as you both should be.

    Best wishes to you, be strong. You can do this. You have to.
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
    thank you all! this has made me so much stronger..
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    thanks guys, its so hard though :( im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...

    Be honest and ask yourself are you in love with this person or with the idea of being with someone you are used to and afraid to be on your own.
    It is understandable but to break free you have to face and come to terms with it.
  • countrydarling1
    countrydarling1 Posts: 386 Member
    Get out. Tell a close family or friend who can help you. Take care of yourself and your baby!

    Yes Ma'am!! If you havent told anyone! Now is the time to do it!! It sounds like you need to leave!! REd flags are raising everywhere!! Yall may work it out, but he needs couseling & then some couples couseling & some seperation, time to find you! Safety for your baby girl as well!
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    that is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do. He is showing typical abusive behaviors. Its the cycle. they're nice, mean, apologetic, nice then mean again. and as the cycle continues it gets worse! if you need help, I am sure there are local charities or organizations that can help you. What state are you in? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE message me if you need help. Your daughter needs a safe happy environment more than an environment with a typical family structure. A situation like this just makes a breeding ground for a sad, hard, and traumatic life for your baby. believe me, I know from experience.

    Message me too.
    Please look at your descriptions of him. Now do you want your daughter growing up and dating someone like that? If she came home with that man, would you give your approval? If that type of man isn't good enough to date your daughter when she's older, then that type of man isn't good enough to be her Daddy either. Don't wait to buy furniture, just find a responsible friend or family member to stay with, who won't talk about where you are. Go to the police and fill out a report, and seek full custody ASAP. If he thinks your daughter is only your responsibility, I doubt he will fight it. There are plenty of people who want to help you.
  • ladybg81
    ladybg81 Posts: 1,553 Member
    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    is this the right thing to do?

    Yep.
  • lglg11
    lglg11 Posts: 344 Member
    I didn't have time to read all the comments so if this is a repeat , sorry!

    Domestic Violence doesn't only mean physical violence. Everything you described is domestic violence.

    Physical violence doesn't always start at the beginning, sometimes it's progressive and it starts exactly how you described.

    I know, I've been there, married and pregnant with our fourth child. I was out before she was born. Best thing I ever did for them and for me.

    Good luck , doing whats right isn't always the same as doing whats easy.
  • lglg11
    lglg11 Posts: 344 Member
    oh and one more thing ...

    one of the hardest parts for me was that it wasn't 'supposed' to be that way . We were married and had children and we were suppose to be together forever , through think and thin , good times and bad . I had a very hard time getting over my 'expectations' of what 'should' have been.

    The sooner you can get over it , the better off you will be. Sometimes its not whats meant to be and you have to make your own happy ending.
  • stephaniealexander
    stephaniealexander Posts: 12
    Hunny forget finding a place and funiture right now!! Get the hell out now and go to a family or friends house! One more day maybe to late!! If u don't care about urself then do it for ur child! My God bless you and protect u...
  • hazelnutflav
    hazelnutflav Posts: 391 Member
    :( im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...




    THIS IS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM, LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD MORE THAN HIM ,GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
  • bks1
    bks1 Posts: 32 Member
    For your safety, and for you and your baby girls future- you must leave. It will be difficult but I promise you its the right thing to do. I understand you still love him, and that's ok, but don't let the love blind or sway you.

    One thing I suggest is PLEASE find a support person/persons and have them stay with you or vice versa- just in case. Please don't be on your own throughout this.

    You ARE making the RIGHT CHOICE!!!
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
    Could her taking her daughter be construed as kidnapping?
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Sometimes in life we have to disengage with people we love (even if it's a family member). You need to be able to care for your daughter, but you cannot do that if he abuses you mentally or physically. If he's threatening physical harm, you need to take that seriously. I wish you had someplace to go immediately, without having to save up money secretly for furniture and an apartment. If he finds out and you're still living with him, it could be dangerous. Please, seek help from someone in your area. You are stronger than you think you are! Best wishes to you.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I just realized how young you are. Can you call your parents and ask for their help? Please contact someone!
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