a tragic loss....

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24

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  • Jennieam
    Jennieam Posts: 300 Member
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    In the last eighteen months, I lost two of the best friends you could ever have - two German Shepherd/Labrador cross brothers, who I had adopted at seven weeks of age. Their names were Josh and Hamish.

    I agonised over some of the decisions I had to make about each of my dogs - whether to operate, whether to have them euthanised ... Whilst I was saddened by the pain they experienced, I also wondered how I would cope without them.

    Then I remembered

    - the trouble I had getting two bouncy puppies to walk together without tangling each other up,
    - the way they would run in circles of eight - following the birds - and somebody thought I had trained them like circus ponies,
    - the way they would stand - on each side of me,
    - the way they trusted me,
    - the many years of happiness we shared ...

    And I knew that whilst I missed them, they deserved to rest in peace. They will live on in my memory forever.

    My thoughts are with you. You are not alone.
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss. I, too, love and have lost 4-leggers in my time. At the time, the hurt feels unfathomable, but it will hurt less - little by little. Allow yourself to feel - it's okay. Remember the happy memories with your cat and what a good life you gave it. If animals could speak to us, I think they would tell us not to get buried in grief and that when you're ready get out there and save another pet in their honor. Peace. :flowerforyou:
  • em9371
    em9371 Posts: 1,047 Member
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    sorry to hear about your loss x
    there is no easy way to get over it, especially if she was with you for 19 years! just think of what a good life she had with you, and that she died with the the person she loved.
    i lost my first dog nearly 2 years ago now, and it still upsets me to think about her now :( we have 2 new dogs that i love to bits but they will never replace her!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I don't know that I have any helpful suggestions, but I wanted to tell you that I am so very sorry for your loss. Someone else said it's OK to cry and I agree with that. Emotional release always helps in difficult situations.

    Your kitty loved you and wouldn't want your to hurt yourself.
  • JennetteMac
    JennetteMac Posts: 763 Member
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    I know how you feel, I have lost pets after both long and short lives. Never easy. If it's any help, remember your cat had your love and care for a long time, and you gave it the best life it could have enjoyed.
    Don't rush into a new pet, but allow the crying, it's real grief as you were friends for a very long time.
    And when you are faced with a new pet who needs YOU to love it, go for it and enjoy.
    There are plenty of people who will support you, don't look to things that will damage you... your next cat will need your full and undivided love :flowerforyou:
  • starblazing
    starblazing Posts: 28 Member
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    thank you everyone. just when i think i can't possibly cry anymore, i do. thank you for your suggestions. it's nice to be able to ask for help and there are so many people that are there with advice. hug and spoil your animals, their lives are way to short.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss. I have two furballs at home and can't imagine how brokenhearted you must be right now.

    I liked the journal idea, that seems like a healthy way for you to express what you're feeling inside.
  • Sweet13_Princess
    Sweet13_Princess Posts: 1,207 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm an animal lover myself, with three cats and two dogs. I know if something happened to any of my babies, I would just be devastated.

    First of all, give yourself time to mourn. I've had people who have made snide comments about mourning for pets. Don't let them make you feel worse! Yes, they weren't people, but you loved them and that's what's important.

    Find someone to talk to and cry with. Have a funeral with people who also loved your pet.... it's not silly to want to celebrate the lift of an animal you loved. Vent online, if that helps. Journal about the pet, recalling great memories with them. Write a poem about the cat.

    I know right now, you might not want to consider a new pet; but sometimes just going to the shelter and seeing the other animals has helped me vent my emotions in a more positive way. I love interacting with the shelter animals and, no matter how sad I am, they always cheer me up. Who knows, maybe down the road you'll want to adopt one!

    Shannon
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
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    My grandmother just died a few days ago. I took a long walk right after my parents told me. It helped a lot, even though once I returned to my house the sadness returned. I do think that walking helps a lot though.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
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    Having lots of pictures of him around seemed to help me.
  • anyonebutmehaha
    anyonebutmehaha Posts: 174
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    remember this- she is only gone physically. she is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, all young and healthy, passing time sleeping in the warm sun, chasing bugs in the tall grasses, the breeze gently ruffling her fur, playing w/ all the other beloved pets that have left this earth...just waiting until the day far in future when you'll be reunited. once in a while she will come visit you or send you signs that she loves you still. look for them. her earthly body is gone but that "that is her" still exists and her love for you, like your love for her, will always and forever exist, it cannot die.
    so yes grieve that her physical being is no longer here, it hurts so bad, but hold onto the belief that she is okay and you'll see her again one day.
    ((many hugs))
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.


