Brought down to earth with a bump :(

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chatterbox3110
chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been feeling really good about myself recently, my weight is dropping and I am more mobile and exercising regularly. I'd received a lovely comment from my son in law a few days ago, who apparently hadn't recognised me in the crowd when he was trying to find me in our local shopping centre, and I was really feeling as though I was starting to get somewhere, even though I've not really dropped clothing sizes much.

THEN - my brother called in last night to collect Christmas gifts. I haven't seen him in ages so was hoping for a 'phew, you lost weight' comment - stupid me.

He looked as though he'd lost some weight, and was looking good, so I asked him, and he said that he'd lost 28lbs. I congratulated him, and said that I'd been working hard too, and lost 76lbs. He looked at me, and then quite seriously said 'where?' I think he must have seen my face drop, as he quickly said 'only joking', but the damage was done, and now I feel c**p about myself again :(
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Replies

  • risefromruin
    risefromruin Posts: 483 Member
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    I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! Family members should be much more supportive. If it makes you feel any better, I've lost over 100 lbs and my brother has never said anything to me about it, lol. My mom asks him, "Doesn't Jeanette look good?" and he says "of course" or whatever, but never on his own! It's okay though. I hope that your brother learns to be more supportive in the future and learns from his mistake. It's obvious that you're doing wonderful. Keep up all of your hard work!
  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
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    He's obviously not very observant - it's a weakness I'm aware of in myself but otherwise suspect it might be a male thing.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    Oh what a jerk! He probably thought he was being funny, since it it's plainly obvious what a great job you've done so far. I think he probably was just making a dumb joke, and had no idea how hurtful it would be.

    Bottom line - you're doing fantastic, look great, and I bet you feel great too. Keep up the good work, and never mind that brother of yours.
  • chatterbox3110
    chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
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    Thanks everyone.

    I think it hurt me more because my mother also tells me, every time I update her on how I'm progressing, that its such a shame it doesn't show on me.

    So I'm left thinking 'are people who know I'm dieting just making noises they think I want to hear?' or does it really NOT show?

    AAAAAGGGHHHH - so fed up right now, but I'll bounce back I'm sure........
  • chatterbox3110
    chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
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    Thanks everyone.

    I think it hurt me more because my mother also tells me, every time I update her on how I'm progressing, that its such a shame it doesn't show on me.

    So I'm left thinking 'are people who know I'm dieting just making noises they think I want to hear?' or does it really NOT show?

    AAAAAGGGHHHH - so fed up right now, but I'll bounce back I'm sure........
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Thanks everyone.

    I think it hurt me more because my mother also tells me, every time I update her on how I'm progressing, that its such a shame it doesn't show on me.

    So I'm left thinking 'are people who know I'm dieting just making noises they think I want to hear?' or does it really NOT show?

    AAAAAGGGHHHH - so fed up right now, but I'll bounce back I'm sure........

    Sometimes I think those closest to us are the worst supporters in this journey. When I was overweight, my mom would tell me "Your real dad's family has heart issues! You should lose weight". When I started losing weight, instead of congratulating me or whatever.. she would say "You do know you'll kill yourself running on the treadmill".

    I think you're doing a fabulous job. Keep it up and don't let jerk a$$es get you down!
  • em9371
    em9371 Posts: 1,047 Member
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    ive not seen you before and i can see the difference straight away in your profile pic, your face is loads slimmer keep it up and dont take any notice of your brother he is probably just jealous you have lost so much more than him!
  • Naomi_84
    Naomi_84 Posts: 197 Member
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    Don't let it get you down, use it as motivation and show him!! Men can be blunt and aren't the most observant creatures, you have lost the most amazing amount of weight, carry on and you'll be where you want to be in no time and you will no longer need the approval of your insensitive brother x
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
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    You can see the difference....and you've done a great job! Don't let it get to you. He was probably just kidding.
  • RieBerg
    RieBerg Posts: 261 Member
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    Sometimes peoople, especially men aren't keen to details, just tell yourself that next time you will lose so much it will be impossible for him not to see!
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    ((Hugs)) You know how brothers can be. :( You're doing so well, though! Don't let it get you down.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Thanks everyone.

    I think it hurt me more because my mother also tells me, every time I update her on how I'm progressing, that its such a shame it doesn't show on me.

    So I'm left thinking 'are people who know I'm dieting just making noises they think I want to hear?' or does it really NOT show?

    AAAAAGGGHHHH - so fed up right now, but I'll bounce back I'm sure........

    I can see a real difference in your before and after photos. Do you see your mom every day? Maybe she doesn't notice a difference because she sees you every day. I don't know......but i think you look great. My sister has the same body type as you do, and she has the same problems. She'll lose a bunch of weight, but only people who are paying attention will notice. Then she'll get depressed because no one notices and gain all the weight she lost and then some. I understand it is hard when you see the scale move, but don't notice a difference in how you look. Stay strong :)
  • RachelT14
    RachelT14 Posts: 266 Member
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    First off looking at your pictures i can see a huge difference, you have done an amazing job dont let anyones comments stop you it is definelty obvious that you have lost lots.

    Secondly in my experience men and familly members seem to be the last people to notice these things, your brother clearly spoke without thinking which is a shame as he is in the weight loss boat as well. Be proud of yourself and keep on with your amazing work,
  • kenzietea
    kenzietea Posts: 614 Member
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    I don't know your family dynamics, but men can be silly like that sometimes.

    I can see a difference, I am sorry your brother was insensitive. You should definitely keep going, because you really are looking great. My fiance really can't tell a difference because he sees me everyday and thought I was sexy 36 pounds ago.. But, because of my confidence he says I come across sexier. So hold your head up, and keep up that confidence. I'm sorry you had your feelings hurt :(
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
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    Hi there,

    To me, your post suggests that you should try really hard not to give other people that power over your feelings. Surely you're not on this journey for their approval? Try to make your own approval the main thing that matters. Take into account what people say, but in the end, be confident in your choices and your progress. Even if no-one says anything positive or is 100% negative, you know that you've made great strides!

    Ideally you wouldn't need me to say this, but your weight loss is amazing! Keep focussed on your progress and being proud of yourself.

    Good luck!
  • tassles
    tassles Posts: 172
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    you are doing great...remember that...no matter what others say or don't say! as long as you are feeling better physically then nothing else should matter!

    besides i can see the difference and im sure your heart can too!

    keep up the great work! you'll look back at this time one day and laugh about it.....Im sure of it! x x
  • ArchyJill
    ArchyJill Posts: 548 Member
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    You can totally see the difference, and I bet you can feel the difference even more. Sometimes it's hard to remember that most men have oatmeal instead of the observation/think before speaking part of their brain and brothers seem doubly affected by this.
  • SLKMERC
    SLKMERC Posts: 70 Member
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    OMGoodness there is a huge difference in your photos!

    I have a brother so know all too well how it is, I know the damage that can be done with one comment like that, but only you can decide to brush it aside and be stronger! Good luck on your path, you are certainly going in the right direction!
  • paulwgun
    paulwgun Posts: 439 Member
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    Like Em9371 said above Ive never seen you before either but noticed straight away from your face that youve lost
    Ive had a few comments on my loss but the people im thinking should be saying supportive comments arent saying them
  • birdielosingit
    birdielosingit Posts: 34 Member
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    Don't let it get you down or stall your progress!! Sometimes I feel like those closest to me are my biggest saboteurs. In my case, I think it is because admitting that losing weight is good for me would be acknowledging their own weight issues. 76 lbs is phenomenal! The only person who can get you to your goals is you- keep it up!!

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