Parents with overweight children

emmab0902
emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My oldest is 13 and while not fat, is bordering on that. I am very very careful to not discuss weight etc, as I recall as a child having people close to me obsess over weight and it did me no favours.

I am trying to subtley help her by exercising as a family, eating healthily and being generally more active, but she is my one (of four) who tends to emotional eating and is also the most sedentary of my children.

Anyone else have a child whose weight is or is becoming an issue? She is self-conscious about her weight - she is tall for her age (probably about 5'2") and currently weighs 143lbs.(I only know this because they all apparently jumped on their grandparents scales the other day!)
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Replies

  • Dexy_
    Dexy_ Posts: 593 Member
    Is she likely to enjoy a sport or physical activity that you can enroll her in? Like basketball, soccer, what have you?
  • skinnyfat2skinnyfit
    skinnyfat2skinnyfit Posts: 46
    I'm no parent but you could stop buying treats and things and instead have fruit/veg for them to snack on, emotionally or not. Then, occasionally, have sweets, biscuits etc. as treats :)
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
    Is she likely to enjoy a sport or physical activity that you can enroll her in? Like basketball, soccer, what have you?

    She came swimming with me for a few weeks but then didn't want to do that anymore. Currently we do a few walks but it's hard to do good long tough ones as my younger two are only 9 and 7 so can't manage as long a distance.

    Oh and I rarely buy sweets or junk food, but she sometimes gets stuff from friends at school or will just eat more of whatever.
  • autiemommy
    autiemommy Posts: 238
    My situation was reversed 2 of my 3 are under weight and people looked at me and acted like i was starving them. My sisters children however were opposite they are "over weight". But they also dont eat junk food and are very active she took them to the drs and the dr said nothing was wrong. But as they are getting older they are starting to thin out a little bit. just encourage healthier foods and more excercise into their regimens. My neice has gotten the Kinect and now plays that and is starting to gradually loose weight.

    I totally understand what you mean about the touchy subject. Maybe make a special time for you two to get out and do something together were you two can talk walk jog and that may help her express her emotions.
  • __alamin
    __alamin Posts: 12 Member
    I'm no parent but you could stop buying treats and things and instead have fruit/veg for them to snack on, emotionally or not. Then, occasionally, have sweets, biscuits etc. as treats :)
    It's the snacking that really affects weight. I remember as I child my parents used to buy me snacks all the time for that simple reason I was the fattest kid around but things have changed since then, I would recommend you swap unhealthy snacks with healthy ones,
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    The result is a bowl of rotten fruit and an overweight teenage girl because she just gets food from someone else or their friends parents
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    It could be that she is putting on weight as she hits puberty. A lot of girls do at that age.

    Otherwise, get her out and about as much as possible, do you go swimming and walking as a family? Can you get her to take the younger ones out cycling?
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    I think sweets as 'treats' is a poor solution - it gives the wrong message about food (that it's a reward of some kind) and locks in emotional eating.

    My parents 'warned' me a lot about eating, and the result, I'd say, is that I changed from being a healthy weight teen to an overweight young adult very quickly indeed.

    Do you have dogs you could walk together? We do this every day and it definitely makes a difference to overall activity levels. Will she do things with you like go for a short run? I did C25k with my little girl and that worked pretty well. I did frame it as her 'keeping me company' and 'helping me'. And are there activities she's pretty keen on? My daughter's desperate to be old enough to join the gym, as she sees it as something special only I can do at the moment, and also cause she really fancies herself doing zumba....
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    I think sweets as 'treats' is a poor solution - it gives the wrong message about food (that it's a reward of some kind) and locks in emotional eating.

    My parents 'warned' me a lot about eating, and the result, I'd say, is that I changed from being a healthy weight teen to an overweight young adult very quickly indeed.

    Do you have dogs you could walk together? We do this every day and it definitely makes a difference to overall activity levels. Will she do things with you like go for a short run? I did C25k with my little girl and that worked pretty well. I did frame it as her 'keeping me company' and 'helping me'. And are there activities she's pretty keen on? My daughter's desperate to be old enough to join the gym, as she sees it as something special only I can do at the moment, and also cause she really fancies herself doing zumba....
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
    My parents 'warned' me a lot about eating, and the result, I'd say, is that I changed from being a healthy weight teen to an overweight young adult very quickly indeed.

    Another one who did this!

