Parents: What are we teaching our kids about bullying?
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My son was bullied over the last few years Primary 4-6. (ages 8-10) He moved up a school year at age 6 due to the school saying he was too far ahead and they didn't have the resources to teach him, so he had to move up. The first year primary 3 was ok. But the bullying started when he became top of his new class and became worse in primary 5 when they stopped differentiating in the class and had them all working on the same level.
My son's best friend changed school due to severe bullying, both emotional and physical, another boy in his class had his arm broken by bullies in primary 6. The school's policy was to make the child and bully's talk about feelings. Things got worse after his friend left and he became main target often coming home upset with bruises. I had many trips into the school and many discussions with teachers.
I then spoke to the parent of one of the bully's (she was my son's childminder) and she was horrified the school hadn't bee in touch. She then spoke to the other kids parents and the bullying stopped. Thankfully this year they had primary 7 camp, which bonded all the kids and there's been no bullying this year and my son is now enjoying school and looking forward to high school next year.0 -
I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.
This. But I also think that this problem is multi layered and alot deeper than just a child needing a spanking. Children are growing up alot faster thanks to media and dealing with more issues sooner. ie. body issues and senseless violence. Dont even tell me children dont understand what is going on around them because they clearly do. Children also have alot of pressure on them to do well and be better than everyone else's kids. What parent would be happy with their child getting C average in every class?
Additionally, there are also new ways for children to BE bullied. It used to be that the schoolyard bully would pickon you for the time you were at school and people nearby would watch on. But eventually you could go home and get away from the bullying. Now thanks to social networking/telephones/fang-dangle gadgets bullies can tease you while you are home, write offensive things on your facebook wall to humiliate you infront of ALL your friends, and they can do it 24/7.0 -
I'll probably be slammed here - but I think people are way too mammby pammbied now days, so the minute they have a little bit of someone upsetting them they can't cope with it. A little like how puppies and kittens sort out who's the stronger personalities. I think it makes and shapes you - or it should - it shouldn't make you go and kill yourself - it either makes you think 'I won't let them get the better of me' or it makes you think 'ok, I am not as strong as them'. It seems that everyone is too soft now - these Y generations bug the hell out of me I have known heaps to commit suicide too - it seems the minute they have to 'do life' it's too hard for them!!!! They have been wrapped up in cotton wool that much that they cannot cope with the most basic rejections in life. I say go talk to someone that lived through the depression (if there is any left now) - go talk to someone that went to war - then you'll see that life can actually be hard.0
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This is bull****. There has always been bullying much harsher then now. The problem is parents not raising children properly. Not instilling a strong sense of self worth/self confidence and coping skills. Additionally a basic sense of self preservation. Also parents who need to put down there iPads and listen to their children.
While I agree that parents are far more self-involved now than they used to be, I wholeheartedly disagree with victim-blaming (blaming victim's parents, so we get that "what did you expect" and "you didn't raise your kids with enough self-esteem and they'll kill themselves" vibe you're putting out there).
Bullies usually have horrifyingly low self-esteem. So low, that they have to prove themselves to be in control of something, good at something, etc. every day. Victims are often average kids who are too young to know how to get through the mental and physical torture they're dealing with. Don't give me that *kitten* that if all of the victims parents had been better parents their kids wouldn't be the victims.
- Parents of bullies don't know they're the parent of the bully usually.
- Parents of victims also don't know they're the parent of a victim a lot of the time because the victim is embarrassed.
- Calling a bully out usually makes life worse for the victim.
- Involving a parent often yields no results.
- There is no treatment for the root of a bully's problem. Bullying is the symptom.
- Victims simply can not get away from their bullies, and the bullies get to remain bullies, just to someone else, when they do.
It's really easy to speculate when you don't have to experience it .But wait until your kid, who is quiet, into art and sci-fi, is opposed to fighting, and is not being ignored at home because YOU are the parent, comes home on the bus after getting sucker-punched in the gut by a kid old enough to be in middle school, not the 4th grade. Then watch while the school ties your hands about what they can do about it. Watch how important it becomes that your kid's bully kicks his *kitten* while there are witnesses so people will believe him and the school will do something.
