Need advice on a situation I have never been in before

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  • LethaSue
    LethaSue Posts: 285 Member
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    Are the other freinds she is still talking to married also? Are you? Maybe her husband doesn't really like her to have single friends now and she is trying to avoid him getting upset. Are you the kind of freind that drops by her place to visit? If so maybe she is sticking to freinds she can hang out with outside the house. Maybe she doesn't want company over in her new household arrangement. Do you think her husband could have anything about you or your lifestyle? Just things to think about. Maybe she isn't saying what you did wrong because there is nothing she can tell you. Marriage changes alot sometimes. Just cool it and let her be the first to speak. I do understand how shut out you must feel though :flowerforyou:
  • judykritikos
    judykritikos Posts: 161
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    Chances are that it IS about you. Since you stated she's ignored calls/texts/FB posts - AND - she's responding to others. She's getting theirs and chosing to ignore yours. Since you indicated you've had rough patches before, this is probably another one.
    You've known her long enough to know if this is typical behavior for her or not. IEither way, nothing you can do to force it.
    Send her 1 more voice mail msg - tell her you enjoyed the trip, happy for her new life. Let her know you figure she's probably busy, yet you're getting the feeling she's not speaking to you. You apologize for whatever you did - even if you really don't know what that was - and hope that she'll honor your friendship and let you know what that issue was.
    This will be your last attempt to contact her, and when she's ready to open up and let you know what the issue is, hopefully you can fix it and move on, so you can continue your friendship.
    Then let it go. It's in her court. You can't fix what you don't know is broke, and frankly, if she's THAT insensitive and immature that she can't respond with - "this is what you did, or what happened and I'm upset"....then I'd ask you if this is a person worth the time and effort.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    No real advice, but I do know how you feel. I had been friends with a girl for about 10 years then one day she stopped talking to me. She was over-seas and we were emailing back and forth then she stopped. She won't reply to any of my messages or anything. It was just over a year ago and I'm still hurt. It is hard. I constantly kept racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done/said. There was no fight or even disagreement. Maybe it wasn't something I had done, but something I didn't do/say? Maybe it has nothing to do with me.....Maybe she had issues and couldn't cope so she felt the only answer was for us to not be friends. I'll probably never know. I hope things work out or you at least get answers.

    I have come to realize maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought otherwise she would have at least given me some sort of explanation. I sent her one last text to tell her I missed her friendship and left it at that. My door is still open to her. I know her past and her habits, how she deals with things so maybe one day we will come across each other and I can get an answer. ((hugs)) to you!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,366 Member
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    Give her so much space that she wonders why you've stopped speaking to her. :bigsmile:
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    I think that is very rude of her to disregard you like this. You went all the way to friggin' Mexico and stood in her wedding! I don't think you've done anything to offend her. The least she can do is give you a call and tell you not to worry that she's just been busy or whatever. That's too bad. My suggestion would be just leave her alone. You shouldn't have to pull teeth to get a response from a friend. A similar thing happened to me with my BFF from high-school. We made plans and she dissed me and blew me off forever, until finally I just leg it go. F*** her. Goes to show she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Life is too short to dwell on people like that.
  • BabyBubbles31
    BabyBubbles31 Posts: 35
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    I need some advice.

    3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

    I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

    I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
    Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
    Michelle

    Very similiar situation happened to me about three years ago. I had a semi-close friendship with a girl from high school and she asked me to be her matron of honor. Yea I was pregnant and so I had limited mobility for some of the last and final weeks of preparation due to a five week early premie... She was so obsessed with how much time I put into the wedding and even asked the day after my daughter was sent to another hospital when I could get back for a new dress fitting. I was furious.... so then the wedding my daughter was two weeks old and only been home for a week. She didnt talk to me after ward... and still does not talk to me to this day after all the crap I did for her. I would say let her go. Real friends keep in touch and don't just use people for things like their wedding. Just my opinion and personal experience. Don't stress over it. Good Luck :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Honestly? I would just let it be. I find it rude to blatantly ignore someone's messages/texts/etc for an extended period of time (even if you're mad - at least reply with SOMETHING). Other people mentioned her being busy and yes, I'm sure she is. BUT. She is talking to other people, so I just don't buy that "excuse" (and I'm sorry - but saying you're too busy to reply to a text is NONSENSE... we are all busy, but it takes literally 2 seconds to reply to someone's text. Texting isn't like having to call them and talk to them! Two seconds. Hell, do it while you're sitting on the toilet to pee!).

    I don't understand what you could have done - but something is obviously going on and she doesn't want to talk about it.

