'Friends' keep telling me to stop

SueGremlin · December 2011

I get this too. I was up to 210 pounds. I've lost 55 pounds and want to lose another 25. My goal is 130. I weighed less than 130 all through my 20's and 30's so I don't understand why people think I should settle for 155 now! I'm happy with what I've done and if I don't lose anymore I know I will still be happy with what I've done, but I'm not going to stop logging and exercising (even when I get to 130), so I'm bound to lose more because at 155 there is still a lot of fat on my frame. I'm 5'4" and my "healthy" weight on the BMI scale is 107 - 145.

You know, after losing 71 lbs, how much food food it right for you in the course of a day. As long as you are not starving or purging yourself, your body will reach the weight that is right for your frame.

People love to tell others what to do and how to live their lives. It's something I will never understand at all, but it happens. I don't see it as any different than someone trying to control what you eat, who you marry, your religious practices or your family planning choices.

Someone at work told me the same thing, too when I made the mistake of mentioning that I had just dropped 30+ lbs. I am still 15 lbs north of "obese" according to my BMI and have 40 more lbs to lose. I just smile and say "thanks for the opinion".

marianne_s · December 2011

I think it depends on the person, sometimes when a person loses to much weight they look older in the face, not saying that is the case with you, I haven't seen you before. Bottom line is you have to make yourself happy. Are you positive though that you just don't see yourself havier than you actually are? I think as long as you are in your weight range you are fine. It too may just be that with that much of a weight loss that your friends just see the huge difference, and think that you look fantastic, which I am sure that you do. Good luck with what ever decision is. :flowerforyou:

I agree with this 100%

Being skinny/slim and then looking 10 years older is so not a good look...

SarabellPlus3 · December 2011

This is what I think:

No I don't think it's jealousy. You've got to remember that your friends perception of you is much different from yours. You still see the FAT you when you look in the mirror, even if you can admit that it's a lot less fatter than before.

What your friends see is a trim and confident woman - probably with curves in all the right places looking $1.000.000 in that new party outfit and naturally they see that improvement and think "WOW!!! Doesn't she look fantastic!" so when you say you've another 30lbs to lose they think, "how is that possible?" because they don't see the hidden weight you're still carrying (and to be honest most of us are carrying a few extra lbs even when we look and feel great!)
.....

Your Good Friends aren't trying to dissuade you - they just think you look a right Bobby Dazzler!!!

Yep! I'm sure this would be true of my friends.
But, I guess I have gone through the years surrounding myself with kind & good people, not jerks.

So it entirely matters, I suppose. Are your friends a bunch of a-holes? I mean, seriously, if they are truly sabatojing you and truly don't want you to a. be healthy, b. feel great, c. look great, then find some new friends, yesterday.

Great job on your weight loss!

inuit · December 2011

I think it is up to you, i started around the same size as you (and the same age) and have only just dropped into a UK 18 and people are querying why carry on just maintain, but i want to get to size 12. 14 is a nice size, but until you get to where you can happily reach then you wont know how you look.. I am working on the theory, get rid of much as i psyhcially can and then if i do get to a 10, then i can also gain a little if i do not look great or find it impossible to maintain that weight.

Just do not tell the people that are having a go (or being over caring) that you are trying for more of a loss, just keep going steady and slow and let it drop off you. I have learnt over the last few months that keeping weight loss under your hat with others that arent on the same wavelength is best. Some are jealous, some do not understand and some really think you look amazing. Sometimes it hard to keep quiet, but at least you are on this site, where people are ultra supportive and know where you are coming from and what you are going through.

Good luck,

Suziq2you · December 2011

No I don't think it's jealousy. You've got to remember that your friends perception of you is much different from yours. You still see the FAT you when you look in the mirror, even if you can admit that it's a lot less fatter than before.

What your friends see is a trim and confident woman - probably with curves in all the right places looking $1.000.000 in that new party outfit and naturally they see that improvement and think "WOW!!! Doesn't she look fantastic!" so when you say you've another 30lbs to lose they think, "how is that possible?" because they don't see the hidden weight you're still carrying (and to be honest most of us are carrying a few extra lbs even when we look and feel great!)

