Remember the day you said enough is enough?????

For as long as I can remember I have been overweight; morbidly obese to be exact. I can remember seeing those words on a doctors report in '88, when sent to Halifax when I was pregnant for my daughter; seeing that word was a shock to me, obese was bad enough, but seeing "morbidly" attatched was an OMG. You would think that would have been a wake up call I needed, but no.

In '88 my daughter passed away from SIDS. With numerous failed attempts with diets over the years, my bad habits and emotional eating continued. The secret of how much I weighed to family and friends was kept, and at times even a secret from myself. When one doesn't fit into store bought clothes or can get on a normal scale, you build a life of hiding, avoid it, therefore the problem doesn't exist.

I ended in the hospital with a ruptured appendix that nearly killed me, (I was 445 lbs then) and subsequesnt appendectomy later in the fall of '86. It was late that fall that my brother told my mother how much I weighed, he had heard it (as well as other stories the surgeon boasted of) around the supper table at his friends house. The friend's mom was a surgical nurse in the OR where I had had my surgery. I wrote the hospital, and never heard anything back. My faith in doctors needless to say diminished.

In "92 I was rushed into emergency surgery for what they thought an incarcerated hernia, but when opened up, found a very large abcess, which remained open to heal. I was in the hospital 10 weeks... then my father passed away and I then was let out and went back to emerge daily for dressing changes. Still had a hernia. I had lost some weight in the following year...but as always gained what I had lost and then some.

In September of 2009 I reached my biggest. The exact weight I am not sure, but looking back I would have to say I was at least 550 pounds, if not more. Being laid off in January and having been in emergency the day before with pain due to the hernia; it was revealed that my gut was fully outside my abdominal wall. The doctor had told me that if I was to be rushed into emerge with a perforation, they would be able to open me up but not close me. So elective surgery was a must and he would put a referral into Dr Klassin in Halifax to see me. My health was in bad need of a turn around. I went home, got on my diabetic diet, watched my bloodsugars, took my insulin, and then after a month of not hearing anything I called the doctors office. I inquired of the referral, of which I got the run around, and in throwing a fit finally got a response that they would call Dr Klassins office for I wasn't allowed. I never heard back. and being fed up, gave up and began to eat whatever i wanted once again.

On Sept 25th 2009 my life changed. A wake up call on health issues that will forever be burned in my memory. My husband of 25 years was diagnosed with High Blood pressure, High Cholesterol, Diabetes and Penile cancer. He had an immediate amputation. Lymphadenectomy followed, he then had a heart attack, went into cardiac arrest, paddled back, heart cath/stent put in, genital edema, subsequent surgury for what they thought a perineal abcess but found to be a reoccurring tumor of the kind before and had mestates in the lungs. Curtis passed away July 14th, 2010.

In helping Curtis get his diet on track, diabetes & cholesterol controlled, I too hopped on the band wagon and have been on ever since. Eventhough I have had my moments, they are short lived for I am determined to keep this path I am on to a heathier me. In September '09 I was on 90 units of insulin in the am and 80 units at night. Today I am on 22 units in the am and 11 units at night, and am fitting into 3x clothes I can buy in a store!

I started seeing the doctor regularly the end of July, in which she got me into see Doctor Dzierzanowski who referred me to Dr Ellsmere.

Finally on Tuesday Feb 22nd I received a call from Dr.Ellsmere's office on Feb 24th.

Dr. Ellsmere said he would put me on the Weight Loss Program, and once 30 pounds down (was weighed in at 430lbs) I would have the first surgery so to lose weight. Then once down to 250 I would have a hernia repair. He said in two years I will have this fixed. I was to get the website url and read all I could, and Diane would call me with the date.

Well since then I have lost the 30 lbs the Dr wanted...and more. I am off blood pressure meds. Have done my 3 week trial liquid diet.. I walk daily and follow the plan. I have my first appointment with the Weight loss team next week.

It's been a rough few years and although my husband is no longer able to walk this journey of healthiness with me..i walk alone and will continue with it. .. Ive lost 175 pounds (if not more) so far and I will continue on this road to healthiness.

May 27th, 2011 I realized that it had been five years since I was raped and was finally healing enough to be able to look myself in the eyes in the mirror. I spent five years feeling less than human. Fast Forward to September 22rd, 2011. I had done every diet that was available aside from surgery (Atkins, South Beach, WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Grapefruit, Cabbage Soup, etc etc). It was the day before my birthday and I sent that *kitten* who hurt me to prison. September 23rd, 2011 I turned 23 and I told myself that if I didn't lose the weight that was my shield against that *kitten*, then I'd get gastric bypass. I'm scared of surgery so I started September 27th 2011 and here I am Winning myself back with every pound.