Boyfriend is sabotaging me!

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Replies

  • oaken
    oaken Posts: 35 Member
    You know, I would give him the opportunity to change, and if it doesn't change. I would leave him.

    But you need to be crystal clear to him that you are happy in your relationship (if you are) and you're not going to leave him. Explain your reasons for doing what you do. See if he changes. Maybe he needs to see that you're not going to leave him in order to be supportive.
  • kellicruz1978
    kellicruz1978 Posts: 170 Member
    Very insightful! Thanks!
  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
    Oh yes sister!

    To be frank, here is the deal. He not only doesn't respect you, which likely stems from a deeper fear that if your empowered, you'll be empowered in the relationship. Which likely up to this point hasn't been the going. Why from his perspective should that "have" to change!

    Seriously, been there, done that, and that is what the therapist told me!

    But not only that, your on a journey for you! And if this *kitten* (period) cannot respect you for that, be empowered and inspired by that, then he doesn't deserve to be there. Plain and simple.

    You NEED to remind yourself of that! You deserve to have someone who will support you, not tear you down!

    Outside of this, I too have been in similar shoes. I remember very vividly, in my most recent relationship, (it wasn't as direct as your situation) was more behind the scenes emotionally. EX: We decide to go out to eat. Well they pick mexican unhealthy fatty places, and I chose more modest, healthier places. And it actually at a point in our relationship became a problem! If I didn't eat where they wanted, I had committed a sin in our relationship. And I knew we would fight about it, so I would cave 75% time. Just to avoid fight.

    Looking back, what is so wrong with you going there, and I going here and we meet together to eat whichever place is last? Like seriously who makes these socially acceptable rules!?

    I can go on in examples. But bottom line is this. YOU deserve better, you deserve to be supported and you most importantly need to realize his sabotaging is a deeper reflection of his inability to progress in likely many things in his life. Don't let his projections screw you over.
  • kellicruz1978
    kellicruz1978 Posts: 170 Member
    He doesn't need to be big to be insecure..

    I absolutely agree. Just for the record, since my comment may seem harsh to some, the angle I was approaching with the "is he fat" question was to see if it was due to him not being comfortable with himself, and taking it out on her since she is actually doing something proactive.

    I think you're absolutely right though, could be a jealousy related insecurity.

    The more I think about it, the more this makes sense. He is very insecure.
  • meredithd13
    meredithd13 Posts: 53 Member
    sounds to me this is all about control. you're predictable when you're doing what you've always done. but when people change a part of their lifestyle, the other person often feels left behind. he can't predict what will happen as it's new territory.

    it's a pretty immature thing to do. but i know in myself, when my partner does something completely new, sometimes i have some fear that it will result in a change in our relationship. it's irrational. but relationships are only good when they grow and change.

    perhaps he could try something new that is for himself as well?
  • askme12
    askme12 Posts: 155 Member
    Personally I think it's insecurity on his part. Some people don't like change. I'd have a talk with him and let him know how important this is for you. Hopefully he can be supportive of you, if he still acts like an *kitten*, cut him loose. It'll be the easiest weight loss of your life. Stay strong and on track!
  • itontae
    itontae Posts: 138 Member
    Best advice ever from my aunt in regards to men (or partners in general of whatever ilk) - Never marry (date/live with/whatever) a man who can not give you at least what you can give yourself. And that's not really all about the material stuff.
    [/quote]

    genius. I am sure this works for men as well. I am going to pass this on to my children
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    I know a lot of guys think a woman is easier to relate to when she eats like he does. In my younger, single days, many guys would compliment me for being able to eat an entire pound of steak and 4 sides. They hate it when women eat "rabbit food" and nibble little bites.

    However, my husband and I have both had our own interesting journeys with weight loss. It's funny when we go out to eat, and he orders a salad, I order cheese fries, and the server comes out all confused when it's time to give us our food.

    Now I'm on the wagon of eating healthy with the hubs. It's good to be supported.

    If your guy doesn't respect you and doesn't try to take care of you, you should let him go find someone else to eat ice cream with.

    It's cute when someone wants to share, but to put food up to your mouth and drop it on your lap is just awful. He is forcing you, and no law abiding adult should be forced to do anything. It sounds like it could easily turn into a situation of abuse if you let him keep acting like this.
  • spyork
    spyork Posts: 187
    Simple, hes insecure and does not want you to be hot and looked at by other guys, if he can't handle a sexier healthier you then maybe time to move on?
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    Or he likes the "fluffy" you and is afraid he might not like the less "fluffy" version. Just Sayin... Still a jerk though...

    I've got to be honest, I felt a little weird when my husband lost his fluff. First of all, he got tons of compliments, while our families didn't have much to say about me. Secondly, I had to find different positions to cuddle with him, because his bones are poking me now.

