For the Married or Previously Married..

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Replies

  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    Previously married.
    Both were equally ---- um well they both rated up there as sucking big time!

    That was my experience as well~:indifferent:
  • beeny83
    beeny83 Posts: 61
    I have been married twice, first time both sucked I didnt want to get married but was 18 and stupid so did it and the marriage lasted 3 months so the best part of that was the divorce. Second wedding was perfect and now many years later our marriage is just as strong as it ever was, had some rough times in between but our relationship is perfect and I will me married for the rest of my life to my fantastic husband. :)
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    Lots of great answers and insights, thanks for the replys.

    As the original poster I feel an explanation is in order...
    I have been married 26+ years to my 'first wife' and completely enjoy it. For the wedding we took a half day off work and went to the courthouse.

    I've seen so many people get tied up in planning the perfect wedding for a year or more and spending tens of thousands of dollars, only to have the actual marriage fall apart within a short span of years.

    My stepson had a gorgeous wedding, a combination of his scottish heritage and his bride's mexican heritage. A great time was had by all as these families blended together. 5 years and 1 kid later it ended in divorce. HIs second wedding was similar, a huge and expensive affair, but this one lasted 10 yrs. Divorce was final last month. Thank goodness no kids to tear apart.

    My stepdaughter had pretty much the traditional all-American wedding, big $$ dress, classic car limo ride to the reception, party all night. It lasted 7 years and 2 kids. Her second marriage a few years later was a bit more understated and so far looks to be a perfect match.

    I think too many people get caught up in the idea of having a wedding and don't think about what comes afterwards..

    I propose the new tradition be a simple ceremony, no party, no gifts, and for the 7th anniversary, if you make it that far, have the party of a lifetime, gifts galore, and cash in all that money that was saved from the original wedding not happening.
    No 7 years, no party!
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    The wedding was a fun day. The marriage is worth the effort. It can be hard, but it can be absolutely wonderful, too.
    18 years and counting.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    I've been married just over three years, we've been together a little over four. We have two wonderful children, Audrey just turned 3 and Harrison is 18 months, and we have another little girl due the day after Christmas.

    My marriage has had it's difficulties, stressful times and hilarious moments. For the most part, it has been filled with love. It has been exactly like our wedding day! That said, my marriage has been a million times better than my wedding. It's a long, frustrating and sad story and it's honestly not something I like to think about. I have some regrets and a lot of unhappy memories surrounding my wedding. If I could do it over again I definitely would. But, while it was the start of our marriage, it was just one day. The memories may bum me out a little but it's almost like it was just a little blip on the radar for us. Our relationship was strong before we got married and it's grown and has gotten stronger since.
  • anwscott
    anwscott Posts: 28
    We got married really young and the wedding was thrown together in a week. We barely had money for a cake and my wedding dress came from a yard sale. The wedding still brings me smiles for how comically screwed up it was. Most people only gave us six months and even more thought it would fail when he went into the military. This summer we celebrated our very Happy 12th anniversary. So I agree with all who said their marriage is hard work but totally worth it!
  • Iwillshyne
    Iwillshyne Posts: 245
    The marriage. A very happy 10 years in Dec... it has taken a lot of work but its been worth it all!
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Lots of great answers and insights, thanks for the replys.

    As the original poster I feel an explanation is in order...
    I have been married 26+ years to my 'first wife' and completely enjoy it. For the wedding we took a half day off work and went to the courthouse.

    I've seen so many people get tied up in planning the perfect wedding for a year or more and spending tens of thousands of dollars, only to have the actual marriage fall apart within a short span of years.

    My stepson had a gorgeous wedding, a combination of his scottish heritage and his bride's mexican heritage. A great time was had by all as these families blended together. 5 years and 1 kid later it ended in divorce. HIs second wedding was similar, a huge and expensive affair, but this one lasted 10 yrs. Divorce was final last month. Thank goodness no kids to tear apart.

    My stepdaughter had pretty much the traditional all-American wedding, big $$ dress, classic car limo ride to the reception, party all night. It lasted 7 years and 2 kids. Her second marriage a few years later was a bit more understated and so far looks to be a perfect match.

    I think too many people get caught up in the idea of having a wedding and don't think about what comes afterwards..

    I propose the new tradition be a simple ceremony, no party, no gifts, and for the 7th anniversary, if you make it that far, have the party of a lifetime, gifts galore, and cash in all that money that was saved from the original wedding not happening.
    No 7 years, no party!

    I agree with you about how weddings seem to have exploded in grandeur and expense (although that probably has some roots in the current trend of wedding/dress/cake programs clogging up the airwaves, and the advent of the "it's all about me, I deserve my big day" mentality).

