Do you have separate bank accounts or pool your money?
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I totally hear you, but not everyone has the same mindset.
I'm not planning on getting divorced (heck, not even planning on getting and am not married), but it's silly to pretend everyone who gets married is married for forever. I also think marriage extends outside of 'keeping money separate'. Guess we'll have to agree to disagree.Wow. This is appalling to me. Sorry--but to be in your twenties and think about divorce--I'd say do not get married. Then again, we do not view divorce as an option and act accordingly. Luckily, I come from a long line of happily married people--all of whom had several JOINT accounts. To me, keeping money seperate--is not marriage.
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And that's fine. I don't have to share an account with them. :drinker:
I totally hear you, but not everyone has the same mindset.
I'm not planning on getting divorced (heck, not even planning on getting and am not married), but it's silly to pretend everyone who gets married is married for forever. I also think marriage extends outside of 'keeping money separate'. Guess we'll have to agree to disagree.Wow. This is appalling to me. Sorry--but to be in your twenties and think about divorce--I'd say do not get married. Then again, we do not view divorce as an option and act accordingly. Luckily, I come from a long line of happily married people--all of whom had several JOINT accounts. To me, keeping money seperate--is not marriage.0 -
What baffles me a bit is this notion of having to "account" for or be held "accountable for" money you spend. My husband and I are married adults. We have joint accounts. I do not need to tell him or ask him to spend money. LOL. I spend what I need and want. He does the same. If I want to get my nails done, I go get them done. I don't have to come home and tell him I spent 40 dollars on my nails. I just go to our book and write it in. I truly do not get the "your money" , "my money" concept at all. It's completely foreign thought to me...I wonder if separate account people have fewer fights about money than the joint-account crowd?
In this day and age of direct deposit and debit card use for almost everything, I sure as heck wouldn't want to have to notify my husband every time I get gas, lunch, or any other little minor purchase with my debit card, and certainly don't need to know where every penny of his money goes. It sounds tedious!
I guess if both parties are responsible and careful with the money, it shouldn't make much difference between separate and joint. The problem becomes serious if one is not.
Good point...in my situation, we each pay certain household bills, and both have good credit. If that started to fall by the wayside, we might fight more about it, but neither us are the type to let things slide. We were older when we got married and each owned our own homes...we sure as heck wern't going to start accounting to someone else for every little day to day purchase. We still view things as "our house", "our boat", "our cars", regardless of whose name is on the title or loan, etc.....and back each other up if we need to cover an unexpected bill, but separate accounts work really well right now.0 -
everything is joint in my home. i think separate means that in so many other ways in a marriage. But this is how my house is run and you do what works for you.0
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My husband and I have a joint account for bills, necessities, and previously agreed-upon expenses. Both our paychecks go into the joint account; we also contribute to savings and retirement from this account.
Then, we each have a separate account for our spending money. These are funded by any bonuses or commissions we get at work (we split bonuses/commissions equally).
It works out FANTASTICALLY. When we were first married we had just one joint account and we always fought about it. Finally we've evolved into our current system and we'll never go back. Now we get to spend our spending money on whatever we want, without the other *****ing about it being "too expensive" or whatnot. It's also much easier for budgeting.0 -
What baffles me a bit is this notion of having to "account" for or be held "accountable for" money you spend. My husband and I are married adults. We have joint accounts. I do not need to tell him or ask him to spend money. LOL. I spend what I need and want. He does the same. If I want to get my nails done, I go get them done. I don't have to come home and tell him I spent 40 dollars on my nails. I just go to our book and write it in. I truly do not get the "your money" , "my money" concept at all. It's completely foreign thought to me...
LOL, I was curious for a moment about your keyboard...it seems dropping letters. No harm done, just kidding.0 -
I am currently single, but when I was married we had joint accounts... It caused a HUGE issue when we ended up getting divorced. (not the ideal but the reality).
Were I ever to decide to marry again, I would ask my partner to set up a household account that we each deposited into to cover the household stuff and keep whatever the difference is in our own accounts. If we both put in half of what could cover all household utilities, food and any agreed upon savings plans... and then anything extra (credit cards, etc.) would go to the person responsible for creating them.
