Spouse Influence

Options
2»

Replies

  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    I have the opposite problem. My husband is a touch competitive, and VERY in shape. Every time I am doing great with my diet and exercise, he has to try and top it. When I started eating really healthy and losing weight, he went even more extreme with his diet and wanted to compare cholesterol numbers. He was eating uncooked oatmeal with nuts and milk every morning. He does by healthy food at the grocery store though, and makes my journey a bit easier.

    His old rule used to be that he would run when it was over freezing. I was training for my first 5K, and when I went out to run and it was 7 degrees outside last year, he was impressed, but he didn't SAY he was proud of me, he said, "well if you can do it, then I can do it too, I can't let you do something I can't". I did complete my first 5K that March, but 2 weeks later he signed up for a 10K, and couldn't stop talking about it. While it's kinda funny, and healthy for him, I feel defeated and want to give up sometimes in those moments of weakness. It's hard to enjoy accomplishments when the love of your life is more interested in beating you than celebrating your success. But, I talked to him, he thought it would motivate me more I guess. In the end, I've accepted that it just makes us both healthier, and the struggles and victories I experience are mine, nobody can take that away.

    Now that I do Zumba, I don't have to really worry about competition anymore, LOL
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    No offense but if he is so unsupportive and competitive, why is he "the Love of your Life"...I don't get it. Is that not part of love, being there for one another in all aspects of life. Not trying to compete and beat the other person down. I am not capable of handling that. Either you are my partner or you are not.
  • Troll
    Troll Posts: 922 Member
    Options
    im doing carb cycling high calorie. My fiance is meat and taters. My mom is on low calorie. Nobody eats the same thing and it gets exhausting sometimes (not to mention i want to bite gregs arm off for his garlic toast). Greg also has a habit of never having much to talk about until im dripping sweat in the middle of a workout. I just tell him "dinner in 30, wait until then."
  • katz22
    katz22 Posts: 116 Member
    Options
    Boyfriend is not supportive or happy about me trying to be healthy. He is like the opposite of a vegetarian, he has to have some kind of meat with every meal, unless it is a the big bag of doritos and humous snack :(. But he has started to change a bit this year because he put on weight after quitting smoking)
    Plus he is unhappy I want to log my foods, he also complains I spend too much time exercising. I told him my goal is to look a bit athletic (lower bodyfat a few %) but he seems to think I'm going to become anorexic.
  • WausauMom
    WausauMom Posts: 17 Member
    Options
    My husband is for the most part supportive. He's not much of a junk food person either so if there's junk food in the house it's because of me, which has become less and less often. He loves me the way I am but would love to see me at a healthier weight as well. I can't stand exercising at home with an audience though so I joined a gym and try to get there 3 days a week, my husband actually has taken on watching the kids so I can do this but this last week has been hard because in WI deer hunting is a BIG thing and nothing can come between hunters and the possible kill (I still don't understand what is so fun about climbing trees and shooting deer) so he hasn't been home for me to go. My daughter loves going for walks and doing anything outdoors so she is very helpful in getting me going. She also loves fruits and veggies so making meals that she's happy with is quite simple as far as my husband being happy with the meal if he doesn't like or want what I make he knows where the kitchen is. My work is the most unsupportive when it comes to healthy eating so this is where I have the most problems with eating healthy. They say it's fine to have a candy bar or chips at our desk but fruits and veggies are too messy and can stink the place up...I eat them at work any ways.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Options
    I also found it much easier to maintain a healthy weight when I was living alone. I ate what I wanted and had plenty of time to exercise. Now we have "dinner" every night. No more just having a bowl of cereal or popcorn when I'm not very hungry. And it's so much more enjoyable to sit on the porch and relax with a glass of wine and my husband than to exercise and get all sweaty. Especially when it gets dark so early that there is not time for both.
  • TWrecks1968
    TWrecks1968 Posts: 138 Member
    Options
    I love all the inspirational messages on this thread. I don't meant to put a damper on things, but the dark truth is that often times, when spouses are not on the same page as you, they see your progress as a threat. The may suffer from profound self-esteem issues, and they sub-consciously sabotage your progress because if you stay fat, you are less likely to leave them. This is a gross generalization, and I know not all spouses do this, but it is a sad fact. I have found some push back with my spouse. I just have accepted that no matter what the temptation, I am the only one responsible for what I put in my mouth and whether or not I get off my butt and move. It then changes to acceptance, and then, if you can be patient, pride.

    Just keep in mind that you are responsible and you have the power, and if your spouse is not on board, it is not because he or she does not love you, you just have to show them with your actions that this is the way it is. And who knows, he or she might surprise you one day. My wife, for example, introduced me to MFP.

    Keep up the good work.
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    I love all the inspirational messages on this thread. I don't meant to put a damper on things, but the dark truth is that often times, when spouses are not on the same page as you, they see your progress as a threat. The may suffer from profound self-esteem issues, and they sub-consciously sabotage your progress because if you stay fat, you are less likely to leave them. This is a gross generalization, and I know not all spouses do this, but it is a sad fact. I have found some push back with my spouse. I just have accepted that no matter what the temptation, I am the only one responsible for what I put in my mouth and whether or not I get off my butt and move. It then changes to acceptance, and then, if you can be patient, pride.

    Just keep in mind that you are responsible and you have the power, and if your spouse is not on board, it is not because he or she does not love you, you just have to show them with your actions that this is the way it is. And who knows, he or she might surprise you one day. My wife, for example, introduced me to MFP.

