Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse?

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  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
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    I too am a survivor of childhoold sexual abuse and PTSD. I've written a few blogs on MFP about my experiences. After the sexual abuse my live started sprialing out of control. The darkness would set in and so began my life of constantly suffering from a mood disorder and major bouts of depression. There were many other components that was a build up to the point before the sexual abuse and that was the one that blew the lid off my life. Feel free to read some of my blogs about it.


    I have constantly been off and on anti-depressants. I would get feeling better and then I would stop taking them, only to get back to the same point again and have to go back on them. I thought it was a "failure" to be dependent upon medication as my family was the type to say "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it". I put that "happy" face on for many years. I was what I called "The Great Pretender".

    Finally, three years ago I had reached the point of thinking about suicide. I knew I had to seek professional help. I started seeing a psychologist who sent me to see a psychiatrist for meds quickly. I couldnt get through a session without crying all the way through and the sessions were unpIroductive. I had to be on the medicine before she could help me. So now I am on a anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds. Some of the meds I take are above the limit a regular doctor would prescribe. I also was having severe anxiety attacks and had become agorphobic. With tweaking of meds here and there I am now on a regimen that I will probably be on for the rest of my life.

    My psychologist was a life saver for me. I've been seeing her and my psych doctor for about 3 years. We have worked through so many issues including how my food issues related to the traumas and sexual abuse I suffered as a child. Without them I would have never been able to start MFP or even try to lose my armor of protection.

    My advice to anyone who has been through this experience is seek professional help. A support group is great but at least for me it took weekly sessions over a long period of time before I could look myself in the eye and feel like I was worthy.

    Anyone wanting to befriend me, please send me a request if you think I could be of help to you or help support you. I'm currently in week 10 of my new life journey and will be around for a long time , actually probably as long as I can still see and use a computer. I'm 57 now so hopefully I will be around for quite a while.
  • Linnybear1974
    Linnybear1974 Posts: 47
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    can you send me an invite to the group too please?
  • letmebeda1_wechange
    letmebeda1_wechange Posts: 480 Member
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    I have been physically and verbally abused by my mother for much of my life, until one day when I already had gotten married my husband found me crying my eyes out and told me this" why are you surprised, how she hurt you again, she always does this to you. It's a pattern". well you would think oh wow he knew, he was supportive. Yes he was supportive he didn't let my mother abuse me anymore because it was his turn to emotionally and verbally abuse me,for 20 years. That's when the weight really started kicking in.


    I was also molested by my cousin. my uncle tried too. and my step dad would try and my mom would not believe me. so just the depression started kicking in. I was looking at pictures of me when I was a teen. looking at those pictures wow I had a beautiful body and wasn't fat. had great curves. but i always found myself fat and unlovable. so again it didn't bother me eating because that was my comfort zone.

    well i'm still trying to survive and beat this feeling, even though I must say I can hide the pain very well. no one would ever know i'm hurting unless I feel confident in telling someone my story.

    besides me trying to survive my abuse, I had 3 daughters which i protected with all i had and was very over protective. but when my 20 year marriage went down the drain. now the kids had to go to both homes. well one of my daughter's decides to move in with her father and he didn't protect them like i would do. and she got raped. well 2 years later from her ordeal is when she told me. the father didn't rape her but he didn't protect her or helped her get justice for it. he made her feel it was her fault and blamed her and convinced her not to tell me.

    after 2 years when I found out, we made a report and I do have to mention this Christmas was a wonderful closure for both me and my daughter. We went to court on Dec.22nd and they gave him 8 years in jail(the rapist) I have to say this THANK YOU JESUS. my daughter is so emotionally depressed and that puts me in a emotional roller coaster as well. Please start a group, I see by reading there are many of us survivors. thank you for reading the short version of my abuse.

