Young boys pressured to be masculine- what do you think?
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My son is 14 and is very tall and thin. He wants to lift weights to be a bit more "meaty". Peer pressure is always going to be there, it was there when I was a teen and it will be there when my kids have teens. Your little bro needs to do what makes him happy. My question is on your choice of the word masculine...are you referring to body type or to the way he behaves?
It can be just as much trouble being abnormally big at that age. My cousins was 6'2" and 215 at 12. People just assumed he was slow or something by the way he acted but they didn't know he was 12 and not 20 since he had facial hair already as well. He ended up being 6'9" and about 260. He played football as a kid and he couldn't carry the football because he was too big.
So, it can be a problem both ways.0 -
.... You people are all pretty disturbed.
Rather than panic about what ultimately is just kids being *gasp* kids, you should let him suck it up and do what HE wants. Either he will decide to toughen up, or he will tell off his teasers. That isn't "Bullying", they are just being kids.
Part of growing up is becoming tougher. We've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
He shouldn't have to 'toughen up,' this whole gender role peer pressure crap shouldn't be here in the first place. He does stand up for himself, he has speech problems though, so when he does fight back, he gets teased for that too.0 -
Hate to break it to you, but guys too face stereotypes and roles that we are expected to feel. Gender norms tend to suck...
this.
definately happens. i went from the chubby kid to the skinny kid. then i was always teased for being so small.
We have unreasonable standards to live up to, just like women.
The majority of professional atheletes use steroids rather you want to admit it or not.
90 percent of professional wrestlers have used. But kids think they should be able to get a similar physique.
Leads to a lot of disappointment trying to live up to those expectations.0 -
If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...
Why should he take up sports when he doesn't want to? He shouldn't change himself to shut people up. I'm very proud of him!
When he was 10, he stood up for a multi racial boy in his year, he got so much crap for it but he's never regretted it. Also, I think it was last year, he told his friends that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Our parents brought us up to accept diversity & see the benefits of it.
So now if I am understanding the original post with this one...are you saying your bro may be gay and is getting picked of for it? Cause that is a different issue than what I think everyone else thinks is going on here. I was under the impression your bro might be thin and was getting picked on for his physique.0 -
strangely, how it works, in 5-7 years hell most likely be more developed than his teasers
sometimes... but if it does, man, it feels good.
Yeah baby..and how nice they all were to me too later on.. LOL0 -
Hate to break it to you, but guys too face stereotypes and roles that we are expected to feel. Gender norms tend to suck...
this.
definately happens. i went from the chubby kid to the skinny kid. then i was always teased for being so small.
We have unreasonable standards to live up to, just like women.
The majority of professional atheletes use steroids rather you want to admit it or not.
90 percent of professional wrestlers have used. But kids think they should be able to get a similar physique.
Leads to a lot of disappointment trying to live up to those expectations.
I was bullied for being slim at school. People can do horrible things when they're jealous
. They said I HAD to be anorexic, how else could I be that slim? How ironic that I ended up with anorexia, one factor was that the bullying got too much for me, which influenced my loss of appetite & depression. 0 -
strangely, how it works, in 5-7 years hell most likely be more developed than his teasers
Exactly, you can do all sorts of damage by doing strenuous work outs too young. His friends have started weight lifting, 13 in my opinion is way too young for it. I think they should be at least 16!
Give your body a chance to develop first!
Agreed! I teach aerobics and was told that children under 16 shouldn't be using heavy weights etc because they are still young and developing.0 -
If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...
Why should he take up sports when he doesn't want to? He shouldn't change himself to shut people up. I'm very proud of him!
When he was 10, he stood up for a multi racial boy in his year, he got so much crap for it but he's never regretted it. Also, I think it was last year, he told his friends that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Our parents brought us up to accept diversity & see the benefits of it.
So now if I am understanding the original post with this one...are you saying your bro may be gay and is getting picked of for it? Cause that is a different issue than what I think everyone else thinks is going on here. I was under the impression your bro might be thin and was getting picked on for his physique.
No, he's not gay, he stands up against homophobia though because he was brought up properly. Last year they were saying he was fat. He's not thin, he's average, as in his arms are 'too small' I meant that they aren't muscley.0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd0 -
My brother used to be a stick growing up. He was teased for it for years and got bullyed often by bigger guys. He responded by becoming more athletic (began running track and playing baseball) and associating with kids like him who were active but not big. I think it was a healthy response to his situation.
Now he's an amateur MMA fighter and is ripped head to toe. He's a healthy, well adjusted, and active 19 year old. I'm not saying your brother has to become athletic, but it would be good if he found a group of friends and a hobby he enjoys to keep him social.
