People Want You to Fail

heatherldietrich
heatherldietrich Posts: 38
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.

I can't even count the number of times someone has come to me and said something like, “I thought I would let you know that I brought these donuts in, just in case you want to be bad. They're soooo good.” I just keep saying stuff like, “My *kitten* doesn’t need a donut, thanks." Or they say things like, “It won’t hurt to have just a little...” Yes, yes it will hurt. Just a little turns into just a little more, and maybe some of this and what the hell, I’ll just have a bag of chips, it won’t hurt and well, I had a bag of chips so I’m screwed anyway so I might as well have this piece of cake ... okay, just one more piece of cake. Do you have any chocolate sauce to go on this? What about some whip cream?

Some people (I mean "some" this time) even laugh at you, as if they think what you're trying to do is a joke. "Mmmm ... look at me scarf down these empty calories, they're sooo tasty, don't you wish you could have some? Hahaha, look at you trying to be healthy. You're such a loser."

I don't want your donuts. I don't want your cake. I don't want your high-calorie, fat-riddled, sugar and sodium injected food that sure, tastes real good, but I'd have to workout hard for three weeks to work off. YOU go ahead and eat it, and I'll just go ahead and watch YOUR *kitten* inflate.
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Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    Most people don't like to see others succeed more than them because it makes them feel "less" about themselves. It's a natural response though. Even kids do this with no thought as to why.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
    Stop taking it so personally.



    I'm certain they don't want you to fail.

    But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
  • galaxyhearts
    galaxyhearts Posts: 258 Member
    LOL.

    This is hysterical! Also - this is exactly why I don't tell anyone that I'm losing weight.

    I don't need this pointlessness in my life. What is wrong with people?

    Yeah, they'll regret eating like that down the line when they have really high blood pressure or diabetes. Just saying.
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
    I think confident people who have gone through the same experience of losing weight successfully and long-term are less likely to sabotage others in their weightloss efforts.
  • JeanWalker109
    JeanWalker109 Posts: 220
    I think most people just don't think about it. They're not changing, so they can't see why anyone else would be changing. Stick to your guns & don't focus on it so much. Just smile, politely, say 'no thank you' and move on. Even if they have an evil motive, they lose - so no worries.

    *smiles*
  • MsQt
    MsQt Posts: 793 Member
    This is so so true! I hear stuff like that all of the time but I try to keep it moving:)
  • KMSForLife
    KMSForLife Posts: 577 Member
    YES! I made the mistake of telling people at work that I am trying to lose weight. Now - every Friday - every stinkin' Friday - they have "Fat Ring Friday" (donuts). I get several visitors that day saying "Oh - look - someone got donuts again and now you have to smell them all morning" or "Well, it's fat ring Friday - don't you want to come join us today?" No - not only do I not want a donut - I've told you a thousand times that I don't even like donuts! GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    They're all jealous, obviously.

    But really, some people just want to share their food with you. They don't understand what's in it and why it's bad. Don't take every offer as an insult, they may in fact be genuine.
  • neenaj33
    neenaj33 Posts: 347 Member
    Most people don't like to see others succeed more than them because it makes them feel "less" about themselves. It's a natural response though. Even kids do this with no thought as to why.


    What he said....
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    Regardless if they actually WANT you to fail or not, some people do tend to contribute to helping make that happen. It sucks, but it's just a part of changing to a healthier lifestyle. There will always be temptations, influences, and negativity. You just have to be strong and learn how to overcome those things. <3
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Some people have a very cynical view of other people's motives. This makes me terribly sad.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
    People can be jerks, but I have found most of the time, they are not ill-intentioned jerks. They say stuff without thinking. I have found the best way to deal with this is to make them just as uncomfortable as they made you.

    “I thought I would let you know that I brought these donuts in, just in case you want to be bad. They're soooo good.”

    "no thanks, you should take those dounuts back to your desk and see if they can fill that great big empty hole in your head. "
  • starboardzor
    starboardzor Posts: 312
    They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
    Stop taking it so personally.



    I'm certain they don't want you to fail.

    But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!

