Long distance relationships?

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  • DannyA0130
    DannyA0130 Posts: 55 Member
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    I am currently in a long distance relationship. My fiancee are in Ireland while I'm in the U.S. (California). I miss her very Much but if you love someone you make it happen. I have been with her for a little over three years. we are working on a visa which is harder than a LDR. The US government wrecks my brain. I would say test the waters see what comes of it. I didn't think i would be getting married to someone 5,000 miles away. Shes a dream come true. May you be so lucky.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    My husband is in the Navy so we've been doing the long distance thing for a few months now, and will have many separations ahead of us. I wouldn't choose it, but often you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. It's tough and we have to work on it every day, but it's worth it to be with the right person.

    I'd say visits are pretty crucial, and so is being able to trust your partner. Commitment and a good sense of humor are also must-haves in my opinion. Good chemistry helps. On some level, I think every relationship has to be easy. I mean, yeah, relationships take work, but he should be someone who is easy for you to be with. If things are really tough when you're living in the same place, then it'll be multiplied when you're separated.

    On the "cons" side, my best friend has moved across the country three times for relationships that ended up not working out. She always ends up heartbroken and I feel terrible for her because she keeps sacrificing her life in one place and moving thousands of miles to be with someone she met online only to find that they don't work in person. So I would say take it slow and get to know the person before you jump in with both feet.
  • KitKat1390
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    Ive been in a long distance relationship twice and neither times worked out
  • Cakepiebeer
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    well I have a bit of a personal stake in this so I say when you are all that man can think of, when you spend the day texing back and forth, when you are still up past 3 am in the morning on the phone with each other and 2 hours later he has to get up to start his day. when you dream of him and him of you...... well I think its worth a try. Sometimes the best things in life are the ones we have to work for. I know it wont be easy. but I know you are what that man wants I know you are what he needs. you make him smile. no matter how bad of a day he is having the sound of your voice turns it around, to him you are beautiful, all u have to do is smile and he melts. U make a strong man weak. but..... like I said....... I have a personal stake in this
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Ive been in a long distance relationship twice and neither times worked out

    I'm not picking on you here, your post was just the closest to the end of the thread and nicely succinct so I'm going with the general thought.

    For those who say things like this, have you been in relationships where there was no distance and they still didn't work out? Most of us have. No one thinks anything of it if a regular relationship fizzles. But for some reason when it's something a bit more unusual people point out their lack of success as if that's a legitimate analogy. Yes, people have had LDRs that didn't work. So what? That doesn't mean that someone else's won't either. Really the same things could be said for relationships with age differences, different religions or races or socio-economic backgrounds that didn't work but those are considered rude to point out. If the OP had asked about an interracial relationship I don't think anyone would have said "I am white and dated a black guy twice and it didn't work." and if they did they'd probably be berated for doing so.
  • shelbobi
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    hehehe GMANN & Kimmy! As my friends here on MFP you both are awesome!!! Long distance always has the potential to work out if the willingness is there. I've experienced both a negative and a positive with a LDR. First one was two people who meet locally and had strong feelings for each other but didn't commit due to the circumstances of war keeping us apart days after meeting. Unfortunately the party fighting in the war saw temptation local to him. Not so much a bad thing since I believe you have to be hurt to know what not to look for! The second experience has a better ending (like I hope this potential relationship will have) I met my boyfriend on facebook. Random first encounter through a message. Started with talking and ended with a plane ticket from Boston to Orange County. Still together a year and a half later even with the 6 months of long distance and plans to get married soon. You never know who you end up liking or falling for nor do you get to pick. Just make sure both parties have similar expectation and always remember "I wish I had" usually ends up hurting more than "One time I....." Love you both! :)
  • jeninabilan
    jeninabilan Posts: 369 Member
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    Wisdom from a gypsy:

    Countries/States/Border Lines are MAN MADE, not really how the world works.. the world is your backyard.. location is just a matter of opinion.. What is distance anyways? Love is love.. either you care about someone and want to pursue something or you don't. I think it is so priceless to meet someone you have a lot in common with and have insane chemistry with.. why let something like distance get in the way? Eventually, if it works out, someone can move...

    I tend to take things one step at a time and not read into things too much.. If it feels right in the moment, it is right.. You NEVER know what the future holds, so quit trying to figure it out. If you like getting to know someone, get to know them.. if you don't, then don't.. it's as simple as that ;)
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    Either you have asked the right question, or I've replied the right thread. Lol

    My boyfriend and I are in a LDR. We met while playing online games (killing zombies) both of us have the same interest. I wasn't really expecting to be with him because I was trying to get over my ex at the time, and he was in a complicated situation with another girl. Then we chatted and talked everyday. I am here in Singapore and he's there in the States. 12 hours apart and 7000 plus miles away. I went there twice but I'm still waiting for him to come here. :( It took me almost a day or more to fly there and I spent almost 5k of my savings to spend time with him. *sigh* and LDR is really, really, really tough. But no I have no intention to date other people, or tempted in another way. Call me faithful :P
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Long distance never worked for me. I need the physical intimacy of seeing the person, being near them, going on dates, etc.
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    Someone is going to have to give up their entire life for the other. Pretty high expectations, right there.
    People move all the time.

    It's different when you have to uproot your entire life for the sake of a relationship. Tough call, I say.

    Oh, I'm willing to move. Lol
  • jeninabilan
    jeninabilan Posts: 369 Member
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    Someone is going to have to give up their entire life for the other. Pretty high expectations, right there.
    People move all the time.

    It's different when you have to uproot your entire life for the sake of a relationship. Tough call, I say.

    Oh, I'm willing to move. Lol

    You are seriously such a doll! He is insanely lucky to have someone like you and I'm sure will hold onto you at all costs :) That is so adorable and inspiring!! *hugs*
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Don't let the "You might have to move" bit hold you back either. You never know what the future holds. I met my hubby in MI at college. At one point we even lived in the same apartment building (didn't live together, just the same building.) We lived in MI. Our families lived in MI. We got married in MI. We bought our first and 2nd homes in MI. In 2003 he was sent to Iraq for 14 months. His job laid him off when they found out he'd be getting deployed (yes it's illegal but Ford has deeper pockets for lawyers than we do.) When he came back in 2004 we figured that since he didn't hav a job in MI anyhow and the economy was on it's way down we'd go ahead and move to AZ. We'd wanted to do that for years but his income couldn't be matched there. So we moved.

    In 2009 he got a great job offer in Germany. It was supposed to be 2-5 years. We took it and moved. It turned out to be 1 1/2 years due to idiocy on the part of the company. Then he got a job in VA so we moved here last year. If something happens in the future we may well move again. We don't want to. We like it here. But we aren't going to look at moving as a big negative. It's always an opportunity for new experiences. Whether you move for love or employment or family moving isn't a bad thing unless you expect it to be.