Worried about daughter in law

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Fit4_Life
Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have seen pictures of my daughter in law, who I have never met till last week. She is 24 yrs old, and have gain a large amount of weight, recently. Her parents who are in their early 50's are Type 2 diabetics. I'm just worried for her sake, and would hate to see her become a diabetic at her early age. Should I keep my nose out, or should I tell her that I, and others are concerned? I have given her hints that I have joined MFP a year ago, and how great the website/app has been for me, and how it works.
I could tell she is depressed a lot. I would just like to get her back on her feet.

Any suggestions? Or should I not say anything? If so...how should I bring it up?

Thanks in advance.
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Replies

  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
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    I wouldn't say anything, but maybe invite her to go on some hikes or something with you and try to boost her confidence.
    maybe she will enjoy it and you can get her to work out with you or something.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I think it depends on your relationship. If you are not close with her, then I would say nothing. Perhaps you could speak to your son but I doubt she would take advice about her wieght kindly from you if the two of you are not very close. It's a touchy subject, especially from a MIL.
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    You're an awesome mother in law :) And your intentions are best! But if she's depressed, don't bring up anything about her weight or anything. It'll make her more depress than ever. Just encourage her to engage fun activities with you and support her :) If she's really have the mindset in being healthy, ask her to join this site :)
  • wonca
    wonca Posts: 81
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    I would steer clear of dropping hints or speaking with her. I would just set the example and if the subject comes up in conversation, freely talk about your weight loss and your experience.
  • thor1god1of1awesome
    thor1god1of1awesome Posts: 481 Member
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    Its a sticky subject to be sure, but when i started gaining alot of weight my cousin pulled me aside and told me how worried he is. I got mad but he was right. I ask for the parents permsion first and if they give the ok and then go for it, be kind and understanding.
  • Luandanielle1979
    Luandanielle1979 Posts: 747 Member
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    I think you will have to become closer to her so you can discuss things as personal as weight. Thats a great idea to do stuff together then you can build a closeness and then maybe say something constructive xxx
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    Chances are that she already knows and you pointing it out won't help. I was in her shoes once and when my now ex-MIL mentioned my weight it only made me hate her. If you live close to her then invite her for walks or active outings. If she doesn't live close then try to sign the whole family up for something like the 3 day walk. Chances are if you help feed her healthy things and help her get active she will start enjoying it and the weight will come off naturally.
  • momof3and3
    momof3and3 Posts: 656 Member
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    I am a mother-in-law....you just met her last week? DO NOT say anything to her...

    I understand you are concern, but it really isn't your place to say anything. if you just met her, than your really don't have a relationship with her....saying something will only be detrimental to any relationship with her in the fututre.

    I am sure she is aware of the weight gain and of her risks. I would just work on being her friend and giving her love and support.
  • tikikris
    tikikris Posts: 81 Member
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    A wise person once said that if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    My opinion-
    Stay out unless asked. Best to give advice or support when its able to be received. Possibly would offend her which I know is not your intention. She'll come around on her own. If you live nearby you can ask to go on a hike together and get to know each other more.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    You have wonderful intentions, but please don't say anything. She is likely to take it as criticism and be hurt by your words.
  • LivLovLrn
    LivLovLrn Posts: 577 Member
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    I agree that if you are not close to her, don't say anything. In law situations are hard enough without her feeling like you are putting her down (which is how she will take it, no matter how you intend it). Love her the best you can, and if SHE allows the situation to come up, take full reigns!
  • KarenG1213
    KarenG1213 Posts: 24
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    I concur with what everyone else is saying....don't bring up the weight / health subjects unless she does first. If she's depressed, she doesn't need to think you are judging her. Be the example while making a point of trying to get to know her. No matter what you say about being worried about her, she will take it the wrong way. Love her for herself and offer help or advice ONLY if she brings it up.
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
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    I think it depends on your relationship. If you are not close with her, then I would say nothing. Perhaps you could speak to your son but I doubt she would take advice about her wieght kindly from you if the two of you are not very close. It's a touchy subject, especially from a MIL.