    Hello only-sane-person here!
  • hojo94
    hojo94 Posts: 140 Member
    I have a co-worker that does that too... We have talked a few times this week about how I am tracking everything that I eat, and trying REALLY hard to do good... SO, she brought in McDonalds for breakfast... cini-melts, two containers of them... and said you HAVE to eat them... Like hell I do. I can fit ONE into my daily budget of nutrition, but not two... and she gets mad. She brings me a TON of crap food to eat, more now that she knows that I am watching my food intake... how in the world is that kind? SO, now, I have a hard decision to make... there are two of us (yup, only two) in our office... do I upset her, and really screw over my working environment because I don't want to eat crap food... or do I keep eating it and mess up my diet? Hello Rock, Hello Hard Place... nice to see you again.... ugh.
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
    Most people don't like to see others succeed more than them because it makes them feel "less" about themselves.


    My friend might call it the lobster pot mentality. Instead of getting out of the boiling water themselves, they drag you in. Others may call it codependency, because now, they have to relate to you on another level which may be out of their comfort zone. So, they try to keep you in the relationship they had with you prior to the changes.

    ...Or, they are just forgetful and bring in the sweets for you anyway. Or, slow learners/adapters to change.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    wow, that's really sad to me that you've encountered such nasty people. I have been VERY forunate to have very loving, supportive friends and family who have supported and encouraged me the entire time. In turn, I try to be as supportive and encouraging to others around me. Hopefully you have at least a few people who are actually in your corner.

    By the way, I :heart: my MFP family and friends!!
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    They're all jealous, obviously.

    But really, some people just want to share their food with you. They don't understand what's in it and why it's bad. Don't take every offer as an insult, they may in fact be genuine.

    No, it's jealousy. The answer is always jealousy.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...
  • mamalula
    mamalula Posts: 42
    I know it is so hard to be surrounded by that kind of attitude. It can even be people who you are close too, when I told my sister that I had lost 1/2 a stone since joining MFP all she could say is "Oh so now I am going to be the fat one" (she is 5 months pregnant). I was so pissed off but it is a typical responce. She has always been the skinny one and I have always been fat and we have always competed in everything even though we are very close and I love her very much but these seemingly casual comments can hurt ALOT. I don't know the answer, ignor it if you can, find strength from your friends on this site and I guess don't have expectations of other people to understand what it is like to battle with weight issues.
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    I have never met someone that actually wanted me to fail. That is sad.
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    wow, that's really sad to me that you've encountered such nasty people. I have been VERY forunate to have very loving, supportive friends and family who have supported and encouraged me the entire time. In turn, I try to be as supportive and encouraging to others around me. Hopefully you have at least a few people who are actually in your corner.

    By the way, I :heart: my MFP family and friends!!

    We :heart: you too!! You will kick *kitten* tomorrow!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

    I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    Some people have a very cynical view of other people's motives. This makes me terribly sad.

    People need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get them. Sharing food is caring!!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!! And frankly they do not have to. You are changing, they are not. Most people are not evil, they just have not walked in your shoes. This '' jounrney'' (hate the word) is a solitary one.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

    I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.
    Crabs.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

    I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

    I am pretty sure it's clam....with all those legs you know
  • Gwendalyne
    Gwendalyne Posts: 287 Member
    So true! Deep down inside I believe they wish they could do what you are doing
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

    I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

    I am pretty sure it's clam....with all those legs you know

    Yes. Clams are notoriously grabby.
  • leomentlines
    leomentlines Posts: 440 Member
    I have a friend that is completely against the notion of me losing weight.. refuses to support it. When I told her I wanted to get down to a size 8, she didn't understand why I wasn't happy/content at the size 12 I am now. She thinks I won't "look right" because she's never seen me smaller (hell, I've not seen myself this small since middle school right now!). She insisted back when I was wearing 16s that I could be bigger, and healthy, but without losing any weight. But she refuses to acknowledge that I myself wasn't happy with myself at that size.

    Mind you, she has always been at/maintained a healthy weight for the years that I've known her. So its not like she's been a size (like I've felt in the past) where her weight was hindering her quality of life.

    I love her to death, but this is one thing that if it ever came to it, I'd end the friendship over. I'm not going to go back to unhealthy habits because you don't think I "look right". (besides, you want me to choose cellulite/rolls > muscle definition and having an actual curvy shape now?! I don't think so!)
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    Wow.

    You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

    I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

    Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
    reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

    I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

    Let's have a lobster/crab/clam boil!!!
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