Young boys pressured to be masculine- what do you think?
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I'm not suggesting that he play sports if he hates that. I have 5 boys - two play sports and three don't. But as a parent, it's my responsibility to teach them how to be healthy and strong. Those of us on this site know that this doesn't come 'naturally' - it needs to be learned and understood. And so far - knock wood - they are healthy and strong. As I mentioned, they do push ups, sit-ups, and pull ups, and they eat nutritious food, to stay that way. If I didn't promote that, I wouldn't be doing my best as a parent.0
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lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.0 -
hear, hearWe've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
no one gets a ribbon just for showing up0 -
If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...
Why should he take up sports when he doesn't want to? He shouldn't change himself to shut people up. I'm very proud of him!
When he was 10, he stood up for a multi racial boy in his year, he got so much crap for it but he's never regretted it. Also, I think it was last year, he told his friends that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Our parents brought us up to accept diversity & see the benefits of it.
So now if I am understanding the original post with this one...are you saying your bro may be gay and is getting picked of for it? Cause that is a different issue than what I think everyone else thinks is going on here. I was under the impression your bro might be thin and was getting picked on for his physique.
No, he's not gay, he stands up against homophobia though because he was brought up properly. Last year they were saying he was fat. He's not thin, he's average, as in his arms are 'too small' I meant that they aren't muscley.
Then I can not understand why it is even an issue for his "peers" he shounds like an average 12 yr old to me. My little guy has managed to find a balance in his peer group, when he does get picked on he gives it back with such sarcasm, they usually all end up laughing (I know this from his sister and her friends), and I see the diversity in his friends when they are here. Perhaps your brother is "sweating the small stuff" a bit?0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.0 -
I'm not suggesting that he play sports if he hates that. I have 5 boys - two play sports and three don't. But as a parent, it's my responsibility to teach them how to be healthy and strong. Those of us on this site know that this doesn't come 'naturally' - it needs to be learned and understood. And so far - knock wood - they are healthy and strong. As I mentioned, they do push ups, sit-ups, and pull ups, and they eat nutritious food, to stay that way. If I didn't promote that, I wouldn't be doing my best as a parent.
It is your responsibility & you've done a good job
! My brother walks at least 40 minutes a day just from walking back & forth to school. He walks to his friends house, then goes to the retail park on weekends, that's at least 2 hours a day on the weekend all together.
You don't need to play sports to be healthy.
However, since he's had Xbox Live (about a month ago) he has turned into a bit of a coach potato >.<0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.0 -
Let him get detention again for punching a kid in the face. If words aren't working.
Getting picked of sucks. What else can he change? Sounds like he needs to put on a front for the other kids and not be himself. Really go along with what everyone else is doing. Conformity!0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.
Except anyone that tells you that "kids will be kids" gets shot down? I'm not saying that stereotyping, etc, is right, but it does happen. He needs to learn that people are kind of crappy. They will say and do crappy things. He can either succumb to it, or build strength from it. I've seen my brother get picked on as well (he's 14), and it sucks, but he survived did, as did I and as did you. He'll be fine.
My point was just, don't bring up a topic and then tear at everyone's response who doesn't agree with you.0 -
sweetheat036 is right...........again, high school is hell, everyone knows that, esp when youre a smaller framed kid. I can relate how much pain you experience. I hope the thugs back off, theres been so much lately on the news because of this issue of bullying
I have no answer for you poppy, other than sometimes, when people push and push and push, sometimes you come back at them swinging
I hate violence, but sometimes people give you no choice.....................Best of luck, Lloyd0 -
My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
So... you want him to he a wuss? Have you considered his opinion?? I doubt it.
Seriously, quit telling him 'your just fine the way you are, keep playing with your barbies if you want to', because that's probably why they're picking on him.0 -
hear, hearWe've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
no one gets a ribbon just for showing up
If only more parents looked at it this way.0 -
hear, hearWe've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
no one gets a ribbon just for showing up
If only more parents looked at it this way.
When I was a kid if you wanted a ribbon you had to kick some other kids *kitten* on the mat or actually be better than someone at something. If you failed to get a ribbon it was encouragement to get better and learn how to work at things.
Now we're more worried about a kid getting their feelings hurt than we are about them learning that they are not perfect and hard work can benefit you.0 -
I think your brother may be gay.0
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My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
So... you want him to he a wuss? Have you considered his opinion?? I doubt it.
Seriously, quit telling him 'your just fine the way you are, keep playing with your barbies if you want to', because that's probably why they're picking on him.
