The "right" age / time to have kids?!?

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  • loved1
    loved1 Posts: 206 Member
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    IMHO, 21 is too young to have a child by choice, especially if you are single/unmarried.

    There is a HUGE gulf between thinking you will be with your BOYFRIEND for life & the two of you making the commitment of being married. It is a little odd that his parents have been suggesting children to you since you were a teenager. The world has changed greatly since they had children at 18 and there are many more opportunities for young women.

    What do you really want to do with your life? Travel, education, hang out with friends, build a stock portfolio/rainy day fund, etc.? Those are the questions you should answer first.
  • JulieF11
    JulieF11 Posts: 387 Member
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    Since you are not already pregnant, maybe consider checking out what the cost of raising a child is in your area. Then plan to save that amount from your income(s) and see if living on what is left is still comfortable. Then you'll have a nest egg to start you off.

    The breakdown of parental spending by different years of a child’s life is as follows:

    • 1st year - £9,491
    • Years 1 to 4 - £53,586 (£13,397 a year for these years)
    • Years 5 to 10 - £56,856 (£9,476 a year)
    • Years 11 to 17 - £47,820 (£6,831 a year)
    • Years 18 to 21 - £43,094 (£14,365 a year)

    Although money isn't a great indicator of whether or not someone will be a great parent, the lack of it is a sure way of making anyone's life and/or relationships a challenge.

    Good for you for considering these things before jumping into anything. :-)
  • sassiebritches
    sassiebritches Posts: 1,861 Member
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    I am 38 years old. I was just like you......just not ready. It even got where I felt I was never gonna want them. I have entered a time in my life where all my friends kids are grown and I am working on my body to start. I would say don't wait to 38 years old. But make some goals as to what you would like to accomplish before kids, do them and then go for it....will you be getting married? That is a huge thing too.....I mean I didn't want to have kids with someone I didn't wanna be with forever....you are gonna have to see him from time to time and most my ex's well.....I prefer not to see. :)

    Good luck
  • monkeysmum
    monkeysmum Posts: 522 Member
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    is there a right time i had my first at 19 then 20 and 22 then waited and had them at 28 and 29 there isnt a right time or a wrong time just a time thats good for you when you have a stable job and can handle being off work for so many months and the sleepless nights etc etc if you want a baby then go for it if your not sure then wait
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
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    Wow... how did I completely miss the fact that he is your BOYFRIEND?!

    Yeah, unless he puts a ring on it, no babies. That's a recipe for disaster, custody hearings, child support battles, and a whole lot of other nastiness that can be prevented.

    Commit to EACH OTHER first. See how that works for a few YEARS. Then think possibly a house... babies come last!! You two are wayyy too ahead of yourselves. Slow down!
  • racheljoanne
    racheljoanne Posts: 48
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    Wow... how did I completely miss the fact that he is your BOYFRIEND?!

    Yeah, unless he puts a ring on it, no babies. That's a recipe for disaster, custody hearings, child support battles, and a whole lot of other nastiness that can be prevented.

    Commit to EACH OTHER first. See how that works for a few YEARS. Then think possibly a house... babies come last!! You two are wayyy too ahead of yourselves. Slow down!

    wow reading over these a lot of people seem to think we NEED to be married first. We have been together for 5 years and we definatley want to get married some day but i never thought we would NEED to be married before having kids.
    maybe a lot of you people are from a different country to me? im from the UK and around here a lot of people leave getting married until later! i dont know why but they just do.
    guess this is another thing to think about!
  • racheljoanne
    racheljoanne Posts: 48
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    Also a lot of people seem to think i need to be out of work. I work at a nursery and will get free childcare from them when i go back to work, im not saying i plan to go back to work full time, im just saying i dont need to worry about childcare costs that much when my time does come to have a baby!
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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    I don't think you NEED to leave work to have a child but you might find that you WANT to stay home, so planning for that and figuring out if/how to live on the other parent's income alone is a good strategy to see if it's possible. I thought I'd want to go back to work right away after having my son but felt COMPLETELY differently once he was here and I was home with him. I'm SOOOO glad we had planned on living on only my husband's income so that we were prepared when I could not leave my son with someone else and wanted to be home.

    I think that the "is it the right time" is sort of like the "is he the one" question. If you're still asking then he's not the one type thing, you just KNOW when he's the one, and you just KNOW when it's the right time to have a child.

    I wish we'd traveled more before having a child. Of course lots of people travel a ton with a child or children but it IS harder. So make sure you do the REALLY important trips you want to do before having a child.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    Also a lot of people seem to think i need to be out of work. I work at a nursery and will get free childcare from them when i go back to work, im not saying i plan to go back to work full time, im just saying i dont need to worry about childcare costs that much when my time does come to have a baby!

    will you work there forever?
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Also a lot of people seem to think i need to be out of work. I work at a nursery and will get free childcare from them when i go back to work, im not saying i plan to go back to work full time, im just saying i dont need to worry about childcare costs that much when my time does come to have a baby!

    I think it is very different in the US from here in the UK. From what age do your nursery take children? Also I think you will find it very different having your own baby and trying to work with other people's. Motherhood makes you crazy. Really. I thought I'd be back at work in no time, and 6 years on I have only just gone back to uni, as I am now totally unemployable. I don't know anyone who worked with children before and wasn't still knocked off their feet when they had their own.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    Don't rush, enjoy this time do what you want to do then have kids. You two are you and have PLENTY of time!
  • Lstrhi
    Lstrhi Posts: 132
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    okay, so ive been thinking about this a lot lately..
    Im 21, my boyfriend is 24. He wants to have kids and i do as well but i keep putting it off and finding negative things to think about it.
    We both have stable jobs, im a nursery nurse, he works for his dads business. We arent rich but we have enough money and we live in a one bedroomed flat. We dont have a lifestyle that would be 'destroyed' by having children, in other words we dont go out partying 24/7 etc.
    So whats stopping me?!

    I think i feel that I'm being pressured too much, as his parents have been saying for 4 years "when are you two going to have kids??" etc.
    also i worry about telling other people... my family and work collegues etc. i feel that people might not be pleased for me and they might think this is the "wrong time" for us to have children.

    so, anyways, im just having a rant here to get this off my chest, and also wondering what do other people think about the right time to have children? is there one? if so WHEN IS IT?? Please tell me!! haha!

    X

    never, as far as i'm concerned lol. seriously, not until you are emotionally and financially ready.
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
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    I don't plan on having kids till I've got all my stuff together.. good career, decent home, mentally prepared, etc. It's the best way to go about it, IMO.
  • Ljohnverrell
    Ljohnverrell Posts: 27
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    I had my children at 22 and 23 and I'm glad that I did because now they are out of the house and I'm still "young enough" to have some fun and live my life. It has to be the right time for you and your partner though. It works best if there are two caring parents in the house. So there is no specific age/time, just as long as both parties are ready. :)
  • LittleMissAngi
    LittleMissAngi Posts: 243 Member
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    When the time is right you will know.

    I had my son when I was 21.

    Don't let anyone pressure you, when the time is right, it will happen!
  • karleen
    karleen Posts: 260
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    i was 21 when i had my son, but my circumstances were completely opposite yours. i had a job, but lived in a party house paying rent split among 6 adults. i wasnt in a stable relationship with his father, he also was far from father material.

    BUT i must say my son saved me, best thing that ever happened to me. i think if you want to, then go for it. first get another bedroom though :)
  • busterbluth
    busterbluth Posts: 115 Member
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    A lot of people are hung up on marriage here. This isn't 1950.

    Anyway. I had my 1st at 34 and I still wasn't ready: I hadn't planned to start trying to get pregnant until around 36-38. I honestly don't know anyone anymore who has kids in their early 20s. You have your whole life ahead of you; you may as well do all the things that are logistically really difficult to do once you have a child (go out, travel, take lessons, run a marathon, continue your education, etc).
  • agthorn
    agthorn Posts: 1,844 Member
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    If you have a kid at 22, they will be out of the house when you are say 45
    Maybe. Don't plan your life around it though. My SIL was permanently disabled in a car accident at age 15 and there will be no retirement for my in-laws, because she'll never be able to leave home.

    To answer the original question, we are 30/31 and have been married for almost 9 years and still have no plans for kids anytime in the foreseeable future.
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
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    It will just feel right.
  • babylemonade
    babylemonade Posts: 250 Member
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    Your boyfriend wants to have children, but you're not even married? Aren't you kind of skipping a huge step there?

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