I know I look so much trimmer than before... I've lost 44lbs and 7½" from round my belly, so my friends have noticed the difference. But I'm still about 5 stone overweight (according to BMI which is a load of old Pants, but you gotta have some kind of benchmark I suppose) and I know that having lost 3 stone I want to lose another 3 stone and get down to a comfortable L-shirt and 34" jeans. Then I'll be at the size I want to be (although I'll then probably want to aim for a M/32" :laugh:)

Your Good Friends aren't trying to dissuade you - they just think you look a right Bobby Dazzler!!!

This!

TripleJ3 · December 2011

Also remember they are most likely seeing you with clothes on. And they might be used to seeing you heavy, that with a big loss you look fantastic already!

I can hide a good 15lbs depending on what I am wearing. While you have to do this for you and be where you are comfortable, I wouldn't completely ignore close friends and trusted family members. When you get to goal and people still say you are too thin you can really look at yourself and decide for yourself.

While no body actually told me I was too skinny at my thinnest, I now know I was. I was fit and muscular but my body type needs a few extra pounds. I had the startings of a six-pack but I had so many other bones and veins sticking out, I didn't think that was very attractive. Plus it was too hard to maintain and ended up gaining more then I am comfortable with. So all reasons pointing towards my now goal weight of about 10lbs heavier than my lowest.

Good luck! Yes some people do get threatened by your loss, but most truly love you more than what size you are.

kalexander2005 · December 2011

As in all things, I think we must be our own guides and use our own judgement. I don't let anyone tell me what I need to do any more. That is a losing battle as they are not the ones who have to live with the results of my behavior.

Congrats and keep rolling until YOU'RE ready to stop.

angiek2322 · December 2011

(sarcasm approaching) I love it when people tell me that I'm getting too thin. I'm not. I'm at a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life. I'm in better shape than when I was in high school. I'm muscular, not thin. My goal now is not to lose more weight, but to tone. And I'm working my butt off to make it happen. Many people tell me.....I don't have time to do what you do......for the most part that's bull........ I get up at 4:50 am 5 days a week to make it happen and am very carful about what I eat. I was the type of gal who ate EVERYTHING and lots of it. Heck....I still eat a lot........but my body composition has changed and I process calories differently now.

It cracks me up when people feel free to tell me to stop losing weight/exercising so much. Those same people did not tell me to put down the darn doughnut. And it's mean if I tell them that they need to lose a few....what's the difference?????

Can you tell this is a topic that gets me fired up???

khua0808 · December 2011

If they are just "friends" that say that, then they mean don't get thinner (than me because then I will get jealous). If they are true friends then they area just caring about you and your wellbeing.

dizzydi1968 · January 2012

Ok so I look like a new person, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from a uk size 22 to a uk size 14.

I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.

However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.

When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???

Post your picture - let's see what your results look like.
Maybe these folks are right.

Anybody not posting a pic doesn't pass the smell test.

dizzydi1968 · January 2012

When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
[/quote]Post your picture - let's see what your results look like.
Maybe these folks are right.

Anybody not posting a pic doesn't pass the smell test.
[/quote]

Fair point - I'm not great at IT and have spent most of my life avoiding cameras for obvious reasons!!

However I think I have managed to post a profile photo which was taken last night.

LilMissFoodie · January 2012

For some people, it's jealousy. For others, it's concern.

I agree. It sounds like maybe at the moment, it is quite safe for you to lose a little more. Speaking from experience though - I was still a healthy weight when I had a dangerously low fat mass (and I was still trying to lose 10kg!). At the time I didn't take very well to the (very few I might add) people who told me that I didn't have any more weight to lose and that my gym habits were unhealthy but they were right and looking back on the photos, my lifestyle and eventually my injuries I can agree with them and appreciate that they were brave enough to voice their genuine concerns.

LORRIE22 · January 2012

When people comment about my weight, I always comment on theirs. :bigsmile:
It seems my weight is open for discussion, but not theirs. So I make sure to address their weight also. People don't expect this at all. It's funny. I get a mixed reaction.

I just tell them how much I have lost, then I ask them in a very nice way..."And how much do you plan on losing?"
The jealous and nosey ones get very uncomfortable discussing their own overweight. They turn around and walk away from me as fast as they can. And they never bring up my weight again for fear I'll mention theirs again.