    I think if it were me - I would send one last message (text or message - your choice) and say "Not sure what I've done to have you ignore all my messages/texts. But, I'm done trying. If/when you wanna talk - you know where to find me" and let that be it.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I think that is very rude of her to disregard you like this. You went all the way to friggin' Mexico and stood in her wedding! I don't think you've done anything to offend her. The least she can do is give you a call and tell you not to worry that she's just been busy or whatever. That's too bad. My suggestion would be just leave her alone. You shouldn't have to pull teeth to get a response from a friend. A similar thing happened to me with my BFF from high-school. We made plans and she dissed me and blew me off forever, until finally I just leg it go. F*** her. Goes to show she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Life is too short to dwell on people like that.

    I went through this same thing with my best friend from high school. She would send me a text and say "You never call or want to do anything with me!" and then I'd make plans and she would blow me off.

    I finally stopped trying. Not worth it to me. Sad as we were best friends for a lot of years, but sometimes.. it happens.
  • chell53
    chell53 Posts: 356 Member
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    Sorry about this, but I can't give you any advise, just wait and see what happens eventually if you might have done something and didn't realize it that would get back to you one way or another and hopefully all will work out. Send out your Christmas Cards and also one to the newlyweds and then let it go.....enjoy you Holidays.........
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    If I had a close friend who ignored me .. I would want to at least know why. If it were not such a close friend, it wouldn't bother me so much, I would just assume they have other things on their mind...being newly married and all.

    I would confront her, face to face .. NOT facebook to facebook...NOT by text .. NOT by leaving messages. I would definately need to clear the air ... especially if I had no idea why she chooses to ignore me.
  • springfield5780
    springfield5780 Posts: 33
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    No real advice, but I do know how you feel. I had been friends with a girl for about 10 years then one day she stopped talking to me. She was over-seas and we were emailing back and forth then she stopped. She won't reply to any of my messages or anything. It was just over a year ago and I'm still hurt. It is hard. I constantly kept racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done/said. There was no fight or even disagreement. Maybe it wasn't something I had done, but something I didn't do/say? Maybe it has nothing to do with me.....Maybe she had issues and couldn't cope so she felt the only answer was for us to not be friends. I'll probably never know. I hope things work out or you at least get answers.

    I have come to realize maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought otherwise she would have at least given me some sort of explanation. I sent her one last text to tell her I missed her friendship and left it at that. My door is still open to her. I know her past and her habits, how she deals with things so maybe one day we will come across each other and I can get an answer. ((hugs)) to you!

    I know how you feel too! I had a BFF (I thought LOL) that quit talking to me because a mutual friend confided in me that she was pregnant. She didn't want the whole world to know and asked me to keep it quiet. I did. When she decided to share the news it came out that I knew all along...she never spoke to me again. Craziest stuff I have ever been through in my life. She spread vicious rumors about me all over town....can we say psycho?! Usually gossiping gets you in trouble...I got in trouble for NOT gossiping LOL but then she told anyone that would listen that I talked about them behind their back. I truly hurt me to my core. It was so sudden and in my opinion just so unfair for her to expect me to tell everyone's business to her. She wouldn't want me telling all of hers!

    Women are just weird sometimes! Me and my friends will go days not speaking and then speak for several days then not speak. Not intentionally ignore one another just busy with life :flowerforyou:
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
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    Chances are that it IS about you. Since you stated she's ignored calls/texts/FB posts - AND - she's responding to others. She's getting theirs and chosing to ignore yours. Since you indicated you've had rough patches before, this is probably another one.
    You've known her long enough to know if this is typical behavior for her or not. IEither way, nothing you can do to force it.
    Send her 1 more voice mail msg - tell her you enjoyed the trip, happy for her new life. Let her know you figure she's probably busy, yet you're getting the feeling she's not speaking to you. You apologize for whatever you did - even if you really don't know what that was - and hope that she'll honor your friendship and let you know what that issue was.
    This will be your last attempt to contact her, and when she's ready to open up and let you know what the issue is, hopefully you can fix it and move on, so you can continue your friendship.
    Then let it go. It's in her court. You can't fix what you don't know is broke, and frankly, if she's THAT insensitive and immature that she can't respond with - "this is what you did, or what happened and I'm upset"....then I'd ask you if this is a person worth the time and effort.
    I agree with this. If my friend took the time, money, etc to go to Mexico to be in my wedding, I would take the little amount of time it takes to respond to a message and let her know what's up. In fact, I would have the decency to do it even if she didn't come to my wedding simply because she is a friend. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but she might be doing you a favor. Don't become obsessed with it. Move on and enjoy life. If she contacts you, you will know what YOU want to do.
  • kappyd
    kappyd Posts: 199 Member
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    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    x10

    Who gets to busy to answer a text. Even if it is just to say, I am busy talk to you later.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    Well no matter what you did or didn't do, I think it's is just sooooo rude of her to play this game. You agreed to be in her wedding and in comes with the expense to travel to there, etc. She doesn't seem to be mature enough to give you an answer. Sometimes people or brides think of it as a me,me, me world. I hope she does better in her marriage as it no longer is all about her, but a mutual thing.
    Sorry she is being this way. Just sounds selfish and immature to me. Hope things work out.

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