    Son has mentioned it to her about her weight. I don't know her very well, I just feel really bad for her, she is so young and I know what she is going through. Emotional eating is such a sickness. Been there-done that.

    Thank you all for your input. :flowerforyou:
  • spottedlee
    spottedlee Posts: 372
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    Please leave her be. When I got married, my MIL was always butting in,, A few years later, I told her (bleep) because she pushed too many buttons. I am sure she will figure out what do to in her own time.

    I know you meant well but from my personal expeirence,, please....
  • bmmadden
    bmmadden Posts: 499 Member
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    I would start building your relationship with her first because if you just met her for the first time face to face you might come across that you dont accept her the way she is. Does her and your son live nearby? Maybe you can do things with her like some of the other people said such as hiking to show your interested in her as a person. Im sure she is unhappy about it too. Maybe somehow it will come up in casual conversation about getting healthy, maybe tell her your wanting to join a local gym and say you dont want to go alone and see if she would want to come with you, and then one she gets started or interested let her know again about MFP tell her about your success on it. I think that you build the relationship with her first and really became friends with her and just talked about all kinds of things not just that it would make her feel she has someone to talk to and make her feel more welcome in the family.
  • millionsofpeaches
    millionsofpeaches Posts: 372
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    Considering that you just met her last week... I would think that saying anything to her is completely out of line. In fact, saying anything to her period completely crosses daughter in law - mother in law lines... She knows what her weight is and her own families history. If she wants to make a change she will and it is not your responsibility to remind her of this.
  • madubil
    madubil Posts: 131 Member
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    You have wonderful intentions, but please don't say anything. She is likely to take it as criticism and be hurt by your words.


    ditto- you know your intentions are true- but for someone she just met- there is very little reason to think she will understand how sincere your intentions are, and wil likely be painful for her. I'd be willing to bet she knows she is overweight- and is choosing to not address it. But you can talk about your weight loss journey- and this great site- and these great people you meet online- and how excited you are for it- but try not to make it about her- just showing your enthusiasm about this might spark her interest- or it might not. and if it does not- leave it alone. Love her for who she is- and be there for her when she decides to address it.
  • ellekay22
    ellekay22 Posts: 147 Member
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    Do NOT say anything.

    I have the opposite problem with my mother in law. She eats 4000 cal a day, sits on her butt, and has already had colon cancer (probably why she is 300 lbs and not 600 lbs.).

    I make and offer healthy food along side the "treats" I put out for company (I thought 4 bags of chips would be plenty for 15 guests....but she ate 2 of them....). I try not to be snide. I compliment her as appropriate (Your hair looks great today!, that is a great colour on you!) but I do not comment on anything she decides to do.

    I know it is hard because you want your family to be healthy. You want your son to have a healthy wife. You want to share your experience on being healthy.

    Really, you can't win. Love her as she is, build that relationship. Then when she feels she has your complete support, no matter what size she is, she can come to you when SHE is ready and wants your insight.

    Encouragement,
    Laura
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
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    Maybe see if she wants to join a weight loss challenge with you.... create one or find one on MFP... . Tell her you need to partner up with someone, that you are having a difficult time and need her help. You can say it is more motivating to lose weight when you have someone to do it with ....and then tell her about MFP... Show her the success stories on this website and all the good things that have come from this for you and how much energy you have had from doing this and how good you have been feeling.... maybe with all these positive things she might just think it is something good for her as well. But she has to come to this realization on her own and realize her weight might be an issue. Being told you are overweight by someone (even though you already know that....cause you look in the mirroir everyday) is not positve reinforcement and could just send her in a downwards spiral. Good luck! It is nice that you care ! My mother in law is like a mom to me....and her encouragment was great :)

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