Beginning to think that I'll always be fat and ugly...

Girl you are not at all ugly! I know how you feel about the low self esteem. I am right there with ya! My advise is to just keep going. Everyday is our chance to move forward and become healthy! I too hope some day we can all look in the mirror and at least like what we see staring back at us.

Im here for ya

Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them. You are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful young woman. I would seek a good counselor in your area to help you work through these issues. Congratulations on your huge weight loss. What a fabulous thing you did for you and your family!

I'm sorry that you think this way but i think you look great! You just need to fake it till you make it. Instead of thinking how much you dislike how something looks think of all the great things your body can do. You can smile and say encouraging things to others, your arms can hug your children and lift them up when they get hurt. Your legs can carry you after your kids and up stairs and get you to where you need to be. Your body does such amazing things, once you start to be thankful for this you'll appreciate your body more. Best of luck!

Many times we think that by changing our outward appearance, that's all we need to have our lives sync, but what really needs to change is our feelings toward ourselves. It's much harder to change one's feelings and attitude toward ourselves than our bodies.

You are a beautiful woman but it doesn't matter how many times others say it because who really matters is you.

Don't get overwhelmed. I've been there. Focus on the positive. Start with just a few affirmations that you can build on.

Sending you lots of love your way.

It will take us longer to see it in ourselves than for other people to see us as beautiful. That is what I meant to say. We are always last to know.

I really am confused about why you feel like this because I read this and pictured an ugly person and then looked at your picture. You really are not by any means ugly. 90 lbs down is a great feat and I'm sure you have a beautiful daughter too. There so many upsides in your life. Don't negate that by giving yourself negative thoughts.

Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them. You are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful young woman. I would seek a good counselor in your area to help you work through these issues. Congratulations on your huge weight loss. What a fabulous thing you did for you and your family!

I agree

I have the same problem .. I'm only 23 but I can't remember a time in which I didn't hate my appearance. You just have to try to put yourself in a more positive light. If you tell your daughters they are beautiful from the inside out, then that's how it has to be for you.

If you're a good person on the inside, you're beautiful on the outside.

Conventional beauty seen in the media whether it be printed in a magazine or lit up on the movie screen is mostly artificial. As a graphic designer, I can tell you that most of hollywood looks good because of photoshop.

If it's moving (tv, movies, commercials, etc), then they look good because of excessive amounts of professionally applied makeup, strategic camera angles, and professional lighting. Not to mention the plastic/cosmetic surgery.

We have to start thinking that *REAL* people are beautiful, because that's what we are. You are an amazing collection of molecules, cells, atoms, and energy.. life in itself is beautiful. We are all beautiful no matter what our appearance. It's difficult to move past the self-hatred and we're our own worst critics but try to think of the vastness and beauty of life.

We only get one life to live, so try not to spend it disparaging over your own outward appearances. Chances are (believe it or not), there are people who would rather look how you look than look how they look.

I know where you are coming from. I often feel the same way!! It is a hard thing to get over and even if I am feeling good while in my personal space sometimes that all goes out the window when I am in public. I turned 30 in Feb of this year and have since started to work on this attitude. This summer I really realised how much it dosen't matter. What I look like, how I dress, what I say. I ran in a 10k and at the end felt more accomplished for staying and visiting after even though I was coverd in sweat, red faced, and probably stunk. It really is something you have to work on for yourself. I do not have any experience with therapy but it has helped many people. Maybe something to think about?

For what it is worth, your pic is beautiful!! Skin, hair, eyes, cheekbones, all of you! Great job with the weight loss! Keep up the hard work!

I think a lot of us have a problem realizing exactly where we are after the weight loss - and I've only lost 28 lbs! Today, I asked my daughter to point out someone who's about my size the next time we go out. I'm hoping that will give me a comparison point. You could try the same. Ask someone you trust to point out a "before" you and a "now" you.

I have a good friend who also suffers from self esteem issues. Her therapist told her to post self affirming quotes around the house so that she sees a bit of encouragement every day. On the mirror, things like, "I am a strong woman", "I am in charge of my own destiny", "I am truly beautiful", "I have accomplished a great deal and the best is yet to be". Stuff like that. Notes in the fridge about eating what she needs, not what she wants. Notes in the car. Notes tucked into pockets. You get the drift. Anyway, it's helped her. It might help you. The other thing to remember is that you are loved. Looks are relative. Go to a museum and look at paintings from 200 years ago that show what people then thought of as female beauty.

And, remember - models in print are airbrushed, and on tv have undergone an hour with a makeup artist. No one is perfect.

Hi there,

You comments scream 'find a counsellor' to me! Your feelings and beliefs about yourself seem to be beyond the 'self-help' range to me (especially the not leaving the house bit) but a good counsellor can help you sort out the truth from the lies. I bet there's a lot more going on that you really need to deal with. Once you have, you'll wonder why you put up with it for so long! (I've been through extensive counselling after a crappy childhood myself).

So, I suggest having a look around - try one session and don't be afraid to try someone else if that counsellor doesn't click with you. You need someone you feel comfortable with, who is well qualified (in NZ we have a counsellors association, I expect you have something similar) and experienced.

Also, what about popping along to your GP and talking about whether some medication for anxiety or depression might help? This is an awesome website about depression http://www.depression.org.nz/content/home and Psychcentral.com has good stuff about everything mental health related.

I wish you all the best and really hope you can find some help. I promise you can feel 100% better with work and outside help so please start the process!

Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them.

Wise words. If your confidence level is almost entirely dependent on your weight, that's a problem, whether or not you feel confident at the moment.

I'll throw in there with everyone else, you're not fat or ugly at all.

I do understand to a lesser extent what you're feeling though. I've spent most of my adult life somewhere between "overweight" and "friggin huge" and now that I'm reasonably healthy I have trouble seeing it. If I don't watch myself I gravitate towards the big and tall sections when I don't wear clothes that big anymore. Whenever people start talking about doing something physical my immediate reaction is "I'm too big to do that".

Time seems to be helping me. I catch myself now. Rather than ending up standing in the wrong section of the store I'll take a couple of steps in that direction and then change course for where I need to be. Rather than saying saying I can't do something, I'll think it and then catch myself and say, "Sure, let's go".

I've maintained all along that for me losing weight is relatively easy compared to changing the way I see myself. I know these aren't really answers but you're not alone out there. All I know is that for me even though I still struggle at times I'm ten times happier than I was 60 lbs ago. Good luck.

Steve

... and, this may be extreme, but one way I snapped out of my funk is with this:

Let's say I go to the doctor, and find out I am dying of some incurable cancer, and have less than a year to live.

What would I see If I looked in the mirror then?
How would I view my other problems that I swore I couldn't handle?

My little flaws and my financial problems and marital squabbles would look pretty damn good in comparison to saying goodbye to everything I know and everyone I love.

My dear one, I struggle with low self esteem on a daily basis.
I had a mother who was mommy dearest, a sister that couldn't tell the truth if you paid her a million dollars, and an ex husband that almost destroyed me.
I would love to do this journey together if you would like, and you can message me anytime you need an encourager!
Two is always easier than one!!