Men, what do you really think?

Options
2

Replies

  • KriscoOil
    KriscoOil Posts: 305 Member
    Options
    Great answer!
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
    Options
    bump... wanna get inside the male mind.

    No need to dig deep in the male mind, it's all biological. Men are very visual creatures who are turned on via visual stimuli. The old saying rings true "men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears". A sweet personality is important to me, but I still feel that I fall in *love* with what I see with my eyes.

    Men are very simple. We are very on/off and attracted/not attracted. I can tell within one second whether I'm into someone or not.
  • daunna1013
    daunna1013 Posts: 26
    Options
    We hear all the time that society sets a higher beauty standard for women then men actually care about. My question is, Is that really true? If your wife is overweight, are you less ssexually attracted to her? If your girlfriend is self-conscious because she doesn't have Victoria Secret model-size breasts, does that really bother you? If your partner is skinny but not super toned, do you really even notice or care at all?

    I don't want to make huge gender stereotypes here. I don't think all men or women feel the same about this issue. And for that record, if we have lesbians on this page, feel free to weigh in as well.

    Is it true that self confidence and a smile really go as far as a great body?

    I'll say that I might be aware of the fact that my husband is not stereotypically perfect but it does not bother me the least. I still want to get naked with him as much as I did five years ago when we met. So then I wonder why I worry that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm wondering if these insecurites are more in our heads and not really carried by the people we love.

    What do you think? I do realize there are societal standards that are unrealistic for men too, but this questions isn't about that. I want to see some men respond!
  • daunna1013
    daunna1013 Posts: 26
    Options
    cherubrock22 i think this was more directed at people that had already found someone they had a connection with. Not the five second sweep over to see if you think she is hot enough to ask for her number :P
  • WillieEverlearn
    WillieEverlearn Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    I'll tell you this. Behavioral researchers have conducted studies in which couples (a man and a woman) pass another couple on the street. In most cases, the man looks at the other woman. And the woman...looks at the other woman. I think our society in general places a higher standard for beauty on women--and that standard comes from both men and women.

    The second part of your question--does it really matter?--is more interesting. Because by and large, I don't think it does. Sure, men notice physical characteristics (as do women). But noting physical characteristics is entirely different from feeling attraction. Nothing is as attractive as a woman who is confident, self-assured, and knows what she wants, whatever her size. Sure, there are guys who are shallow and only want a woman of a certain body type. But shallow people with shallow tastes lead shallow lives, so who really cares about them? Ignore 'em and let their shallow gene pools dry up.

    When I think of the women I've dated and been most attracted to (including my Lovely Wife), the ones who exude self-confidence and wit always come to mind first. And they always haunt my mind last.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
    Options
    Having been married for 20 years, I've probably lost all perspective. I think things change as you get older too. A woman doesnt have to be a swimsuit model for me to notice her anymore. If you have a nice smile, nice hair thats the first thing that gets my attention. I like a nice sense of humor, a little sillyness. Cop some b**tchy attitude verbally or with body language and I wouldnt even give you the time of day. If your a little roundness to you, thats ok. Of course with everything there are limits.
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    Options
    Whilst I was out in Italy with just my Dad at the end of October, we got on to a discussion about this. Now as an older man, he was telling me that he is categorically NOT attracted to younger women or those that tart themselves up to the nines... he is interested in elegance, and curves and a decent personality with good values and morals and who looks after their health.

    Basically my Mum! They've been married for 25 years and he is younger by 4 years to her! My mum isn't perfect but Dad really does like it when she dresses up and makes an effort and is always encouraging her to look after her health. He also said he LOVES the lines around her eyes, like it tells a story! I didn't realise my Dad was so desperately romantic at heart and it was kind of nice to hear him talk so whimsically about Mum in this way!

    He himself, keeps himself fit and is very active and healthy at 52! And I KNOW that women his age find him attractive and he almost has a little entourage!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Options
    i think looks matter more than ppl will admit.

    there are a lot of factors to take in, but i will give an example:

    Many studies show that beautiful people are seen differently than their average and/or ugly counterparts while performing the same actions etc.

