So upset!!
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Vent away girl.....A big congrats on losing 60lbs.....That is fantastic......
Just wait till your mum sees you in the top then she will hopefully notice.......
Chin up and, again, congrats on your big loss.....:flowerforyou:0 -
shes jealous, dont be sad, be glad you kick as much *kitten*! ;p0
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Well I talked to my mom tonight which is the first time of Really talking in over a month. Anytime she wants a lengthy conversation is when she wants to gossip about my sister!!!! Well in the middle of all that I tried to tell her of my successes with losing 60 lbs and the new clothing sizes I was currently in. I said "Mom, I'm in a size 14!!" her response was "14 what?" I said "Pants size 14 and I wear a size medium shirt." she said " We will have to see about that" After that I my son opened my birthday present early and realized my grandparents got me a couple of nice shirts but are in XL. I told my mom that I was going to ask them if they can exchange them for a smaller size and she said "Well I'm coming over tomorrow so try it on in front of me so I can see"
With all that being said I hung up the phone and was really, really hurt because I am having the hardest time seeing my success and hubby has tried everything to get me to see it and then I have someone like my mom who doubts me. I don't wear clothes that show everything or clothes that are too tight!!!! Sorry guys I just needed to vent!
Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
What a ridiculous thing to say! Of course she has something to complain about. Even if the above happened to you and it's in your eyes perceived as worse than what the OP has experienced that is irrelevant.
Ignore this post OP, listen to some of the good advice from others and MASSIVE congrats on your 60lbs loss!0 -
Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
Easily one of the rudest responses I've ever read. ^
As for the poster, I am so very sorry that you got that kind of response. It's hurtful to be excited about something and have someone you care about let the air out of your tires that way.
I love what others have said, though. Be positive, be proud of yourself, and do anything you can to ignore those negative remarks. It's so easy to let something like that ruin your day and make you feel like you haven't made any progress, but you know better.
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My family never really mentions weight loss or gain, we're just not like that. I told my mum I'd joined mfp, showed her the app, she just wasn't interested! So I've gone back to not to telling her if I've lost coz I know she's struggled with her weight twice as long as I have and she doesn't need to know her daughter is doing great, its only gonna make her feel bad! If she wants to comment on my looks anytime she will, I'm lucky that they'd never say anything negative to me, and if she looks great I tell her! I want to foster a positive attitude, its the only way you get positivity reflected back at you in my opinion. Till then I'm happy knowing I'm doing it for me and my health, and yes for acceptance too, but only in wider society, your family should accept you just the way you are. Do not do it for 'real world' praise, you'll be very disappointed
xx 0 -
Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
How rude... :noway:
By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:
"you look fat"
"whatever"
and "i can't see a difference"
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!
(mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)0 -
*sigh* I'd just take them back myself. How ridiculous. *hugs*
same.......sorry but lifes too short to worry about crap like this. My mum hasn't been that 'gushing' about mine either - but who cares..........0 -
I'm kind of half and half with the family support. Some of my family try their hardest to encourage me.Others will give me a simple nod in acknowledgement when I talk about my weight loss. Or very very very jealous people like my boyfriend's sister in law loved asking the family how much weight I had gained-while I was pregnant!
-I take the support of my grandmother and boyfriend who encourage me.
-I accept the nods from my disinterested family members as a challenge to go further.
-And I laugh my @$$ off at the BF's sister-in-law who is a very petty, jealous woman because she gained a hundred and eight lbs with her pregnancy and I gained forty in mine. Also, she has kept all of her pregnancy weight while I've lost it all plus an extra 5 lbs before starting on MFP again. She could lose it all if she wanted to try-but instead she'd rather keep the same lifestyle and push her problems on me.
YOU HAVE DONE AN AMAZING JOB. You have lost 60 lbs and made a huge difference in your life. If your mom can't believe you or puts you down, that is entirely on HER. NOT YOU. Don't EVER let her or anyone else for that matter, take away your accomplishments with statements like that. If you put on the clothes and show her and she STILL does not acknowledge your loss, then that just further proves the point that it's all on her.
Don't ever forget what you have accomplished. Hold on to that, and let it drive you to any further weight loss goals or goals in life.0 -
I know how how you feel my mother tells me that I look heavier when I send her photos, she has always been very down beaten when it came to my weight, she would say "look behind you, you will find it" when I would tell her I had lost weight. She would always buy clothes in the plus sizes because she said I would end up back in that size. Keep your chin up, love your mom but don't let her negative vibe get you down. I did not tell my mother I had lost over 300 lbs and she only found out when I went home to visit after 2 years. She of course was negative that I could lost more but you know what I said yes could of and probably will but you are not going to take this from me. I wish you luck and you can add me as a friend if you would like.0
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I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.
