a tragic loss....

my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.

my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.

Those of us with addiction issues tend to look for a fix when under stress. It's really hard not to resort to that behavior when experiencing loss. But you have to walk through this grief with intention. You don't have to feel great. You won't. It sucks right now. And you hurt. That's OK. It's OK to hurt. You can cry. It's OK to cry. It's OK to feel the loss, feel the ache. I ask that you make the commitment to stay in touch with a healthy friend or family member that you trust and contact them regularly. You don't have to process all the grief with them if you don't want to (though that might be easier). Just commit to staying in regular contact with them.

You don't have to use (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.) to not feel. You can still feel and be OK. Being OK does not mean feeling good. Being OK means feeling and the world not coming to an end. You can get through this. That doesn't mean it is easy or trivial. It simply means you can get to the other side - first to a point where you are really sad instead of freaking out with heartache, then wistful instead of really sad, and eventually you'll realize that you will miss this animal that was a part of your life and sometimes get sad, other times laugh about it.

You aren't there yet. But you can get there. I don't even know you, and I can promise that you have the ability to get there. Make the choice to get there. It's OK to feel pain. Just do it safely. Realize it's a process. Remember that it will subside. Know that there is nothing you can do that will make you forget the the loss. You can only postpone the grief process (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.), you cannot skip it. You know this to be true.

Hang in there. It really hurts to lose a beloved pet. I'm sorry you are hurting. It will hurt a tiny bit less tomorrow.

I hope this poem gets you through your loss! Stay strong. I keep this poem on my fridge as a reminder for all of my pets that have gone!

The Rainbow Bridge
inspired by a Norse legend

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,

Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.

Where the friends of man and woman do run,

When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,

Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.

On this golden land, they wait and they play,

Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,

For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.

Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,

Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,

Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.

All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,

Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;

Together again, both person and pet.

So they run to each other, these friends from long past,

The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,

Has turned into joy once more in each heart.

They embrace with a love that will last forever,

And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.