Ugh. Online Dating

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Replies

  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    People lie often in online dating about their body type (for good reason, if you aren't listed as thin or athletic, your odds of finding someone interested decrease by up to 80%)

    In my experience, above average, a few extra lbs, etc... equals OBESE. Big and Beautiful etc equals OBESE AND HONEST.

    I've met a couple women online who listed as a few extra lbs that were actually about 5-10 lbs over, but they are very much the exception. Most women I met who listed themselves as "a few extra lbs" were 40-50 lbs over.

    I know men do the same thing.

    To me a few extra lbs is 5-10 lbs over. Anything more and you are overweight. If you are 30lbs or more overweight, I'm sorry to say you are way beyond a few extra lbs and are obese, even if you feel you carry it well, unless your weight is not coming from fat but from muscle like a body builder.

    Curvy to me is not fat or obese. Some people honestly mistake the word curvy to actually mean fat. It's not. A true curvy woman can be in her weight range, or maybe a tad over, but is typically not going to be 20 lbs or more overweight. Curvy women to me are typically softer, less hard-bodied, but not really overweight.

    This is why current full bodied pictures should be used, and why if I ever internet date again I will not consider anyone without them because just as in real life if I'm giong to approach a woman I don't know, I'd like to get as accurate a picture of her as possible before making my decision.

    If you are not happy with your weight and feel it is stopping you from dating, then work on yourself before you try to date someone else.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    I agree with what other people have said, first off, post a good, up-to-date picture of yourself. People will care more about that than how you describe yourself in words.

    When it comes to choosing an option, just be honest. I'd even lean towards making yourself sound a little worse than better. When I was involved in online dating (Met my boyfriend that way, success! :happy: ) I would browse the forum and one of the biggest complaints I saw was people who met up with someone and they turned out to be way bigger than described/pictured.

    So if you're not sure if you're "average" or "a few extra pounds", I would go with the latter. This seems beneficial because 1) You'll have a better idea of if the person likes you for you, because they'll know you may be a bit overweight, and 2) If you do meet up with someone, if anything they'll be pleasantly surprised if you're more in shape than they thought, rather than being disappointed. Which will only make them more attracted to you!
  • LaBelle89
    LaBelle89 Posts: 71
    I always put Curvy!
  • msiamjan
    msiamjan Posts: 326 Member

    * Heavyset: I'd imagine would be a women who's got any boob size above DD. I think everyone can figure that one out on their own, haha.

    So my slim daughter who is a 30F is "heavyset"? I can't imagine anyone using that descriptive for her.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member

    * Heavyset: I'd imagine would be a women who's got any boob size above DD. I think everyone can figure that one out on their own, haha.

    So my slim daughter who is a 30F is "heavyset"? I can't imagine anyone using that descriptive for her.

    Apparently, Pamela Anderson (who is probably a size 00 or smaller) is heavyset. If that's heavyset, then that's what I want to be!
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Boob implants don't really count against body type lol.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Boob implants don't really count against body type lol.

    And large natural breasts do not mean a woman is fat.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    No they don't. I don't really count boob size period. Fat is usually measured on a woman's butt/thighs or midsection as well as neck area, not her chest.

    I actually know several very overweight women with small boobs.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." - Joshua

    This. And Wargames. lol
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I have never been comfortable with the idea of online dating, but when I was single, I did hold my nose and try it a couple times. What the guys looked like was never the problem.

    I met one guy who had a pretty attractive photo of himself. We got along great, talked on the phone, e-mailed. I really liked him. Then I met him. First, he did look very different from his photo, but I can get past that if you have a really awesome personality, which he did.

    The issue was -- and maybe there needs to be THIS question on the profile -- he SMELLED. Not like BO, either. It was some weird, stale kind of smell and it was very strong. I couldn't wait to get away from him. There was not a second date.

    So, guys, if you're meeting a girl for the first time, shower, wash your clothes and hair and if yu live in a stinky house, leave as soon as you get dressed and air out!
  • ANonnyMouse
    ANonnyMouse Posts: 11
    Lots of fascinating answers to this, thanks! It's interesting to see the differing perspective.

    I have pictures and then people say "you don't look big" or whatever, and I try to tell them that I am...and then they are disappointed when they meet me. Who knows. Perhaps I'm just choosing bad people. That I wouldn't doubt at all.

    Thanks for all the responses. Definitely sheds a different light on things.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
    I have never tried it, but if and when I do date again I would utilize it.
  • fitnfreeme
    fitnfreeme Posts: 102 Member
    This is fascinating and insightful.
  • juliesummers
    juliesummers Posts: 738 Member
    I have no idea what you look like, but if you are legitimately overweight I'd choose "full figured" because it's honest yet sounds appealing to certain types of men.
    But ultimately, don't you have a photo of yourself up there? Shouldn't that be enough to give him an idea of what you look like and what your body type/size is?
  • galvodka
    galvodka Posts: 102
    I looked at the ticker on your profile....you are definitely NOT big & beautiful if you are looking to lose 50 lbs. I'm thinking you should be curvy...and curvy is a good thing! I'm hoping to be curvy soon!

