So upset!!
Replies
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Some people are jealous. God forbid even if it is your own mother.
You look great, keep up the good work!0 -
I don't know what your mums weight is but....some people and this might be your Mum, ....find it hard to be happy for others because they are not successful in their own lives so they are a bit envious or jealous...or maybe she thinks that if you are doing really well then she wont be needed as much anymore.
I had and.... I say.... HAD, a friend that totally relished the feeling of being the Successful one the confident one the one that everyone went to for advice or a cry, till i realised she fed her own big Ego on other peoples insecurities or problems, and without it she was rather weak , anyway to be a success AND YOU OBVIOUSLEY ARE ALREADY !!!!! you associate with those on the same track as you.
SMILE... don't worry be happy, you are doing great , Keep it up.0 -
Family and clothing was always pretty horrible for me. My grandmother starting "warning" me that I was getting fat because I was up to a size 6 at 14. She was the one everyone would ask for my clothing size when the holidays came around so I always ended up getting things much bigger than I needed. Everything was always 3 or more sizes too big and if I mentioned that all she'd tell me I ruined Christmas. She'd also say "It will shrink" but it always sounded more like "You will grow (fatter)" :grumble:
Maybe she'll see how big it is on you and that will highlight your progress even more than telling her about it. Losing 60 lbs is really great!0 -
Your success is something you earned with hard work and dedication... Dont let your moms poor choice of words bring you down. Family can hurt us without even thinking they r.0
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Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
How rude... :noway:
By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:
"you look fat"
"whatever"
and "i can't see a difference"
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!
(mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)
I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.
To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.
Yes, but you're NOT the OP, and she is clearly upset by this. No, the real world is not all rainbows and unicorns, but this is a situation where the OP has been let down by someone who should be supporting and encouraging her unconditionally, rather than essentially accusing her of lying about a major achievement.
I'm glad that you are so strong that this would not distress you, or perhaps sad for you that you have taken so many knocks that you have become inured to them. However, when responding so dismissively to someone else's distress, perhaps you could consider that they are not you. The OP has come to this forum for support, and you have decided instead to hand out your own brand of tough love. Perhaps that works for you, but please think about the effect that might have on someone else who is at a low point before posting such a response.
We all have to do this in the way that works for us, and the OP has lost 60 pounds, which certainly counts as success in my book. If she needs some support to continue this progress, then I, and many others here, are entirely willing to provide it. In a situation where someone is asking for support and validation, perhaps the old quote is something to think about "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".0 -
Well done on what you've accomplished! I would be dancing about if I'd managed to lose what you have.
However, sometimes (since you mentioned you have a hard time noticing the weight loss on yourself) we can be hard on ourselves and instead of noticing what we've managed to do we instead notice what we haven't managed to do, and whilst your mum is doubting you it'll only make you doubt yourself more, I know if I were on the phone to my mum and said that to her and had her say "we'll see" back to me the second I got off the phone I would have run for the scales and measuring tape. Yes some people will think that's pitiful of me but it's genuinely what I think I would do. But anyway you know what you've managed to do, ignore your mum because (and I don't know this since I don't know you/your family but if she is overweight herself) she might feel kind of threatened that you're getting a move on and she hasn't (like another person commented here about how she doesn't tell her mum because of how it might make her mum feel), so instead of congratulating you, your mum just dismisses what you've said because then she won't feel as bad about herself. However, if she isn't overweight herself then that just blows my theory out the water.0 -
You lost 60 lbs!!!! You wouldn't have lost that much if you hadn't done it for yourself, right? So celebrate it yourself -- don't let your mother get you down. You know what will happen if she gets to you.....you will put that weight right back on! Be kind to yourself and be proud. Sixty pounds is an awesome accomplishment :-)
Great response!0 -
Hear me - please.
Family is NOT a good system of support.
Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.
Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.
Good Luck!
My mums the same she hadnt acknowledged that i had lost weight and when she did say something it was that i still had a bit of a tummy..i will stick to listening to all the positives at work and my lovely hubby0 -
Congrats on losing 60 lbs! That is a wonderful achievement! :flowerforyou:0
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Hi, do yourself a favour and learn a tough lesson I have had to learn in life too. Don't go looking for support/compliments where it ain't going to be found. You have lost a huge amount of weight, it must be plain for all to see. Congratulate yourself and each time you hit a target, treat yourself to something nice or do something nice for yourself. You shouldn't need your mum's approval and if anyone is withholding being nice to you about your achievements, you can probably be safe in the knowledge that your new self esteem is annoying the heck out of them. Congratulations on your weight loss, do not give up.0
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You have every right to be upset. What she said was very juvenile. You have done an amazing job and should be congratulated for it! Keep up the great work!
Btw, she sounds like she's probably a bit jealous.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods0 -
wow! a 14 im trying to get there now Im in a 16. You dont need your mom to be a sucess at losing wieght. Your hubby is rock! Congrats you keep rocking those mediums!0
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As many have said DO NOT count on your family for support. My mother(who has never weighed over 120) and my sister( who weighs about 50lbs more than me) didn't even notice I've lost 50lbs this past year. At Christmas time I get clothes that are several sizes too big while my sister makes the comment "I figure it will fit since we're the same size"! I'm dreading this Christmas...not only does my mother and sister think we have the same taste I'm sure the size will be wrong. If it was someone such as a grandparent or aunt/uncle I would probably just smile and say thank you. My youngest daughter has lost over 100lbs over the past 2 years with diet and exercise. My sister has yet to compliment her and the only thing my mother said was "I'm glad to see you're doing something about your weight"!
