Married to a man child?

2

Replies

  • DragonflyinTexas
    DragonflyinTexas Posts: 1
    I've heard it said that a woman marries hoping that her man will change, and a man marries hoping that his woman never will. Was he like this before you married him? If so then it is not fair to expect him to change.:wink:
  • damonmath
    damonmath Posts: 359 Member
    I am so glad I don't have these issues. I am so NOT the typical beer drinking football watching guy. Give me a break you lazy sacks!!! lol

    Seriously, I can not stand overflowing trash, and all the crap most guys "forget" to do. Believe me ladies, they don't forget, they 'choose' not to do it at all. It's sad, and then they claim "I'm just being a guy enjoying my football". More like neanderthals being cave men. You typical guys are lucky I don't live in your neighborhoods.... I'd be paying a visit to your houses to make sure all your chores are done... ALL YOUR CHORES ;)

    I'm just playing... but imagine how many guys are worried about that now... hmmmm ;)

    You are the rarity. :grumble:

    I've always been this way. I use to have a particular order for the dishes in the dish washer. Now I just wash them by hand after dinner so I NEVER have to load and unload the dish washer ;)

    It just seems way more logical to me to put things away after you take them out. Otherwise, chips go stale, milk spoils and your place smells like a landfill!!! :)
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
    I've started training my boyfriend already... If we get married he is going to be properly house trained. ;)
    He's usually very helpful, it's when he starts playing Xbox that he becomes unresponsive and accuses me of nagging... Funny that. lol
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    Yeah I was one of those guys. Now I'm single.

    A few things I learned in the process of divorce. ex was pissed and felt overwhelmed. Enough to call it quits. (Trust me we had way more issues than this, but this contributed.)

    Why didn't I know that earlier? The same reason your husbands don't know it now.

    You don't talk our language and we don't talk yours.

    You need to find common ground. You need to use our true weaknesses against us.

    Our weakness is we will do anything for you if we truly believe in our heart of hearts that without us, you couldn't survive. We need to be your hero. And we see through BS, so if you fake it, we can figure it out. Eventually. We're slow.

    And the problem is, you've been doing such a good job of not really needing us, doing it yourself, that we kinda know what your capable of. Sadly for you.

    So sit us down. Convince us that you truly respect us and need us. Without our help you'll implode. You have to take on this or else... the sky will fall in. We need to be your hero.

    I know this sounds childish and pathetic. We're boys. Its sad. But I'm telling you this is how it is. Now you may have to show patience. And you may need to go through this poor pathetic "I'm just a weak little thing" routine multiple times. But if you want a hero, you have to be a damsel in distress. We eat that crap up.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    I have a ? and please don't find this offensive OP.....But are you a stay at home mom?

    No I'm not a stay at home mom, and I'm not offended. I work full time as well as he does. I told him, I would be happy to do every household chore IF I don't have to work outside the home. Maybe someday that'll be a reality, who knows.

    ok :bigsmile: Then he should help out way more... (I'm a clean freak so I... personally never let him do anything cus he wont do it my way...and being the freak I am will end up redoing it) I'm a stay at home mom so its kind of my job to keep the house clean anyways...I do still ask him to take out the trash, or put dishes away... but he always does it so I cant complain about that
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    i have an easy way to fix this whole issue, though it's not for everybody...


    Get yourself paralyzed and near death, he'll see the light and be MUCH more helpful. Then, make an amazing recovery and he'll realize how lucky he is to have you back.

    I don't know... worked for me. :huh:
  • JustEllieK
    JustEllieK Posts: 423 Member
    First though when i saw this was....Justin Beaver...i mean Bieber. What? Man child sorta.
  • Tiffanydepiano
    Tiffanydepiano Posts: 169 Member
    My husband has Adult ADHD. Thanks for posting to everyone. Mine is just the same as OP. Makes me feel better knowing it isn't that rare. :mad: :happy:
  • Crowhorse
    Crowhorse Posts: 394 Member
    I've come to the conclusion that most guys want a mommy they can have sex with.

    There's a reason why women are less likely to remarry than men.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    I've come to the conclusion that most guys want a mommy they can have sex with.

    There's a reason why women are less likely to remarry than men.

    :laugh: Amen!
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    I've come to the conclusion that most guys want a mommy they can have sex with.

    There's a reason why women are less likely to remarry than men.

    perfect!
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    since it was a double post it was a sign :laugh:

    :flowerforyou: damonmath :smokin: if only I wasn't married....
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    I've come to the conclusion that most guys want a mommy they can have sex with.

    There's a reason why women are less likely to remarry than men.

