Should I feel guilty?

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2

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  • Arabian♥Breeze
    Arabian♥Breeze Posts: 323
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    They probably were lying ...Dont answer the door next time...Can you move? This is why i want to move out in the country where no weirdos can bother me lol
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    Never loan money you can't afford to not get back. In your case you can't afford to not be repaid or you may not get a tree.

    No guilt required.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    Nope, they should feel guilty for stealing money from you in the past.

    You owe them nothing.
  • britishstar41
    britishstar41 Posts: 140 Member
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    You should only feel bad for not being honest. Had you told him the real reason you didn't want to lend him the money, you wouldn't be asking us this question today. You'd know that you handled it correctly and you'd go ahead and get your tree, end of story.

    That said, guilt is a useless emotion. If you're not willing to confront the situation or solve it in some way, just let it go and handle it differently the next time if you feel you need to.
    [/quote


    Ditto!]

    I don't agree with this. You shouldn't have to defend why you can't give them the money. They don't need to know what you're buying instead of their gas. It's your money, feel free to tell them no, and don't feel like you have to justify it.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
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    Nope, you shouldn't feel guilty @ all. If they borrowed money from you before and never paid you back or made an attempt to pay you back then that is their lost. If they ask you how you paid for the xmas tree just say a family member or friend bought you it and wanted your family to have a xmas tree. Or further yet you shouldn't even have to explain it to them. Some ppl will make excuses and use ppl especially durin the holidays.
  • fatgirlzrule2
    fatgirlzrule2 Posts: 172 Member
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    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    my rule of thumb: i do not loan money. i give it. if i can not afford to give it, i decline and offer any other tips or assistance i can. (i.e. no, i will not give you $10 for gas, but if you'd like me to drive you to the train station i will do that)

    thank you Dave Ramsey.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    They probably were lying ...Dont answer the door next time...Can you move? This is why i want to move out in the country where no weirdos can bother me lol

    My boyfriend's parents live on a tiny, obscure dirt road in the middle of nowhere in a house WAY off the road with a locked gate and they've had complete strangers knock on their door asking for gas money.
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
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    I wouldn't feel bad. Do you have "bank" written across your forehead?
  • Gabriall
    Gabriall Posts: 101 Member
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    omg you shouldnt feel guilty at all
  • geri1955
    geri1955 Posts: 106
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    No !!!!You def shouldnt feel any guilt here!! I would have told them "you still havent paid me last time I lent you money" ! Dont be so easy on ppl. that just dont have any respect for others! And dont be so hard on yourself either...its nice to help ppl. but they also have to help themselves!!! remember we teach ppl. how to treat us, dont be anyone's doormat!!! enjoy ur tree!!!!:heart:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)

    They TEXTED to ask for cigarette money?? They couldn't even be bothered to leave the house to beg for your hard earned cash?

    Yeah they're serial moochers and anything short of "Get off my property and never speak to me again" is being too kind to them. Don't feel bad for one minute.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    oh and i'm 99% sure you must have moved next door to my former in laws. my apologies.
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
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    nah..
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
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    Guilty??? Uh, NO..... It sounds to me that they use the "sick brother" to make people feel sorry for them. I would have told him to loan himself the money he already owed you and get gas. Tell your neighbor to either get a freakin job or learn how to manage money better so he wouldnt have to borrow!! Tough love!!:grumble: :grumble:

    as for the tree and them seeing you bring it in the house?? Come on!! No freaking way should you feel guilty! Your husband lost his job so now is the time for you guys to look after yourself.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    I'm curious how many "No" responses in this thread would leave you guilt-free. How many "Yes" responses would cause you to feel guilty? Is it a specific number either way, or does the ratio matter more? I suspect whether you should feel guilty isn't really the question you want answered.

    Judging from the follow-up post, I'm guessing that maybe you want to set a boundary with your neighbor and are seeking justification for doing so. If that is the case, and you want my opinion, I think that's fine. You should set a boundary. It's OK to say no. Respectfully setting a boundary doesn't make you mean.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)
    Making excuses sends the message that you would give them the money if you had it. So they will keep asking, in case you do have it. These people are not going to get the hint. Next time they ask I would just say no; you don't owe them a reason.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)

    Just keep saying NO. Eventually they'll get the hint and if not - the more you say NO the easier it gets.
    The awkwardness will go away. They are the ones that should feel awkward, but apparently they have no
    shame. Go have fun decorating guilt free!
  • unmitigatedbadassery
    unmitigatedbadassery Posts: 653 Member
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    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.

    The bottom line is it really doesn't matter if we think you should feel guilty. Obviously you do or it wouldn't be an issue to discuss.
  • SooZ1138
    SooZ1138 Posts: 65
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    I have very few rules that I absolutely have to live by, but one of the big ones is:

    Never lend out money... ever!

    Not to friends... not even family! Unless you are okay with the person never paying you back, don't set yourself up for the disappointment. You work hard for that money and it is not your problem that people don't plan for emergencies. It can only serve as a lesson for them to prepare themselves financially for the unexpected!

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