    Oh honey I'm so sorry:(((( It is so hard losing a beloved pet....they are like family members!! Take time to grieve. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Like a few people have suggested, taking a walk and/or exercise is a healthy way to channel some of that grief and sadness. Unfortunately it's a process that we have to work through. Hugs:flowerforyou:
  • amoffatt
    amoffatt Posts: 674 Member
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    *HUGS* work out at the gym or exercise the emotions. Easier said than done, hang in there.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.
    Those of us with addiction issues tend to look for a fix when under stress. It's really hard not to resort to that behavior when experiencing loss. But you have to walk through this grief with intention. You don't have to feel great. You won't. It sucks right now. And you hurt. That's OK. It's OK to hurt. You can cry. It's OK to cry. It's OK to feel the loss, feel the ache. I ask that you make the commitment to stay in touch with a healthy friend or family member that you trust and contact them regularly. You don't have to process all the grief with them if you don't want to (though that might be easier). Just commit to staying in regular contact with them.

    You don't have to use (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.) to not feel. You can still feel and be OK. Being OK does not mean feeling good. Being OK means feeling and the world not coming to an end. You can get through this. That doesn't mean it is easy or trivial. It simply means you can get to the other side - first to a point where you are really sad instead of freaking out with heartache, then wistful instead of really sad, and eventually you'll realize that you will miss this animal that was a part of your life and sometimes get sad, other times laugh about it.

    You aren't there yet. But you can get there. I don't even know you, and I can promise that you have the ability to get there. Make the choice to get there. It's OK to feel pain. Just do it safely. Realize it's a process. Remember that it will subside. Know that there is nothing you can do that will make you forget the the loss. You can only postpone the grief process (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.), you cannot skip it. You know this to be true.

    Hang in there. It really hurts to lose a beloved pet. I'm sorry you are hurting. It will hurt a tiny bit less tomorrow.

    i second every bit of this.

    and the only thing i can add is to talk to ppl. talk to friends and family, talk on here, talk to a therapist. it's a good way to process your emotions. but remember, emotions don't have to make sense. feeling is rarely logical.

    i'm sorry for your loss.
  • Bonniebigbutt
    Bonniebigbutt Posts: 15
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    I think the fact that you reached out to others and are seeking advice shows wonderful coping skills. Its easy to look for selfdestructive behavior when you are grieving and feel out of control with loss and sadness. But this too shall pass and you will be left with the love and memories you shared with your beloved. I am so sorry fo your loss and I hope this helps.
  • ksludwig
    ksludwig Posts: 304 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure it was a comfort to her to have you with her and to have some many wonderful years with you. I would agree with the idea to exercise. I would also say find a supportive friend or family member who knew your cat help you celebrate her life. When my grandfather died, my now husband let me cry it out, then had me tell him some of my favorite memories of my grandfather. It helped to remember the good times. I would also say check in with your local shelter/humane society, some organizations have "living with loss--Pet Support Groups." They meet regularly and are for people dealing with the loss of a beloved pet. (Or you can try other resources like the Pet Loss Hotline http://www.vet.cornell.edu/org/petloss/index.cfm). It can be good to know other people feel as deeply the loss of a pet as you do.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you. :flowerforyou:
  • lipglossjunky73
    lipglossjunky73 Posts: 497 Member
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    Just lay in bed and cry for a while. Who said you have to cope right now? Don't! Drugs and alcohol won't bring your cat back, and it won't do anything but numb the grief you are supposed to be feeling. So go feel it. Cry it out. Do what you need to do!

    Don't destroy the memories by damaging yourself. That won't do anything to help you in any way.

    People are so afraid of just feeling. I used to be an emotional eater, until I realized that feeling my feelings won't make me fat.....

    Feel better!

    I lost my 12 yr old cat a few years ago and it was devastating....
  • Jconner30
    Jconner30 Posts: 311
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    OMG! I am sooooo sorry for your loss. I have a cat that is my baby. He is about 5 years old and he sleeps with me every night. He tolerates my kids because he has to but he is definately a one owner cat. I would literally go into deep depression when he dies...
  • jelicaa
    jelicaa Posts: 83 Member
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    I hope this poem gets you through your loss! Stay strong. I keep this poem on my fridge as a reminder for all of my pets that have gone!

    The Rainbow Bridge
    inspired by a Norse legend

    By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,

    Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.

    Where the friends of man and woman do run,

    When their time on earth is over and done.

    For here, between this world and the next,

    Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.

    On this golden land, they wait and they play,

    Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

    No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,

    For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.

    Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,

    Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

    They romp through the grass, without even a care,

    Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.

    All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,

    Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

    For just at that instant, their eyes have met;

    Together again, both person and pet.

    So they run to each other, these friends from long past,

    The time of their parting is over at last.

    The sadness they felt while they were apart,

    Has turned into joy once more in each heart.

    They embrace with a love that will last forever,

    And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
  • SabrinaG1986
    SabrinaG1986 Posts: 135 Member
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    That is just awful. I have no advice, just sympathies!

    :cry:

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