Need advice on a situation I have never been in before

MiniMichelle
MiniMichelle Posts: 801 Member
edited October 6 in Chit-Chat
I need some advice.

3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
Michelle
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Replies

  • ilikeher
    ilikeher Posts: 78
    Oh boy :( that's really tough honey. Can you think of anything that you may have done while you were there? Did you drink at all while you were there? I'm sorry, I hope it gets cleared up soon. Good luck
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    I would send a message like 'geez you must be really busy, or I must have done something to piss you off. call me when you can so I know you haven't forgotten about me...even just to say hi'
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    double post!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.
  • classyhoney
    classyhoney Posts: 75 Member
    I think you have done everything in your power to reach out to her and now it's just a matter of waiting for her to come around. I would send her another message in a month if she still hasn't responded.It's no fun to hold grudges like that and give someone the silent treatment without letting you know what is wrong or that something is wrong. Especially since you've been friends for so long. Just hang in there and try to enjoy the holidays! Maybe send her a Christmas card or something else if you don't celebrate and just let it be. Sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar situation and it just took some time for the person to come around.
  • BobbyClerici
    BobbyClerici Posts: 813 Member
    I need some advice.

    3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

    I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

    I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
    Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
    Michelle

    How about this option: BUTT OUT!

    She's just married, so maybe she's busy enjoying an extended honeymoon?
    Anyway, let it rest, go on with your life and wait for her to contact you.

    At some point if there is an issue, you'll find out, then deal with it, but remember, the one who cares the least rules the relationship. Just move on until YOU are contacted.
  • classyhoney
    classyhoney Posts: 75 Member
    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    she's been talking to other people but not her best friend? That's why I ruled that conclusion out
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    chances are, it's not about you. I'd wait for her to come to you, she did just get married she's probably busy!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    she's been talking to other people but not her best friend? That's why I ruled that conclusion out

    I wouldn't rule it out because there is admittedly no known reason for her friend to be upset. She also said this woman is "one of her best friends." That doesn't mean they necessarily talk every day. This woman is a newlywed and a bit preoccupied.
  • kristilovescake
    kristilovescake Posts: 669 Member
    She might just be busy or not feel like talking. Right after my wedding, I was busy honeymooning and then trying to play catch-up with thank-you cards, opening gifts, etc, and THEN busy trying to clean the house and get back into the swing of things with work and daily routine.

    She might just be overwhelmed with the life change, so it might be good to give her some more space and text her again in a couple weeks so she has time to settle into her new life. If you get too obsessive about it, it might just annoy her and make her more likely to not respond.

    Regardless, it doesn't seem like there's much else you can do at this point, so I would just try to not nag her about it and wait for things to slow down in her life.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    Give her a little time, it's probably nothing you did at all. She is probably having a really good time being a newlywed. Sometimes newlyweds "go off the grid" for a while.
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
    Oooo I hate these kind of situations. One my least favorite things about our gender is that so many of us (not all) would rather sit on our anger and spew about than communicate and resolve the issue...ARG!