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  • jnhu72
    jnhu72 Posts: 558 Member
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    For 14 years of my childhood I was sexually abused. I really never got the childhood that others get. I was given food after it was over with as a way to comfort me so I in turn did that with all my other problems, thus how my binge started. I never opened up about until April 2010. I wanted to commit suicide and no one could understand what was so bad. I finally told my mother and while I think it upset her she still talks to the person that abused me and every time I hear her talking to him It triggers something in me to eat, and I am working past that. It's very brave of you to talk about this, it's a very hard thing to open up about and I wish I could talk to a professional but unfortunately I am just not at that stage in my journey. I wish anyone dealing with this the best of luck.
  • mehi79
    mehi79 Posts: 9 Member
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    I went through years of CSA. Been through domestic violence as well. About 5 yrs ago, I just got so tired of carrying that around w/ me. I would have nightmares & wake up in the middle of the night crying. I would all of a sudden think about it while driving to / from work. I stayed depressed. It took a lot of prayer & finally me letting go & letting God to rid myself of it. The body issues - now that's another story. Still have them.
  • jbpretty
    jbpretty Posts: 221 Member
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    Good on you. I know that it wasn't until I was near the end of my healing journey, that my WEIGHT LOSS journey has been successful. It's funny how things are connected. Great share!
  • StatutoryGrape
    StatutoryGrape Posts: 365
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    I wasn't sexually abused as a child, but I was neglected and emotionally abused by my mother (and then got into an abusive relationship as a teenager). I applaud you for "coming out" and being willing to talk about this! I believe that any trauma can have dramatic and long-lasting effects on how we view ourselves. I know that a large part of my (admittedly unhealthy) preoccupation with my weight and appearance stems from said abusive relationship, where I was told repeatedly that I was not pretty enough, that I was "fat," etc. It can be really, really hard to recover from any sort of abuse, and it's a long process...but all the effort is worth it in the end. :)
  • megansoriano
    megansoriano Posts: 158
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    I went through childhood sexual abuse. My father or all people. I think after the age of 14 I was over it. This probably had a lot to do with how I acted out as a teen, my relationship with men and other people. I have never really spoken to anyone about it but I know the areas of my life I need to change. Dealing with the aftermath is an experience and you can not let it take over your life. I think its wonderful for people to recognize what is wrong, how to cope and then how to move on. It takes some of us a little longer but it is all a learning experience if you let it be.
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
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    I was molested by my brother from age 5 or 6 until I was 16 years old.
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    For those wanting to join the support group here on MFP, please try again. I changed the settings to make the group public (they were set to private), so you should be able to join now. If you still can't, send me a private message and I'll issue you an invite.
  • mommamindi
    mommamindi Posts: 273
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    Actually yes, I have been victimized by numerous men in my childhood, and it ended with my step dad victimizing me from the age of 16-17 and my mom deciding that I seduced her husband. I met my husband and he "saved" me from the abuse. I am working on mentally getting healthy as well as physically. I have such low self esteem from this that I see no way to "love myself" unless I change what I dont love.
  • Mamao7
    Mamao7 Posts: 79
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    Let me start by applauding all of you survivors! I also have to say that I have not been sexually abused, There was this one time as a child where I was at a friends house and the older brother or older bro friend well some how we ended up in the basement looking at naked playing cards, I think I was in grade school but I don't remember how old I was.. (funny I can see it clearly in my head but can determine my age, maybe 4th or 5th grade.. so maybe between 9and 11. ) Well he ended up on top of me and tried to get my panties down but I managed to push him off me and run away.. as I was running for home He yelled out the door don't tell you will get in trouble. I didn't tell my mother. When I told my mother at 16 she took me to seek therapy, but I was not in a good place to talk about what had happened to me. I didn't trust the doctor or my mom. My relationship with my mother has never been good, there was emotional abuse at the hands of my mother, My parent were divorced before I was 4 shortly after my brother was born. I don't remember him ever being in our house. It was not a good time growing up in my house as a child. I guess I started eating because of that and from that time on I was not good enough for my mom. There are many reasons that I don't speak to her. I have tried to let her back in numerous times but she doesn't change. She has mental issues and I can not deal with her at this time I haven't spoken to her since she came to visit me and my family and stayed for 6 weeks and there was a issues with travel arrangements with her moving in with us, well it blew out of control and where she call my wonderful husband a SOB in front of our children. In my hubby's defense he would have still moved her across country after she said that to him, but he did it in front of his children. she was asked to leave. I found out later that she was dangerous she tried to hurt boyfriend, She has been hospitalized numerous times. I knew this b4 she came but hey she my mom right?!??! part of her issues is she has always been jelous of my relationship with my husband, She wants to be my best friend she used to call my friends and siblings friends to cry to them. This woman basically took away my childhood so I could take care of her children from her 2nd marriage from the time i could watch kids age 12. Always talking bad about my bio father and other mama It was never calm at my house growing up. This is another story and there are more reasons but I could go on forever.. But when I met my Husband over 19 years ago I was fresh out of H.S. she didn't like him see he was out spoken fresh out of the "Core and from a stable loving family" and said to me.. Jenn why are you her slave? why don't you live and do what you want to do? why are you taking care of her children? Why do you let her make you feel like that?!?! He made me think that this is not right. So I finally stood and spoke up and she didn't like that, she blames him.. It's all his fault.. It everyone else fault but hers, I just honestly cant deal with her anymore. I have no desire to speak to her. Don't get my wrong I love my mother but I cant handle her I don't want to try. I wish my mom was the mom my bff has.. but that's just not in the cards for me. I live a simple life and have I loving husband awesome Children 2 dogs 2 birds and a bunny I love my life. I just need to get this weight off and move on with it for me and for them. Have a wonderful new year to everyone. thanks for listening.
  • annalynne1983
    annalynne1983 Posts: 23
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    I have not gone through this type of abuse, but am on nerve pills... Celexa. It is a anti-anxiety/drepression that does not cause weight gain. Maybe, it could be an alternative to the ones that do. I wish you all the best in your recovery. Be blessed.