Of course, that doesn't mean I wouldn't spend money on/for him from my account, just that I wouldn't have any surprises down the road when I find out he has run up 20000 in credit debts using 'joint' accounts I didn't even know about.0 -
We are 'married' (not legally but in every other sense, we just don't feel the need to register it before city hall and we aren't religious). 5 years in January.
We maintain split accounts and we used to keep our money VERY separated - we were both very conscious of the fact that he had a largish chunk of debt (25k on credit cards + student loans) and I had no debt and a good sized chunk of savings.
So in the beginning we split all the bills more or less down the middle (we don't split utilities, we just each take 2 bills that come out to a roughly equal monthly amount) and then when we made a major purchase like a sofa those things tended to come out of my account and he would keep a little running tally of how much he 'owed' me and make it up by paying an extra utility or something over time.
So I guess you might call that the 'dating' period - I wouldn't marry someone with credit card debt anyway.
But once that debt was paid off I notice we think of our money a lot less separately - its still in our own accounts, but we don't really fuss about who pays for what. Or maybe that's because I hate paying bills and he pays all of them (just some of them he uses my accounts and some he uses his) so I just don't pay attention.
As long as you are on the same wavelength financially it shouldn't really matter BUT I think its a lot less stressful to think "ugh do I really want him to see that i'm about to eat 30 dollars worth of delicious sashimi for lunch?" than to just buy yourself what you want out of your leftover spending money. I think people who have had split accounts fail are people who didn't discuss the joint expenses and their allocation enough up front. We own a house now and we are both very clear on how much that costs, we don't buy any 'shared' things like furniture or decor without discussing it in advance, because all of htat is 'our' money. Likewise with savings - we know how much we expect to save per month, we've already set aside guidelines for how much we want in the bank as an emergency fund, we discuss when it might make sense to start cutting down on our long term savings so we can install air conditioning, etc etc.
So i guess, we have SEPARATE accounts but its also all "OUR" money - we allocate OUR money the way we both want, and then whatever is left over we don't really discuss how its being spent.
We've been talking about getting legal married though because if one of us dies (accidents do happen) there won't be any weird inheritance issues or taxes to deal with.0 -
The day I said "I do" his and mine became "ours". Never looked back...thank goodness.0
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What baffles me a bit is this notion of having to "account" for or be held "accountable for" money you spend. My husband and I are married adults. We have joint accounts. I do not need to tell him or ask him to spend money. LOL. I spend what I need and want. He does the same. If I want to get my nails done, I go get them done. I don't have to come home and tell him I spent 40 dollars on my nails. I just go to our book and write it in. I truly do not get the "your money" , "my money" concept at all. It's completely foreign thought to me...
You seem pretty judgemental about this subject?
I was just answering the OP's question, and in my situation (which works for ME - not "everyone"), we both get paid through direct deposit and basically use debit cards for everthing. I'm not saying we would have to ask permission for every expense, but I balance my checkbook in Excel (to the penny) while my husband "wings it" with ballpark figures. I'm not going to chase him around every night to see if he got gas or cigarettes or took out a $20 withdrawl at lunchtime, just so our checkbook balances. Its still "our money", but its 2011, and its just easier for us to each keep track of our own accounts in our own way. How couples manage their money is not an indicator about the state of their relationship....people just do what works for them.
I never said everyone should do it my way....every marriage works differently!.
(edited because it came off kinda bi+chy after I read the first draft, and I don't mean to put words in anyone else's mouth..)0 -
The day I said "I do" his and mine became "ours". Never looked back...thank goodness.
this.
besides, we're always broke, and money's overrated. nothing to argue about so long as we can pay the bills...and if we can't pay the bills we don't exactly argue - we just pull the bill contenders out of a hat!0 -
I should clarify my answer, though we have a his, mine and ours accounts, they are all joint - and "I' have computer access/control to all of them. He refuses to bother with it. Good thing we trust each other - after 30 + years we better.0
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I am currently single, but when I was married we had joint accounts... It caused a HUGE issue when we ended up getting divorced. (not the ideal but the reality).
