Beginning to think that I'll always be fat and ugly...

I think a lot of us have a problem realizing exactly where we are after the weight loss - and I've only lost 28 lbs! Today, I asked my daughter to point out someone who's about my size the next time we go out. I'm hoping that will give me a comparison point. You could try the same. Ask someone you trust to point out a "before" you and a "now" you.

I have a good friend who also suffers from self esteem issues. Her therapist told her to post self affirming quotes around the house so that she sees a bit of encouragement every day. On the mirror, things like, "I am a strong woman", "I am in charge of my own destiny", "I am truly beautiful", "I have accomplished a great deal and the best is yet to be". Stuff like that. Notes in the fridge about eating what she needs, not what she wants. Notes in the car. Notes tucked into pockets. You get the drift. Anyway, it's helped her. It might help you. The other thing to remember is that you are loved. Looks are relative. Go to a museum and look at paintings from 200 years ago that show what people then thought of as female beauty.

And, remember - models in print are airbrushed, and on tv have undergone an hour with a makeup artist. No one is perfect.

Hi there,

You comments scream 'find a counsellor' to me! Your feelings and beliefs about yourself seem to be beyond the 'self-help' range to me (especially the not leaving the house bit) but a good counsellor can help you sort out the truth from the lies. I bet there's a lot more going on that you really need to deal with. Once you have, you'll wonder why you put up with it for so long! (I've been through extensive counselling after a crappy childhood myself).

So, I suggest having a look around - try one session and don't be afraid to try someone else if that counsellor doesn't click with you. You need someone you feel comfortable with, who is well qualified (in NZ we have a counsellors association, I expect you have something similar) and experienced.

Also, what about popping along to your GP and talking about whether some medication for anxiety or depression might help? This is an awesome website about depression http://www.depression.org.nz/content/home and Psychcentral.com has good stuff about everything mental health related.

I wish you all the best and really hope you can find some help. I promise you can feel 100% better with work and outside help so please start the process!

Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them.

Wise words. If your confidence level is almost entirely dependent on your weight, that's a problem, whether or not you feel confident at the moment.

I'll throw in there with everyone else, you're not fat or ugly at all.

I do understand to a lesser extent what you're feeling though. I've spent most of my adult life somewhere between "overweight" and "friggin huge" and now that I'm reasonably healthy I have trouble seeing it. If I don't watch myself I gravitate towards the big and tall sections when I don't wear clothes that big anymore. Whenever people start talking about doing something physical my immediate reaction is "I'm too big to do that".

Time seems to be helping me. I catch myself now. Rather than ending up standing in the wrong section of the store I'll take a couple of steps in that direction and then change course for where I need to be. Rather than saying saying I can't do something, I'll think it and then catch myself and say, "Sure, let's go".

I've maintained all along that for me losing weight is relatively easy compared to changing the way I see myself. I know these aren't really answers but you're not alone out there. All I know is that for me even though I still struggle at times I'm ten times happier than I was 60 lbs ago. Good luck.

Steve

... and, this may be extreme, but one way I snapped out of my funk is with this:

Let's say I go to the doctor, and find out I am dying of some incurable cancer, and have less than a year to live.

What would I see If I looked in the mirror then?
How would I view my other problems that I swore I couldn't handle?

My little flaws and my financial problems and marital squabbles would look pretty damn good in comparison to saying goodbye to everything I know and everyone I love.

My dear one, I struggle with low self esteem on a daily basis.
I had a mother who was mommy dearest, a sister that couldn't tell the truth if you paid her a million dollars, and an ex husband that almost destroyed me.
I would love to do this journey together if you would like, and you can message me anytime you need an encourager!
Two is always easier than one!!

I concur with what's been said here - you are a pretty woman. I too thought I was unattractive for the longest time and then I started taking risks in life and pulling things off i didn't think i could do - I sang in front of 500 people - I wrote a book and got it published- don't get me wrong - I still struggle with low self-esteem - but taking action really helps.

I've been watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss edition and that's inspiring. It's not typical that most of us could work out that hard, but it is great to watch people change their bodies and change their lives. I do think too, though, as was said here, losing weight will not cure the demons we ate over - those change with compassionate caring for ourselves. Best of everything to you! You deserve it.