Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse?

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erinrose07
erinrose07 Posts: 140
in Motivation and Support
Hello Fellow Health Conscious MFP-ers

This may be too "taboo" a topic to discuss, but ...eh...I don't really care. I thought I would reach out to you folks to ask the all too personal question: Have any of you recently started, or are near the end of the journey to recovery from childhood sexual abuse? I'm sure all of us at least know someone who was sexually abused as a child.
I know there are a lot of women (and maybe men) that use this site that find themselves quite preoccupied with food, dieting, body image, etc. It's actually alarming how connected CSA and eating/body image issues are. I have personally started to get over some of the body image and dieting issues, thankfully.

I'm going to be "that guy" and come out and say I've recently started on the road to healing and have come out about being abused. I want a normal, non-chaotic, anti-emotional-roller-coaster life and I'm putting my freaking foot down. If any of you would like to become friends on MFP for mutual support, feel free to message me or add me.

Yeah, yeah, I know....this is a dieting website, not Oprah, but it's MY MFP Account....I'll use it how I wanna :smokin:
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Replies

  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    We all have our difficulties. You could start a support group. I did it for OCD. Just opening up helped others not to feel alone. Be encouraged and thanks for stepping up and being open to use what was intended for failure for good. You are a treasured gift. Keep being amazing. Your beauty is showing.:flowerforyou:
  • flsunshine
    flsunshine Posts: 188 Member
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    i personally havent had to deal with a trauma of that sorts and i applaud you for breaking away from the taboo and openly wanting to talk about it- as for myself i have poland's syndrome so my body image of myself is distorted and i can get past the whole dieting thing and look at myself and see a monster. i also suffer with mental health issues stemming from childhood- i suffer from schizo affective disorder as well. however that is more managed than the poland's.
    best wishes to you hun for having the courage to openly speak.
  • RobertaG
    RobertaG Posts: 205 Member
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    First of all, I want to say that its so brave of you to be open about this. I wish you the best recovery process. Although I don't know first hand what you're going through, I know people who have been sexually abused as children. It affected their eating habits, academics, and even social life. I hope you can find people that relate to you and can help you. Message me if you ever need anyone just to talk to :)
  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
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    Hello :)

    I'm a fellow survivor, and I know that my binge eating started pretty much the same time as the abuse did. I agree there are probably people that don't want to look at topics like this, either because it triggers memories, or they just don't want to see the damage done, even if we're now adults and fighting for our health and wellbeing. I'm still fighting some of the related issues (emotional abuse) with my mother, but my sexual abuser is now dead, which simplifies things somewhat. I guess I'm probably further along the road of healing, although I don't think that road ever ends exactly. I'm happy to be messaged/friended by anyone who wants to chat too.
  • ShannonMpls
    ShannonMpls Posts: 1,936 Member
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    I'm a rape survivor. Good for you for speaking out and I am glad you are healing :)

    http://www.PandorasProject.org is a nonprofit with a free online support group if you want to check it out. (full disclosure: I'm the founder)
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    I'm actually nearing the end of my journey to recovery. Since my family didn't believe me about what was going on, I had to do this all myself, and I had an opposite reaction, for about a year, I stopped eating almost completely. I had to snap myself out of that too, though because my mom became ill and I realized I would have to take care of her. But, if you were to start a group for people like us, I would gladly join! :)
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    I was married to a minister who was emotionally abusive (though I didn't recognize it at the time). I found out about 14 months ago that he had been sexually abusing my daughter. When she told me, I reported him to the authorities, and he confessed. He was out on bond and got word that he had a trial date, so he went in his parents' basement and hung himself. His 80 year old father found him. So I understand completely about the need for recovery. My kids and I have all been through counseling, which was definitely helpful.

    I, too, applaud you for finding seeking to recover. You can have victory over your abuser by not allowing the abuse to ruin your life. I think that robs them of their power over you. I wish you the best as you move forward. You might want to think about starting a group for those who are recovering from this. I doubt you're the only one, and there may be others who could use the support. If you start one, let me know...I'll gladly join!
  • thor1god1of1awesome
    thor1god1of1awesome Posts: 481 Member
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    My name is Andy and was molested from the age 6-8 by a cousin
  • Jill_newimprovedversion
    Jill_newimprovedversion Posts: 988 Member
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    I have a LONG history of this. Not just once, not just with one person.
    To the point that I was convinced that I am doing things subconsciously that
    "attract" it, that the problem lies with ME- sending out the signals

    So, my *solution* was to gain weight- and become more repulsive.
    And it worked...until my health became at risk.
    And then I decided I wasn't going to kill myself slowly over the creeps of the world
    who have some serious mental issues.

    I do want to go on record that I have a PHENOMENAL, SUPPORTIVE hubby who loves me
    and knows EVERY thought (however odd they can be) that goes through my head,
    and has gone with me to therapy over it.

    But, yes, my eating disorder(s) are both closely tied together.
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
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    Oh my goodness! I didn't think I'd get any responses at all, or anything but negative ones! I'm overwhelmed by everyone's words of encouragement, kindness and support. What an amazing network of people...
    I am sorry for all of you who have been robbed of innocence, trust and childhood. For those of you who were taken advantage of, betrayed and not cared for. I'm so sorry for those of you who tried to seek help and support and were turned away. Some people are in so much denial because they cannot emotionally or mentally handle the devastation that you went through and still go through.