Fortunately, my son had witnesses, the school had a no-tolerance policy, and the bully was not allowed to ride the bus anymore after that incident. Now that my kids are both in middle school, the one who had a bully in elementary, has none now. The older one, who is ok with a fist-fight, has gotten into several defending himself. It's fcked up when I have to tell my kids "Hey, if someone hits you - hit him back. You let him hit you once, and you'll be his punching bag all year." And when your kid says "But I'll get suspended" (which is messed up for a school to do to the victim) and I have to say "it's ok if you get suspended. Your dad and I will have your back no matter what."0 -
Solutions for cyber/technology bullying:
- Limit your child's use of these things to the point that it's not a constant source of entertainment or lifeline to the outside world. At a certain hour in the day, take the cell phone back in your possession. Allow only x minutes on the computer per day for use outside of homework/research.
- Follow internet age guidelines. Don't give a 9 year-old a Facebook account. 13 is the age for most social networking sites.
- Don't let technology be your babysitter. Just because your child can spend hours online or gaming, doesn't mean he or she should. Those hours can be better spent doing something with you.0 -
Solutions for cyber/technology bullying:
- Limit your child's use of these things to the point that it's not a constant source of entertainment or lifeline to the outside world. At a certain hour in the day, take the cell phone back in your possession. Allow only x minutes on the computer per day for use outside of homework/research.
- Follow internet age guidelines. Don't give a 9 year-old a Facebook account. 13 is the age for most social networking sites.
- Don't let technology be your babysitter. Just because your child can spend hours online or gaming, doesn't mean he or she should. Those hours can be better spent doing something with you.
I loved your posts and this is GREAT advice! My favorite memories were when my dad changed jobs while I was in hig school and we would sit at the table after dinner and play board games!0 -
Like a few have mentioned, bullying these days isn't as bad as it use to be. But "back in the day" at least you could defend yourself without too much repercussions. I got bullied early in grade school, that was until I had enough, beat the crap out of the bully, and then gained much respect. Never had a problem after that. Yes I got in trouble...I got detention. That's it.
Also, you rarely heard of kids doing themselves in over bullying. They dealt with it. These days it's just easy since they hear it all the time on the news.
I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.
I agree 145%!!! I was spanked....not beaten...growing up as well as my siblings and we all turned out responsible happy and successful with great family relationships!0 -
I just read a news article about a 10 year old boy who took his own life b/c he was being bullied. I started doing some research online and found another 10 year old girl who took her own life, a 14 year old boy who took his own life and so many more horrific stories of our children taking their own lives b/c of bullying.
I'm 26 years old, not older than some, but I've never experienced bullying. I've never seen it or even had to worry about it. Bullying is happening so much that it is all over the news! This is horrible. My poor heart goes out to anyone that had to suffer or is suffer from kids bullying them. I wish I could do something, anything to help stop it!
I'm sure the way some of these kids act is not just something they do at school so they muct be acting this way at home. Parents, what are we teaching our children? I have a 2 year old son and I am horrifed of sending him to preschool next year! What do you think causes our children to want to bully others?
In all your life you never saw someone bullied or were bullied yourself? Seriously?
I'm 35 and I certainly experienced it AND saw it happen starting in elementary school and going up through high school. Heck, I still see grown women bullying each other all the time -- women older than I am! I don't approve or participate, but it happens.0 -
I was bullied A LOT throughout my life. In middle school is when it started. I had a bully who would knock books out of my hand, put gum in my hair.....one day in art class she got caught rubbing styrafoam pieces in my hair and pushind really hard. The teacher called her over and was giving her detention and I walked over and DEFENDED her. I told the teacher we were just playing around.....she thanked me and helped pull the small pieces out of my hair and would actually start defending me from other bullies from that point on! My mom was frugal with money back then and bought me "mom jeans" when girls were wearing american eagle and abercrombie and fitch...she would buy me shirts 2 sizes too big because they were on clearance and bought me the cheapest glasses she could find which were too big on me and kept sliding down and I had to wear that rope thing to keep them on my face! The bus was the worst! Bus drivers can't focus on kids getting picked on when they have the road to watch and a schedule to keep. They would tease me for having thick eyebrows. There was a slow boy on our bus and one day they talked him into eating elmers glue and I told on them and I was harassed by them all 3 years of middle school..6th 7th 8th grade. I would tell my mom and she just said sticks and stones...don't worry about it....I can't imagine if facebook was available back then how much worse it would have gotten! THAT'S what makes it worse for kids now a days. Before it was one or two kids and you thought you had the whole world ahead of you but with the internet and social websites they get attacked my MANY bullies at once and they feel that is their world that they are doomed to be made fun of their whole life. Parents need to care more and give good advice! I started cutting myself because I was so depressed back then and hurt by my mom not caring. I turned out ok today but if you ask me about my experience in school, especially middle school, I had Ds because I hated school and my life. Kids need to know there are other wqys around it, like sports, music, drama, etc... get them involved where they are on a team and meet kids that support them. Showing you care and support them is one of the best ways to help them get through those tough times!
