Divorcing and need support

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  • reba971
    reba971 Posts: 80
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    I have to agree with this statement..."I just went through this last year. Our divorced was finalized March 28th 2011. I say one of the happiest days in my life. I know how you feel. Take one day at a time and relax. I'm here I'd you ever need a friend to talk to. " LOL After everything you go through, it is a blessing to finalize it and have it over with! The day mine was over, I went out and got a tattoo and celebrated all evening...and well into the next morning...UGH! Not good for weight loss, but I was So happy to be done with it.
  • stephevers1227
    stephevers1227 Posts: 175 Member
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    I was actually the opposite. I was the one that wanted the divorce because I was so unhappy...but the day I held those papers in my hand...I was just sad. Sad for all the years and for my two little kids...wondering if I had sacrificed them for myself.
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    I was actually the opposite. I was the one that wanted the divorce because I was so unhappy...but the day I held those papers in my hand...I was just sad. Sad for all the years and for my two little kids...wondering if I had sacrificed them for myself.

    You cant think like that. It was probably worse for the kids to be in an unhappy family, whereas now you are both much happier. x
  • Lucia_Armstrong1973
    Lucia_Armstrong1973 Posts: 51 Member
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    I'm not in my twenties but I do know that divorce is hard at any age. I've been divorced twice, one I initiated and one that was a complete surprise to me, and each time was hard in its own way. It can be tough to let go of the hope that things will get better, but sometimes its what we have to do. It is a cliche but time really does heal wounds. Give yourself time and permission to feel what you feel. If you're sad that's okay. Just understand that it is a temporary thing. Experience it, learn from it and move on. As far as sadness goes, I know that cutting back on sugar really does help. It helped me. Good luck to you and keep up the good work. It's hard to maintain good habits after a life changing event like this. Pat yourself on the back for that accomplishment and for recognizing the bad habits creeping in and doing something about it. Feel free to add me if you like.
  • Poohsta0
    Poohsta0 Posts: 147 Member
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    Keep your head up. I went through it, raised two kids on my own, and survived by NOT looking too far ahead. The panic sets in when I tried to plan out the next say 5 years. Focus for now on shorter term goals, similar strategy to weight loss I guess. There is a bright side but it doesn't come quickly. I am 10 years out- remarried, new job, finishing grad school, and (now) ready to tackle the weight I let myself put on in the past two years. Add me if you like!
  • Finally22
    Finally22 Posts: 305 Member
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    I'm here too if you need any support. I went through a divorce two years ago. Even though I wanted it - it was still so so so sad - I felt like it was somehow sort of a "death" - maybe the "death" of the dream that I thought would be my happily ever after... you're lucky you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.

    Going back to the gym is a great start - When life gets crazy and out of control - I think it is always best to concentrate on the things YOU can control... and working out is definitley one of them.

    Good luck to you - if you ever need to spill your heart - I'm here for you.
  • leah07598
    leah07598 Posts: 6 Member
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    I know what you're going through. I'm 30, and my husband left me and our two kids back in August for a woman almost twice my age. I am also currently going through a divorce. It is rough, but what helps me is to just take it one day at a time. You are definintely not alone. Feel free to add me if you would like.
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
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    I was on the train home from our work Xmas party, and there was a really nice guy sitting opposite me. We had a few smiles and eye contact, and when he left the train, he gave me a really big smile and looked back as he got off the train. I know its only something small, but it has give me such a massive confidence boost, that one day I will be able to find someone and get on with my life.
  • mandycfit
    mandycfit Posts: 7
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    I have been there and it is not easy. Do you have a good support group i.e family, friends? I cried, needed a hug, and needed to vent to someone close. In time it will not hurt so bad, you will come to a "new normal" after the dust settles. Give yourself lots of love and compassion. An oversize routine at a set time give you routine, which is calming and is something positive you are doing for yourself.

    Hope this helps
    Hang in there

    Hugs Mandy
  • LizCanDoThis
    LizCanDoThis Posts: 7 Member
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    Hi There!

    I dont normally respond to threads but this one really speaks to me. I went through a bad divorce when i was 25...after 7 years of being with the same person and finding out that he was unfaithful during our engagment was devastating. Ending my 7 month marriage was probably THE hardest thing I've ever had to do but looking back I know that it was the best decision i've ever made. I went through a LOT of heartache and depression...I felt like such a failure and disappointment and blamed myself for a lot of things that I really had no control over. I had a lot of love and support from my family, I was really blessed with this and here I am 2 years later with the man of my dreams =D...He really is my other half. Sometimes I think that if I didn't go through what I did, I would have never found him! When you're in a better relationship you dont realize what you settled for in the past.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is hang in there and be strong. Like everyone says it DOES get better with time! Work on yourself and growing as an independent young woman and you will come to realize that you really do have the world at your fingertips =)

    Feel free to add me if you want to chat! Having someone to vent to always helps!

    :smile:
  • fae713
    fae713 Posts: 30 Member
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    I have been divorced for a little over a year, though I had been separated for nearly 2 years (emotionally it was 2 1/2 years) prior to that. I have to admit that to me, it was the absolute best day of the entire year, and the previous 5 years. Despite the fact that it was something that I was looking forward to and somethign that I knew I needed to do and was incredibly happy about, it was still hard to get used to the idea that I was completely and totally single again. I had lost a part of what I used as an identification - the first time I had to mark "Divorced" on a legal document was when it really hit me that my life had changed beyond what I could really comprehend.

    What I found was the most beneficial was having a core group of people I could talk to about it. No more than 4 people and my journal. From the separation through the end of the divorce I relied on 4 people (though it wasn't always the same 4 people, some drifted away while others became closer) to help me through the ups and downs, to encourage me and to listen. Again, not easy, but very much so needed. Did I mention journaling? Because that helped me to get what I was feeling and thinking outside of my head and somewhere that I could see it, analyze it, work through it.

    When I started to experience extreme emotions that I had trouble controlling, I found that long hours at the gym were the best things for me. It didn't matter if I was angry, upset, depressed, stressed, overworked or some combination of all of them, going to the gym really helped me to be able to get back to functioning. Maybe not normal, but at least I could function.

    TL;DR - Having a good support system, a way to get your thoughts and feelings out of your head and a way to help decrease the intensity of extreme emotions are the places to start. From there, it just takes time. Sadly, that advice is still true regardless of the uncomfortable situation.

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to friend if you want more support.

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