Hurtful comments about weight?

My significant other never made comments about my weight, if loved me when I was fat and still loves me today. The only thing that bothered him was that if I lost weight I would think I was too good for him and leave him which is not true!

The most hurtful thing someone told me and got me motivated was from my 5 year old daughter. She told me bluntly that I was a big fat momma! When I asked her where she heard that she said all her friends tell her so and she was embarrased. I did cry and decided I did not want to be the big fat momma and I no longer am.


It sucks when people talk smack about you, but sometimes it's the kick in the pants we need to get into shape and better our lives.

I am a 42 year old grown woman now and there is an event from my youth that has stuck with me more than 25 years. As a young child I was a competative gymnast and dancer. I was strong and fit but had big thighs for a 10 year old. My body was shaped just like my dad's. Around the time I was hitting puberty my family moved and I had to give up my tumbling/dancing lifestyle. A couple years passed before I started highschool where I earned varsity letters in 5 different sports. I was athletic and in good health and by most people's standards I was also obese. By the time I was a junior in high school I was 218. I worked hard following Weight Watchers and dropped about 65 pounds. During my senior year I had gotten down to about 170 pounds (size 7 pants). I was still quite a big larger than the majority of the girls I went to school with but I had poor self esteem. One day I called my dad for a ride home after softball practice because it had started to sprinkle rain and he said he couldn't come and get me so I began to walk home the 2+ miles. My younger sister had called after me for the same reason and he must have had a change of heart and went and picke her up. As I walked home I noticed my dad and younger sister drive past me heading in the direction of our house. Even if he didn't see me I know my sister saw me because we had made eye contact. When I confronted him he said he didn't pick me up because I needed the exercise. I, WHO HAD JUST PLAYED SOFTBALL AND RAN MILES AS REQUIRED DURING PRACTICE, WHO HAD THE SELF CONTROL TO LOSE 65 POUNDS....NEEDED THE EXERCISE while my younger, skinny sister-- who never had to work a day in her life to be that way.... got picked up and driven home. I WAS SO HEART BROKEN that my own father had done that to me that it affected our relationship (even after his passing). He was supposed to love me unconditionally...and that includes being overweight. Now, I know my dad loves/d me and it was just a case of poor judgement on his part. THAT instance did not motivate me to try and lose weight in a healthy way...it made me desperate...and I tried all sorts of "fast" fixes....Dexatrim with Vivarin and Diet Coke... living on 2 saltine crackers a day... until I finally made myself so sick I had to have my gall bladder removed.

There are people in my life who can talk to me about my health... my doctor, my family, but it must be done in a productive and non-judgemental way or I'm not going to respond positively...

My husband once told me, in the heat of the moment -during an arguement that he wasn't attracted to me any more. It was years ago and it still hurts. Not too long ago I was depressed and weepy (PMS), he asked what was wrong, so I said, "I'm fat and I'm ugly and I'm stupid." His response was, "You're not stupid." He may as well have kicked me. Sure I guess I asked for it, but I doubt I'll forget that he said it.
My point is that years ago when he said he wasn't attracted to me anymore it didn't make me lose weight, and that was just about the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. I have forgiven... but I don't know if I can forget.
Now I wonder what will happen when I reach my goal but he hasn't started or recognized that he needs to start...

Mean and hurtful comments motivate me... to keep right on eating.

I don't respond very well to negative communication. Even as a child, when I was scolded or yelled at, my first reaction was to shutdown emotionally. That's why I am not fond of aggressive personal trainers. Yelling and screaming at me is not making me want to work harder. It makes me want to slap you.. and then go have a bowl of ice cream.

It's no secret that my weight has been an issue and my family hasn't shied away from addressing it. But it's always come from a place of love and support and genuine concern for my health. I can appreciate that. I know they are not judging me. My mother has been the most supportive and has bent over backwards to encourage me on this journey and do whatever she can to help me stay motivated. But I can assure you that if my family chose to "motivate" me by being mean or cruel, I would not have very much to do with them.