    I like your idea about no party until you've put in some serious time!
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    They both sucked. Same guy was in both.
  • SoMotivated
    SoMotivated Posts: 11 Member
    awwwwwwww ; )
  • BattyMama
    BattyMama Posts: 136 Member
    my first wedding was better but my second marriage is much better
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    Lots of great answers and insights, thanks for the replys.

    As the original poster I feel an explanation is in order...
    I have been married 26+ years to my 'first wife' and completely enjoy it. For the wedding we took a half day off work and went to the courthouse.

    I've seen so many people get tied up in planning the perfect wedding for a year or more and spending tens of thousands of dollars, only to have the actual marriage fall apart within a short span of years.

    My stepson had a gorgeous wedding, a combination of his scottish heritage and his bride's mexican heritage. A great time was had by all as these families blended together. 5 years and 1 kid later it ended in divorce. HIs second wedding was similar, a huge and expensive affair, but this one lasted 10 yrs. Divorce was final last month. Thank goodness no kids to tear apart.

    My stepdaughter had pretty much the traditional all-American wedding, big $$ dress, classic car limo ride to the reception, party all night. It lasted 7 years and 2 kids. Her second marriage a few years later was a bit more understated and so far looks to be a perfect match.

    I think too many people get caught up in the idea of having a wedding and don't think about what comes afterwards..

    I propose the new tradition be a simple ceremony, no party, no gifts, and for the 7th anniversary, if you make it that far, have the party of a lifetime, gifts galore, and cash in all that money that was saved from the original wedding not happening.
    No 7 years, no party!

    I agree, to a certain extent. I do think a lot of people go crazy with their weddings and the whole thing becomes more of a "look at me" spectacle and brushes aside what I feel is the true intent of a wedding. It's a joining of two people, two families, and the whole thing should be a celebration of the love those two people have for each other. My wedding was small and was (supposed to be) about us celebrating with our closest friends and family members. (We had to postpone the event by a couple of weeks because my husband's sister needed emergency surgery the day of our originally scheduled wedding. Only two of our friends and our immediate families were able to attend.) We enjoyed the day and got to spend it with those who we were closest to. A wedding is a big deal but it can get out of hand easily.

    I think what's most important is truly knowing and loving the person you marry. Living with them before you get married really lets you get to know their habits. If you're completely honest about who you are there won't be any surprises that pop up and if you have a realistic attitude toward your relationship you won't overlook little things that could potentially drive you crazy later on. My husband and I were our honest selves from the very beginning and we just "clicked" the first time we met. It was as close to love at first sight as anyone can get in the real world. He proposed 5 months into our relationship (the day before we found out I was pregnant) and we were married 11 months in. It sounds crazy, it sounds fast. But we knew from the start that we had each found our soul mate. There have been difficult times but we're so committed to each other and to our children that we will always work things out, no matter what. And because of that commitment we would never do anything to hurt the other person (so there's no worry about cheating, etc.).
  • JJ_Mamma
    JJ_Mamma Posts: 42 Member
    The wedding was small and sweet, and inexpensive. But the Marriage is much much better! It will be 4 years in march!:love::heart:

    Same but we will celebrate 15 years early next year.
  • aolani
    aolani Posts: 80 Member
    We wanted to get married at the courthouse, but we were guilted into having an actual wedding by both parents. We had a very small ceremony at the park with just my parents and his parents. It was thrown together in like a week. We ended up going to a local restaurant for wedding dinner (didn't even have a reservation just showed up) and they brought us out a cake. Our marriage has been very good we will make 11 years in April. Although it thrown together on such a short notice it was still a very nice wedding. So hard to compare both are special in their own way.

    Never understood why people spend so much money on a wedding day. Just not my style our wedding total (dress, tux, restaurant, minister, pictures, champagne) was less than $500. My cousin spent 25k on her wedding and the marriage didn't last 2 years. They were still paying the debts from the wedding years after the divorce.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,794 Member
    I've been married for close to 31 years. The wedding was at the courthouse. Weekend honeymoon in Dallas. Nothing big but it has special memories.

    The marriage has been lots of ups and downs. Sometimes wonderful and sometimes pretty bad. It's been lots of hard work and lots of compromise for both of us. It hasn't been perfect, but nothing in life is.

    Wedding 1 day. Marriage a lifetime! I pick marriage!
  • Jeannelin
    Jeannelin Posts: 35
    The marriage. I barely remember the wedding.

    Exactly!
  • sarah_ep
    sarah_ep Posts: 580 Member
    I love my boyfriend. We probably would of gotten married a while ago but I prefer to travel.

