Who to make happy: Boyfriend vs Best Friend

um, why can't you be in that environment? It isn't like the movies. I don't drink, smoke and I have to go to those places when people come in town for business and I come out ok.

I'm thinking you should do what makes YOU happy. If you don't feel comfortable at a bar, perhaps suggest going to a movie with your friend to celebrate this weekend, or something else that you will both enjoy. Or if you want to go, tell your boyfriend it's not up to him, that you'll take care of yourself and call him if you need him.

^ ^ this^ ^

That is idiotic.

This is tough. Do what you feel is best to do regarding your friend. On the flip side, you can always take her out to eat to celebrate. If she is a true friend, she will accept that you don't want to go to a bar.

I guess the best question to ask is, does she have other friends to go with her? If she is alone, and wants to go to the bar, perhaps you can meet her in the middle and go for just an hour or so (your boyfriend can go along too).

Your boyfriend should have no say over where you go or what you do. This sounds controlling to me. There's no good reason for you NOT to help your friend celebrate her birthday.

You could always go for an hour or so, that way she can see you've made the effort, but you wouldn't have to drink, or if it's early-ish in the night, you wouldn't be out late enough to be around all the drunks:')
Though if you in yourself feel uncomfortable with it, make sure you let your friend know, and suggest something else you could do together?xo

Ask your friend to respect your culture and tell her you would love to celebrate with her at another time when you wont' be around the drinking etc.

I second the suggestion to bring him with you. If he doesn't want to go or your friend doesn't want him to go, then just do whatever *you* want to do. If you're uncomfortable going to a bar because of how you were raised, explain it to your friend and offer up an alternative (going out to dinner, a movie, whatever.) If you think you can handle going there, then don't worry about your boyfriend. I think not going would upset your friend more than going would upset your boyfriend, and either way it's not really fair of him to ask you not to go to something like that.

My ex sister-in-law was raised Southern Baptist, and she felt weird going to bars and dancing when she was older. As a result, she rarely went to bars. So, I can understand where you are coming from. Do what you feel most comfortable doing.

I'm thinking you should do what makes YOU happy. If you don't feel comfortable at a bar, perhaps suggest going to a movie with your friend to celebrate this weekend, or something else that you will both enjoy. Or if you want to go, tell your boyfriend it's not up to him, that you'll take care of yourself and call him if you need him.

^this. First of all, he's just a boyfriend. Someone who may or may not be there in the future as well as the best friend. YOU should be happy before anyone else. Don't regret something 5 years down the road because you did or didn't do something.

Believe me...I've had a 10 year relationship as well as a 20 year friendship go down the drain and limited myself in both situations wishing I would have stuck to what made me happy first. I am also a recovering alcoholic and my TRUE friends understand what makes me uncomfortable about drinking situations.

It's a matter of faith and the culture I grew up in. I'm Zimbabwean and was raised in a strict household so the whole drinking, smoking, partying thing was always a no no, especially for a female child. So I feel like I am betraying a lot by going. But at the same time I believe what you are saying and really think I'll be okay. But my own internal will against it, plus my boyfriend make it difficult to just go

I would never suggest someone go against their faith. (Their boyfriend, YES, their faith, no...)
Would it be against your faith to go but not drink, smoke, etc....? You could be a sort of designated driver. (If you don't drive, you could at least be the one with sober judgement.) Many drinks can be made "virgin" (no alcohol), or you could just drink diet pop.
As for your boyfriend, if he still has a problem with a female going to a bar with other femaies and no male escort(I'm assuming he is from the same faith and culture), you could find out if he'd be welcome, explaining to your friend your perspective.

BTW, I opted out of a friend's bachelorette party because the maid of honor was hiring a male stripper. I felt attending was disrespectful to my husband. Her and I are still friends. A true friend will not expect you to go against your conscience. (I do mean your conscience, not your boyfriend's. I decided the party with male stripper was wrong for me, not my husband.)

Would your friend object if you brought your boyfriend with you? It would make him feel better about it and probably you too... then, if you guys are uncomfortable, you can bow out early.

Or...

When in doubt, fake a headache! :laugh:

Do what makes you happy! Can you take your boyfriend with you? Or is it a girls night out? Shoot he should let you!

Bars are not some crazy, drunken parties with bar fights and stuff Most bars are just people eating, having a few drinks, and keeping to themselves. So unless your friend wants to go to Coyote Ugly or something, it likely won't be that different from going to a restaurant. If YOU'RE uncomfortable, don't go. But if you want to, you should. Your boyfriend should trust that you'll be safe and you'll be with people who can take care of you. I mean, unless your friend and all the people going with her plan on getting schwasty faced, it'll likely be pretty low key. I mean, every time I've gone out for drink everyone has one, max two drinks and then we all go home.