    If a beautiful person corrects you, "Hey, that is wrong," you will most likely feel grateful.

    If an average or ugly person corrects you, "Hey, that is wrong," you will most likely feel aggravated or spiteful.

    Pretty people are perceived as nicer, more intelligent, harder working, and overall better.
    Ugly people are seen as rude, dumb, lazy, and overall worst.

    Many men went to see Transformers because of Megan Fox. Not the actually movie. Even if she is not known for being the nicest girl.

    So men might say, "well, if she is rude or mean I wouldn't pay her any attention," but when blindsided by a beautiful girl, their standards for rude and mean are much more pliable than with an ugly or average girl. Meh.

    ps: just one more example of how actions speak louder than words:

    on dating sites when people state the age range they are looking for...for example: a 40 year old man will put, "No younger than 28" BUT when you take a look at the girls he sends the most messages to, they are frequently lower than his limit: ex 18-27 year olds will receive the majority of his messages.

    He just doesn't want people looking down on him. <.<
  • lilyinlove
    lilyinlove Posts: 441 Member
    Options
    Bumping for hubby to answer!
  • Fochizzy
    Fochizzy Posts: 505 Member
    Options
    My fiance may be the awful man, but he doesn't like heavy girls. When I put on 30lbs his sex drive dropped. When I railed on him about it he came out (very awkwardly) and explained as nicely as he could. I think as long as when he wants me to lose weight it would be medically advantagous, it seems fair enough. That being said we got engaged at my heaviest over 200lbs :blushing:

    When I get angsty about it he reminds me personality is more important in the long run, but yes he likes skinny girls.
  • Ukgold66
    Ukgold66 Posts: 17
    Options
    well here's the answer

    If you once fell in love with a woman there should be no reason why you stop loving her. We all go through changes in our life some are good some are bad.

    Just look at it this way. We men change all the time gaining weight, losing hair, maybe be even our teeth lol. If we were to stay the same all our lives how boring would that get?

    I have watched my wifey make so many changes in her life and have loved her for every change and would not change a minute of it...through thick and thin so to speak...she is always beautiful.

    your mine forever lilyinlove

    your hubby
  • Fly_Tyn
    Fly_Tyn Posts: 12
    Options
    I think attractiveness is based upon a few factors. For me it is 70% confidence or comfort in her own skin, and 20% intelligence, and only 10% physical body. It is really important that she take care of herself, not because I want a super model, but because if I love her enough to marry her then I want her to be around for a really long time. By take care of herself, I mean be active and eat right. This does not necessarily translate into a hot body. That's my two cents.
  • timgordon24
    timgordon24 Posts: 53
    Options
    Fortunate for me, I have always been a large guy, so my fiancee (whom I've known for over 8 years) and I have both gained weight throughout the years, but we still show love and compassion towards one another. We both are on our weight-loss journey together, so we're both understanding of the struggles and battles each other faces.

    With that being said, I've always been sexually-attracted to my now-fiancee, despite her not ever having been supermodel-skinny.. While it's cliche to say that "love conquers all" and that sex doesn't matter, it's nice to have BOTH in a relationship. We both are able to satisfy each other in the bedroom and her weight is not detrimental to my sex drive/desire for her.

    Me personally, I notice the hair, the eyes, the self-confidence my fiancee shows in herself. If she is happy, then I am happy. :)
  • WillieEverlearn
    WillieEverlearn Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    So men might say, "well, if she is rude or mean I wouldn't pay her any attention," but when blindsided by a beautiful girl, their standards for rude and mean are much more pliable than with an ugly or average girl. Meh.

    To some extent, sure. But physical beauty doesn't even come close to equating with sexiness, or attractiveness. I think a lot of women in general fall for that lie. I see it on here all the time: Women who say, "I want to lose XX pounds so I can be HOTT!" Truth is, if you don't know how to be hot, how to carry yourself and own who you are at your present weight, losing 20 pounds isn't going to make a bit of difference. You'll just be 20 pounds lighter and still wishing you were "HOTT!" And you’re going to feel like somehow it’s your looks that don’t measure up…when in reality, it’s your sense of self that isn’t measuring up.