You're the type of person who would pick on him. He doesn't want to play sport because he isn't interested. He has other hobbies such as creating his own films, reading exploring ect.
I tell him he's fine because he IS fine. If he was overweight I'd encourage him to work out more, if he were overweight I'd tell him to try eat more. If he's fit & healthy in his own way, why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?0 -
I think your brother may be gay.
Why do you think that? Because he isn't a sheep & is happy doing his own thing? & if he was gay, so what? As long as he's safe & happy I couldn't give a damn.0 -
My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
So... you want him to he a wuss? Have you considered his opinion?? I doubt it.
Seriously, quit telling him 'your just fine the way you are, keep playing with your barbies if you want to', because that's probably why they're picking on him.
You're the type of person who would pick on him. He doesn't want to play sport because he isn't interested. He has other hobbies such as creating his own films, reading exploring ect.
I tell him he's fine because he IS fine. If he was overweight I'd encourage him to work out more, if he were overweight I'd tell him to try eat more. If he's fit & healthy in his own way, why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?
^^ please note - Koos is ridiculously sarcastic and only saying this to make you freak out lol ^^0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.
Except anyone that tells you that "kids will be kids" gets shot down? I'm not saying that stereotyping, etc, is right, but it does happen. He needs to learn that people are kind of crappy. They will say and do crappy things. He can either succumb to it, or build strength from it. I've seen my brother get picked on as well (he's 14), and it sucks, but he survived did, as did I and as did you. He'll be fine.
My point was just, don't bring up a topic and then tear at everyone's response who doesn't agree with you.
I love debate, I don't want to come off as tearing up people's opinions :P.
You're right though, there is either going with it or going against it.
In school, I chose to do my own thing, good crap for it. But do you know what? On Prom night, tones of girls came up to me, wishing they could have been different like me. The only person that stopped themselves, was themselves.0 -
Last time I checked, being gay meant something completely different.
Your brother is fine, its everyone else who is wrong, but there are more of them.0 -
Have him do MMA. It won't matter how he looks0
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lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.
Except anyone that tells you that "kids will be kids" gets shot down? I'm not saying that stereotyping, etc, is right, but it does happen. He needs to learn that people are kind of crappy. They will say and do crappy things. He can either succumb to it, or build strength from it. I've seen my brother get picked on as well (he's 14), and it sucks, but he survived did, as did I and as did you. He'll be fine.
My point was just, don't bring up a topic and then tear at everyone's response who doesn't agree with you.
I love debate, I don't want to come off as tearing up people's opinions :P.
You're right though, there is either going with it or going against it.
In school, I chose to do my own thing, good crap for it. But do you know what? On Prom night, tones of girls came up to me, wishing they could have been different like me. The only person that stopped themselves, was themselves.
Exactly - so, you either conform and therefore stop the bullying or you don't and deal with it. Bottom line.0 -
My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
So... you want him to he a wuss? Have you considered his opinion?? I doubt it.
Seriously, quit telling him 'your just fine the way you are, keep playing with your barbies if you want to', because that's probably why they're picking on him.
You're the type of person who would pick on him. He doesn't want to play sport because he isn't interested. He has other hobbies such as creating his own films, reading exploring ect.
I tell him he's fine because he IS fine. If he was overweight I'd encourage him to work out more, if he were overweight I'd tell him to try eat more. If he's fit & healthy in his own way, why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?
"...he's fine because he IS fine." So, what you're saying is, everyone else has a problem? I think I see where the boys negative influence is coming from.
"why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?" Is he not allowed to make his own decisions? The more you post, the more clear the root of his troubles become.0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.
Except anyone that tells you that "kids will be kids" gets shot down? I'm not saying that stereotyping, etc, is right, but it does happen. He needs to learn that people are kind of crappy. They will say and do crappy things. He can either succumb to it, or build strength from it. I've seen my brother get picked on as well (he's 14), and it sucks, but he survived did, as did I and as did you. He'll be fine.
My point was just, don't bring up a topic and then tear at everyone's response who doesn't agree with you.
I love debate, I don't want to come off as tearing up people's opinions :P.
You're right though, there is either going with it or going against it.
In school, I chose to do my own thing, good crap for it. But do you know what? On Prom night, tones of girls came up to me, wishing they could have been different like me. The only person that stopped themselves, was themselves.
Exactly - so, you either conform and therefore stop the bullying or you don't and deal with it. Bottom line.
Got crap*
I find it hard to accept that those are the only options.
