"When you loose all this weight you'll leave me"

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  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    You are responsible to yourself, first and foremost. You do what it takes to get yourself healthy. If your Significant Other has a problem with this, that's his/her insecurities and his/her problem, so s/he must figure out how to handle it. All you can do is reassure him/her that you are in this for the long haul; but there's nothing you can do to force him/her to believe it. The worst thing you could do is allow their issues to impede your own health... guilting you into giving up your health goals is an abusive behavior, IMHO.

    I don't feel it's HIS problem because he is my husband and our marriage is based on if he has a problem or i have a problem then WE have a problem. He does have some insecurities, he has been cheated on in his previous marriage after she dropped a lot and therefore I do see him bringing some of those up now that I am the one loosing the weight. I do however like the idea of "loving him through it" because aside from just reassuring I can show him by my actions and my itnerest in him that I am not going anywhere.
    He is not guilting me into anything, he is the one who bought me a treadmill. He knows this is important to me being healthy because I have a history of heart disease in my family on both sides and a recent health check through his employer for insurance purposes put me at a high risk of developing problems myself. He knows this is important and supports it to that extent.

    Glad to hear that. I volunteer at women's shelters & have seen a lot of women whose significant others use emotional blackmail to control them, so perhaps my initial reaction was colored by that experience. These women may not be physically abused, but their husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends do things like deliberately sabotage their weight loss or education or other self-improvements, because it's a way of controlling them or keeping them from leaving. So my first reaction, on hearing something like this, is to make sure you realize your own worth & value. Certainly did not mean to offend. Good luck with everything!

    Big props for that! I love when people can come back and post like this, this is what messageboards should be like!
  • KariQuiteContrary
    KariQuiteContrary Posts: 274 Member
    I find this topic very enlightening. I don't have quite the same problem but a similar one in terms of insecurity based on past experience. My significant other of more than 4 years has even come out and said it a few times that, because of our age difference, he doesn't know why I stay when there are obviously "better, younger, sexier, more successful" guys out there that have to be knocking down my door. He use to say this even when I was bigger but I do feel more of those insecurities creeping out more now that I've dropped so much weight. I do everything I can to reassure him, tell him how incredible he is out of the blue, leave messages/txts for him so he finds them later in the day, a lot of the things that have already been mentioned on here. Sometimes it makes all the difference and sometimes you just have to be patient with them, because no amount of reassurance can seem to help them shake that insecurity because it's so deeply rooted in former pain. It has gotten better for me, I think it will get better for you, all it takes is a little extra tlc and a lot of patience.
  • askme12
    askme12 Posts: 155 Member
    I don't think there's anything you can say that would change how he feels. He just needs time to come to terms with his insecurities and hopefully it will pass.
  • JimCasford
    JimCasford Posts: 5 Member
    Have you tried getting him to work out and diet with you? No pressure, but he could be part of the journey that way. Ask him!
  • Victoriav99
    Victoriav99 Posts: 260 Member
    haha..I'm not the only one. My husband told me not to get too skinny. He asked me if there was somebody else. I said no I just feel better about myself. I definitely pay more attention to him since i'm losing this weight - It reassures him.
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