My friends won't play with me :(

bmw4deb
bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I have been a member of my Gym for about 8 months now
and have gotten really friendly with some of the ladies that
I do classes with (zumba, body fit, spinning) we would always
spend the 10-15 minutes before classes talking laughing ect
We had even did the midnight zumba the 2 hr spin special for MS
you get the idea!
Now i'm being avoided like the plague :ohwell: It really hurts my
feelings. I have done nothing wrong, but I can tell there whispering about me
when we are all waiting for the class to start :cry:
Hubby says it is because i now wear xs workout cloths and there still in 2x :indifferent:
most have been members longer than me HELP !!! I feel like im in high school
and instead of being happy to go to the gym i now have to force my self :angry:
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Replies

  • LuneBleu85
    LuneBleu85 Posts: 217
    Sorry to hear this :( You could always ask them casually why you guys talk less? If they continue like this they don't deserve your attention, get some rockin music on your iPod and tune them out. :)
  • russelljclarke
    russelljclarke Posts: 836 Member
    Change gym mate - life's too short
  • lorna1002
    lorna1002 Posts: 185 Member
    They are probably jealous of how well you have done. Don't worry, hold your head up high and carry on :happy:
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
    I would confront them in a kind manner and see what they say. It could be a simple misunderstanding or sensitivity on your part and bringing it up would resolve the tension. Or, if they brush it off or don't take your feelings seriously, then you can move on and make other friends. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, your husband might be on to something though....
  • lvmarc4evr1997
    lvmarc4evr1997 Posts: 2
    Oh hun..it is THEIR insecurity and you just need to surround yourself with positive people that will relish in the fact you are succeeding in your journey and NOT being jealous. Very tough to just rid people from your life - I get that - but it is unhealthy to be around that negativity. Maybe you could change up the classes you do so you dont have to witness them acting like high school brats.....
    Don't lose focus...they arent worth it.
  • birdlover97111
    birdlover97111 Posts: 346 Member
    Ignore them...I agree with the others, they are probably jealous of your progress...(Funny how most of us women are like that)...lol...Keep up the good work, don't let it get you down...Besides, concentrating on yourself and your workout instead of the social aspect is probably better for you in the long run...Good luck on your journey, I wish you the BEST..!!.. :flowerforyou:
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    That just sucks. I'll point out that if they truly were your friends they wouldn't act like that. I have my gym "friends" who I talk to at class and if I see them out in about. Let me tell you, even though they are mere aquaintances they are super supportive of my weight loss. I get compliments often and encouragement as well. I say you are better than these biddies who behave like they are 14 instead of adults. Be the bigger person and be polite, but don't go out of your way to talk to them or be overly friendly.

    Chin up, you got this!
  • wendyannvantiem
    wendyannvantiem Posts: 188 Member
    You look good and they are jealous : ) Keep doing what you do and let them drink some more haterade!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    If they can't happy for you, then they aren't worth being friends with Consider it their loss...and start chatting with some new people!.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss! :) If they are treating you different because you are a different size it doesn't sound like they were very good friends to begin with. As long as you are acting the same and they don't feel you've changed then it doesn't sound like anyone you would want to hang around with anyway.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Have you asked them what the problem is? Maybe you made an offhand comment that you didn't realise was hurtful to one of them. There has to be a reason for this. I would urge you to find out what it is.
  • EmpressOfJudgment
    EmpressOfJudgment Posts: 1,162 Member
    Did you forget to wear deodorant during the midnight zumba?

    You are right. This is a high school problem. Who cares. Just do your thing.
  • kriswigg
    kriswigg Posts: 95
    I'll point out that if they truly were your friends they wouldn't act like that.

    I completely agree. Keep up the good work, ignore their pettiness and go find some new, true friends.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    It is unfortunate; how primitive we still are. Humans, like canine, have a yearning to belong. Everything we do we feel it can be done better if we have a partner or someone we can relate to/talk to.

    It is hard to look inside to see why you are doing things when you are doing them alone.

    These are the things I see:

    1. You are friendly and made "casual acquaintances" for other members in the fitness center

    2. As long as you all were in the same perdicament you were welcomed into the inner circle

    3. Once you evolved the envy came out from the acquaintances (not friends)

    4. You are hurt by the pettiness of what you have witnessed


    In the end your personal nature has failed to see the great success you have achieved while they did not take it as serious and remain unchanged.

    Embrace the you and what you have accomplished without getting hung up on the pettiness. When you make it a battle it becomes a war and when it becomes a war nobody wins.
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    That just sucks. I'll point out that if they truly were your friends they wouldn't act like that. I have my gym "friends" who I talk to at class and if I see them out in about. Let me tell you, even though they are mere aquaintances they are super supportive of my weight loss. I get compliments often and encouragement as well. I say you are better than these biddies who behave like they are 14 instead of adults. Be the bigger person and be polite, but don't go out of your way to talk to them or be overly friendly.