I can't stand being like someone else. Following the crowd makes me itch :P0 -
poppy, what people are trying to say and help with you , is the understanding that boys will be boys, and girls will be girls
unfortunately, hes at a point of being labeled..............sad, but it is what it is
its better to get your *kitten* kicked and stand up for yourself, than to put your head in the sand and let people taunt you
he will feel so much better towards his manhood knowing he stood up for himself.........think about it, some one, ALWAYS loses a fight
he stood up to them..........they will respect him, regardless if he gets his *kitten* kicked or not..........they probably will stop the harrassment as well, and who knows, may shake hands and turn out to be the best of friends..........
its not easy being a teenager in school, and if he is gay, its going to be harder, but you have to have boundaries and stand up for your beliefs..............good luck to you both0 -
hear, hearWe've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
no one gets a ribbon just for showing up
If only more parents looked at it this way.
When I was a kid if you wanted a ribbon you had to kick some other kids *kitten* on the mat or actually be better than someone at something. If you failed to get a ribbon it was encouragement to get better and learn how to work at things.
Now we're more worried about a kid getting their feelings hurt than we are about them learning that they are not perfect and hard work can benefit you.
My eleven year old son got a medal to hang on his neck for playing basketball last year. He wouldn't even look at it. He said, "Mom, we were the worst team out there, I don't need a reminder that we sucked. Throw it away."0 -
My brother is 13 & is getting crap from his peers that his arms are 'too small' & that he should work out. Why should he? He's of healthy weight, he eats a good balanced diet, he walks to & from school & walks most places. Why does he need to 'work out?' It scares me, I don't want him to fall to peer pressure. He either wants to be a chef or fire fighter but his so called friends have made fun of him, saying he's not masculine enough. So far, he is keeping above, but school is a dangerous place to plot ideas into people's heads.
So... you want him to he a wuss? Have you considered his opinion?? I doubt it.
Seriously, quit telling him 'your just fine the way you are, keep playing with your barbies if you want to', because that's probably why they're picking on him.
You're the type of person who would pick on him. He doesn't want to play sport because he isn't interested. He has other hobbies such as creating his own films, reading exploring ect.
I tell him he's fine because he IS fine. If he was overweight I'd encourage him to work out more, if he were overweight I'd tell him to try eat more. If he's fit & healthy in his own way, why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?
"...he's fine because he IS fine." So, what you're saying is, everyone else has a problem? I think I see where the boys negative influence is coming from.
"why should I tell him to stop doing what he's already doing?" Is he not allowed to make his own decisions? The more you post, the more clear the root of his troubles become.
Yes, the people who pick on him have a problem. Why does the size of his arms bother them so much?
If I told him to stop doing what he's doing, wouldn't that go against his decisions?
I'd rather him start working out because he's interested & GENUINELY wants to do it than do it because he's been pressured into it.0 -
My eleven year old son got a medal to hang on his neck for playing basketball last year. He wouldn't even look at it. He said, "Mom, we were the worst team out there, I don't need a reminder that we sucked. Throw it away."
Good kid.0 -
Bullying is not acceptable and kids have it so hard these days. The pressure to look or act a certain way or fit in is even more so then it was 10 years ago.0
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poppy, what people are trying to say and help with you , is the understanding that boys will be boys, and girls will be girls
unfortunately, hes at a point of being labeled..............sad, but it is what it is
its better to get your *kitten* kicked and stand up for yourself, than to put your head in the sand and let people taunt you
he will feel so much better towards his manhood knowing he stood up for himself.........think about it, some one, ALWAYS loses a fight
he stood up to them..........they will respect him, regardless if he gets his *kitten* kicked or not..........they probably will stop the harrassment as well, and who knows, may shake hands and turn out to be the best of friends..........
its not easy being a teenager in school, and if he is gay, its going to be harder, but you have to have boundaries and stand up for your beliefs..............good luck to you both
I do tell him to stand up for himself, which he does. I just encourage him to fight back with words, other than punches. If he punches them, they get what they want. I've been punched before, because the person who picking on me couldn't think of a better come back than mine. I see physical fighting as a weakness, because they know they are wrong, ran out of words & resort to violence.
By the way, I'm not disagreeing with you.0 -
My eleven year old son got a medal to hang on his neck for playing basketball last year. He wouldn't even look at it. He said, "Mom, we were the worst team out there, I don't need a reminder that we sucked. Throw it away."
Good kid.
^^^ I second that.0
This discussion has been closed.
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