Were I ever to decide to marry again, I would ask my partner to set up a household account that we each deposited into to cover the household stuff and keep whatever the difference is in our own accounts. If we both put in half of what could cover all household utilities, food and any agreed upon savings plans... and then anything extra (credit cards, etc.) would go to the person responsible for creating them.
Of course, that doesn't mean I wouldn't spend money on/for him from my account, just that I wouldn't have any surprises down the road when I find out he has run up 20000 in credit debts using 'joint' accounts I didn't even know about.
I know too many couples that have had this kind of debt issue at the end of a marriage, either by divorce or death.0 -
What baffles me a bit is this notion of having to "account" for or be held "accountable for" money you spend. My husband and I are married adults. We have joint accounts. I do not need to tell him or ask him to spend money. LOL. I spend what I need and want. He does the same. If I want to get my nails done, I go get them done. I don't have to come home and tell him I spent 40 dollars on my nails. I just go to our book and write it in. I truly do not get the "your money" , "my money" concept at all. It's completely foreign thought to me...
The problem is when you're on a tight budget and one partner spends money outside that budget. As I previously said, our regular paychecks go into a joint fund, and then we split our bonus/commission checks into our individual spending accounts. Back when we had just one joint account, we'd get a bonus check and say "OK, this is what we're going to do with this money." and then spend or save it accordingly. Then, DH would do something like spend $50 on something unnecessary and unbudgeted-for, and screw up my budget.
Now that we have separate spending accounts, DH's spending habits don't screw up my budget, I actually have money to spend on myself without feeling guilty, and we're much happier.0 -
Just the one here... actually 2 accounts (checking and checking used as savings/set aside). Haven't had any issues.0
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My boyfriend and I have been living together nearly 3 years and we've always had separate accounts. Our only joint bills are rent and cell phones, so we just give each other 1 check a month to cover it. I imagine if we move or buy a house, we'll have 1 account for those bills. The main reason we have separate accounts is we both brought very different debts into the relationship. I have student loans, a new car, and lots of credit card debt from my foolish youth days so I need to take responsibility with my earnings to pay those off before we get married and buy a house. He doesn't have nearly as much as me.
Plus, I don't want to know what he spends on golf and he doesn't want to know what I spend at J Crew.
This sounds JUST like me! I can completely relate and I don't think there's anything wrong with maintaining seperate accounts, even after you get married (if that's in your plans). I'm actually a little surprised at the amount of judgemental comments in this regard.
Additionally, today's generation probably has a very different mindset when it comes to finances, especially shared finances, than those of generations past. I say to each their own! Everyone has different circumstances, situations, and backgrounds, and there's no one size fits all or right vs wrong. At the end of the day it's whatever works for you individual situation... but they do say, "Happy Wife = Happy Life" 0 -
I love J.crew! and yeah, my husband probably doesn't want to see my bills on the jcrew credit card every month. :bigsmile:My boyfriend and I have been living together nearly 3 years and we've always had separate accounts. Our only joint bills are rent and cell phones, so we just give each other 1 check a month to cover it. I imagine if we move or buy a house, we'll have 1 account for those bills. The main reason we have separate accounts is we both brought very different debts into the relationship. I have student loans, a new car, and lots of credit card debt from my foolish youth days so I need to take responsibility with my earnings to pay those off before we get married and buy a house. He doesn't have nearly as much as me.
Plus, I don't want to know what he spends on golf and he doesn't want to know what I spend at J Crew.0 -
We have 6. Hers, Mine, Household, Emergency, College and Vacation.
We both have our own and contribute to the other 4 monthly.0 -
What baffles me a bit is this notion of having to "account" for or be held "accountable for" money you spend. My husband and I are married adults. We have joint accounts. I do not need to tell him or ask him to spend money. LOL. I spend what I need and want. He does the same. If I want to get my nails done, I go get them done. I don't have to come home and tell him I spent 40 dollars on my nails. I just go to our book and write it in. I truly do not get the "your money" , "my money" concept at all. It's completely foreign thought to me...
The problem is when you're on a tight budget and one partner spends money outside that budget. As I previously said, our regular paychecks go into a joint fund, and then we split our bonus/commission checks into our individual spending accounts. Back when we had just one joint account, we'd get a bonus check and say "OK, this is what we're going to do with this money." and then spend or save it accordingly. Then, DH would do something like spend $50 on something unnecessary and unbudgeted-for, and screw up my budget.