Im soooo sorry that happened to you! We were dirt poor and my clothes were similar as you described as well as my glasses. Kids might have talked about me behing my back but i was never bullied and you were. Im glad you are ok! That takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about!!0 -
I am not really going to get involved in this topic much. I know its an issue, but we also need to understand and realize that its been happening for as long as anybody can remember, and before. The only reason we know more about it, is because our system of communication has improved (ie... the internet). Back in the day, there were WAY more problems with violence at younger ages, and in some areas its still much worse than others. I was one of those all-too-popular bookworms. I was picked on here and there. I had some uncomfortable things said to me. I had my stuff thrown out and ruined. I had people try to scare me into getting bad grades!!! Seriously! I later had a male friend of mine stabbed for getting involved in situation where a guy was treating his girlfriend roughly. Bullying is a big deal, but we also need to understand that its nothing new. We may even be more worried about it now, as we are allowing more of our kids to grow up being babies and not learn how to deal with real situations. Back in the day, kids were told to stand up to the bullies. Now, more often than not the parent marches into the school, makes a fuss and half the time makes it worse for the kid (who by then still hasn't learned to stand up for himself).
Bullying is an issue for BOTH the family of the BULLY and the family of the BULLIED. There is NO REASON a person should have so ilittle confidence, understanding of how reality works, and think they have to resort to suicide. If bullying drove them over the edge, would it have changed over a stressful workplace or horrible husband years later? Also, the family of these kids whom are doing the bullying. Yes and no, sometimes they may understand that their son/daughter has a mean streak, but bullying tends to happen behind the backs of the teachers and parents. I personally have some horrible younger stepsisters who are the worst little devils you could possibly know. I saw my stepsister push her younger four year old sister down stairs, this same stepsister killed a pet parrot with a broom once. These girls have a horrible mother that doesn't really take responsibility for the children. Even then, what are you supposed to do in that situation besides ground them? The only answer modern society provides? Get them to a counselor (which they see and just lie anyway).
These are problems that are a fact of life. Just because you weren't exposed to it personally, doesn't mean it hasn't been going on. Just because all of a sudden people can communicate effectively and quickly across the world, and because our population has grown therefore increasing the number of occurrences... doesn't mean its hasn't been happening anyway. I personally first-hand have seen both sides, but there is a bit more of a problem than just the mean kids when the bullied takes his or her own life.
I too was also picked on for being poor. I never had the money to do cool things, I always had funky clothes because my Dad was born in the fifties and gave me what his Mom bought him. I was in 8th grade wearing smiley face overalls and granny shoes. I was picked on for having second-hand clothes and my pants being too short. I also was the homeschooled kid who showed up in 8th grade for the first year of public school. After that, I went to five DIFFERENT schools in only two years. Beleive me. Was I the outcast. I've grown to be independent. To not rely on my social network for my acceptance. I run a food cart in bustling downtown Portland Oregon myself at night. I can handle my own.
Nowadays, we breed adult women and men who can't take care of themselves and have no idea how the real world works. Why not help these kids who are being picked on catch up and understand that life is tough. We wont always have Mommy to kiss our boo-boos. I sure didn't.
Although i agree with you to an extent when our kids try to handle the situations on their own we then hear about threats or horrible school shootings. Our kids are afraid to speak up! You have sites like facebook or myspace where kids create fake profiles to stalk intimidate or even post photos and add horrible animations for others to see and then kids are running to suicide. Yes bullying has been around for years but now its worse since kids are shooting up places and sites like facebook allow them to have a profile. Parents also need to put their foot down!!!!0 -
I was bullied and teased all through school, try going to school with a 4 inch lift and a brace! the difference is we are to busy these days, we don't eat with our kids, we don't talk to our kids so they are not equipped to handle things! People parent your children! that means more than a roof over their head and clothes on their back! turn off the computer, games and TV and ask them about their day! teach kids to care about people and be nice! gheesh! teaching respect to kids would go along way too!0
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I was bullied and teased all through school, try going to school with a 4 inch lift and a brace! the difference is we are to busy these days, we don't eat with our kids, we don't talk to our kids so they are not equipped to handle things! People parent your children! that means more than a roof over their head and clothes on their back! turn off the computer, games and TV and ask them about their day! teach kids to care about people and be nice! gheesh! teaching respect to kids would go along way too!