    But anyway, if it were me in your position, I would just come out and ask her if you did something to upset her. Give it a little time first, like a week or 2. Then, if she still hasn't gotten back to you, tell her exactly how her ignoring you is making you feel. Tell her if you did upset her somehow, you did not intend to and to please let you know so that you guys can get past it. Maybe once she realizes that by not responding to you, she is upsetting you, and it will give her the kick in the pants to get back to you she needs. If she is upset, maybe she thinks you know exactly why that is. Just let her know that you care. :flowerforyou: Good luck hun.
  • JJhoney
    JJhoney Posts: 29
    I think that If you have tried to get a hold of her and expressed how it's upsetting that she isn't responding, then you should leave it at that. As hurtful as it is. I would just wait. She may be incredibly busy, or she may be mad. Either way there's no point in "chasing after" her. She'll either get unbusy, or stop being mad. And if she doesn't stop being mad, maybe it wasn't worth it. If she is mad and never responds back for quite some time, perhaps try to get in touch with her one last time. perhaps... I'm sorry about the situation. Just try to sit on the back burner.
  • hello_kitty3
    hello_kitty3 Posts: 98 Member
    I lost my best friend of almost 10 years around the time of my wedding because I picked another one of my best friends to be my maid of honor. The main reason I didn't pick her was because she has a habit of being really flaky, not to mention I knew that money was tight for her. She never said anything to me, she kept giving me excuses on why she couldn't buy her dress for the wedding, I even offered to help but in the end she didn't even attend my wedding. I was very upset about it, and to be honest it still bothers me to this day that she never said what happened and gave me a chance to fix it. Its been over 2 years and I still make an effort every now and then to reach out but every time she ignores me. If I were you I would let it just it lay and see if she comes around, the more people you ask the more they're going to tell her and the more frustrated she's going to get. Hopefully she'll come around soon!
  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
    I would just leave it alone.. i had a friend do this to me.... my best friend... she just didnt want to talk to me... soo i said screw it not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't have time for me. Let her have her space... If she wants to talk, she knows how to reach you :) . but it seems like you tried to reach out to her already. best of luck hun :)
  • MiniMichelle
    MiniMichelle Posts: 801 Member
    Thank you all for your great comments. I will go with what my gut (and the majority) says. Just let it be for a while and hope that she comes around sooner than later.

    I think that what hurts the most is that I know she is not on an extended honeymoon and is talking to and hanging out with other people that went to the wedding (and some that didn’t make it) since she’s been back. It just hurts :brokenheart: :cry:
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    x10
  • Beeazlebub
    Beeazlebub Posts: 38
    A good friend like you deserves better. This is obviously her moving on but not having the courage to tell you it's over. I would cut her out of your life forever. And once this dud she marries screws her over and she comes crawling back to you for support, slam the door in her face.
  • WilliamsPeggy
    WilliamsPeggy Posts: 440 Member
    It's only been 3 weeks. yikes! Give her some space.
  • CurlyQTee
    CurlyQTee Posts: 62
    Call. Take her out for coffee. Just talk as though life has been crazy for the both of you.
  • LethaSue
    LethaSue Posts: 285 Member
    Are the other freinds she is still talking to married also? Are you? Maybe her husband doesn't really like her to have single friends now and she is trying to avoid him getting upset. Are you the kind of freind that drops by her place to visit? If so maybe she is sticking to freinds she can hang out with outside the house. Maybe she doesn't want company over in her new household arrangement. Do you think her husband could have anything about you or your lifestyle? Just things to think about. Maybe she isn't saying what you did wrong because there is nothing she can tell you. Marriage changes alot sometimes. Just cool it and let her be the first to speak. I do understand how shut out you must feel though :flowerforyou:
  • judykritikos
    judykritikos Posts: 161
    Chances are that it IS about you. Since you stated she's ignored calls/texts/FB posts - AND - she's responding to others. She's getting theirs and chosing to ignore yours. Since you indicated you've had rough patches before, this is probably another one.
    You've known her long enough to know if this is typical behavior for her or not. IEither way, nothing you can do to force it.
    Send her 1 more voice mail msg - tell her you enjoyed the trip, happy for her new life. Let her know you figure she's probably busy, yet you're getting the feeling she's not speaking to you. You apologize for whatever you did - even if you really don't know what that was - and hope that she'll honor your friendship and let you know what that issue was.
    This will be your last attempt to contact her, and when she's ready to open up and let you know what the issue is, hopefully you can fix it and move on, so you can continue your friendship.
    Then let it go. It's in her court. You can't fix what you don't know is broke, and frankly, if she's THAT insensitive and immature that she can't respond with - "this is what you did, or what happened and I'm upset"....then I'd ask you if this is a person worth the time and effort.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
    No real advice, but I do know how you feel. I had been friends with a girl for about 10 years then one day she stopped talking to me. She was over-seas and we were emailing back and forth then she stopped. She won't reply to any of my messages or anything. It was just over a year ago and I'm still hurt. It is hard. I constantly kept racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done/said. There was no fight or even disagreement. Maybe it wasn't something I had done, but something I didn't do/say? Maybe it has nothing to do with me.....Maybe she had issues and couldn't cope so she felt the only answer was for us to not be friends. I'll probably never know. I hope things work out or you at least get answers.