Now that we have separate spending accounts, DH's spending habits don't screw up my budget, I actually have money to spend on myself without feeling guilty, and we're much happier.
I think this is the key, if both parties can stay in budget and spend responsibly, there is no problem with a joint. but a lot of people out there have a problem managing money. My parents had a joint account and that is what I plan to have as well. My boyfriends parents do not becasue his mom has a huge spending problem! it really depends on the couple and their habbits.
right now each pay different bills and it is working. i have a feeling if we had a joint account I would buy alot more stuff . . .0 -
My wife and I have a joint account, and have had it since we got engaged 5 years ago. She is a SAHM and I do not treat my paycheck as "my" money, it is both of ours. Same goes for any outside money that I may receive from my dad or anyone else, it is all both of ours.
I actually have to force her to spend money on herself since her dad had the mentality that all of the money was his and only his.0 -
LOL I know I will.i have a feeling if we had a joint account I would buy alot more stuff . . .
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My wife and I have a joint account, and have had it since we got engaged 5 years ago. She is a SAHM and I do not treat my paycheck as "my" money, it is both of ours. Same goes for any outside money that I may receive from my dad or anyone else, it is all both of ours.
I actually have to force her to spend money on herself since her dad had the mentality that all of the money was his and only his.
True story. I hate spending money on myself. :P0 -
Forgive me but why? I want to know how it feels to hate spending money on one self. I'm totally opposite.My wife and I have a joint account, and have had it since we got engaged 5 years ago. She is a SAHM and I do not treat my paycheck as "my" money, it is both of ours. Same goes for any outside money that I may receive from my dad or anyone else, it is all both of ours.
I actually have to force her to spend money on herself since her dad had the mentality that all of the money was his and only his.
True story. I hate spending money on myself. :P
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We have a joint account and always have. I pay all the bills. My husband is horrible with that type of thing. I just let him know how much money we have in the account after bills are paid and if he wants to make a purchase that he thinks is a higher amount (typically $40 or more) he always checks with me first to make sure we have the money in the bank to be able to afford it or if he needs to wait until we get paid again.0
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Forgive me but why? I want to know how it feels to hate spending money on one self. I'm totally opposite.My wife and I have a joint account, and have had it since we got engaged 5 years ago. She is a SAHM and I do not treat my paycheck as "my" money, it is both of ours. Same goes for any outside money that I may receive from my dad or anyone else, it is all both of ours.
I actually have to force her to spend money on herself since her dad had the mentality that all of the money was his and only his.
True story. I hate spending money on myself. :P
The way I grew up it was you shouldn't want anything or what have you done to deserve anything? It's hard for me to break that mentality. So now I think, "Well what have I done to deserve that?" Nothing. Okay then, problem solved. I also have a hard time with thinking about what else could be done with that money. Instead of buying something for me could I used it towards our son or my husband or anything like that.0 -
I think the ultimate answer is that couples have to do what works for them. My wife and I have always had joint accounts because that is what works for us. We discussed it before getting married (20 years ago) and neither of us understood the idea of having separate accounts any more than we understood pre-nuptial agreements (and still don't.) But that's just us. If it works for other people then that's great for them and I would not encourage them to change what works for them. As with most things, there is no one "right" answer for everyone.0
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one account, although next time he deploys we decided to get him a "spendign" account because it was hard to communicate as much as needed about paying bills0
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I am single and keep multiple accounts. This will never change.
This is me. Single, multiple accounts. (more than 2).0 -
We have joint accounts, are you kidding!? I couldn't wait to get my hands on my husband's money! :laugh:
I kid, I kid.....kind of
My husband loves to tell the story how the day after we got back from our honeymoon I went to his bank and filled out all the necessary paperwork. When he got home from work that night I said "everything is all set for me to be on your accounts, you just have to go sign." I wasted NO time!
Now I'm a SAHM so my bank account would be non-existent. And my hubby is such a good sport about my shopping problem :drinker:0 -
No accounts. I have my side of the mattress and she has hers.0
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