    There are many of you also struggling in other ways...schizophrenia, diseases that actually cause body distortion (I never even know such a heart-breaking thing existed), emotional abuse, having close family members who are struggling through abuse. My heart goes out to you all for the struggle that you endure everyday. But what is truly amazing is that you tap into an incredible strength on a daily basis to keep plugging along. You're remarkable and I hope that there is a brighter future for all of us in which we don't have to fight breathlessly to survive everyday life.

    Some of you mentioned that I should start a support group. Maybe I could and maybe I will. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have the self-confidence, know-how or leadership to take on such a challenge. Maybe I will try. I'll sleep on it for now. Keep the comments coming, it's so great to hear from you all!
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
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    I have a LONG history of this. Not just once, not just with one person.
    To the point that I was convinced that I am doing things subconsciously that
    "attract" it, that the problem lies with ME- sending out the signals

    So, my *solution* was to gain weight- and become more repulsive.
    And it worked...until my health became at risk.
    And then I decided I wasn't going to kill myself slowly over the creeps of the world
    who have some serious mental issues.

    I do want to go on record that I have a PHENOMENAL, SUPPORTIVE hubby who loves me
    and knows EVERY thought (however odd they can be) that goes through my head,
    and has gone with me to therapy over it.

    But, yes, my eating disorder(s) are both closely tied together.

    Oh Jill, my favorite MFP buddy. I'm so sorry. It's really crazy though because the first person I thought of when I posted this was you. We sometimes seem so similar that I couldn't help but wonder if you'd been through this too. I'm SO happy that you're husband is so amazing and that you've turned this around. You deserve the best life! Lots of love
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    I'll be glad to help you moderate the group if you decide to start it. Maybe taking that step will help you to build the confidence. I'll help you in any way I can!
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
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    I'll be glad to help you moderate the group if you decide to start it. Maybe taking that step will help you to build the confidence. I'll help you in any way I can!

    Hi! Thank you :) I guess I just don't know where I'd start or how to help others once it got started. I'll add you as a friend and we'll talk about it! If anyone else is interested, let me know :)
  • hedleyrocks247
    hedleyrocks247 Posts: 185 Member
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    Bump so i can read for later :)
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    God takes us where were at, if we waited until we were perfect we'd never make it. You are a gift where your at and you can help shine the light down the path of abundant living for those whose lives you'll touch. I believe in you. :flowerforyou:
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

    here is the group for anybody interested in joining.
    erinrose, If you need another admin/mod, I would be more than happy to do that!
  • Jill_newimprovedversion
    Jill_newimprovedversion Posts: 988 Member
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    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

    here is the group for anybody interested in joining.

    How do we join?

    [I'm putting on the dunce cap]...click on the link above and select the JOIN GROUP button, right?
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
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    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

    here is the group for anybody interested in joining.
    erinrose, If you need another admin/mod, I would be more than happy to do that!

    that's great! I'll add you as a moderator! Thanks for your help :)
  • erinrose07
    erinrose07 Posts: 140
    Options
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

    here is the group for anybody interested in joining.

    How do we join?

    [I'm putting on the dunce cap]...click on the link above and select the JOIN GROUP button, right?

    I think I sent you an invite Jill :)
  • annalynne1983
    annalynne1983 Posts: 23
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    Yip, add me to the list. I am an only child, and always thought of my cousins as the closest thing to siblings, i.e. very important people in my life. Unfortunately, I was molested by a cousin when I was 4 and have suffered severe anxiety ever since, and some bouts of depression. I finally was forced to deal with it after finding out an uncle on the other side of my family abused a different cousin.

    I also had what I now realise was an emotional abusive grandmother (who I share with my abusive cousin). Never mind the teenage and adult food and bodyweight issues, relationship issues etc etc etc...my husband has been amazing and put up with a lot as the abuse messed with our marriage HUGELY. I've been in counselling now for nearly 2 years and finally finding some peace from it all, and for the first time in my living memory, I don't feel like a piece of ****, undeserving of happiness.

    However, I'm on two drugs for the anxiety and depression, which work very well for my anxiety (the first one on it's own, not so much). I needed the medication to get out of a very bad place before I was able to work through any of it all. Catch is, after the meds I've put on about 10 kg in total.

    The long story with my weight is that when I hit puberty, I started eating. That was when the abuse memories really started to get to me on a conscious level. My family are a bunch of over-eaters anyway, add emotional problems to it, probably not surprising I wound up obese with a very high blood pressure at 22. I lost the weight by becoming pretty much obssessed with losing weight, hoping I'd feel better with myself if I at least LOOKED "normal" and because I was terrified I was going to die (the anxiety kicked up a notch). I got down to the bottom of my BMI range and stayed stable for years there - until the anxiety meds.

    So yes, my weight has been HUGELY affected by my abuse, directly and indirectly. I am actually really angry about the weight I've put on - i had such good control of it there for a reasonable length of time. Just one more thing to add to the list.

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