Indian Culture Weight SHAME!
patience842003
Posts: 52
I am married to a man from India, and to my dismay most of the Indian culture (or those I have met) are really quite frank and forthright. My father-in-law actually told me during a skype conversation, 'you are looking fat.' Well thank you for stating the obvious. Has anyone else experienced this? I know they aren't doing it as an offensive gesture, but in my culture its awful especially since I've been self conscious most of my life.
0
Replies
-
Which is a greater offense, being told something that someone else is thinking or not knowing what someone else is thinking?0
-
My boyfriend is Indian and I've dated many before him. I've also been studying ayurveda casually and I think in Indian culture and society they actually don't see it as offensive. He probably said it because he is concerned for your health. I know it hurts, maybe the best way to go about it is to tell your father-in-law that you appreciate his concern for your health, but would rather he keep his opinions on your weight to himself.
I'm sorry to hear your feelings were hurt! I hope this helps!
0 -
I am Indian and I'm quite offended that you think it's the culture! Has it not occurred to you that it may just be his family?
(( 0 -
I spent quite a bit of time in India for work, it's very common and it's not meant to be rude at all. They just state things matter of factly. It's not easy to get used to.0
-
Yes, leave the shame out of it!
If you notice, Indians do not see it as rude to discuss salary, etc, even when first meeting. Normally someone saying "How much money do you make? Are you married?" is not rude in India.
Its just an observation he is making. It hurts but you are beautiful and I am sure he is happy you are with his son. Perhaps he is making the comment to bring to your attention that a fluctuation in weight may indicate some health concern (pregnancy, imbalance of dosha, etc)0 -
hasnt 'weight' always been equated with prosperity in India? i believe so...
i think his concern was genuine.. but the tone was kinda harsh...0 -
Culture or no culture, fathers-in-law can be rude. So can mothers-in-law. My father-in-law was a wonderful man who I had the privelege of knowing for many years, but he would often question whether or not I should have dessert, if second helpings were a good idea for me, and did I go for a walk that day, often right in front of the whole family.
I am now a type 2 diabetic and I know that he was just concerned for my health. His generation watched their weight a lot better than ours does, and since they are older, they also know how miserable our weight can make us.
However - I had to "tell him off" before in a respectful way a couple times, and then he stopped mentioning it. But I still got the "looks" at dinner. I hate to admit it, but he's right.0 -
Heh.. I am pretty sure he only meant to lighten up the conversation a bit. Coming from a similar culture (I am part Indian, my grandfather was born in India) we sarcastically joke around like that often. My grandfather says all sorts of things to guests (often times they're visiting for the first time) but they know, and we know it's all just our weird way of 'breaking the ice'. We often laugh about it afterwards. So don't take it to heart 0
-
I think different cultures just have a different way of expressing or phrasing things. I work for an India based company. Our boss once told my co-worker that she was "elderly" because he didn't want to discuss something she brought up. She's 58, far from elderly. I assume it was a language barrier, but it was still offensive to her.0
-
As 'Tonnenator' said however, if you feel offended, just respectfully tell him off. I am sure he'll be understanding.0
-
Well that is interesting ,I am Indian women who celebrates her 25th wedding anniversary and my husband never comments on my weight,I always felt if u cared enough you will tell the truth, he always said he liked the way I am. Truly men/women are all different,my advice everything with a pinch of salt nothing serious and move on.Indian father inlaws are notorius for being jealous of their daughter in laws for stealing their sons away like they think.0
-
You0
-
I am South African of Indian Origin.Its hardly to do with culture!!!! Its probably just his opinion so I don't think you should generalize and say INDIAN CULTURE! There are overweight people in all Cultures and places. 0
-
I'm not Indian but I am a minority and sorry to take the focus off you chick-a-dee but I'm more offended that you're pin pointing a specific race and culture for this offense. People tell people they're fat all the time. or stupid. or ugly. Sorry that person just happened to not be white. Would have been less offensive then?0
-
Asians tend to be like that. They have a thing for commenting on weight. Whether you lost or gained weight. The first thing any old friend or family member would say to me when I have gained a few pounds is, "o my you got fat." I just ignore. I know I'm healthier than a lot of people because I eat better and I exercise. Just ignore the comments is the best thing to do.0
-
Being told something they are thinking.Which is a greater offense, being told something that someone else is thinking or not knowing what someone else is thinking?0 -
i dunno why you blame it on the whole culture if just one person said so...... i read all the time on the threads about people all over the globe commenting about other people's weight and making fun of fat people......
its just an opinion of a person who happens to be indian..you don't tag the whole culture like that...i'm sorry but i find it really offensive!!!!!
if tomorrow some american comes upto me n says something inappropriate..... i wont say...hey americans are inappropriate..i'd just say that person is inappropriate..........
anyway.... all the best!!!!!!
P.S. i gained like 12 kgs since i'm dating my bf who is also an indian... whenevr i call myself fat he gets angry..he always say just be healthy you don't have to look skinny... even my parents always say just be healthy..... and i know lot of people who do mock other people coz of their weight..but wats dat got to do with culture may i ask??????0 -
I have definitely noticed cultural differences when it comes to what is acceptable to "notice" out loud about someone's weight. My mom's family is from the southern US, so they would NEVER dare tell someone they were looking fat. However, my father's family is Jamaican, and over the course of my life I have been informed quite frankly that I am looking a little fat more times than once--"comfortably covered" is the expression in Jamaica. I remember clearly the day I was 10 years old riding one of my aunt's horses in Montego Bay; I was waiting for my turn to jump a round of jumps, and my cousin came over to tell me that I should get off of the horse while I was waiting for my turn, as I was "quite fat, you know." As hard as it is to believe, this really wasn't said with malicious intent--but obviously I have never forgotten it!