    I'll be brutally honest, ladies: men, in general, aren't nearly as picky about your appearance as you are. In most cases, if you show some interest in a guy, approach him confidently, make him laugh, I guarantee you’ll be way ahead of the woman with the “Victoria’s Secret” breasts.

    Since we’re talking about studies and statistics, I’ll mention this (although I’m really on a rabbit trail now). I remember seeing something on G4, maybe another television channel, about the, ahem, adult entertainment industry. A guy who ran a website talked about the category that was generating the most interest/searches, and it was, for lack of a better term, “real” porn. It wasn’t guys looking for porn stars. Or body parts. Or body types. Or whatever. It was guys looking for porn that looked or seemed…real.

    I'm leery of using pornography to prove a point, but I think you can see what I'm trying to say. Be real. If you’re unhappy with yourself, or unhappy because other girls are “prettier,” or unhappy because you think you don’t have the advantages of other women, you’re just building up a fake image of yourself. The real version of you is always attractive; the fake version never is.
  • kmcrey87
    kmcrey87 Posts: 422 Member
    Options
    Personality goes a looooong way for me! My hubby was a bit chubby (as was I) when we first started seeing each other, but I find myself just as attracted to him now that he has a rocking body as I did when he was carrying the extra weight.
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
    Options
    .
  • mhotch
    mhotch Posts: 901 Member
    Options
    Whilst I was out in Italy with just my Dad at the end of October, we got on to a discussion about this. Now as an older man, he was telling me that he is categorically NOT attracted to younger women or those that tart themselves up to the nines... he is interested in elegance, and curves and a decent personality with good values and morals and who looks after their health.

    Basically my Mum! They've been married for 25 years and he is younger by 4 years to her! My mum isn't perfect but Dad really does like it when she dresses up and makes an effort and is always encouraging her to look after her health. He also said he LOVES the lines around her eyes, like it tells a story! I didn't realise my Dad was so desperately romantic at heart and it was kind of nice to hear him talk so whimsically about Mum in this way!

    He himself, keeps himself fit and is very active and healthy at 52! And I KNOW that women his age find him attractive and he almost has a little entourage!

    This was a very interesting, and heartwarming response!
  • Determined1980
    Determined1980 Posts: 143
    Options
    That is so sweet!!! :)

    well here's the answer

    If you once fell in love with a woman there should be no reason why you stop loving her. We all go through changes in our life some are good some are bad.

    Just look at it this way. We men change all the time gaining weight, losing hair, maybe be even our teeth lol. If we were to stay the same all our lives how boring would that get?

    I have watched my wifey make so many changes in her life and have loved her for every change and would not change a minute of it...through thick and thin so to speak...she is always beautiful.

    your mine forever lilyinlove

    your hubby
  • kkellam1
    kkellam1 Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    This is absolutely true. Except for the few men that are entirely superficial themselves and they definitely aren't the ones you want to appeal to.

    It's unfortunate that women have let their self worth be dictated by these ridiculous standards. To get to the point where you won't leave the house without applying makeup is so sad to me. How did it get to the point where you feel the need to "hide" who you really are? I realize that doesn't apply to everyone but some of us would really rather see who you are, not see you hiding under a layer of paint.

    And to another poster...early 50's is "older?" :)
  • stayxtrue
    stayxtrue Posts: 1,190 Member
    Options
    Okay I am going to be really honest here....

    All my Past G/F's have been rather chunky... It never really was an issue for me. Still isn't!

    However I am now attracted to more skinnier/fit girls. Why? Because when I was with these other girls they did not care for eating healthy or anything like that. This is how I put all of my weight on.

    I would like to have a physically fit girl next time around who can keep up with me and also work with me in being healthy. Some people see this as shallow, but I still see the more chubby girls attractive, its just not what I feel like I need.

    Its hard to find these kinds of girls, hence why I have probably been single for so long

Categories