Perfectly said! To add to that we need to be mindful of what we say and do in front of our kids. If we are adult bullies they will only imitate us!!!0 -
I was bullied and teased all through school, try going to school with a 4 inch lift and a brace! the difference is we are to busy these days, we don't eat with our kids, we don't talk to our kids so they are not equipped to handle things! People parent your children! that means more than a roof over their head and clothes on their back! turn off the computer, games and TV and ask them about their day! teach kids to care about people and be nice! gheesh! teaching respect to kids would go along way too!
I don't really know anyone who didn't get bullied or teased at some point. I was pretty popular and had a ton of friends, no braces or anything that drew attention to me and I got teased. The first I remember was a girl who sat across from me at lunch every day when I was in first grade. She was in second and would call me the ugly duckling every day and get all her classmates to join in.
I have no idea to this day what her problem was. I suspect she was insecure and needed a target because she was not the most attractive human being. We actually became friends later, but I still remember that. Then in fifth grade, we moved to a new school district and it was tough for me to break into alread-established cliques. As the new girl, I got picked on. Eventually, as we grew, I became friends with those people, too. But I had to go through the "initiation," I guess.
I certainly didn't get it as bad as others, and I witnessed some awful stuff and am sorry now that I wasn't brave enough to stick up for the bullied. It's not new. I guess the Internet and the current responses of adults don't help, though.0 -
I agree, bullying is not much different than 30 years ago, but then again, I remembered my parents teaching me how to stand up for yourself. I dont believe in violence. Even as a kid, if there was a fight I would just walk away, but if there is physical contact, (initiated by other) you stand up and defend yourself......I'm a veteran myself, and I teach my kids to talk to me about anything in school, but I also teach them to stand up for themselves ....ok I will stopThis is bull****. There has always been bullying much harsher then now. The problem is parents not raising children properly. Not instilling a strong sense of self worth/self confidence and coping skills. Additionally a basic sense of self preservation. Also parents who need to put down there iPads and listen to their children.
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While I agree that parents are far more self-involved now than they used to be, I wholeheartedly disagree with victim-blaming (blaming victim's parents, so we get that "what did you expect" and "you didn't raise your kids with enough self-esteem and they'll kill themselves" vibe you're putting out there).
Bullies usually have horrifyingly low self-esteem. So low, that they have to prove themselves to be in control of something, good at something, etc. every day. Victims are often average kids who are too young to know how to get through the mental and physical torture they're dealing with. Don't give me that *kitten* that if all of the victims parents had been better parents their kids wouldn't be the victims.
- Parents of bullies don't know they're the parent of the bully usually.
- Parents of victims also don't know they're the parent of a victim a lot of the time because the victim is embarrassed.
- Calling a bully out usually makes life worse for the victim.
- Involving a parent often yields no results.
- There is no treatment for the root of a bully's problem. Bullying is the symptom.
- Victims simply can not get away from their bullies, and the bullies get to remain bullies, just to someone else, when they do.
Absolutely! I cannot speak as a parent, but I was bullied from elementary through high school. You can have parents who adore and dote on you, who tell you every day that you're beautiful and smart and funny, but once a bully starts in on you, that very well could go in one ear, out the other. This is that age where parent's are "uncool." It doesn't matter so much what Mom and Dad say, but what your friends think; what the jocks and the cool kids and the popular girls think.
A person's reaction to bullying isn't always the same. I have had this conversation before, and compared it to a fire. There are people who you know would calmly stand up and wander outside. There are those who would panic a moment, and then get their act together, and those who would stand petrified until someone with a little more crisis-sense would usher them outside. I think our perceptions and reactions are based more on our personalities and who we are, rather than who our parents are.
Some kids are able to motivate themselves against bullying- they don't let it bother them, they fight back. Others are strong enough to ignore it. And those like myself, begin to wonder if the other kids are right. I began to withdraw from class discussion after everything I said was mocked. I stopped eating lunch after the others keep calling me fat, and would rather freeze on the way to school than be taunted about my new gray coat that made me look like "a big fat elephant." I had a few friends, but a handful of people who liked me against what seemed like an entire school of them who didn't made me feel like I was nothing.
After years of this, when a table full of kids (including a boy that I secretly crushed on for years) told me that girls as fat and ugly as me should just go kill themselves, I considered it. No child should be made to feel so worthless that they entertain that thought for even a second.
