Getting support from your Significant Other. NOT!
alofay
Posts: 127 Member
In the past two months I have really took a leap towards a healthy life style. To put it simply, I've learned self control thanks to the help of MFP and all my amazing friends....
The issue is the significant other. He really hasn't "converted" with me. When you spend your evenings together and one person (him) is content to curl up and watch TV and the other person (me) wants to go for a run or a bike or a walk or weight lifting, SOMETHING other then sitting on the couch, BUT I don't want to give up my time with him either because of our long work days. We get maybe two hours a night together, if that. And quite honestly I could spend those two hours on MFP... He absolutely refuses to join MFP. I wish he would be my running partner
I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?
He represents the life I used to live. I'm not that fat, lazy person anymore. He could benefit from the same changes I have made. I try not to push him because when I was heavy everyone in the world could have told me I needed to lose weight but, it didn't happen until I was ready.
UGH!
The issue is the significant other. He really hasn't "converted" with me. When you spend your evenings together and one person (him) is content to curl up and watch TV and the other person (me) wants to go for a run or a bike or a walk or weight lifting, SOMETHING other then sitting on the couch, BUT I don't want to give up my time with him either because of our long work days. We get maybe two hours a night together, if that. And quite honestly I could spend those two hours on MFP... He absolutely refuses to join MFP. I wish he would be my running partner
I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?
He represents the life I used to live. I'm not that fat, lazy person anymore. He could benefit from the same changes I have made. I try not to push him because when I was heavy everyone in the world could have told me I needed to lose weight but, it didn't happen until I was ready.
UGH!
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Replies
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My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.0
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My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.
That's nice, but it really doesn't help her. 0 -
My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.
That's nice, but it really doesn't help her.
Agreed! lol0 -
My husband will NOT run...its not his thing. We have active time on the weekends and he helps support me in being verbally supportive, helping me cook healthier meals, but in the evenings the most he will do exercise wise is walk the dog with me. So I run in the morning and do all my "real" workouts at that time. IN the evening I do pushups/situps/kettlebell stuff for about 45 mins while he clears the dinner dishes and cleans the kitchen and then we walk the dog and then he watches tv. I go sit on the couch with him, with my laptop to peruse mfp (something he would also never join nor would I expect him to), or pinterest or whatever. He is 100% supportive of these choices for me, but he really doesn't need to lose weight and he stays active with work and his hobbies so....it is what it is for us. I'm fine with it. I love that he gives me moral support and helps with the cooking and cleaning. In the long run I'm doing this for me. Of course I want him to be healthier also, but just like he couldn't make me walk away from the chocolate cake, I can't make him run.
I bet you guys will find the right groove for you both. I also think that he will eventually decide that he needs to get his *kitten* in gear because you are running circles around him. I think that my husband is starting to feel that pressure that his energy isn't as high as mine...I bet they will both see "the light" and join us soon.
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You have to do what makes you happy. You owe it to your relationship to be happy on your own. You are better off spending less time with him and being happy than spending more time with him and being resentful or unhappy about it.
If you have 2 hours, spend an hour doing your workout and an hour on the couch with SO. (I'd suggest doing the couch part afterwards - couches can be like velcro sometimes)
There's a quote I like that goes something like this: It is not selfish to live your life the way you see fit. Selfishness is expecting others to live their life according to your ideas.0 -
My husband has a physically demanding job, so when he came home I would want to go for a walk or something because I have been cooped up with the short people all day and he wanted to relax. I discovered that I had to do it with or without him. I started running on my own and embraced that I couldn't force him to come with me and that I couldn't keep using him as an excuse. I have an advantage that I am sahm so I work out while he is at work so when he gets home we can relax. You have done amazing so far, don't let him set you back, maybe walk or run on a treadmill while he is watching tv, or try to workout at lunch so when you are both home you can relax together. Good luck.0
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I'm in sort of the same situation. My husband just doesn't "get it." He's naturally healthy and built because of his job. He's supportive--he'd buy me a gym if I asked him too, but he's not interested in talking about it too much. We have issues when it comes to weight loss. He believes in a lot of the myths but is uninterested in expanding his knowledge on the subject. And if I try to explain something he thinks he needs to be right. We don't argue or anything but it's so annoying. It's something that I have become passionate about and he really could care less....as long as he has a hot wife he doesn't care. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel. So, yeah, it sucks...The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. But don't let it come between you and don't let him drag you down.0
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Great Input! Thank you very much0
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He can still support you without wanting to join you. My husband is not interested in jogging, walking, biking, etc. But he supports me and loves me and does allow me to do my 'diet thing' at my will. Could you do any of your exercises in the living room while he is there? Like a stationary bike or something? If you only have 2 hours together you could always go for a run for 1/2 hour or so then spend the rest of the time with him. Or better yet, get it in before the time you want to spend with him. It's all a matter of compromise---for you BOTH.