To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.
Even if it wouldn't bother you, it did the OP so it was a bit of an insensitive thing to say.0 -
Some people are jealous. God forbid even if it is your own mother.
You look great, keep up the good work!0 -
I don't know what your mums weight is but....some people and this might be your Mum, ....find it hard to be happy for others because they are not successful in their own lives so they are a bit envious or jealous...or maybe she thinks that if you are doing really well then she wont be needed as much anymore.
I had and.... I say.... HAD, a friend that totally relished the feeling of being the Successful one the confident one the one that everyone went to for advice or a cry, till i realised she fed her own big Ego on other peoples insecurities or problems, and without it she was rather weak , anyway to be a success AND YOU OBVIOUSLEY ARE ALREADY !!!!! you associate with those on the same track as you.
SMILE... don't worry be happy, you are doing great , Keep it up.0 -
Family and clothing was always pretty horrible for me. My grandmother starting "warning" me that I was getting fat because I was up to a size 6 at 14. She was the one everyone would ask for my clothing size when the holidays came around so I always ended up getting things much bigger than I needed. Everything was always 3 or more sizes too big and if I mentioned that all she'd tell me I ruined Christmas. She'd also say "It will shrink" but it always sounded more like "You will grow (fatter)" :grumble:
Maybe she'll see how big it is on you and that will highlight your progress even more than telling her about it. Losing 60 lbs is really great!0 -
Your success is something you earned with hard work and dedication... Dont let your moms poor choice of words bring you down. Family can hurt us without even thinking they r.0
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Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
How rude... :noway:
By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:
"you look fat"
"whatever"
and "i can't see a difference"
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!
(mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)
I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.
To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.
Yes, but you're NOT the OP, and she is clearly upset by this. No, the real world is not all rainbows and unicorns, but this is a situation where the OP has been let down by someone who should be supporting and encouraging her unconditionally, rather than essentially accusing her of lying about a major achievement.
I'm glad that you are so strong that this would not distress you, or perhaps sad for you that you have taken so many knocks that you have become inured to them. However, when responding so dismissively to someone else's distress, perhaps you could consider that they are not you. The OP has come to this forum for support, and you have decided instead to hand out your own brand of tough love. Perhaps that works for you, but please think about the effect that might have on someone else who is at a low point before posting such a response.
We all have to do this in the way that works for us, and the OP has lost 60 pounds, which certainly counts as success in my book. If she needs some support to continue this progress, then I, and many others here, are entirely willing to provide it. In a situation where someone is asking for support and validation, perhaps the old quote is something to think about "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".0 -
Well done on what you've accomplished! I would be dancing about if I'd managed to lose what you have.
However, sometimes (since you mentioned you have a hard time noticing the weight loss on yourself) we can be hard on ourselves and instead of noticing what we've managed to do we instead notice what we haven't managed to do, and whilst your mum is doubting you it'll only make you doubt yourself more, I know if I were on the phone to my mum and said that to her and had her say "we'll see" back to me the second I got off the phone I would have run for the scales and measuring tape. Yes some people will think that's pitiful of me but it's genuinely what I think I would do. But anyway you know what you've managed to do, ignore your mum because (and I don't know this since I don't know you/your family but if she is overweight herself) she might feel kind of threatened that you're getting a move on and she hasn't (like another person commented here about how she doesn't tell her mum because of how it might make her mum feel), so instead of congratulating you, your mum just dismisses what you've said because then she won't feel as bad about herself. However, if she isn't overweight herself then that just blows my theory out the water.0 -
You lost 60 lbs!!!! You wouldn't have lost that much if you hadn't done it for yourself, right? So celebrate it yourself -- don't let your mother get you down. You know what will happen if she gets to you.....you will put that weight right back on! Be kind to yourself and be proud. Sixty pounds is an awesome accomplishment :-)
Great response!0 -
Hear me - please.
Family is NOT a good system of support.
Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.
Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.
Good Luck!
My mums the same she hadnt acknowledged that i had lost weight and when she did say something it was that i still had a bit of a tummy..i will stick to listening to all the positives at work and my lovely hubby0 -
Congrats on losing 60 lbs! That is a wonderful achievement! :flowerforyou:0
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Hi, do yourself a favour and learn a tough lesson I have had to learn in life too. Don't go looking for support/compliments where it ain't going to be found. You have lost a huge amount of weight, it must be plain for all to see. Congratulate yourself and each time you hit a target, treat yourself to something nice or do something nice for yourself. You shouldn't need your mum's approval and if anyone is withholding being nice to you about your achievements, you can probably be safe in the knowledge that your new self esteem is annoying the heck out of them. Congratulations on your weight loss, do not give up.0
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