My boyfriend doesnt want me to lose weight

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AmyLange
AmyLange Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
I dont know if anyone can give me any input on what to do but my boyfriend is dead set on me not losing weight. my whole life i have been so self concious of my body. Since i got on this website I have lost 6 pounds and feel great, but he noticed and doesnt like it. I am definatly not a skinny ***** but im not big either. I am 5 foot 3inches and have a small frame. I am captain of my cheerleading team and have just been made a top girl so i need to lose a bit of weight so i can remain competative with the younger top girls. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend though. He gets very mopey and sad even though im still a solid 120lbs (the typical top is about 110lbs and under- and my height). I am being very healthy about losing weight and doing it slowly but he doesnt understand, what should i do? I dont think i should give up my goals for him but i want him to be happy.
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Replies

  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
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    How old are you? Is there any chance he is afraid your weight goal is an unhealthy one? I doubt he is trying to sabotage you.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    If you are doing it slowly and not making it a big deal then he needs to realize that. You say you will be more confident - confidence is sexy! He needs to understand it would make you happier
  • driaxx
    driaxx Posts: 314 Member
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    I know a lot of people will probably say this - but do what you want for you, not him! If he can't appreciate you at any shape or size, then he doesn't appreciate you enough.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    do not give up your goals for him.
    some people will be jealous of you and some are possessive of you as you are. he might think you are going to change and not be the person you were. you may give him less attention, stop going out to eat at your favorite restaurants. i would tell him that you're the same person, but just a healthier one.
    and if he still doesn't care, he's not worth it. plain and simple.
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,142 Member
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    first off u dont look like u need to lose weight. second if its what u need to do (not because cheerleading but FOR YOU) then he should be supportive. My (now ex) hated me losing weight and i NEEDED TO. Long story short he hated it he left and i did what i needed to do because its my body.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    He should support you, not make you wonder if your health and goals aren't worth it.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    I say do what you want. What's the big deal if you drop a few pounds? If you haven't asked him, I would ask why does he give a flip if you lose a few? I'm a proponent of doing what's best for you now in my life and if people can't handle it, there's the road hit it.
  • Puffins1958
    Puffins1958 Posts: 614 Member
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    You should be doing this for YOU. He should be supporting you, no matter what you want to do in life.

    JMO

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  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    I like women with a little 'bit of meat' on them too but if my fiance wants to lose weight then I'd support her 100%. I'd step in if she let it get out of control but if it's healthy then it's up to her.
  • moxi155
    moxi155 Posts: 15 Member
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    My only comment would be...do it for you...not for him. He is probably worried that if you lose weight...he will lose you as the other guys will find you even more attractive. Help him understand that you are with him...he needs to be confident in the relationship and not worry about you going a stray. If he is confident....then he will be ok....so build confidence in your relationship...make it strong and he will be ok. Does that make sense? Less weight=more attractive to other guys=worry about losing you=anger about you losing weight!!
  • kmcka637
    kmcka637 Posts: 13 Member
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    Maybe it stems from his insecurities? If you lose weight, he may feel threatened because you will feel more confident and sexy. He needs to get over it and should be supportive of you no matter what you want.

    My opinion is do what makes you happy, as long as you are doing it the healthy way. Have you asked him why he has such issues with it, other then "I like you the way you are"?
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    I see two sides going on here. On the one hand, you should set your goal weight etc based on what is best for you, not him. On the other hand, you should base it on what is best for you, not the cheerleading "standard." Cheering (along with gymnastics and ballet) is a sport/field where there is, IMO, too much emphasis on a small weight. I understand that being top, you want to be fit for your own safety and for the girls supporting you. And your goal, right now, doesn't seem too low, as long as you maintain high muscle tone and work slowly (which is what you are doing). Just as a perspective, I am 5'0" and my best at about 118-120, and that's with a lot of muscle (around 23% body fat IIRC). I'm a bit shorter than you, so your weight is fine a bit higher; but I also have a larger bone structure than a lot of girls, so I carry it well. My point is that, as your goals are stated now, I think you'll be okay, but watch it that you don't fall into the "just a few more pounds" trap that a lot of girls in these competitive fields get into. (This may be what your boyfriend's big concern is. Talk to him and find out why he doesn't want you to lose more, specifically, not just that he doesn't like it.)

    Make sure you are doing what is best for YOU, not necessarily the boyfriend or the cheerleading standard.
  • DesertSunsetRain
    DesertSunsetRain Posts: 194
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    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
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    I didn't see a reason why he is suggesting you don't lose weight. Is it because you do it in an unhealthy way? or perhaps you have other medical conditions that he is aware of that we are not. If its just because he thinks you will leave him for someone better then he had better up the gift giving this year. If you are losing it the boobs, then I agree with him! Also women who look like Skeletor should have a donut sandwhich or something.
  • samantha1953
    samantha1953 Posts: 156 Member
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    5'3" at 110 lbs is still well within a normal BMI especially if you have a small frame. It's really none of his business if you're healthy and not obsessing. Be careful of a controlling man. They only get worse.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.

    110 isn't bad for someone who is 5ft3. That is my goal weight too and is plenty healthy
  • trilikeagirl
    trilikeagirl Posts: 218
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    If you think he's not just being a big baby, perhaps a visit together with your doctor or a nutritionist might be help him be more understanding and feel more comfortable. If you think he's just being a big baby, just smile and nod. It's your body.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
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    Ummm... since when is YOUR weight HIS decision?? As long as you're losing weight the correct way, i.e. making sure you EAT and exercise appropriately, there's no probably with losing the weight. Talk to your coach and get good training advice from him/her. You bf needs to grow up and stop trying to control his gf. It's not his place to tell you what to do with your body, especially if you're not going to extremes.
  • greg331
    greg331 Posts: 38
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    Did you ever ask him why?
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
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    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.

    110 isn't bad for someone who is 5ft3. That is my goal weight too and is plenty healthy

    Agreed. Many fitness models have the same weight/height and are healthy. It's only unhealthy if you're not giving your body the right kinds of fuel, nutrients, and rest.

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