Not sure how to handle this, need some advice

DawnDawn2011
DawnDawn2011 Posts: 92
edited October 6 in Chit-Chat
I work at a large retail store that employs about 400 to 500 people. The area I work in is set apart from most of the rest of the store, so I don't really interact with most of the other employees very often, however once every two weeks I cash out my card to get my pay and I have to deal with this guy. I don't know his name, but he has always given me the creeps, so when I am forced to deal with him, I flash my wedding ring, and work into the conversation how awesome my husband is. In fact I know he has seen me with my husband in the store on many occasions. Well, last week when I went to get my pay, there were two people cashing out the cards, and I went to the woman who was working there, I have known her for at least 6 years and she is really cool. Creepy dude starts going on about how pretty I look today, and how if they had a beauty contest at our store I would win hands down. He kept talking and it just made me really uncomfortable. He sent me a request on facebook later that day which I denied. (my facebook page has my husband's name on it), and then a few days later he sat by me in the break room. I got up and walked away, threw away part of my lunch just to escape (at least it is good for my diet though lol) Then the other day I was eating my lunch, with my nose buried in a book and I look up to see him sitting across the room just staring at me! I want to get this guy to go away, I am starting to get the feeling that he is not right in the head, and the way he was looking at me frigtened me. I have been ignoring him forever, trying to escape him forever, but it seems like the more I run away the more determined he gets. I don't really want to go to management and get him in trouble, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I need some good advice!
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Replies

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Talk to him,but start talking about your pierod how bad the cramps are the flow,right down to the color and consistency.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    Talk to your boss! Omg that's creepy!
  • Namaste1983
    Namaste1983 Posts: 603 Member
    I'M ALSO A FAN OF THE GROSS OUT METHOD.... THEY USUALLY LEAVE YOU ALONE :)
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    is there an ethics hotline or an HR person you can talk to? that is very creepy, and you do need to go to someone about it. behaviour like that is technically sexual harassment and you MUST do something now before he does something worse to you.

    seconded. you've drawn the line. he's aware that he's making you uncomfortable. you need to talk to HR.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    Go to HR! Believe me with that many employees you can't be the only one.
  • HeelsAndBoxingGloves
    HeelsAndBoxingGloves Posts: 916 Member
    Definitely talk to HR or your boss! What a creeper!
  • DawnDawn2011
    DawnDawn2011 Posts: 92
    I think if he does anything else creepy I will call him out on it really loud, in front of everyone. For instance if he is staring at me maybe I will yell out, " Don't you have anything better to do than to stare at me? Go away!" Then if he keeps it up, I will go to management.
  • Maggie_Pie1
    Maggie_Pie1 Posts: 322 Member
    Does your husband know about this? If your husband ISN'T the type to get all silverback gorilla possessive and escalate the situation and make it worse, it might be a good idea to tell him what's going on and ask him to make a show of picking you up at work - come in and get you, put his arm around you, etc, so the creepy guy actually sees with his own eyes that you ARE taken. Of course, if your husband is the type that would get jealous and confront him, then that's not a good idea.
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    Something needs to be done, he is getting more brave with his creepy actions and that is no good. Good luck.
  • DawnDawn2011
    DawnDawn2011 Posts: 92
    This guy has seen me with my husband on many occasions, so he knows I am married. The creepy guy is married too! Maybe I will send his wife a message on facebook! Lol
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.

    If that doesn't work, go to HR.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    I would use the gross method first.
    Start being liberal with your flatulence when he is around. Make sure to drink a carbonated drink and be loud with your burps. It's never too early to pick your nose.

    Although who knows maybe grossness turns him on? I can only think of this happening!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT4oswrvdMg

