Dating someone that is not into fitness

Yanicka1
Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
Let just say that you are single and you meet someone that is absolutly not into fitness,healthy eating and are over weight. In every other aspect, they are a very good match to you. Has a Great personality, very good lover, stable and well paying job.

Would it be a deal braker for you?
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Replies

  • Iheartsushi
    Iheartsushi Posts: 150 Member
    Now it is a deal breaker for me. Because although we have friends and family of different walks of life..when it comes to a partner, you eventually morph into similar behaviors. If this person appears open to changing their lifestyle to include fitness and health..then sure..let's give it a shot. If not, I'm gone.. because I wouldn't truly be able to accept them for who they are and how they live.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    It's only a dealbreaker for me if he refuses to try to improve. I cannot become emotionally invested in someone who does not care about his health or his appearance because it will only get worse as he gets older.
  • vegankaty
    vegankaty Posts: 10
    I think it would be really hard. When you are around someone a lot, you start to do what the other does. You could rub off on them, giving them a taste of what it is like to be active and eat well, or you could see your portion sizes get bigger, less active, etc.

    It definitely could be a deal breaker. How strong are you to keep going and keep aiming for your goals? Will they be supportive of you?
  • socialite1
    socialite1 Posts: 109
    Since I've become a healthier, more active person dating someone who is not active is a deal breaker for me.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    Yes it is
    Because after the age of 25 being in shape is no accident, it''s hard work.


    I'm in excellent shape. I don't mind if my partner is not, but I do expect or desire the same effort.
  • bamalot
    bamalot Posts: 1 Member
    No. But don't let his lifestyle ruin all that you have worked hard for. If exercise and being healthy is important for you, which it is, don't give in. Perhaps, ask him to exercise with you and introduce healthier foods into his life and see what his response is. It may be that he wants to be healthy and exercise, but does not know where to start nor does he have the motivation.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Depends on if they are going to be a turdmonkey about it and try to sabotage you or not.
  • TankGirl71
    TankGirl71 Posts: 241 Member
    Yes, it would be a deal breaker. Imagine 3 to 5 times a day clashing over meals, restaurants etc. Imagine clashing at least once a day due to your desire to exercise. Hope you can get him on board.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    My wife has never played a sport in her life. Never jogged. Never rode a bike. I have played almost every sport and still play in a soccer league at 57.

    Means nothing to our relationship. We share more important things than sports.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    No, it wasn't. Not when we met, not when we dated, and not during our marriage. Though, he eats a lot healthier now because he doesn't want to cook separate meals.
  • hillm12345
    hillm12345 Posts: 313 Member
    it depends. Although he's not into it, is he supportive?
  • Emwalker3406
    Emwalker3406 Posts: 308 Member
    Its a deal breaker for me if they can not support me and/or sabotage my efforts.
  • debswebby
    debswebby Posts: 326
    My husband is a sofa surfer and eats crap all the time. I go to the gym 5 times a week and eat healthy food all the time. I have a weight problem, he doesn't.
    I sometimes get jealous of his lifestyle. We've been married 10 years and make it work. I don't know if I could put up with it if I only just met him. Will have to think about that.
    Have decided - it wouldn't bother me - not a deal breaker. Its good to have something to be smug about in a relationship :laugh:

    But he is very supportive and so proud of me. I think that is the clincher.
  • StarlaDesiree
    StarlaDesiree Posts: 33 Member
    This is how it is with my fiance and myself. Although, I have gotten him to care a little more about his health. Since I'm the only one that cooks, he eats the healthy foods that I make, and he does exercise every so often because I bought a bike that he can use while playing video games, so it makes it less "boring" for him. He even does Jillian Michaels DVDs with me once in a while. I don't think he will ever be as obsessed about his fitness as I am, but he has certainly started to believe the benefits of living a healthier lifestyle than he did before we got together.
  • LovahLaura
    LovahLaura Posts: 43
    In a way...I am this person. My boyfriend is the athletic, fit one. But he still eats unhealthy. But you wouldn't know it if you looked at him. But at least I am trying! I'm on MFP, I try to exercise a few times a week and I'm trying to eat healthier. But it's soooo difficult!
  • peachyolives
    peachyolives Posts: 46 Member
    Now that I've become pretty intense about my fitness and exercise schedule (I work out every day for at least 1 hour and up to 4 hours), I think it would probably be a deal breaker unless we were just dating casually. Otherwise, it would be too hard for me to keep up my routine when he didn't want to be involved at all.