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I just started cooking healthier meals. My BF can either conform to a healthier lifestyle, or learn to fend for himself. After about 2 weeks of "rabbit" food. He wanted to join MFP and we now are going to the gym together nightly.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods0 -
Do you know of any activities that he used to enjoy? Might be able to lure him into tossing a football or playing catch with a softball in the backyard. Or golf frisbee... heck even just golf. Do you have a Wii? The Wii sports game has bowling, which is great for parties too, but is fun to do together. Its not moving around much, but its more than sitting on the couch.0
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Do you know of any activities that he used to enjoy? Might be able to lure him into tossing a football or playing catch with a softball in the backyard. Or golf frisbee... heck even just golf. Do you have a Wii? The Wii sports game has bowling, which is great for parties too, but is fun to do together. Its not moving around much, but its more than sitting on the couch.
lol we have a wii but that has resorted to bowling on the couch! haha But ultimately I get your point and I do need to become more creative.
UNFORTUNATELY, this has spilled into our personal life and I feel like a terrible person but, I haven't scheduled our engagement photos because our weight issues bother me. I don't want to take an expensive photo that we're going to look back at and think YUCK! Obviously I need to start letting go of that as well and just take it as it is...0 -
I just posted a thread with the same. I don't have any advice I am in the same boat. No help and she get annoyed when I look at lables and talk about food.0
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I'm in sort of the same situation. My husband just doesn't "get it." He's naturally healthy and built because of his job. He's supportive--he'd buy me a gym if I asked him too, but he's not interested in talking about it too much. We have issues when it comes to weight loss. He believes in a lot of the myths but is uninterested in expanding his knowledge on the subject. And if I try to explain something he thinks he needs to be right. We don't argue or anything but it's so annoying. It's something that I have become passionate about and he really could care less....as long as he has a hot wife he doesn't care. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel. So, yeah, it sucks...The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. But don't let it come between you and don't let him drag you down.
My husband is the same. I've finally come to the conclusion that I am doing this on my own and he supports me by paying for my gym membership. The rest is on me. I don't tell him anymore about my goals or how my work out went cause he's not very positive. So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.0 -
So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.
Lol....YES!0 -
I just posted a thread with the same. I don't have any advice I am in the same boat. No help and she get annoyed when I look at lables and talk about food.
Sorry to hear that cause I know exactly what you are going thru... I guess you just "do you" and if they don't get it then time will tell whether the relationship is meant to be or not. *kitten*! IDK!0 -
My husband and I have a contest going, so every time he works out, I work out and every time I work out, he works out.0
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So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.
Lol....YES!
You girls are too funny!0 -
I am learning this right now. When we cook meals together we eat the same thing, but I make his with a little more cheese, add noodles, etc. becasue thats how he likes it. We sat down and made a list of more healthy activites to do together, and go to the gym together sat AM's when I stay over there on the weekend. When we go out to dinner now we each get a side salad and share a dish. He ordered light ranch the other day and I was nearly in tears - I was a proud girlfriend. He also has been helping me with cravings. When I saw lets get ice cream he will laugh and say nooo nooo remeber how many minutes on the treadmill it takes you to burn it off? Instead of freaking out on him like a crazy person, I laugh and know he is right.