Admittedly, I really don't know what they could or should do about bullying. Getting a parent involved, in my experience, only made it worse. Teachers are afraid to overstep their bounds, the available modes of bullying are growing with technology, and teen suicides seem to be trending. If no one can come up with a good solution, I hope at the very least that they can begin to get more social workers and school psychologists into schools to help kids deal emotionally with the abuse.0 -
I agree with you ^ no kid should ever feel that they should have to end their own life because they are worthless. I only brought this topic up b/c of the news stories I saw. My nephew who is ten told me a few months ago that someone at his school picks on him, I was outraged. Found out it was a girl who had a crush on him and she would always make jokes... weird right? she finally stopped when my mother approached her mother after school letting her know she needs to make her child back off or there would be bigger issues. my nephew went to his teacher about the problem b/c he did not want to get in trouble for yelling at a girl and the teacher did nothing and told him he was being too sensitive. so after my sister had a talk with the girls mother, the girls mother must have jumped down her kids butt b/c she has left him alone. it's not always easy for parents to jump in b/c sometimes it can backfire but on the other hand if our kids cant stand up for their own self, that is our job to stand up for them and teach them how to0
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My heart definitely goes out to kids who are bullied. I was bullied in school and I've grown up with low self esteem. I even resorted to cutting when I was a teen. I've taught my kids to never judge some one for being different, and to always stand up for some one if they're being bullied. It's really sad when parents aren't involved in their kids lives enough to see what they're doing to other kids.0
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This too. If I decided to do myself in every time life was a *****, I'd probably be on my 8th life already. But I believe this has alot to do with the way kids are brought up, or lack thereof like I mentioned before.I'll probably be slammed here - but I think people are way too mammby pammbied now days, so the minute they have a little bit of someone upsetting them they can't cope with it. A little like how puppies and kittens sort out who's the stronger personalities. I think it makes and shapes you - or it should - it shouldn't make you go and kill yourself - it either makes you think 'I won't let them get the better of me' or it makes you think 'ok, I am not as strong as them'. It seems that everyone is too soft now - these Y generations bug the hell out of me I have known heaps to commit suicide too - it seems the minute they have to 'do life' it's too hard for them!!!! They have been wrapped up in cotton wool that much that they cannot cope with the most basic rejections in life. I say go talk to someone that lived through the depression (if there is any left now) - go talk to someone that went to war - then you'll see that life can actually be hard.0 -
I'll be 30 next week, and I was bullied in middle school. I am so thankful for my supportive parents, to the school for helping, and that Facebook didn't exist. I can only imagine how much worse bullying is now that it's gone cyber.0
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You're right .. I never thought about it that way.
Bullies have been around since the beginning of time. However, it we have become a society that seems to deal with them differently.
I don't know what the answer is. Teach your kids to hit back, and suffer the consequences or just take it, and expose the bully, and suffer the consequences. Either way they suffer the consequences.
Bullies SUCK!0 -
My heart definitely goes out to kids who are bullied. I was bullied in school and I've grown up with low self esteem. I even resorted to cutting when I was a teen. I've taught my kids to never judge some one for being different, and to always stand up for some one if they're being bullied. It's really sad when parents aren't involved in their kids lives enough to see what they're doing to other kids.
That is exactly what we have to teach them!0 -
I'll be 30 next week, and I was bullied in middle school. I am so thankful for my supportive parents, to the school for helping, and that Facebook didn't exist. I can only imagine how much worse bullying is now that it's gone cyber.
It's worse! it's sick and it's sad! it breaks my heart0 -
Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past
Really? you would let the school district tell you that your child cant stand up for themselves? Stand up for yourself! Tell your kids not to back down. The school district has NO right to tell you your child cant protect themselves. The school district doesn't own you. Do you think someone out in the real world is going to back down because of a school district. Stop worrying about what someone else might think is acceptable and teach your child to stand tall.0 -
Like a few have mentioned, bullying these days isn't as bad as it use to be. But "back in the day" at least you could defend yourself without too much repercussions. I got bullied early in grade school, that was until I had enough, beat the crap out of the bully, and then gained much respect. Never had a problem after that. Yes I got in trouble...I got detention. That's it.
Also, you rarely heard of kids doing themselves in over bullying. They dealt with it. These days it's just easy since they hear it all the time on the news.
I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.