    I have come to realize maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought otherwise she would have at least given me some sort of explanation. I sent her one last text to tell her I missed her friendship and left it at that. My door is still open to her. I know her past and her habits, how she deals with things so maybe one day we will come across each other and I can get an answer. ((hugs)) to you!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Give her so much space that she wonders why you've stopped speaking to her. :bigsmile:
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    I think that is very rude of her to disregard you like this. You went all the way to friggin' Mexico and stood in her wedding! I don't think you've done anything to offend her. The least she can do is give you a call and tell you not to worry that she's just been busy or whatever. That's too bad. My suggestion would be just leave her alone. You shouldn't have to pull teeth to get a response from a friend. A similar thing happened to me with my BFF from high-school. We made plans and she dissed me and blew me off forever, until finally I just leg it go. F*** her. Goes to show she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Life is too short to dwell on people like that.
  • BabyBubbles31
    BabyBubbles31 Posts: 35
    I need some advice.

    3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

    I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

    I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
    Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
    Michelle

    Very similiar situation happened to me about three years ago. I had a semi-close friendship with a girl from high school and she asked me to be her matron of honor. Yea I was pregnant and so I had limited mobility for some of the last and final weeks of preparation due to a five week early premie... She was so obsessed with how much time I put into the wedding and even asked the day after my daughter was sent to another hospital when I could get back for a new dress fitting. I was furious.... so then the wedding my daughter was two weeks old and only been home for a week. She didnt talk to me after ward... and still does not talk to me to this day after all the crap I did for her. I would say let her go. Real friends keep in touch and don't just use people for things like their wedding. Just my opinion and personal experience. Don't stress over it. Good Luck :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Honestly? I would just let it be. I find it rude to blatantly ignore someone's messages/texts/etc for an extended period of time (even if you're mad - at least reply with SOMETHING). Other people mentioned her being busy and yes, I'm sure she is. BUT. She is talking to other people, so I just don't buy that "excuse" (and I'm sorry - but saying you're too busy to reply to a text is NONSENSE... we are all busy, but it takes literally 2 seconds to reply to someone's text. Texting isn't like having to call them and talk to them! Two seconds. Hell, do it while you're sitting on the toilet to pee!).

    I don't understand what you could have done - but something is obviously going on and she doesn't want to talk about it.

    I think if it were me - I would send one last message (text or message - your choice) and say "Not sure what I've done to have you ignore all my messages/texts. But, I'm done trying. If/when you wanna talk - you know where to find me" and let that be it.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I think that is very rude of her to disregard you like this. You went all the way to friggin' Mexico and stood in her wedding! I don't think you've done anything to offend her. The least she can do is give you a call and tell you not to worry that she's just been busy or whatever. That's too bad. My suggestion would be just leave her alone. You shouldn't have to pull teeth to get a response from a friend. A similar thing happened to me with my BFF from high-school. We made plans and she dissed me and blew me off forever, until finally I just leg it go. F*** her. Goes to show she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Life is too short to dwell on people like that.

    I went through this same thing with my best friend from high school. She would send me a text and say "You never call or want to do anything with me!" and then I'd make plans and she would blow me off.

    I finally stopped trying. Not worth it to me. Sad as we were best friends for a lot of years, but sometimes.. it happens.
  • chell53
    chell53 Posts: 352 Member
    Sorry about this, but I can't give you any advise, just wait and see what happens eventually if you might have done something and didn't realize it that would get back to you one way or another and hopefully all will work out. Send out your Christmas Cards and also one to the newlyweds and then let it go.....enjoy you Holidays.........
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    If I had a close friend who ignored me .. I would want to at least know why. If it were not such a close friend, it wouldn't bother me so much, I would just assume they have other things on their mind...being newly married and all.

    I would confront her, face to face .. NOT facebook to facebook...NOT by text .. NOT by leaving messages. I would definately need to clear the air ... especially if I had no idea why she chooses to ignore me.
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