    You're half right.
  • moonshadows72
    moonshadows72 Posts: 180 Member
    as a man, I can say that to MOST men.... out of sight out of mind... you nag and were annoyed by it... you leave and were relieved. and it still dosent get done... then no one is happy. No one wants to do anything for someone when theyre pissed off at that same someone...

    possible solution:

    Write down a honey do list.

    gives him tasks and projects to work on. ON HIS OWN TIME. It Works! Just dont expect everything to be done on the list right away...
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    i say if you stop complaining and start asking nicely things change. once i started displaying more respect instead of resentment toward my husband he started wanting to do things to pull his weight. no one wants to help a cranky pants out.

    Try to remember how you would want to be asked to help. How would you react to your spouse if he was doing the things that you are doing to him?

    Not that you are mistreating him or anything I just know how i would do passive agressive and sometimes agressive crap to get what i want and it NEVER worked. So i tried something else, RESPECT. Its almost like he changed overnight, but in fact I had changed. He is still the same man. Just more willing to help cause im treating him differently about it.

    P.S. sometimes i want to throw pots and pans at his face but i choose to react differently. :)
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Simply put....TALK.

    Communication is the greatest tool you have in any form of a relationship. If you talk about it, ask, and things dont change...then stop doing something...and create change...just dont stop it all. And when asked, talk about it without it getting into an argument over it.
  • modernsoul
    modernsoul Posts: 148 Member
    This sounds exactly like my husband. After our son was diagnosed with ADHD my husband was tested and has Adult ADHD. It's worth looking into. Talk to his family to see what he was like as a child.

    I agree with this one. My soon to be ex brother-in-law was diagnosed with adult ADD, was put on medication and was a completely different guy. In a good way. LOL. He is going to be my ex because he went off his meds and went back to his old ways and now he and my sister are getting a divorce.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    This is reason# 2302323 why I'll never marry. If I cohabitated with someone like this, we'd have a conversation about this once. I would leave over something like this if he didn't correct the issues. To me, it's subhuman to do that to anyone you live with. I guess as his wife you'll have to train him, but I have no advice on that. Good luck to you!
  • irunforfun
    irunforfun Posts: 113 Member
    One of the MANY, MANY, MANY reasons why I'm getting divorced. Shoulda known better marrying a mamas boy but now I know better and know what NOT to go for the next time. My advice? Divorce him. Sorry! :P
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
    throw something at him...
    shoes work great--the pointy kind

    You still love him and he must be doing SOMETHING right. Just focus on the good qualities and face the music...we (women) do it all better anyway.

    My ex would throw shoes at me and then I started hiding them from her to really piss her off until she apologized. :P

    LOL
  • Adhinton05
    Adhinton05 Posts: 2
    He sounds like me and I'm a woman... My boyfriend yelled at me enough that I started TRYING to notice things and remember to do things (I could step over a dirty towel for a month and not notice). Anyway I think the best way to approach it is the same way you would do for a child! When your child does something like put their plate in the dishwasher you clap and tell them how wonderful they are!! When your husband takes out the trash or puts his dish in the dishwasher tell him how much you appreciate his efforts or how sexy he looks sweeping the floor! Men don't hear you when you are nagging you may as well be talking to yourself so try a different approach! You will be surprised at all the things he will do for you to make you happy! Like I said before men have selective hearing and they CAN press mute in their heads don't let them tell you any different... nagging is like banging your head against a brick wall... it hurts and nothing gets accomplished! Good luck with your man child!
  • Adhinton05
    Adhinton05 Posts: 2
    Have you read Love and Respect? I can't recall who wrote it but if you haven't you should... it basically talks about what you just said... really interesting!
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    I love my husband dearly. He is an awesome guy. But sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids instead of just the one I gave birth to! He can never remember to do anything, doesn't notice what's going on around him. Doesn't notice the garbage is overflowing, or the dog is flipping out because he has to go outside. He'll tell me he'll take care of doing something and after 2 weeks or longer, I remind him again and then just do it myself. I've tried talking to him about it but it just comes out as nagging (I can't even stand the way i sound!). It's just become a real problem for me because I feel like I can't count on him to handle responsibilities. It's more irritating than anything. What happens if I forgot to pay the bills, or forgot to pick up our daughter at daycare, or just forgot to buy groceries? Am I just supposed to accept that I'm the responsible one and he's can't be counted on? That's sad. As you can tell, I'm the wound up one in the relationship. Advice? And please be kind if possible.

    This is my life.
    Except I don't do it myself after 2 weeks, I nag and nag and nag until he does it 2 months later and then he is mad at me for "being a b!tch" and then I have to say "if you did it the first 10 times I asked I wouldn't HAVE to be" and on and on, rinse and repeat with the next item on the to-do list...

