is this the right thing to do?

Wow, it sounds like your relationship is definitely on the slippery slope of abuse. Right now it's verbal and emotional, but he's threatening violence and soon he'll probably carry that out, and not just on you, but on your daughter, too.

Instead of waiting to find a place on your own, find a women's shelter in your area and get out now. The problem with this kind of man is that he views you as his property and it's his right to treat you how he wishes, including hurting you and forcing you to return to him. You can't, under any circumstances, let him know that you're planning to leave. You need to go some place where he can't find you. My aunt used to run a shelter in our town and they will give you a place to stay, help with clothes for you and your child (and some women DO need to get out so fast they have nothing but what's on their backs), help you find a job (if needed) until you can get your life back on track.

I hope everything turns out well for you. Keep us posted if you can.

ETA: The problem is you're now seeing the guy he really is. He was nice while the relationship was new and he was trapping you into it. He's now showing his true self and you can't love a man who treats you like nothing. He has no respect for you as a person and I highly doubt he loves you in the traditional sense.

Yeah, if you stick around for that, imagine the life your daughter is going to have. Imagine the partners she'll choose in the future if you establish this as "the norm". Usually when a guy thinks his girl is serious about leaving, he will suddenly become the guy you hoped he'd be. I'd seriously recommend not going back when he does this. Just keep it movin'. If he straightens out later somehow, great. But you know no one changes "just" for you or because of something you said. Most people need a wake-up call or a traumatic event to bring about change in their lives.

1st, get out before he does get violent. Ask a friend or family member for help. WHat he's doing is abusive. Abuse doen't just mean physical.

hes always been a bit controlling and mean to me sometimes, but it was always outweighed by how nice he was the rest of the time.

This part really struck me. No one should deal with a relationship where you have to justify it by saying that the nice outweighs the mean and controlling. It's one thing for good times to outweigh the bad but mean and controlling is NOT love and cannot be outweighed by anything.

I've been married for 18 years. We've been together for 22 years. One time early in our marriage we got into an argument. He threw up his hand in an "I give up" sort of manner. I flinched. That ended the argument right the and there. My flinch at his hand flying up crushed him. It was just an instinctive move on my part. I knew he would never hit me. I wouldn't have married him if I thought that was ever a possiblity. He cried, apologized, and hugged me.

In 22 years he has never said "No that's your job in regards to caring for our children. You didn't make that baby yourself. Caring for and raising her should be both parents job and responsibility. Hubby has also never said he'd make a mess bigger so I'd have more to clean (although puttin his socks in the hamper is apparently beyond his capabilities. :laugh: ) or said that he'd kick me out. Those aren't things that are done in a loving, functional relationship.

Your daughter will grow up with your relationships as an example of what love is all about. If you show her that "the good outweighs the mean and controlling" you will be setting her up to be in an abusive relationship in the future. Please, break this cycle before it affects her.

I've been there (first marriage) & it usually only gets worse from there. You are only risking your life & the life of your baby if you stay, so you need to get out while you can & take your baby with you. In this day & age, there are enough places to go to be safe & enough legal routes to take to make sure that both of you stay safe. :flowerforyou:
Hopefully, you have kept a diary or taken notes of when these things happened, what brought them on & what happened (throwing food, etc.,) because that will only strengthen your case if it comes to a custody battle for your baby.

that is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do. He is showing typical abusive behaviors. Its the cycle. they're nice, mean, apologetic, nice then mean again. and as the cycle continues it gets worse! if you need help, I am sure there are local charities or organizations that can help you. What state are you in? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE message me if you need help. Your daughter needs a safe happy environment more than an environment with a typical family structure. A situation like this just makes a breeding ground for a sad, hard, and traumatic life for your baby. believe me, I know from experience.

thanks guys, its so hard though im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...

I made this mistake too for many years. Then I realized "that guy he can be" wasn't really him, it was a myth I created to justify sticking around. Maybe after time apart and therapy, 12 step program, whatever he may change but right now, what you see is who he is.

GET....OUT....NOW! My daughter was in love with her asshat of a husband too. She gave him 3 years of her life that damaged her so emotionally I don't know if she will ever be able to have a normal relationship. She doesn't trust men and and has no self esteem. She used to be happy, positive and fun. Now she's bitter and emotionally crippled. And has two kids. And she's not in love with him now. Your feelings for him will pass once you escape. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Get out. Tell a close family or friend who can help you. Take care of yourself and your baby!

Yes Ma'am!! If you havent told anyone! Now is the time to do it!! It sounds like you need to leave!! REd flags are raising everywhere!! Yall may work it out, but he needs couseling & then some couples couseling & some seperation, time to find you! Safety for your baby girl as well!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!