    Honestly have no junk in the house. My parents would lecture me about eating healthy yet have the worst junk food in the house. And couldn't understand why I just kept eating it. Didn't want to 'pushing' everyone else (by being healthy?)

    Maybe you can make a long walk something you two do? If you have to have the two youngest with you, maybe a walk around an oval so they can play in the middle while you two walk?

    Have you considered a team sport? Doing an individual sport can be really boring. Do any of her friends play netball? Get her into a team and it can make a difference.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    On the other hand, my mother criticised my weight when I was growing up, and I have never had major weight issues. The biggest I have ever been was borderline overweight after having children and while breastfeeding. I don't think parents complaining about their children's weight makes them fat, not in the slightest.
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
    Not sure if people saw my second post in this thread but yes I do largely provide healthy snacks not junk, and yes we already walk and less often swim together. She does play netball in winter which is over now here, but does not want to play a summer sport. Her weight has been an issue since well before puberty.
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
    Oops double post!
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
    It probably doesn't help that her three younger siblings are all quite lean despite healthy appetites!
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    I would say to get the kids as much exercise as you can, even the skinny ones. I was a very skinny kid, almost to the point of being underweight, but I could have greatly benefited from some muscles. I absolutely hated sports and gym class, but exercise was a lot easier then than it is now, and those habits might have been easier to start back then. The skinny kids will not be harmed by healthy food or more exercise, so just go ahead and do what you're going to do for the chubby kid and do it for the whole family.

    Maybe you can rent a bounce house for birthdays, and set up games of tug of war or other fun, but physically demanding games. Maybe instead of using food as rewards, take the kids roller skating instead.

    Keep in mind that a lot of kids will look a little pudgy right before a growth spurt, but 140lbs on a 5'2 kid is probably a good time to start talking about healthy eating and healthy activities.

    What are you family dinners like? Do you serve up plates, or pass the food around family style? Does everyone have to clean their plate? Or, is it every family member for themselves? I think that by making a plate for each kid would teach them how much food is appropriate to have at meal times rather than letting them go up and pile it on for themselves. They can always go back for seconds, but it is always too easy to eat food just because it is in front of you.

    Your kids will find food at their friends houses and at school that you might not approve of. There won't be much you can do about that, but at least you can control the food that comes in and out of your home.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    My children know that I use MFP. I have 4 veiry active kid and one that is built like I was when I was her age...she is strong and absolutely gorgeous but not long and lean like her sisters. She has asked me about calories etc and if they are bad and I take the opportunity to talk about the amazingness of calories and the energy they give us and how they power our lives but that not all calories are not the same...and that too few leaves you weak and tired and too many makes your body store them for later. I tell her that too many extra can indeed make someone fat. Kids know fat, they know what it means and what it looks like so while I never try to use the word in describing a person but to understand that too much food makes people fat is a good thing. I encourage the kids to walk or journal when upset and show them through actions and words that exercise makes stress easier for me to handle. In fact, the more emotional I get about something in my life the more I talk about exercise as a stress reliever.
    I provide snacks for the kids. They always have to ask first...not so I overcontrol their intake as much as because I know when and what we might be eating later and if food right now is appropriate etc. They are learning that sweets are treats...but never rewards. We don't go out for ice cream for a good report card etc...but there are days in which we get ice cream as a treat. It is important to understand that no food is "bad" but that some foods are just treats...keep modeling healthy attitudes towards food, healthy options, occasional treats and great active life examples and the kid will be fine..
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,338 Member
    I serve the dinners and make sure content and portions are healthy. To be honest I think I am doing all I can already re their health and wellbeing.
  • sarahgilmore
    sarahgilmore Posts: 572 Member
    She could get a newspaper/circular run, or maybe some friends or family have a dog that needs walking?
    Or, as its coming into summer if you know anyone that runs a motel/holiday ground, a job doing bed making or other domestic chores is good exercise too, and she gets something out of it.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    I serve the dinners and make sure content and portions are healthy. To be honest I think I am doing all I can already re their health and wellbeing.
    Then keep at it...if she is self conscious ask her what you two could do together to help her...maybe she wants guidance maybe she needs to vent, maybe she is just 13 and doesn't know what she wants but if she brings it up then take the opportunity to ask her how much guidance she wants.....keep being a good example and keep doing what you are doing and she will be ok.
  • sarahgilmore
    sarahgilmore Posts: 572 Member
    OH also make sure she's not eating too LITTLE. She'll be needing something in the 1800-2000 a day range.

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