As for married couples, I can't imagine that I would ever choose to marry someone so shallow that they would no longer find me attractive if I put on weight. That is going to have to be a serious conversation before it's official. If my future husband won't be able to handle a possible weight gain or any other change in physical appearance, it would be best for us to continue to our search for a more suitable mate. I just feel that when you commit to someone, it's supposed to transcend all surface stuff. I mean if he would leave me because I gained weight, what would stop him from leaving if I were in a horrible accident and became paralyzed or lost a limb? Perhaps I'm being naive or too idealistic, but that's how I feel.

I tend to agree with you, I haven't reached the point where I was extremely overweight or anything but i gained about 18 lbs. and my fiance was like I love your curves, i love your legs and your butt and your girls.. i just think you should start to exersize because you are starting to get stuff around your middle too... Maybe someone else would find that comment as a jerkish thing to say, I don't it made me realize that I had put on some pounds and that he stays very physically fit, and the first thing I said to myself when I saw him is that is such a sexy latin man!!! I would rather keep him that way, so if he started to slip I would say something too. We are all attracted to certain things and here and there we will give a little, but come on there is no way that if I gained a lot of weight I would be offended or suprised if he said something. I guess my opinion is we all eventually get old and our looks change but why not as a couple please each other, try to keep the relationship hot and going as long as possible? If he can keep himself sexy and healthy and he is 15 years older than me you bet your *kitten* I'm going to bust mine to do the same... I mean really he only said what I was thinking anyway. That doesnt mean he doesnt love me, it just means I was letting myself slip and he told me before it went too far.

I made the mistake of being with a man who did nothing but "worry" about me going to the gym, dieting, etc. He made me feel worthless, as if being thin was the only way I was allowed to live. I was with that man, who in public would check to see if anyone was looking before he would touch me. Who walked 2 feet in front of me at all times. Who belittled me while shopping for food. His comments were said always to "Help me" or to "Inspire me" to lose weight. But in fact, It made me eat and gain more. Now, 2 years later I am with a real man. A man who loves me for my brain, my heart, my soul, AND my body. He does not care if I gain or lose. We want to have a baby, and I told him in order to do this, I would like to lose weight to be healthier, and to gain healthier habbits before I gain all that baby weight. He said he agreed that it would indeed be healthier if I did, and supports my choices to do so. He too is on myfitnesspal with me, to trim up a bit and most importantly- supporting me. I have found someone who "Inspires" me to lose weight so I can spend as much time on this Earth, in this body with him and our children....

my husband tells me he's fine with the way i am but if it bothers me maybe i should do something..

One bad thing too about people just telling you "you look fine" is don't realize how much weight you've gained. i felt the same when i looked at my pictures back when i was 175 -- i can't believe people were telling me i looked okay. now i have come to realize i should trust the scale and tape measure more than their words.

I really had to think this one over before posting. Hurtful comments can be the worst from someone who is closest to us, and these people(friends, family, sig. others) are often the ones who say the worst things...things they would not say to a stranger or a casual aquaintance. I guess that's because a very close relationship involves such an intense emotional involvement, and we hold a definite power over eachother. Think about what you say to others you love the most and why you are saying something judgemental or cruel. When someone close to you hurts you, find a quiet, stress-free time to talk and explain how that makes you feel...
I didn't realize how lucky I am to be married to such a wonderful person...not perfect by any means--we have our blowouts...but I feel that he is truly my best friend and dearest love. I cannot ever imagine not loving him...we've been together over 25 years:)

I've developed a thick skin thanks to always being overweight. But I really did get sick of hearing "you're pretty but... if you'd lose some weight." ugh.

In a way, I guess I did need to hear it, but in the end it's not really the comments that spur on the weight loss, it's just the desire to be better. My kids are getting older and it's getting harder to say, "eat right" when I don't.

But, the ones that hurt most were always from my brother. But I think he meant well, but didn't really know how to express it properly. Now he's a bit more subtle by emailing/texting me little health tidbits about weight and such. I like his new approach much better.