    Married 10 years and you have described my daily life exactly.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    One of the MANY, MANY, MANY reasons why I'm getting divorced. Shoulda known better marrying a mamas boy but now I know better and know what NOT to go for the next time. My advice? Divorce him. Sorry! :P

    I feel you on this one. Good luck to you!
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    One of the MANY, MANY, MANY reasons why I'm getting divorced. Shoulda known better marrying a mamas boy but now I know better and know what NOT to go for the next time. My advice? Divorce him. Sorry! :P

    I would never advise anyone to divorce .. definately not on these grounds. I've been married to a good man .. he is good in many many many ways..Good father, good loving and caring husband ..but isn't anoyed about the same things I am anoyed with. He makes up for it in other ways .. Walking by a laundry basket without picking it up, or failing to put his dishes in the sink, just are not valid reasons for divorce .. not in MY book.

    The problem is not neccessarily the 'events' taking place .. it's the lack of understanding or communication that's the problem. It's not the end of the world .. and can be remedied. You need ot work on the communcation skills .. and stop enabling.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    You have mis-matched priorities.

    He probably thinks its important to take out the trash.
    You think its important to take out the trash RIGHT NOW and if you whine about it enough he'll eventually do it just to shut you up. The trash will be out, but he'll resent you for it forever.

    This also applies to the old "I'll call you" line.
    You think it means he'll call the next day.
    He really means 'sometime before I die'
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
    I love my husband dearly. He is an awesome guy. But sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids instead of just the one I gave birth to! He can never remember to do anything, doesn't notice what's going on around him. Doesn't notice the garbage is overflowing, or the dog is flipping out because he has to go outside. He'll tell me he'll take care of doing something and after 2 weeks or longer, I remind him again and then just do it myself. I've tried talking to him about it but it just comes out as nagging (I can't even stand the way i sound!). It's just become a real problem for me because I feel like I can't count on him to handle responsibilities. It's more irritating than anything. What happens if I forgot to pay the bills, or forgot to pick up our daughter at daycare, or just forgot to buy groceries? Am I just supposed to accept that I'm the responsible one and he's can't be counted on? That's sad. As you can tell, I'm the wound up one in the relationship. Advice? And please be kind if possible.

    You know it's football season right???? It all depends when/ what time you ask him. If it's during a game yeah good luck with that.

    I'm debating on whether or not I should even try to communicate with my boyfriend on Sundays and Monday nights. (sigh)

    :indifferent:
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    You have mis-matched priorities.

    He probably thinks its important to take out the trash.
    You think its important to take out the trash RIGHT NOW and if you whine about it enough he'll eventually do it just to shut you up. The trash will be out, but he'll resent you for it forever.

    This also applies to the old "I'll call you" line.
    You think it means he'll call the next day.
    He really means 'sometime before I die'

    How true! How true! .. and that IS a good point .. Different time table.
  • RyanDanielle5101
    RyanDanielle5101 Posts: 533
    Don't give him the goodies; hold out til he has done what he needs to do. It's just as hard for me as it is him but it works. Football can always be interrupted, stand in front of the TV naked. I interrupt Monday Night Football all the time!!!!:laugh: Men and women are just wired differently.
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    I've been married 18 years. BTDT.

    Hubby put empty cans in the sink. Drove me crazy. I told him to just put them in recycle. He kept "forgetting". So one day I loaded the dishwasher an put the empty cans in it. Then I made sure he unloaded it. He was surprised to see the cans in there and asked why they were in there. I replied "Well I know you know how much it bugs me when you leave empty cans in the sink instead of putting them in recycle. I know you wouldn't continue to do something like that knowing it irritated me. So I figured you must want them for something or else you would have just put them in recycle. So I washed them for you." He NEVER put another can in the sink.

    In our 1st house we had a laundry chute in our bedroom. It was behind the door so you actually had to open the door to put your clothes down the chute. Hubby just left them on the floor. I got sick of putting his clothes down the chute and constantly bugging him to do it. So I just stopped. I did all the laundry that was in the laundry room, folded it, and put it away. The next day hubby asked "Can you do laundry soon please. I don't have anymore jeans or socks." I informed him that I had just gotten done with the laundry and there was no more laundry in the laundry room so I had no idea where his dirty clothes would be. He started putting his clothes down the chute.

    One time he started arguing with me and saying I was nagging him too much. I told him that nagging just means that someone is constantly having to tell you to do something over and over and over again. If he'd do it the first or even the second time he was asked there would be no nagging.
    Ha! I did the same thing with the laundry with my husband. He still leaves his clothes on the floor but when I get ready to do laundry, he picks his stuff up and puts it in the basket and carries it to the washroom for me.

    Yeah we have to remind our husbands of a lot of stuff. i focus on all the nice things he does for me without asking though. It balances out. :)
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