    If this turns out to be the case, then resort to your superiors and bring the problem to them.
  • coyoteo
    coyoteo Posts: 532 Member
    Sometimes men are terrible at taking hints, no matter how obvious we may think they are. I wouldn't go to HR yet, I would talk to him first and tell him you feel uncomfortable by his comments. Maybe he just really wants to be your friend. If a single thing is said after you tell him to be done being a creeper, then I would go a step up.
  • TriciaZ944
    TriciaZ944 Posts: 317 Member
    I would confront him and tell him politely he is making you uncomfortable for example "i would appreciate if you would stop making comments about my looks etc I am a married woman and it makes me extremely uncomfortable" if he continues go to hr and report him... Document when you tell him this and when you tell hr. I would make sure you have a close coworker with you when you say something so it's not your word against his. Also, continue to document what he does so if you have to take it further you have all the info with dates.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    If straight out telling him you're creeped out doesn't work, you need to go to HR.
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
    You need to go to either your Supervisor or Human Resources immeadiately and get past incidents documented, the longer you wait the more difficult the situation is going to be. You do not want to engage him in a "gross out" conversation and you do not want to make this a personal matter {I know these suggestions were made in a jokeing manner}. You are working in a hostile enviroment and if he has failed to dis-engage his actions you need to protect yourself and ensure you have notified upper management of his actions.
  • dragonbait0126
    dragonbait0126 Posts: 568 Member
    Go to management. Do not confront him about it. Let a 3rd party handle it. Confronting him may only set him off and from the way you are describing him, I don't think you should have that confrontation with him. If it was someone who was making jokes and making you uncomfortable, then I might agree with talking to him first but you are describing someone who sounds unbalanced, and potentially dangerous. Go to management. Do not give him an opportunity to interact with you where you are volunteering for that interaction.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Just remember you no longer need to be polite with this person. They've crossed the line. Take whatever steps you feel are necessary to keep yourself safe and sane.

    Best of luck to you.
  • latinahada
    latinahada Posts: 168
    2 words...Human Resources!!! That's one of the reasons they are there...Utilize them!!! And i agree it's very creepy, yikes!
  • ReverendJim
    ReverendJim Posts: 260 Member
    You need to report his behavior. Sorry, I know you don't want to, but it's the only way. Don't delay.
  • Destinie589
    Destinie589 Posts: 211
    Go to management. Do not confront him about it. Let a 3rd party handle it. Confronting him may only set him off and from the way you are describing him, I don't think you should have that confrontation with him. If it was someone who was making jokes and making you uncomfortable, then I might agree with talking to him first but you are describing someone who sounds unbalanced, and potentially dangerous. Go to management. Do not give him an opportunity to interact with you where you are volunteering for that interaction.

    I second this!! If you are already unsure about his state of mind then confrontation could be dangerous. And you might think about carrying some pepper spray around.
  • mimaduck83
    mimaduck83 Posts: 175 Member
    agreed with all the replies...sending you a message.

    mima
  • fitnatic67
    fitnatic67 Posts: 154
    Call your two friends, Smith and Wesson! nuff said
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
    I would go to HR, chances are with the number of employees there, you are not the first person he's been creepy to! But hopefully you will make sure you are his last!

    And lets hope he is not the HR manager - then you'll have a problem! :wink:
  • SLaw4215
    SLaw4215 Posts: 596 Member
    As a manager who supervises a team I encourage you to go to your Human Resources manager. You will not get him into trouble if he isn't doing anything wrong however -- I encourage you to trust your gutt instinct on this. You have a right to not work in a hostile work environment and "perception" wins in court cases. If your perception is that he is passive-aggressive (or creepy) and his advances are unwanted and "subtle" rejection isn't working then take it to the next level before you are cornered in a break room, rest room, parking lot, etc or he follows you home (name/address are usually on pay stubs) and confronts you (and your husband/family) You may not be aware if others have complained but the Human Resources manager may have information that isn't public knowlege. Protect yourself first and let "creepy guy" worry about himself. BE SAFE! :flowerforyou:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,027 Member
    The problem won't get resolved by ignoring it. This is "sexual harassment" by definition, especially when he talks about you in a sexual way on a consistent basis. HR gets involved. If not, then you are allowing it to continue. Ignoring the problem by you, means that to him it's still okay to advance.


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  • ad0nna
    ad0nna Posts: 6 Member
    I think this is the best advice. I worked HR for many years and in my experience, the person stops when direcetly confronted with how their behavior is making you feel. In the few instances this does not stop the interactions, you must go to HR. At that point do not worry about getting him into to trouble. You have to let him know that you are serious. By approaching him first you give him the opportunity to correct his own mistake. After that he needs to get into trouble for continuing.

    ... And yes he sounds VERY creepy!
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    Defintiely go to HR.
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.

    If that doesn't work, go to HR.

    I'd document, too, when you asked him to leave you alone and what you said. Couldn't hurt.
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