    Besides, it's already hard for me to eat well (I like exercising) - I can't imagine having another person in my life that would encourage my bad habits!

    I do agree with what some other people said, though - if he was willing to try to improve and start exercising and such, I could work with that.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    it could be...
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Not a deal breaker as long as he doesn't resent the time I spend working out.
  • GetFitE
    GetFitE Posts: 247 Member
    It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me as long as he is supportive of my goal and doesn't try to sabotage my diet. I struggle with that with my boyfriend now. He some what cares about fitness, but not NEARLY as much as I do and DEFINITELY doesn't care about his diet. It's a struggle, but he's my perfect match. He's very supportive and encouraging towards my goals. He tries his best to not sabotage my diet, although he LOVES candies and sugars, but I encourage healthy eating and exercise by asking him to walk or do yoga with me or I cook healthy dinners. It's a win-win: he feels the walks are romantic and enjoys watching me do yoga, DEFINITELY enjoys my cooking (cause he eats anything), and that way I'm still doing what I need to do to stick to my diet. So, I would try that first before completely ruling someone off.
  • Sharon009
    Sharon009 Posts: 327 Member
    It wouldnt bother me as long as the person respected that these things are important to me. I've never had a guy turn me down if I asked him to exercise with me, as a matter of fact they really liked it even though it wasnt something they did. I also love to cook and I sort of enjoy dating someone who appreciates that and likes to eat without barriers.
  • voluptuous_veggie
    voluptuous_veggie Posts: 476 Member
    Depends on if they are going to be a turdmonkey about it and try to sabotage you or not.

    "Turdmonkey" is now officially my favorite word.

    It's not a total dealbreaker for me. My boyfriend is extremely physically fit...he's in the gym 2-3 hours a day, runs a couple miles each morning, etc. However, his eating habits are horrendous, which he can get away with, being as physically active as he is. Luckily, it doesn't tempt me, because the junk food that he eats is stuff I don't eat anyway, as a vegan. But when he's around me, he eats what I'm eating and such. So just because he eats junk, doesn't mean I'm going to completely write him off.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    By choosing to stay in an unhealthy environment, you will succumb to it.
  • Namaste1983
    Namaste1983 Posts: 603 Member
    TOTAL DEALBREAKER
    IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOURSELF WHY SHOULD I INVEST MY ENERGY AND EFFORTS TO TRY AND CONVINCE YOU THE BENEFITS?
    I PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN AND WANT TO HAVE A HUSBAND BY ME TO RAISE THEM WITH ME. I GO ON DATES NOW AND USUALLY THE FIRST DATE IS A HIKE. IF YOU CAN'T KEEP UP WITH ME ON A MOUNTAIN THEN I DOUBT YOU CAN HANDLE ME ON THE BEDROOM. IT'S ALL ABOUT LIFESTYLE AND I'M NOT A GIRL WHO WATCHES HOURS OF TV OR EATS FAST FOOD. SO WHY WOULD I CHOOSE A PARTNER WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS AS ME. THE GOAL IS TO SHARE A LIFE WITH SOMEONE. I WANT A HEALTHY, ACTIVE LIFE WHERE WE IMPROVE OURSELVE AS WE AGE. I DON'T WANT TO GET A BOYFRIEND AND LET MYSELF GO AND I EXPECT HIM TO WORK JUST AS HARD AS I DO. I DON'T ASK ANYTHING I'M NOT WILLING TO DO MYSELF :)
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
    :huh: turn this around for a second....would you want someone not to date you just because you were overweight and not into fitness/health?? I wouldn't be married if this were the case. Kind of harsh in my opinion.
  • Vipecap
    Vipecap Posts: 166 Member
    I don't think someone has to be into health and fitness, even if you are to date them successfully. Now if they are into completely unhealthy eating that would be a different issue but that could be the same for smoking or even drinking. Personally, I prefer for someone to be into it or at least appreciate I am into it.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    By choosing to stay in an unhealthy environment, you will succumb to it.