    Chin up, you got this!

    ^^ This.
    That is bullying behaviour and, because they have been willing to do that once, they will do it again - to you or someone else. I wouldn't go out of my way to "deal" with them but really - how invested should you be?
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    Oh hun..it is THEIR insecurity and you just need to surround yourself with positive people that will relish in the fact you are succeeding in your journey and NOT being jealous. Very tough to just rid people from your life - I get that - but it is unhealthy to be around that negativity. Maybe you could change up the classes you do so you dont have to witness them acting like high school brats.....
    Don't lose focus...they arent worth it.

    First, congratulations on your success! Well done!!

    And second, are there others in the class who can be playdates and are closer to where you are in your fitness journey? I'd go play by them now.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    It sounds like the gym is more of a social hour for them than a way to improve their weight and health. You could try talking to them but if they are acting this way I'm not sure how much good it will do. Are there others in the class you could make friends with that seem to share your goals? Or another class you could attend? Whatever route you choose for dealing with these "mean girls" don't let them derail your personal goals.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    I would confront them in a kind manner and see what they say. It could be a simple misunderstanding or sensitivity on your part and bringing it up would resolve the tension. Or, if they brush it off or don't take your feelings seriously, then you can move on and make other friends. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, your husband might be on to something though....
    Yes! Before assuming what is going on (or taking the advice of other posters that are assuming what is going on), just check things out. It might be a little awkward, but communicate directly with people. That is almost ALWAYS the better option.
  • witheredorchid
    witheredorchid Posts: 164 Member
    You look good and they are jealous : ) Keep doing what you do and let them drink some more haterade!


    haha Haterade! Love it :)
  • kykevin
    kykevin Posts: 3
    The only person on earth that I can change is myself. I don't know why but some people don't want others to be successful.

    God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    Courage to change the things I can
    And wisdom to know the difference
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    It is their loss really. You are successful and have lots of insight on "how to" look and feel better.

    So many people at the gym... new. old, young that you probably have never spoken to. If you are receptive to some new and more positive relationships, good friendships may develop or at least you'll have some new hang out buddies while you're there. And, hold your head up, you're doing great!
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    If it were in your shoes, I would go to class and start dancing like this

    Jim_Carrey_dance.gif

    or like this.

    50yuyu29839.gif


    But that's just me. I don't care enough what other people at the gym think of me. I am there to do my exercise and leave, not really to make friends or socialize. I actually try and avoid people because my time is so limited and I try and do the best I can in the short mount of time. If it really bothers you and you would like to keep socializing with these idiots, then you can be the adult since obviously the other reknobs can't and ask them if they have a problem or what the issue is.

    Btw, sorry people can't be adults. That sucks.
  • JennBunny73
    JennBunny73 Posts: 268 Member
    That is too bad. They should be admiring you rather than being jealous of you. You have accomplished something wonderful and they should look to you for advice instead of turn the other way. I think it is time to make new friends at the gym. If you truly want to still be friends with them, maybe approach them one at a time and start talking to them..if they are rude or ignore you then they aren't the kind of friends you want to have.
  • guntherma
    guntherma Posts: 115 Member
    I have few friends so I would be devastated - but in my older years I am getting bolder and would probably pull one aside and just bluntly ask - "Are they avoiding me for some reason?" acting as if the person you are talking to is not one of "them" - hopefully you'll get the truth and hopefully it is all a misunderstanding and you will all be talking and laughing again tomorrow.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
  • localatte
    localatte Posts: 78 Member
    Hmmm . . . this is a tough one. I think the not knowing always sucks. If you offended them in some way, they should have checked in with you about it vs. acting like high school girls.
    They very well could be jealous, you're not the first that this has happened to and you won't be the last, unfortunately! Doesn't make it any easier for you.
    Okay, here's my b%#* response. Flaunt your rocking body! Hell, if they're going to be snide anyways why not work it?! I know, easier said than done, and I am sort of joking . . . but ugh, I hate when this happens to women. We should support each other not take each other down, society does that already!
    Keep your head up!
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    It is the MFP way. I'm kind of jealous that you ranted about this before I could.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I find this to be a disturbing trend here. Do we all need to feel better than other people and assume that they are jealous? And it always is heavier people jealous of the fitter ones.

    I will also patiently await an explanation.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    It is the MFP way. I'm kind of jealous that you ranted about this before I could.
    I third this. I have never treated someone bad or been jealous because they were thinner than me. If thats the conclusion some of you jump to it makes me think that is how you behave. Which is pretty sad.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    It is the MFP way. I'm kind of jealous that you ranted about this before I could.

    Same here
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