I agree and I think a lot of this also stems from what I like to call "The Sissifying" of society. Society just gives up when things dont go their way. It never used to be like that. People didn't let things ruin them, they dug in deep and found that inner strength and pulled thorough now its just ..Oh everything is too hard for me I cant go on. We have let personal responsibility disappear and along with it self preservation0 -
Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past
Really? you would let the school district tell you that your child cant stand up for themselves? Stand up for yourself! Tell your kids not to back down. The school district has NO right to tell you your child cant protect themselves. The school district doesn't own you. Do you think someone out in the real world is going to back down because of a school district. Stop worrying about what someone else might think is acceptable and teach your child to stand tall.
I agree, if anything I would sue the school district for not protecting and actually enabling bullies to harass my child due to the lack of response and seriousness taken about the report your child gave them about them being bullied point blank dot com!0 -
I have a strong sense of self, I grew up in a country town, I was different to the other kids (dunno how, just was), I was teased from grade 5 to grade 10 (finally kids started to grow out of it). I too have a tough skin now but the scars run deep.
Conclusion, kids are inherently cruel!
chubbieBunnie - I hear ya.
Me too..Im not just being tough Ive been through it.0 -
What I find amazing is that some parents encourage this type of behavior. In fact, I have seen parents being the bully to other parents at school functions. Who does that?!?! No wonder their kids are bullies too.
There should be no tolerence for bullying in schools. Suspend the kid, 1 st offense. Expel after that. Let the parents figure out education options after. CRAZY!0 -
This is bull****. There has always been bullying much harsher then now. The problem is parents not raising children properly. Not instilling a strong sense of self worth/self confidence and coping skills. Additionally a basic sense of self preservation. Also parents who need to put down there iPads and listen to their children.
While I agree that parents are far more self-involved now than they used to be, I wholeheartedly disagree with victim-blaming (blaming victim's parents, so we get that "what did you expect" and "you didn't raise your kids with enough self-esteem and they'll kill themselves" vibe you're putting out there).
Bullies usually have horrifyingly low self-esteem. So low, that they have to prove themselves to be in control of something, good at something, etc. every day. Victims are often average kids who are too young to know how to get through the mental and physical torture they're dealing with. Don't give me that *kitten* that if all of the victims parents had been better parents their kids wouldn't be the victims.
- Parents of bullies don't know they're the parent of the bully usually.
- Parents of victims also don't know they're the parent of a victim a lot of the time because the victim is embarrassed.
- Calling a bully out usually makes life worse for the victim.
- Involving a parent often yields no results.
- There is no treatment for the root of a bully's problem. Bullying is the symptom.
- Victims simply can not get away from their bullies, and the bullies get to remain bullies, just to someone else, when they do.
It's really easy to speculate when you don't have to experience it .But wait until your kid, who is quiet, into art and sci-fi, is opposed to fighting, and is not being ignored at home because YOU are the parent, comes home on the bus after getting sucker-punched in the gut by a kid old enough to be in middle school, not the 4th grade. Then watch while the school ties your hands about what they can do about it. Watch how important it becomes that your kid's bully kicks his *kitten* while there are witnesses so people will believe him and the school will do something.
Fortunately, my son had witnesses, the school had a no-tolerance policy, and the bully was not allowed to ride the bus anymore after that incident. Now that my kids are both in middle school, the one who had a bully in elementary, has none now. The older one, who is ok with a fist-fight, has gotten into several defending himself. It's fcked up when I have to tell my kids "Hey, if someone hits you - hit him back. You let him hit you once, and you'll be his punching bag all year." And when your kid says "But I'll get suspended" (which is messed up for a school to do to the victim) and I have to say "it's ok if you get suspended. Your dad and I will have your back no matter what."
I never said if the parents had parented better the child wouldn't be a victim. I said They would be able to handle it better. You cant stop bullies and there will always be victims. Your prepare your child to understand that some people are just jerks and you will always have them all through your life. Grade school, high school, college, Work place...Its doesn't stop in school and you need that child to be able to understand how to cope with that.0 -
What I find amazing is that some parents encourage this type of behavior. In fact, I have seen parents being the bully to other parents at school functions. Who does that?!?! No wonder their kids are bullies too.
There should be no tolerence for bullying in schools. Suspend the kid, 1 st offense. Expel after that. Let the parents figure out education options after. CRAZY!
I'm so with you on that it should be treated like bringing drugs to school or something horrific as such. it's too out of control0 -
Im trying to teach my kids not to give a *kitten* what others think of them,and its working. Someone calls you stupid...so what who cares .Those people dont matter so their opinion does not matter.
When my son transferred from a small town school to a big city school he was bullied briefly for the way he talks,and his love of reading no matter what they they said he would respond with "SO....and why am I supposed to care what you think?" Pretty soon they moved on.0
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