    This is the big issue for me. Even if you have enough will power not to start taking up the other person's habits, his/her choices will hurt you at some point. Maybe it's the passing on of poor lifestyle choices to your kids or having major health problems caused by being overweight. Whatever the case, you are not going to be immune to it forever.

    I think it's particularly a problem for young people. When you're young and you meet someone you like who happens to be overweight, has poor eating habits, and never works out, you don't think "In 20 years this person is going to weigh 300 lbs and be on 10 different kinds of medication to prevent his heart from exploding in his chest."

    For me, it's not about sharing the same hobbies or passions. It's about self-respect and what kind of future I'm likely to have with the person.
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    TOTAL DEALBREAKER
    IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOURSELF WHY SHOULD I INVEST MY ENERGY AND EFFORTS TO TRY AND CONVINCE YOU THE BENEFITS?
    I PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN AND WANT TO HAVE A HUSBAND BY ME TO RAISE THEM WITH ME. I GO ON DATES NOW AND USUALLY THE FIRST DATE IS A HIKE. IF YOU CAN'T KEEP UP WITH ME ON A MOUNTAIN THEN I DOUBT YOU CAN HANDLE ME ON THE BEDROOM. IT'S ALL ABOUT LIFESTYLE AND I'M NOT A GIRL WHO WATCHES HOURS OF TV OR EATS FAST FOOD. SO WHY WOULD I CHOOSE A PARTNER WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS AS ME. THE GOAL IS TO SHARE A LIFE WITH SOMEONE. I WANT A HEALTHY, ACTIVE LIFE WHERE WE IMPROVE OURSELVE AS WE AGE. I DON'T WANT TO GET A BOYFRIEND AND LET MYSELF GO AND I EXPECT HIM TO WORK JUST AS HARD AS I DO. I DON'T ASK ANYTHING I'M NOT WILLING TO DO MYSELF :)

    Good lord, if you KNOW its a "visual assault" like your signature states... why don't you stop it? So annoying and inconsiderate.

    But otherwise, I agree with what you said.
  • risefromruin
    risefromruin Posts: 483 Member
    Dating a big dude is part of what added to my problem in the first place. I became fat and happy eating the same portions as him. Of course, there were a million other things that contributed to my weight gain as well. These days, I think I'm looking for someone who takes an interest in fitness and nutrition. If they aren't as in to it as me, it's okay...I just want them to at least care about their body and make an effort. I need someone to understand what I have been through and what it takes to maintain what I've lost. I wouldn't look down on someone for being bigger, but they need to take an interest in the positive change. I'm actually attracted to bigger guys because I like feeling small...trying to change that attraction to bigger guys with muscles, not fat :P
  • afwg1979
    afwg1979 Posts: 170 Member
    I tried it and it didn't work: I married my ex-husband when we were both in the Air Force. The first year he was great about running with me. One day I asked him if he was going to join me and he said, "No, I'm just not into it anymore; I don't need it, you do." He stopped working out altogether. He had an extremely high metabolism and was naturally thin. I always had to work at staying in shape. Eventually we went our separate ways. After our divorce, I realized that I was the one who had made the sacrifices -- his needs were always put before mine.

    I believe that couples who commit themselves to healthy lifestyles (mentally and physically) and share common interests with their mates have higher success rates than couples who pursue different interests.

    Avoid trying to "change" someone. Accept people as they are or move on.

    The couple that plays together, stays together.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I would totally pass this up! You will find somebody else with all the great personality traits and your interests. :)
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