Sit down with him and share how imporant this is becasue you want to feel better about yourself. You can true only be happy with someone else when you are happy with yourself first.0 -
Bump0
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Maybe he could spend the first hour helping you stretch.. he could still get some TV in that way too... and then if he's anything like my husband.. the second hour could be spent on sex.
Sex>Time Spent Together>Slightly Happier Lives?0 -
Mine needs to make changes, too, but is totally resistant. I just don't know. It's discouraging. It's been nearly a year. I thought by now....
but no.
I just keep plugging away. I figure one day, something has got to give, right? I still make the meals to accommodate the ones here that don't want to change... :-/0 -
^^^^ THIS - love it! I have come to the same conclusion with my hubby.I don't tell him anymore about my goals or how my work out went cause he's not very positive. So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.
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Sometimes, you have to do your own thing. If you do..maybe he will miss you and want to join. Do it for you. You will be happier with your together time.0
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My partner's very slim, but has no interest at all in fitness. I've invited him to the gym, and he;s run with me a little but just isn't keen. I guess ultimately I've had to give up time with him to pursue my own health goals. Because realistically they are my health goals and I can't drag him along with me.
He will walk with me, and we do that together. And every now and again I invite him. And we find other ways to spend time together when we are both home.
I don't think there's much else you can do, to be honest.0 -
I am secretly worried this is what will happen with me and my guy... I can already see his eyes glossing over and his foot slipping back into his "old life."0
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Why you want to make him run with you? You are not a 2 yrs old! All I heard are excuses.... the same thing about spend time
together.....
You should try to get healthy for yourself and that's it.
You can't change a person unless he's willing to change himself. The only thing you can do is cooking healthy food and if he does not want to eat then he should cook for himself.
If he make fun of you and try to break your spirit so you don't have a will to get healthy then you have something to complain about.
Stop make excuses and DO IT!0 -
I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?
I think you're possibly (no offense here m'am) blowing things out of proportion. You are not two totally different people unless he suddenly started killing kittens and you started slangin' crack rocks on the weekends.
You decided to get in shape and congrats, you did it. He chose not to follow in your footsteps and you owe it to him to love him the same way he loved you before you made this decision.
Now as this relates to my personal experiences, my wife doesn't work out and she doesn't really watch her food intake. But you know what she does? She cooks for me and she even WRITES DOWN EVERYTHING so I can log it. She makes sacrifices in her personal life so that I can go to the gym and lift weights. She bends over backwards for me so that I can, in all my vanity, acquire what will hopefully be a big muscular body for my own benefit, not hers (she would love me just the same if I were fat).
For these reasons (and many, many more) I love her so much and I tell her so every...single...day.
My suggestion to you is to re-examine what you find important to you, and I don't judge you in any of this despite my tone.0 -
I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?
I think you're possibly (no offense here m'am) blowing things out of proportion. You are not two totally different people unless he suddenly started killing kittens and you started slangin' crack rocks on the weekends.
You decided to get in shape and congrats, you did it. He chose not to follow in your footsteps and you owe it to him to love him the same way he loved you before you made this decision.
Now as this relates to my personal experiences, my wife doesn't work out and she doesn't really watch her food intake. But you know what she does? She cooks for me and she even WRITES DOWN EVERYTHING so I can log it. She makes sacrifices in her personal life so that I can go to the gym and lift weights. She bends over backwards for me so that I can, in all my vanity, acquire what will hopefully be a big muscular body for my own benefit, not hers (she would love me just the same if I were fat).
For these reasons (and many, many more) I love her so much and I tell her so every...single...day.
My suggestion to you is to re-examine what you find important to you, and I don't judge you in any of this despite my tone.
BOO!!!! BOOOOO!!!!! You're raining on our pity parade!
J/k......that's really good advice.0 -
Same here - my wife is even on MFP, and the only thing that bothers me is that she does not want me in her circle of lady friends...lolMy wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.
Other than that one conspiracy issue, all is well.
Now, if I was NOT getting the support I needed or not equally yoked with some like-minded person?
I'd bite my tongue, smile sweetly while I got in shape, then exit the relationship the very day I reached my fitness goals, leaving her HIGH AND DRY!
So long - you witch!0
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