As much as we want for family to give us their approval we can't define ourselves by it. It hurts and it can hurt bad but part of this journey is looking and finding the approval and acceptance from within.The more you accept your own accomplishments the better perspective you can have. Yes, for me it does hurt but I know I've come a long way. For the first time in my life I know I have what it takes to achieve my goals. Its only taken me 54 years!
Congrats on your hard work! You and your husband are the only ones that matter here.0 -
I'm just adding a thought.. I know a lady who lost a lot of weight, but kept wearing the same clothes which were baggy and didn't show the loss very well. I nearly asked if she'd lost weight, but thought better of it in case she hadn't and I would make the conversation awkward.
A few weeks later I did ask, and she said she had, but no one had noticed! She had a large bust and her tops still hung down over her tummy.
So don't be discouraged if people don't say too much , they may not want to talk weight with you for fear of awkwardness.
Having said all of that I think your own mum may be a different case altogether. She can be totally honest.
Keep up the fantastic effort - and start to wear a belt to show off your waist!!0 -
Toxic people prefer to gloat over the misfortunes of others rather than celebrate in their success.Hear me - please.
Family is NOT a good system of support.
Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.
Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.
Good Luck!
My mums the same she hadnt acknowledged that i had lost weight and when she did say something it was that i still had a bit of a tummy..i will stick to listening to all the positives at work and my lovely hubby0 -
Hear me - please.
Family is NOT a good system of support.
Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.
Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.
Good Luck!
Amen! My father is prime example of this. He always insists on buying me clothes way to big because I'm just going to gain the weight back.. and this is only temporary.
To OP:
Don't let it get you down.. and tell your Mother, thanks but no thanks. I know what fits and I'm going to exchange them when the time comes.0 -
Sorry to hear this. Congrats on your loss and I wish you continued success.0
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Does she think you are dillusional and don't know what size clothes you wear? Sheesh. I'm sorry to hear this.
I always look to my mother for support too. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't hear what I'd like and it makes me sad.
That's what we are all on MFP for-kind and caring support that not everyone is able to give us.
I think you're doing a fabulous job and you have a lot to be proud of.0 -
Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
How rude... :noway:
By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:
"you look fat"
"whatever"
and "i can't see a difference"
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!
(mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)
I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.
To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.
Yes, but you're NOT the OP, and she is clearly upset by this. No, the real world is not all rainbows and unicorns, but this is a situation where the OP has been let down by someone who should be supporting and encouraging her unconditionally, rather than essentially accusing her of lying about a major achievement.
I'm glad that you are so strong that this would not distress you, or perhaps sad for you that you have taken so many knocks that you have become inured to them. However, when responding so dismissively to someone else's distress, perhaps you could consider that they are not you. The OP has come to this forum for support, and you have decided instead to hand out your own brand of tough love. Perhaps that works for you, but please think about the effect that might have on someone else who is at a low point before posting such a response.
We all have to do this in the way that works for us, and the OP has lost 60 pounds, which certainly counts as success in my book. If she needs some support to continue this progress, then I, and many others here, are entirely willing to provide it. In a situation where someone is asking for support and validation, perhaps the old quote is something to think about "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
^^^Thank you-you saved me from posting this
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Any time
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I like that approach. I am that way with my family. Remember the old adage, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" ? Just insert the word supportive instead of nice and tell that to your family.0
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CONGRATS on your weight loss! It's a shame your family can't share in that joy with you. :frown: I find most people like that are just jealous and want you to fail so they feel better about themselves but it's their loss. Now go exchange those shirts and feel great about doing it!! :bigsmile:0
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Hear me - please.
Family is NOT a good system of support.
Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.
Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.
Good Luck!
^^^couldn't have said it better myself^^^
YES YES YES!!!!0 -
Give yourself an additional pat on the back for venting here, rather than with a bag of potato chips. Mothers can be difficult... mine was the same, but when I look back at the life she had and at her weight struggles, I can feel sympathey for her rather than anger.0
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First, I would like to say that not all families are alike. There are a lot of supportive family my members out there. That being said, I am so sorry yours is not one of them. Especially your MOM!!! It kind of says something that when she wants to talk it's gossip about your sister. Thankfully you have a wonderful husband who is very happy and supportive of you. Be proud of your accomplishment. You have done something that a lot of people are not able, or willing to do. We here at MFP are extremely proud and happy. and SUPPORTIVE, for you. God Bless. :flowerforyou:0
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I'm sorry you had that experience. 60 lbs is an amazing loss and I'm sure you look incredible!
I have a wonderful, very supportive family - couldn't ask for more. Everyone deserves to have a family like that!0 -
Ditto on the family support!! I think its because they are either envious or jealous. So let those comments roll off your back, you are better than that. You know that losing 60 pds is a hug success for you so enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!! I would also consider telling your mother if she can't get be supportive of you then she can stay home.
Kris0 -
Get on here more!!! We'll support you and motivate you. 60lbs is fantastic! Keep up the good work!!! You are doing this for yourself, so don't let someone else get you down!!!!0
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I think sometimes families are well intentioned but sabotage us without realizing it... Knowing that give me power to keep going.
congrats on your loss, celebrate0 -
Does your mom ....
jiggle your belly fat?
say "you look fat?"
tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"
you have nothing to complain about.
How rude... :noway:
By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:
"you look fat"
"whatever"
and "i can't see a difference"
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!
(mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)
I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.
To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.
You are really rude and I will just ignore what you said!!! I have never complained or vented and that was all I was doing.0
This discussion has been closed.
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