    -What you weigh and how you look are too different things. I definitely think putting up a full body picture is being honest, however there is no need to reveal any specific indication of your weight.
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 376 Member
    -About average
    -A few extra pounds
    -Stocky
    -Curvy
    -Heavyset
    -Big and beautiful
    -Full figured

    To me, "a few extra pounds" is about 20 lbs over what you'd like
    Stocky sounds squarish
    Curvy / Big and Beautiful / Full Figured mean the same thing to me

    For what it's worth - I had bad experiences with Match.com. You go to all the effort of answering their 500 questions - and then they kept giving me my 5 matches a day of men who ALL said quite clearly that they were looking for someone "fit and active". They couldn't have been more mismatched if they tried! I cancelled after a few months of frustration.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    If you have curves, use curvy. Curvy is hot.
    PS - this is my second anniversary with my fiance and we met online. honestly, i think meeting people any other way carries a much higher risk of settling for someone like my ex wife.
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    What's funny is that all of those options could pretty much be defined the same way. Here's my thought process with each one

    - About Average: WTH is average?
    - A few Extra Pounds: Because of what I ate for dinner.
    - Stocky: Short gymnast
    - Curvy: Alright, but in what way? A ball could be called curvy.
    - Heavyset: How I describe what I bench press.
    - Big and Beautiful: Overweight and doesn't want to do anything about it or won't admit they need to lose weight.
    - Curvy: pretty sure I did this one already
    - Full figured: A completed math problem

    I'd think a profile picture would say more about your body type than any of the above.

    I wanted to be funny, but Hiker stole my thunder. lol... anyhow...

    I'm with him on average... who's opinion of average? My opinion of average is most certainly going to be different from the next guy's opinion. I like "plain jane" types... but my plain jane isn't the same as someone else's im sure.

    A few extra pounds - carrying "baby fat", or as I like to say, "soft" or "fluffy"...

    Stocky - I think of a fireplug... short, thick/wide. Not to be confused with "girthy."

    Curvy - I always think of a big breasted, big hipped figure with a little waist... Marilyn, if you will. I think it's an overused term on dating sites and at least in my opinion, is not accurately describing a good majority of those who use the term.

    Heavyset - if you're overweight, this would be it. I go with heavyset for myself because I'm a fat *kitten* and I know it. It isn't attractive sounding, but it's honest. And there are guys out there who respect honesty a good bit.

    Big and beautiful - more of an attitude than anything anything else.

    Full figured - to me, this is just a synonym for "curvy"... same thing though, most of the people who use it, are not using it appropriately. Again, this is just my opinion.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Number some pieces of paper 1-8. Assign a number to each description. put them in a hat and shuffle them around. Without looking in the hat pick one......BAM that is your description.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    * About average: What comes to mind would be someone who is around size 15, but I may just think that way from my studies, haha. I just picture this - http://newwomensfashion.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/15.jpg

    * A few extra pounds: Someone who is around size 18-20 seems pretty fair here. Like this chick -http://www.judgmentofparis.com/cc/ms11b.jpg

    * Stocky: Someone who is shorter than average (4' - 5'3), but is above size 20. I don't really feel many people fit this profile, because some women can be between those measurements and look like "a few extra pounds". I think this word is vague and harsh.

    * Curvy: This option I figure gets many clicks, simply because it sounds attractive. I can't give any specific measurements, because some women just have weight in the right places. Curvy is an hour glass. Something like this - http://wunderbuzz.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/hourglass3.jpg

    * Heavyset: I'd imagine would be a women who's got any boob size above DD. I think everyone can figure that one out on their own, haha.

    * Big and beautiful: Simply means you're proud of your weight. You know you're larger than average, but you like being that way. It's not bad, some men appreciate women who appreciate their forms. It's basically stating "Plus sized and proud". This women works - http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrspdaEPi11qhc3j9o1_400.jpg

    * Full figured: Someone with weight in all the right places. Slightly larger than average, but not by that much. A women like this maybe - http://www.feelingusa.com/img/blog_plus1.jpg

    nb4 anyone hounds me, this is simply what comes to mind when I hear those words. My interpretations are my own and I don't believe everyone thinks or feels the same way as I do. Any ways, I think you should be honest with yourself. Relationships are best built with honesty.

    Those descriptions/pics are interesting to me. Not saying you're wrong, but just not what I thought of at all. I say I'm a few pounds extra, but I definitely don't look like that woman in that catagory. Goes to show how much they probably really don't matter!
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