Ladies, I need to vent!

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Celiamariec
Celiamariec Posts: 93
in Motivation and Support
Have any of you ladies experienced this?! Men who clearly turn down a date because of your weight?! That seriously pisses me off. I'm so d*mn tired of men who act like the fat cannot be shed! I've even had a man who is overweight (even just by a little), behave as if his body is in tip top shape and like he can't talk to a chubby chick. I'm just amazed at how many shallow people there are out there. I recently regained contact with someone I went to school with (I of course gained weight since then). When we met up, he had a look of shock on his face. He was quiet, especially compared to our previous conversations, and it wasn't that he was shy... he's never been shy. Getting a damn date with a decent guy is impossible, unless your thin! A relationship isn't on my list of priorities, but when interest peaks and this is what happens... I'm just a little annoyed.
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Replies

  • promgirl2013
    promgirl2013 Posts: 40
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    You are so rightt!!!


    I've sadly never had a boyfriend........


    Totally understand your pain! :(( It sucks how people are SOOO judgmental. And it really sucks when you feel so amazing because you are changing your body and men just put you down like that! :( So sad! So wrong!
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    I don't always charge it to being shallow. People like who they like, and if they don't like how you look on the outside, then that's not the person you want. At least it's something you know up-front. Better to know they really care about looks now, than if you were to get married or have kids, and then you know, God forbid, gain weight. :happy:
  • promgirl2013
    promgirl2013 Posts: 40
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    True!
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    omg sad. what?! maybe they are just itemidated by you. if that's how they are going to act, you don't want to be with them anyways... trust me...
  • Samerah12
    Samerah12 Posts: 610 Member
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    I don't always charge it to being shallow. People like who they like, and if they don't like how you look on the outside, then that's not the person you want. At least it's something you know up-front. Better to know they really care about looks now, than if you were to get married or have kids, and then you know, God forbid, gain weight. :happy:


    YES!! Very well put.
  • Cakepiebeer
    Cakepiebeer Posts: 392
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    Stop acting like a victim. You , just like everyone else has a preference. So what if some guys dont like overweight women!. Just take it as they're not the one for you because in the end, it doesnt matter
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
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    Getting a damn date with a decent guy is impossible, unless your thin!

    i don't think getting a date with a decent guy has anything to do with being thin.
    i'm shallow...i know what i like.

    but you have to be happy with who you are regardless of what you think you look like and what you think the opposite sex is looking for. self confidence goes a lot further than looks.
  • ziggylove
    ziggylove Posts: 57
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    If they do that they're really not worth your time anyway! That said I've been very blessed to be married to a man who doesn't care about my weight except to support my wanting to be healthier and happier by losing some and gettign fitter. :) But again, they ain't worth your time. Better to let that good man come along who likes you for who you are and isn't superficial. :flowerforyou:
  • Celiamariec
    Celiamariec Posts: 93
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    I don't always charge it to being shallow. People like who they like, and if they don't like how you look on the outside, then that's not the person you want. At least it's something you know up-front. Better to know they really care about looks now, than if you were to get married or have kids, and then you know, God forbid, gain weight. :happy:

    I agree. To each their own. And it's nice knowing how superficial they are before hand. It's just bs that so many people are like that. It's sad that size is so important to society.
  • PatientBearTiger
    PatientBearTiger Posts: 475
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    Stop acting like a victim. You , just like everyone else has a preference. So what if some guys dont like overweight women!. Just take it as they're not the one for you because in the end, it doesnt matter

    Amen. Could not have said it any better.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Sounds like you're missing the chance to date jerks, bummer.
  • Rowann
    Rowann Posts: 86
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    To be honest, if a person doesn't want to ask you out because you're carrying a bit of extra weight, then they're not the person you want to go out with. Maybe you should count yourself lucky that you've had an opportunity to find that out now.... ;)

    It's often a case of a guy will want to be with a confident person regardless of what weight they might be.

    I've been lucky, in that I've never had a problem getting a boyfriend no matter how much I weighed. I've always known that they were with me for me, and not with an idea of what I should look like... I wouldn't have had it any other way. I've had my fair share of really decent boyfriends, whereas my slim friends have had some right creeps. I know who I'd rather be with in the long run.
  • DawnLosing
    DawnLosing Posts: 87
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    Just remember you can become healthy, that is the goal NOT someone's or society's perception of what skinny or beauty is... however when these guys are 35, 40ish (and trust me on this) you will still have your hair, most of them won't.

    If you don't love me at my worse then you don't deserve me at my best ~ Marilyn Monroe
  • sarscott
    sarscott Posts: 189 Member
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    Don't lose hope. There are a lot of great guys out there! I'm just over 300 lbs (widdling it away!!!), but I just married the absolute love of my life (and he's handsome, too!) a few months ago. The ones that really count may take some time to find, but once you find them you'll have a much greater appreciation for them and how they are different from the other guys.

    And hey, whats a little time to work on yourself? They always say when you least expect it....
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
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    It's a good sign that they aren't right for you. It's better to know things like that ahead of time then find out after you've been with someone for a while that they are only "okay" with you and actually find your body pretty gross. I dated a guy that was only slightly okay with me because I was able to fit in his pants when we met.
  • TinaS88
    TinaS88 Posts: 817 Member
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    Yea, sometimes it is shallow, but everyone has their preferences. You can't really be mad because someone just isn't into it.
  • voodoomoocow
    voodoomoocow Posts: 60 Member
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    I always think I dodged a bullet.

    This one guy had a crush on me for 4 years. He slipped a note in my pocket around january confessing, and thinking it was cute, I gave him a chance despite friend-zoning him. 2 weeks later, he decided he just wanted to be friends. I sort of think he took one look at my body and was put off. It was an ego crush. He wasn't even cute, and definitely not in shape. Yes, I'm bitter XD
  • abutterflyemerges
    abutterflyemerges Posts: 101 Member
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    I've always been the type that didn't care what others thought about me especially men. I figure the ones who are judgmental don't deserve me anyways and that the poor skinny soul who does meet them will just be with a shallow being. The right one will be the one who sees you for who you are inside and now how much is on the outside. I saw your pictures and your really pretty. So don't let shallow people get you down, they are not worth it.
    ps. the baby in your pictures is damn adorable!
  • aurorasangel2000
    aurorasangel2000 Posts: 38
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    Yes, everyone has a preference, HOWEVER, when you've had great conversations and interactions with someone and your personalties click, and their tune completely changes when they see you, is absolute BS. I do agree that it's just as bad when women do it. But, it's true; if they're that shallow and that's all they're interested in, they're seriously NOT worth your time. And better to find out before you become emotionally, or even more emotionally, invested. Weight can be lost, looks can be changed; a bad personality and being shallow are a lot harder to overcome ;-)
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    I'm sorry that happened to you, I know how much that can hurt. On the other hand, everyone has their own preferences and I know a lot of men who like big women and dont like thin women, most guys i know that hear I'm trying to lose weight tell me not to bc in their words " thin women r nice to look at sometimes , but who wants to have sex with a bag of bones? " I don't agree with that statement tho bc I would love to be thin and don care if they like it or not lol

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