High school and middle school sucks for most people. Most kids don't "fit in" and their bodies and minds are constantly changing. Kids who get picked on need to get reassurance from family and friends that teasing is small potatoes in the grand scheme of life. Teach him to brush it off and just be himself. He needs to find a group of like-minded friends to keep him balanced. For me, I was a band geek and a track and field athlete. Both of my cirlces of friends were "outcasts" but we stuck together and had a great time.0 -
I'm not suggesting that he play sports if he hates that. I have 5 boys - two play sports and three don't. But as a parent, it's my responsibility to teach them how to be healthy and strong. Those of us on this site know that this doesn't come 'naturally' - it needs to be learned and understood. And so far - knock wood - they are healthy and strong. As I mentioned, they do push ups, sit-ups, and pull ups, and they eat nutritious food, to stay that way. If I didn't promote that, I wouldn't be doing my best as a parent.0
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lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.0 -
hear, hearWe've become a nation of pansies because no one has to just learn to be tough and deal with their issues. Kids need confrontation. Its how they learn to deal with real life.
no one gets a ribbon just for showing up0 -
If he's healthy and strong, he just needs to develop the confidence to take up for himself. It's possible that he could develop that from working out or playing a sport so he knows the capabilities of his body. My boys can do push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups and because of that, they know their bodies are strong. None of them would take that kind of teasing from another boy. Just a thought...
Why should he take up sports when he doesn't want to? He shouldn't change himself to shut people up. I'm very proud of him!
When he was 10, he stood up for a multi racial boy in his year, he got so much crap for it but he's never regretted it. Also, I think it was last year, he told his friends that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Our parents brought us up to accept diversity & see the benefits of it.
So now if I am understanding the original post with this one...are you saying your bro may be gay and is getting picked of for it? Cause that is a different issue than what I think everyone else thinks is going on here. I was under the impression your bro might be thin and was getting picked on for his physique.
No, he's not gay, he stands up against homophobia though because he was brought up properly. Last year they were saying he was fat. He's not thin, he's average, as in his arms are 'too small' I meant that they aren't muscley.
Then I can not understand why it is even an issue for his "peers" he shounds like an average 12 yr old to me. My little guy has managed to find a balance in his peer group, when he does get picked on he gives it back with such sarcasm, they usually all end up laughing (I know this from his sister and her friends), and I see the diversity in his friends when they are here. Perhaps your brother is "sweating the small stuff" a bit?0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.0 -
I'm not suggesting that he play sports if he hates that. I have 5 boys - two play sports and three don't. But as a parent, it's my responsibility to teach them how to be healthy and strong. Those of us on this site know that this doesn't come 'naturally' - it needs to be learned and understood. And so far - knock wood - they are healthy and strong. As I mentioned, they do push ups, sit-ups, and pull ups, and they eat nutritious food, to stay that way. If I didn't promote that, I wouldn't be doing my best as a parent.
It is your responsibility & you've done a good job
! My brother walks at least 40 minutes a day just from walking back & forth to school. He walks to his friends house, then goes to the retail park on weekends, that's at least 2 hours a day on the weekend all together.
You don't need to play sports to be healthy.
However, since he's had Xbox Live (about a month ago) he has turned into a bit of a coach potato >.<0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.0 -
Let him get detention again for punching a kid in the face. If words aren't working.
Getting picked of sucks. What else can he change? Sounds like he needs to put on a front for the other kids and not be himself. Really go along with what everyone else is doing. Conformity!0 -
lemon[popp........unfortunately, theres so little you can do........Support him , actually, maybe he could take classes, IF HE CHOOSES TO, for boxing or martial arts.........that would sholw the little punks whose who............
I got suspended for fighting, beat the **** out of Mike Laskowski in a partk after school.............we fought, I won, shook his hand and we were friends all thru out school......also, no one messed with me anymore, and then I played JV baseball, had a good throwing arm and I developed in my 10th grade........it all works out.
I hope he does well..............Lloyd
I've told him only to fight back with words, physical fighting is for cowards. He got detention for a week before because he rightfully punched a guy in the face for making fun of our father who's mentally unwell. The teacher ignored the fact that the guy had been nasty to him for months, only took notice at the fact my brother gave him a good hiding.
Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you aren' t looking for anyone's opinion but your own.
It's called discussing dear.
Except anyone that tells you that "kids will be kids" gets shot down? I'm not saying that stereotyping, etc, is right, but it does happen. He needs to learn that people are kind of crappy. They will say and do crappy things. He can either succumb to it, or build strength from it. I've seen my brother get picked on as well (he's 14), and it sucks, but he survived did, as did I and as did you. He'll be fine.
My point was just, don't bring up a topic and then tear at everyone's response who doesn't agree with you.0 -
sweetheat036 is right...........again, high school is hell, everyone knows that, esp when youre a smaller framed kid. I can relate how much pain you experience. I hope the thugs back off, theres been so much lately on the news because of this issue of bullying
I have no answer for you poppy, other than sometimes, when people push and push and push, sometimes you come back at them swinging
I hate violence, but sometimes people give you no choice.....................Best of luck, Lloyd0
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