    I really do not see how a wedding or paper will change our relationship.
  • ansleya
    ansleya Posts: 192 Member
    My husband and I were our honest selves from the very beginning and we just "clicked" the first time we met. It was as close to love at first sight as anyone can get in the real world. He proposed 5 months into our relationship (the day before we found out I was pregnant) and we were married 11 months in. It sounds crazy, it sounds fast. But we knew from the start that we had each found our soul mate. There have been difficult times but we're so committed to each other and to our children that we will always work things out, no matter what. And because of that commitment we would never do anything to hurt the other person (so there's no worry about cheating, etc.).

    I completely understand your story. I met my husband on a Friday night. We talked for 9 hours straight. On Saturday night he came to pick me up from work, brought me a rose, we went back to his place. I spent the night. Moved in on Sunday. LOL That was in May. We got engaged in June. Married on Dec 27th so all of our family would be together. Everyone thought we were crazy. But when you know, you just know. We've been together 14 years now. Coming up on 15!!
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
    Previously married.
    Both were equally ---- um well they both rated up there as sucking big time!

    'Both' as in wedding and marriage. (Didn't mean to imply I made the same mistake twice!)

    Well I did and it all sucked!!
  • hbart500
    hbart500 Posts: 243 Member
    been together 8 years married 4 and i wouldnt change it for anything. Marriage definitely better when you are with the right person and you are always willing to work at it. :)
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    It never ceases to amaze me what kind of money people are willing to spend on a wedding.

    I know celebrities "put on the show" for longevity related to their careers (or at least boost to it) .. not the marriage. It's a publicity stunt. They CAN do it because they can afford to do it. What they spend for a single day could feed a starving country. Makes me cringe to think of it.

    I had a 'big wedding' .. not extravigant, by any means, but with the shear number of family and friends we wanted to invite we wanted to include 250 people (In those days ..that was about average size for a wedding). Although it was exciting picking out flowers and dresses .. I couldn't help feeling guilting about spending my parents money. They were not weathly by any means, and my Dad worked hard for his money. So, I kept it as minimal as possible. Even borrowed my Wedding dress, to save money.

    The day itself, was a blurr. It was like Christmas morning as a child where you wait and anticpate it for months then boom .. it's done and overwith before you even blink an eye.

    Our 2nd wedding .. we did 18 yrs later. We were married at 18 and had been married for 18 yrs .. so we were married for exactly the half our lives...We wanted to celebrate that...on the same exact date of our 1st wedding. So we had a very simple ceremony with a justice of the peace on the bow of a cruise ship. Nothing fancy, very simple, but more spectacular than the original fiasco 18 years earlier. We were much more mature, more commited, and profoundly meant EVERY word we vowed to each other. There wasn't a dry eye around.

    It was SUCH an emotional ceremony. Hubby and I were both crying, the JP was moved to tears, the photogapher and his wife both missed up, and looking around at the bystanders who came to see what was happening were also. THAT to me was the most heartfelt wedding ceremony and surpassed our 1st one by leaps and bounds..because of sentiment, not flowers, caterers, decorations, expensive dresses and suits, fireworks, or any of the other 'stuff' involved with planning a typcial wedding ceremony.

    Just us .. and a JP surrounded by the majesty of a magnifcent ocean.

    FYI: We just celebrated our 35th year last July ... and still going strong.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    I guess this qualifies as 'chit-chat'....

    If you are currently married or used-to-be married,
    Which is/was less miserable...the wedding or the marriage?

    Fixed.

    grim.
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
    for our wedding, my dad was in the ER until the morning of...the photographer messed up the video, my parents refused to see me off at the end of the reception, and the priest kept mispronouncing my husband's name (really, who can't pronounce "thomas"?) Plus I was sick as a dog and had slept about 30 minutes and was hopped up on cold medication.


    As crazy/un-fun as that was, it was better than the marriage (15 yrs) :laugh: At least i got the dress of my dreams for the wedding :smile:
  • ctprofessional
    ctprofessional Posts: 63 Member
    Weddings are stressful, expensive, parties for your friends and family. My marriage is a commitment to my best friend. I wish we had eloped and spent that money on ourselves!
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
    The divorce.
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    The wedding was small and sweet, and inexpensive. But the Marriage is much much better! It will be 4 years in march!:love::heart:

    Same but we will celebrate 15 years early next year.
    Can't wait till we celebrate our 15 year mark! It goes by so fast!:smile:
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
    Marriage i think. The wedding was great , honeymoon even better but some of the most painful,wonderful, exciting, frustrating and amazing things have happened while being married for the last 17 years. I wouldn't trade one day of it to relive the wedding......honeymoon ,........maybe :)
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