    The fluff was nice, but the thinner version of him is hot too. I just had to get used to it, and maybe jump on the bandwagon and eat healthier myself.
  • ukloveme
    ukloveme Posts: 125
    it all based on fear. Let not get it twisted. He see you have this new zest for life, your losing weigh and getting health. While he not and deep down he thinks you will have no use for him. Just reassure him that you still love him and you would love his support in this matter. Maybe shed a tear and see what happens
  • swander572
    swander572 Posts: 20
    Did you have the talk with him yet?
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    people suggesting you dump him because of this are being ridiculous.

    in my opinion, the most obvious reasons he would be doing this is because:
    he likes how you look now
    he is insecure and doesn't want to lose you

    Maybe throw a romantic surprise for him to prove your love ^o^ You don't have to say anything like, "I just want you to know you should not be insecure" or something though, as it will be really rude and hurtful. Just show your love more, and he will pick up on this~
  • MsQt
    MsQt Posts: 793 Member
    Him trying to force feed you food is to me.... Controlling behavior! The way that he's acting is like he has no respect for what your trying to accomplish and is willing to take measures to destroy your attempts. Sounds like you got a rough road ahead.
  • LisaKyle11
    LisaKyle11 Posts: 662 Member
    It sounds like he's being more of an immature brother than a boyfriend.

    yes, this and a little bit controlling if you ask me. if my husband tried to force feed me anything i didn't want, he would definitely hear about it.

    not good traits...going out and purposely buying 'junk' and hoping you'll eat it.

    good luck with this...
  • 16mixingbowls
    16mixingbowls Posts: 205 Member
    Other people might have said this already, you've had a lot of replies and people on here are smart.


    If you improve, then HE feels like he should too, and you're making him uncomfortable. He'd rather stay with the status quo. Depending on if you think the relationship is worth it, I'd confront him about it. He might admit what he's insecure about, or else belittle you and blame you for everything. Don't expect a specific reaction from him. You might get hurt. Be sure in your goals, however, and don't let him alter them!


    A man that loves you should NEVER tease you in this manner, as suggested by someone else as a tolerable behavior. Teasing is bullying, and it is NOT love.

    Good luck!
  • 1prettysmile
    1prettysmile Posts: 52
    He probably feels insecure about where he'll stand once you reach your fitness goals. It seems as if he doesn't know how to express what he's feelings. He may think that you'll change or not want him anymore so he's acting out.
  • andy13
    andy13 Posts: 208 Member
    Some people a just like this, if they have never had a problem with weight then they dont know how hard it can be. I would suggest withholding something he likes till he quits. It will soon stop.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    I seriously doubt he's jealous.

    I'd bet the farm that he's just an immature prick.
  • NeonNikki
    NeonNikki Posts: 87 Member
    Friends do this to other friends as well-I have friends that really want ice cream the. Really really want me to have ice cream-my response is to always support and encourage healthier behavior and to get really excited about being active and eating well- usually my girl friends are more up to this than my guy friends.
    But I do understand where ur boyfriends getting at-I always feel really guilty for eating if my bf's not and extra guilty when I over eat and he doesn't eat anything-he's really thin and bary eats-also has major self control. I am so so jealous. But he's really poor so when I buy him pizza or a cookie or even taco bell he s always grateful and happy (except he gets upset that I spend money on him)-he's usually hungry tho and wants food but is too lazy-I always keep pizza in the freezer for him and he sometimes wants it(most of the time) and sometimes not

    Maybe ur boyfriend loves chips and would only assume u do also-if he's jot overweight maybe the concept of dieting is foreign and odd to him-don't get upset-just talk to him and find a happy medium- maybe if he wants junk food he can promise to put it away after he eats it and keep it out of ur eye sight.
  • NeonNikki
    NeonNikki Posts: 87 Member
    Wow! I typed a whole book-lol-and I'm on my I-phone! :)
  • Deathwithab
    Deathwithab Posts: 462 Member
    my recent ex was like this.. and now for the sake of weightloss im glad he cant do this to me , its very mentaly stressing to deal with al the time
  • elly68
    elly68 Posts: 39 Member
    have to say previous to me trying this site any time i have tried to sort my weight my hubby puts chocolate in the fridge ,but we once had a conversation re ideal partners and his was rosie o'donnel and dawn french (he will be gutted when he sees the new her) ,however my ideals were all very slim/slight built men not telling you who would cause much laughter.
    Lately though i think he has now realised that on this occasion it is for health reasons and is being encouraging ,it might just be that 19 years in we are more mature do what i do and eat a bit of the naughty stuff and burn it off with naughty stuff he will feel more secure and you will have earned your treat lol

    well my *kitten* must be smaller the chocolate and not a small bar has arrived for once i left it in his car ,but just think my *kitten* must be smaller whoohoo
  • Loolypooly
    Loolypooly Posts: 15
    My mother does this, would love to see more rplies on how to deal! You have my sympathy!


    well, you can't really fire your mom like you can a dumbass (soon-to-be-ex-i-hope) boyfriend

    No you cant but I dont think finishing a relationship (if it is otherwise good) is necessary without giving him the opportunity to change and understand what this person is trying to achieve. If he passes up the opportunity thats another matter.
  • tladame
    tladame Posts: 465 Member
    Sounds like you have about 150 pounds to lose.
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