    Not sure if this reply was to me? I'm already on citalopram, which I think is Celexa to you guys? That didn't make me put on weight, it was the quetiapine I started on last year in addition to the citalopram because it alone couldn't keep my anxiety and depression under control. However, I THINK I've got control of my weight again since being on MFP! Cross fingers :-)
  • annalynne1983
    annalynne1983 Posts: 23
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    For those wanting to join the support group here on MFP, please try again. I changed the settings to make the group public (they were set to private), so you should be able to join now. If you still can't, send me a private message and I'll issue you an invite.

    Oh that explains why I can join now! I thought I was losing the plot again :-) Thanks!
  • annalynne1983
    annalynne1983 Posts: 23
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    I am a member of this club that nobody wanted to join. My story is rather long and involved, but let me assure you that freedom is more than possible. It is the reality of my life!

    I love the way you put this...I've thought the same a number of times while trying to work through my abuse and coming to realise the impact it's had....

    Member of a club no-one wanted join...damn right! :-)

    Yep, it's possible to work through and have a better life, but crikey we spend a long time and a lot of effort just to get to a place many people have STARTED their adult life from, just because of some selfish people who do awful things...such a waste.

    My pet peeve is people with nice loving supportive families and no trauma in their past who say to me "life's not fair get used to it"....ya THINK? I worked that out for myself! It doesn't really help anything having that pointed out! I still have issues to work through, and if I was going to simply wallow in misery and feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life like you imply I'm doing, I wouldn't be going on this emotional roller coaster to try and heal!!!! Duh!!

    My typically supportive hubby got in trouble for saying this to me recently! :-)
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Kinda hard to see what I am typing through these tear filled eyes, but I have been trying to recover from this for as long as I can remember. I am so sorry we all have such an awful thing in common. I'd like to be part of the group (if I need an invite).
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    Kinda hard to see what I am typing through these tear filled eyes, but I have been trying to recover from this for as long as I can remember. I am so sorry we all have such an awful thing in common. I'd like to be part of the group (if I need an invite).

    You don't need an invite, but here's the link:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

    We'll be glad to have you. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing--we don't have to have details to be able to support you! Some people find it helpful to share details, while others don't want to share...whatever you are comfortable with is fine!
  • jude666
    jude666 Posts: 231 Member
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    I wasn't sexually abused as a child but I was a rape victim, I was still a virgin and only 14 years old. It still affects me to this day and i've been married for 2 years, been with my partner for 10, he is my soul mate.

    I didn't tell my parents as the man was a son of a friend of theirs (he was 35 at the time). Knowing what it would do to my Mum stopped me from telling. I confessed to my brother in sheer desperation and he was my rock through it all. I didn't even tell my friends. I shut myself away and refused to see anyone for ages. My parents just thought it was down to my age and hormonal changes but I was ashamed and disgusted at what had happened to me. So much so, i turned to food and comfort ate my way up to a size 18/20 (uk).

    A few years after it happened, during a particularly nasty argument with my Mum, she confessed to me that she had been sexually abused as a child by her piano teacher. It never occurred to me that this was the reason that when I was learning the piano, i always had female teachers. She literally broke down in front of me, which made me break down to and i was SOOOOOOO close to spilling it all out to her but I just couldn't, i didn't want to cause my Mum anymore pain but I so wanted her to know and to have support from her.

    I don't think it is ever something you fully recover from, it's there with you all the time. you never ever forget you just learn to deal with it and move on. I have to say, reading everyones own stories on here has been a huge help to me, thank you. This site is more than a weight loss site, its a support group for life in general.... this is for each of you :heart: :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • asmgrant
    asmgrant Posts: 27
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    The worst part, for me isn't that I was abused, but that my mom laughed in my face and to day calls me a lying ***** if I bring it up.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm a survivor also. Thanks everyone for opening up, it helps to not be alone!

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