I think you have to focus on the fact that this is a cultural difference, and let it roll off your back. Focus on YOUR reasons for being on MFP and for losing weight, and acknowledge that your husband's family probably has nothing but the best intentions at heart.
That being said, I know those comments sting...if you have to, add the thought of them to your list of motivations!
Hang in there!0 -
I am Indian and I'm quite offended that you think it's the culture! Has it not occurred to you that it may just be his family?((
It's not just his family, and please don't think that I am bashing the culture... Hellooo I am married to an Indian man and we intend to move to India so I have no harsh feelings against it, but I have met several different Indian men from different states (Kerala, and Tamil Nadu) who came to the college I work at and did the same thing. My husband (before he was my husband) said to me it's just a fact. My husband is not like that at all but he has also been immersed in a different culture for 3 years and has learned American culture.0 -
East Asians and South Central Asians are a lot like this. I think it's just a different way of communicating. My husband is Middle Eastern (Lebanese) while they're not quite as strong as Asians when it comes to this "openness" They're still pretty frank. When I first met my husband's family, they all told him how great I was and pretty and young I look but that I need to lose some weight. My sister in law made me some clothes while I was visiting and when I tried it on she said. "oh that looks good. It makes your stomach look less fat" Honestly and truly it doesn't bother me when they say it because that's just how they are. They don't tiptoe around this kind of stuff. Once I got used to this culture it didn't bother me, and it's better to me than having them silently judging me or talking about it behind my back like Americans do.0
-
I was giving one example of experiences with culture. This board is for support. I am not prejudice, and I will not reply back to any racial, cultural smirks. I have no problem with my father-in-law. I am very respectful. My husband is loving and loves me like I am, but he does want me to be unhealthy which I haven't been. I was just interested if anyone else had similar experiences. End of story.0
-
Well this is not new. Its a damn Asian thing to be criticized on your weight to match their ideal stick-thin frame (although Indians are geographically & culturally Asians but I don't exactly consider them the same as Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Vietnamese, Filipinos, Thais etc. as far as genetics & looks are concerned because Indians are technically Caucasians) I once chatted with some Indian men & they all say that I'm too fat & that I need to lose weight but in reality I was just 64kgs. & is within the high normal of the BMI, :indifferent: . I'm medium-framed, kinda muscular type so its impossible for me to be stick thin. However I also had a boyfriend before from North-Eastern India who likes me as I am & never criticized me for my weight.0
-
People who are getting offended by her post comment should do a self check. This woman is not saying that the entire Indian Culture is like this. She is just expressing something that happened to her and her experience. She sounds far from harsh in her description, she was just seeking advice or help. She doesn't sound like she is mad at her father n law. She doesn't hate the Indian Culture now.
And many times people say something and they are just stating what they see, what is fact. They don't mean it offensively (sometimes they do but you can usually tell if they are trying to hurt you). I'm sure he wasn't trying to make you feel bad about yourself and he probably thought nothing of it after the fact. You know that you are working on the issue that he vocalized so just keep working on it and be happy! You are beautiful and well loved by your family I am sure.0 -
hasnt 'weight' always been equated with prosperity in India? i believe so...
i think his concern was genuine.. but the tone was kinda harsh...
How do you discern tone over the Internet?0 -
I'm married to an Indian man as well, 3 days after giving birth my mil commented that I hadnt managed to lose my baby weight yet!!0
-
Wow! You must have been really small because you don't look heavy at all.0
-
Sometimes people are just very matter-of-fact. Sometimes they are rude. Sometimes they just have no filter. Sometimes it's a cultural thing. Who knows. I'm sorry, I know it must be very awkward to have him say something so forthright. In the future, I would just politely say something about how you appreciate his concern and that you are working toward a healthy lifestyle and weight.
Some of my family is very interesting on this topic - I will hear them comment about other people being heavy (people that aren't around) but yet they wouldn't say anything directly to me about my weight. When I knew that I was overweight and didn't even have the amount of muscle/tightness that I could see other people had (i.e. I was flabbier than the people they were talking about, maybe not bigger but definitely flabbier). It's weird. It's like the elephant in the room (no pun intended LOL) - you know it and they know it but normally people don't actually say it. Just take it all in stride and use it as motivation to work hard so they can see the results of your determination. Try not to let it get you down.0 -
I've found comments like this to come from people of all cultures. It doesnt matter where people are from, some just speak their minds and have no filter.
My family's Italian and they will not hesitate to tell anyone how fat they are or how skinny they are. Even skinny folks cant catch a break with them...to my family, if you're skinny, you're sick.
No matter who says it, it hurts. Keep on the track you're on. You know you're doing what you can do to get healthier and that's all that matters.0 -
Wow! You must have been really small because you don't look heavy at all.
Thank you I put on 3 stone when I was pregnant! I used to be really slim before! 0 -
Well u can do 2 things..
1) Either tell him on his face not to be rude
2) loose some weight & show him what u made of
Creating a sensational headline & pointing to a/any culture doesn't reflect well on your culture as well..0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions