The "right" age / time to have kids?!?

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  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
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    Sorry could people clarify how the child is safer if the parents are married? I'm totally confused and don't understand how being married affects child welfare.

    If the father walks out, or dies, the mother and child have no right to anything he owns. He doesn't need to pay maintenance, they won't inherit, they have no legal rights at all.

    In the UK if a father is on the childs birth certificate, or can be prooved to be the childs biological father or is the adoptive father and he and the mother seperate then he legally has to pay child support. If he doesnt then the Child Support Agency can take it directly out of his wages or welfare.
    Not once did it even occur to me to financially tie myself to my childs father, and I think making sure you can get as much money as you can out of him and saying its for child safety is utter tosh!
  • racheljoanne
    racheljoanne Posts: 48
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    Sorry could people clarify how the child is safer if the parents are married? I'm totally confused and don't understand how being married affects child welfare.

    If the father walks out, or dies, the mother and child have no right to anything he owns. He doesn't need to pay maintenance, they won't inherit, they have no legal rights at all.

    In the UK if a father is on the childs birth certificate, or can be prooved to be the childs biological father or is the adoptive father and he and the mother seperate then he legally has to pay child support. If he doesnt then the Child Support Agency can take it directly out of his wages or welfare.
    Not once did it even occur to me to financially tie myself to my childs father, and I think making sure you can get as much money as you can out of him and saying its for child safety is utter tosh!






    THIS IS JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING!
  • FitDC
    FitDC Posts: 63
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    Hi Rachel - There is never a "perfect" time to have children, but listen to your inner-self, if you are not ready then don't let anyone manipulate you into having children.

    21 is really young. When you begin to have a family and sincerely strive to be a good parent, you put your child or children's needs over your own. Are you ready to give up all your money and free time on a child? It is a life-long commitment.

    I would recommend the marriage commitment first.

    I was 37 when my son was born, my second husband and I had been married 8 years before I became pregnant. We had so much fun as a couple we took classes and traveled together, around our busy work schedules. We bought a home and decorated it. Honestly, we were too selfish to have children at a younger age and we would not have been good parents.

    One year a couple invited us to their church one Sunday. The pastor asked if anyone wanted to receive prayer to have children. My husband said, let's go up front and get in on that prayer. God blessed us that year. You really don't know love until you have a baby. It has been my greatest joy. When you are young you have much more energy to keep up with a child, when you are older you have already pleased yourself and have much more wisdom to impart in a child, but not so much energy. God will bless you at just the perfect time. He is good and kind to all.
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
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    Just to add, I had my son when I was 21. He wasn't planned and it was awful timing but we did it. It has worked out really well this way - I seperated from his Dad back in August and he stays there at the weekends and on a wednesday day time. I don't want anymore children so I'm glad I could have him young. Being pregnant is **** hard work, even at that age. I have my weekends and time in the week to party, see my friends and do my chores and do all the other jobs that are so difficult with a nearly 2 year old around. I get the best of both worlds, I am a mum AND Aimee.
    Obviously its better if you can stay with your childs dad, but try to remember that your life doesn't stop when you become mum, you still have a life, still need alone time, still need to have fun. At no point should you ever hang up your coat and say my life is over, I can have kids now. Life isn't over until you stop breathing - you've gotta live it! My son is part of my life, not an addition onto what I think is the end of mine.
  • loved1
    loved1 Posts: 206 Member
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    If you are in a long term relationship with someone that you intend to marry, but have not married, there probably is good reason for the delay and hesitation and those same reasons should be considered when thinking about having a child with your boyfriend. If you are set on having a child without being married, it's a good idea to negotiate legal custody, inheritance, support & other arrangements in good times so that you have something in place if things fall apart.

    Are you prepared to be a single parent with primary responsibility for the child? All children are a blessing, but if you're taking the time to think about having a child also take the time to consider your commitment to one another.

    Living with someone and considering yourselves to be a family is just not the same as having the legal protections of a family. The protections of marriage that give certain rights to the wife also benefit the entire family unit, to include the child.
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
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    The right age for you is when you are completely sure. No one is the same. I had my first child at 29yrs. Make sure you have achieved most things that you want to which children would make difficult - travelling etc. It can be done, but it's certainly not as easy. I do agree with other posters though, if you are having any doubts, and need to ask a chat room, then you are probably not ready. There is plenty of time. and when your buddle of joy arrives take enjoy the experience.

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