:laugh:

But I have had a few nice people ask how I managed to lose, as they are inspired and tell me they need to lose also and need some advice. So then I lead them to the weight loss forums.
:flowerforyou:

MissSpuggz · January 2012

Well, at the end of the day, if you're not happy with your current weight still then go to the size you want. Obviously you're old enough and sensible enough not to lose too much weight but just to be at the size you'll be most comfortable in. You're doing this for YOU, not your friends.

Just maybe take the next stage slowly, then it's not too difficult to make changes.

You've done an amazing job to get to where you are now so don't feel disheartened by other peoples comments.

Also, don't go on your weight, try to find out your body fat percentage and aim to lower that if that's the problem. Then you should keep your figure but tone up even more but maybe not to the point where you're a body builder!

Best of luck for whatever you choose to do. And you look amazing the way you are so on the other side of things, don't feel like you HAVE to lose weight. As long as you're healthy on the inside.

stylistchik · January 2012

When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???

Yep. People get jealous, or maybe they think you'll become a different person and not be friends anymore. Whatever their reason, you deserve to be healthy. Congrats!

cansmith80 · January 2012

I have the same issue. Everytime I turn down crappy food around certain people or talk about working out, I am asked why and told that I don't need to lose any more weight. I do have a healthy BMI, but I would love a lower one. I do ask others how much weight they think I should lose just because I feel like I can never get a true image of myself. However, my overall goal is to maintain a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, as long as you are losing weight and exercising healthily, no one should question your goals.

DenverKos · January 2012

I have the same issue. Everytime I turn down crappy food around certain people or talk about working out, I am asked why and told that I don't need to lose any more weight.

I've heard the same thing, and my response is "Thanks, and I'd like to keep it that way!"

Someone else posted that they weigh more than they look they do - same thing with me. When I went from 235 to 155, my in-laws told me I better stop, that I'm anorexic....I'm only 5'6" tall, and no where near an unhealthy weight at 155 (which is where I want to be again). I also muscle up fairly well

I do think it's a combination of jealousy and concern. Consider the source and how they say it. I worked in a place with a lot "catty" women and things would get ugly really fast when one of them would start losing weight and looking good - some of the others would get jealous and start trying to sabotage the person's success. Very sad that they just couldn't be happy for them.

bear_nakey · January 2012

I don't have a problem with telling people what my weight is, and what is a healthy range for me. So when they say, "oh, your getting too thin" I simply say, " I weigh 158, and a healthy weight range for me is 135-155, so technically, I am still overweight. My goal is 145, which places me safely in the healthy range." Most of the time they state how they both couldn't tell that I was still considered overweight, and didn't know that the range for healthy was so wide. Then we usually go off on a discussion about healthy weight ranges etc. The point is, most people just aren't informed. Don't hesistate to give them the stats. I am not embarrassed about my weight, because I have come so far from where I once was. If they still give you flack, punch them in the FACE!!!! lol

2Bgoddess · January 2012

People have a hard time visualizing. The see a drastic change, and try to extrapilate based on this, and they imagine a skeleton, and get all freaked out. I have two district groups of friends. The old friends, some of whom are chubby, tell me to stop. My friends who are into fitness have lost some and are toning up, they say keep it up. They are better at visualising me at a fit weight.

beccyleigh · January 2012

I've also lost over 70lbs but am still over 200lbs but could stay at this weight & look "normal" not fat & not thin but I personally want to lose another 40lb for my own benefit. That will put me in a 100% healthy weight range & lower end of normal bmi but I often get comments about why I am losing weight when I am ok as I am. It is usually from people who never knew me at nearly 300lbs so to them I am an average weight women. I take it as a positive of the work done so far. It's nice to know people don't look at me like I am a giant heffa anymore.

I personally would just say thanks for your concern but I am losing more for my own benefit but appreciate the compliment that I look good.

My sis got down to under 170lbs after being way over 300lbs but decided that she was too skinny & gained 10 or so lbs to feel better. You will never know your ideal weight till you reach it so go with it till YOU are happy.

'Friends' keep telling me to stop

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