Friends with your ex's

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  • anniewinter
    anniewinter Posts: 35
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    Their was something big that was always said.

    "You can't be friends with and ex because if you are then you either never loved them or still do"

    My only real relationship I have known him since I was 3, we went through heaps of big stuff together, we started really dating when I was 14, we broke up back in September. Not because I don't love him, I do, he's just not healthy for me.

    I still love him to death and we are great friends.
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    I only really had one previous serious relationship... we are on good terms, I suppose. We don't talk much, though. I'm getting married soon, and there's still a spark between me and this ex, so we just decided not to see each other. It's not a big deal, though. I'm much happier with my fiance <3
  • Jarnard
    Jarnard Posts: 497 Member
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    i think you can be distant friends with a ex. They are an ex for a reason.
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
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    I have four major exes...

    One, we were highschool sweethearts and still keep in touch occasionally, on good terms. Our parents are still in touch.

    The second, we had a rough falling out, but I got an apology out of the blue a couple years back and now we do keep in touch. This ex has matured a LOT since then and our discussion helped heal old wounds, and I'm happy to be friends.

    The third threatened suicide when we broke up and tried to stalk me, so, uh, we don't really keep in touch. We're still in similar social circles, but never go out of the way to communicate except for rare occasions (marriages, birth of children, whatever.)

    The last one is still a good friend, though we don't see each other much lately.

    I do still have a soft spot for most of them in my hearts, except the one who went psycho...but it is definitely platonic love.

    My husband is on good terms with a few of his exes, and one of them is even in our close-knit circle of friends. She's absolutely awesome and though I'm sometimes (still! six years later!) a bit shy around her, I am so glad to know her and her husband.
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
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    Not at all. Mainly because my Fiance gets extremely angry when I talk to any guys, let alone an ex. If he wasn't so mad about it, there is only one I wouldn't mind talking to anyway. The rest... I wouldn't care if I never saw them again.

    Not setting off any red flags or warning bells, eh?

    THIS. I got butterflies in my stomach when I read that. Trust is ridiculously important, and jealousy is a bad warning sign. My husband has no problems with me going for dinner ALONE with an old flame, just like I don't have any problems with him doing the same, because we are secure, mature and committed. We can even point out chicks/dudes we think are hot to one another without either side getting jealous. A little jealousy now and then is normal (it comes up at weird times!), but I can't imagine pledging to share my life with someone who didn't want me interacting with nearly 50% of the people on the planet!!
  • alikona22
    alikona22 Posts: 56 Member
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    No. The ex's had too many issues. I tried to be friends (after a period of time with no responding for a clean break) and it always led to them thinking that there was a possibility of getting back together, even though I made it very clear. And then once I made it clear, they became a bit hostile/obsessive. So I find it's better to move on to better things. I'm friendly acquaintances with one only because I dated him in college, he transferred to my college, then became friends with all of my friends and continued after we broke up. I stay friendly for the sake of avoiding awkward moments for our whole group of friends.
  • BRISAjustAltered
    BRISAjustAltered Posts: 260 Member
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    Yes, with 2 out of 3. Engaged to boyfriend # 4
    I think that all relationships should start as friendships. So why not.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    I'm really good friends with my most significant ex. We were best friends when we were together and we'll always have that. I really have no desire to be in a relationship with him now, and since he's the one who broke it off, I'm pretty sure he doesn't either. But we'll always remain close friends no matter what. I was really angry with him for the first couple years or so, but I got over it. I missed the friendship part of our relationship so I eventually contacted him letting him know that I was willing to be friends. He'd let me know all along that he wanted to remain friends.
  • scarletleavy
    scarletleavy Posts: 841 Member
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    I'm pretty good friends with my most recent ex, some of the earlier ones, definitely no. My ex is still my climbing partner and we still see each other pretty often. I've found that it's actually really helped both of us, at least in terms of our climbing. We trust each other quite strongly, but none of that coddling stuff that comes with a relationship. So it's good. Although I think it's probably harder for him than me, since I broke up with him, but he seems to be doing OK with it.
  • angieisslim4ever
    angieisslim4ever Posts: 34
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    no way :D
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I have friends of 20 years that started out as boyfriends in relationships that didn't last two months.
  • Shannonigans84
    Shannonigans84 Posts: 693 Member
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    Beings I've broke it off with mostly all of my exes, not that I wouldn't mind, but I'm not friends with any of them. I keep things civil with my ex husband for my daughter's sake but he's pretty immature and a terrible father.
  • lisaelainee
    lisaelainee Posts: 248 Member
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    Some of my ex's are a no go because they are bad people in general.
    I went through a phase of going out with people I didn't really know at all if they asked.
    But some of my ex's stand up for me and tell me that I only deserve someone that will treat me right.
  • Lobster1987
    Lobster1987 Posts: 492 Member
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    My ex refuses to be friends with me. I wish he would be though. I miss his cat, Arnold. :(
  • Kushgetti
    Kushgetti Posts: 146 Member
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    I can c how being friends with ex's can ruin a relationship.....I have a friend that if he doesn't approve her being friend with 1 of her ex's she dumps them. cause they r best friends....I don't agree with that.
  • Vermilla
    Vermilla Posts: 348
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    I'm friends with one of my ex's. He's actually my best friend, and I'll love him forever, but moreso in a "male best friend" type way now. My other three exes not so much. Two of them, the relationship ended because they cheated on me with another woman. So definately not friends. The other was a fiance, and I got pregnant. He was all over it until he found out it was a girl and not a boy. You've never seen a man run so fast. So..definately not friends with that loser either.

    Oh, to add something: it used to change how I saw myself because both women that the two guys cheated on me with were younger, thinner, and a lot hotter. There was no denying it so I had a few years of "I'm so ugly, no man will ever look at me" type of attitude.
  • Melis25Fit
    Melis25Fit Posts: 811 Member
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    I've tried. It always reminds me why I left the relationship tho... when I'm not interested, I'm not interested.....
  • Daysednconfused
    Daysednconfused Posts: 975 Member
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    I try, but we always wind up in bed and then YES, it effects everything cause around him I don't think straight, I lose sight of myself. I'll love him forever (together 10 years), but I just can't allow myself to "like" him anymore.
  • puzwuz1
    puzwuz1 Posts: 42
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    I am friends with all my ex's that want to be friends with me. Oddly enough, two of my ex's are some of my best friends and are actually a huge part in why I do everything I do to get back in shape. I also do it all to try to keep them impressed bc they are pretty brutally honest with me about anything so makes it a great motivator for me to do the things better for me.

    ALTHOUGH...I will add that anytime I am dating another girl, they usually REALLY DISLIKE the fact that I am good friends with some of my ex's.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    My ex refuses to be friends with me. I wish he would be though. I miss his cat, Arnold. :(

    :laugh: Maybe he's worried about a possible custody battle over the cat!

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