    Keep up the good work.
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    Ya!!!
  • Turkeylips
    Turkeylips Posts: 7 Member
    Options
    I am thankful that my husband and I started on our getting fit journey together. We make out our food menu and grocery shop together. He is actually better at sticking to the plan than I am and he helps me when I feel down. We do our workout at 5am and without him I would never have stuck with it as long as I have. He makes sure I get out of bed and while I am dressing, he is making my protein shake. I am so thankful to have him as a partner!
  • Minnesnowtagurl
    Minnesnowtagurl Posts: 406 Member
    Options
    My husband can be a bit non supportive at times as well, but then he realized I was leaving him in my dust. He has returned back to being more supportive since then.

    The worst part are the people I work with sometimes. Often comments fly around..."Oh you're on a diet" blah blah... That gets annoying. Espeicaly when they are individuals who have not had experiances with battling the buldge, EVER.

    Don't forget what is most important and that is yourself. My saying is "No one is going to lose the weight for you." As simple as that statement is, it is completely true. People can talk about your weight loss efforts in a negative manner, but at the end of the day you are the one that has to live with your choices.
  • fatty2fit88
    fatty2fit88 Posts: 116 Member
    Options
    my friends call my bf my 'bad eating enabler' because he always brings crap over and force feeds me when I try to eat healthy. He strongly believes in salad not being a 'meal' which I partly believe too. but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do right?? self control is the only thing that helps.

    years ago when I got super fat, we would make oven chips and eat that with mayo and ketchup for the craic
  • AmythistRae
    AmythistRae Posts: 107
    Options
    My husband and my kids have jumped on board full force..but especially Brian, he goes to the pool and works out with me every day and he eats only what i eat...He loves it....My daughter is the same and my kids who do not live at home eat what we eat on family supper and would never do anything to alter that...If your spouse understands you and why you need to do this then he or she has a job to do and that job is support.....it isn't about them it is about you...Your job is to make sure they are secure and their job is to support....anything else is too much of a imbalance..
  • KatFierce
    KatFierce Posts: 252 Member
    Options
    My husband loooves his takeout and pizza, loves chips and dip and is completely addicted to soda, always saying at the end of the night how he "wants something good and dessert-y". My husband deff helped me pack on the pounds ( yes I choose to eat it, but him cooking junky foods was a huge factor in my weight gain). I was a vegetarian who ate pretty clean before we moved in together I got pregnant with our first son and became a meat eater again to help with my sever pregnancy induced anemia. My husband trys to give me a break by cooking and it was always hamburger helper, canned peas with a ton of butter and salt on them, crescent rolls, and juice, that to him was a healthy meal.
    Now I have taken charge of my eating, we order pizza on pay day ( 2 thursdays a month) and I only have one or two slices and some salad or veggies no breadsticks or chicken wings . Yes having him eating poorly is hard to deal with sometimes but he has gotten alot better and I have gotten much better at resisting temptation
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
    Options
    Yeah, I've gained about 10 lbs. I think it was partly due to having and active job, and working 60 hours a week, and then suddenly becoming a student, which is quite sedentary. The other part is that my boyfriend, who I moved in with, has very different eating habits. I used to eat omelets every night. Now, it is different. He makes pastries, ice cream, and makes me feel guilty if I don't eat them, "You don't like it?"

    Anyway, he is French so he puts cream and butter in everything. He puts coconut milk in the carrot puree... sautees the figs in butter and sugar...never-ending. Olive oil in the tartar. Basically, he finds ways to add calories to almost everything we cook. Plus he eats later than I do in the evening. I am starving around 6 and he won't eat until 9, and so I ended up snacking on top of dinner.

    I just had to put my foot down with the diet. He bought be a pastry, I refuse to eat it. He wants to put olive oil in the tartar, I remind him over and over again not to. Most of the time, I'm cooking, so I have control, but when he cooks, I don't eat it unless I know exactly what is going into the meal.

    So yeah, I concur with a lot of the comments on here: it is about taking control, accepting you have different eating habits, and putting your foot down!
  • shazzahare
    shazzahare Posts: 52
    Options
    My hubby and kids been great. Hubby does all the cooking and has lost half a stone himself. My eldest son comes swimming with me, all good, great support .
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
    Options
    Boyfriend is not supportive or happy about me trying to be healthy. He is like the opposite of a vegetarian, he has to have some kind of meat with every meal, unless it is a the big bag of doritos and humous snack :(. But he has started to change a bit this year because he put on weight after quitting smoking)
    Plus he is unhappy I want to log my foods, he also complains I spend too much time exercising. I told him my goal is to look a bit athletic (lower bodyfat a few %) but he seems to think I'm going to become anorexic.

    I would explain to him exactly what being anorexic is and how that is different from watching what you eat. This anorexia-phobia thing pisses me off so much! I hate it when men accuse you of being anorexic if you are watching what you eat, and getting your full daily calorie intake. Grrr!
  • Stacivogue
    Stacivogue Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    I have the same problem with a competitive spouse. The minute I started working out and trying to lose my pregnancy weight he started doing P90x, eating protein bars and getting really, really ripped. Meanwhile I'm just trying to get back to my regular wardrobe. Now he's joined a group which wants to be like the guys in "300." It drives me crazy.
  • moose9591
    moose9591 Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    I am very lucky to have a wonderful wife who introduced me to Myfitnesspal and we are taking this journey together. Nothing like a having a team effort. Wish you all well who struggle with their partners. Remember this site offers support through it's members.

Categories