struggling with being more attractive

Apparently men find women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner.

I don't know. I don't get hit on, but I admit when I started losing weight I worried about the same thing. Not that I think I am attractive, but I used to get hit on a lot when I was in my 20s, and it seems to me that men have got more aggressive in their flirting in the last decade. Maybe I just notice it more now I have children to look out for.

I'm not sure what you mean by the men finding women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner thing... I don't think that's true.... hmm.

All I'm saying is, being looked at as an attractive woman is a new experience for me, and it's uncomfortable, and I'm trying to find ways to get used to it. I'm not trying to say that I think I'm hot stuff,. But losing 73 pounds is going to make a person hotTER stuff than they used to be.

It was in a New Scientist my husband had kicking around about a year ago, but I can't find a link to it on their website.

What? Dang... well that's just crazy. Good to know!

I have to eat a little crow here and admit that I thought you were trying to make some kind of snarky remark, I didn't realize you meant it as fact.

Ha ha! See why I keep people at arms length!? I don't generally make snarky remarks without provocation. It really is true. Though sadly in the same article they claimed that women don't like other women who have lost weight. Probably for the same reason. Competition!

Apparently men find women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner.

I don't know. I don't get hit on, but I admit when I started losing weight I worried about the same thing. Not that I think I am attractive, but I used to get hit on a lot when I was in my 20s, and it seems to me that men have got more aggressive in their flirting in the last decade. Maybe I just notice it more now I have children to look out for.

I'm not sure what you mean by the men finding women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner thing... I don't think that's true.... hmm.

All I'm saying is, being looked at as an attractive woman is a new experience for me, and it's uncomfortable, and I'm trying to find ways to get used to it. I'm not trying to say that I think I'm hot stuff,. But losing 73 pounds is going to make a person hotTER stuff than they used to be.

It was in a New Scientist my husband had kicking around about a year ago, but I can't find a link to it on their website.

What? Dang... well that's just crazy. Good to know!

I have to eat a little crow here and admit that I thought you were trying to make some kind of snarky remark, I didn't realize you meant it as fact.

Ha ha! See why I keep people at arms length!? I don't generally make snarky remarks without provocation. It really is true. Though sadly in the same article they claimed that women don't like other women who have lost weight. Probably for the same reason. Competition!

Haven't read the article but it makes sense to me. Women who have successfully lost weight have confidence that those who are naturally thin may not always have. Confidence in oneself and one's abilities is attractive.

Yep it's normal. There are serious freaky creeps out there and some really awesome guys out there too. Take it with a grain of salt and dismiss the losers. It's just a reality that usually the ones who come out the gate first (so to speak) are the disgusting ones, or are trying to beat their friends to get to you. Smile, say "I don't think so" and walk away. I am not sure where you are meeting guys or getting noticed, but in a bar especially with alcohol in play, men often get a little pushy. Be proud of what you have accomplished with working on you.

Pretty please, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, ok? I'm exposing some vulnerabilities here, so I'd appreciate it if everyone would try their best to be kind. Thank you.

I've lost 73 pounds total. 40 in the last year. Dudes are looking at me. It's fun and cool, for the obvious reasons. But I'm a little uneasy because it's never really happened before, and for some other reasons. I just had a really nasty experience with a guy hitting on me- he had terrible boundaries, and the way that he approached me was incredibly creepy and it really, really upset me. I'm worried that there is more of this in my future. I still have a lot to lose yet, so I'm worried that if this is what I'm experiencing already, it's going to just get nasty.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings, and what helped you to deal with it and feel more comfortable with your body?

Welcome to the new world.
Get used to it.

And remember this. We must go through the bad to get to the good.

IT WAS DEFINITELY WEIRD FOR ME AT FIRST WHEN I STARTED GETTING ATTENTION. I USED TO AVOID IT AND NOW AFTER SETTLING INTO MY BODY I JUST SAY THANK YOU, LAUGH AND WALK AWAY. I'M A BIG FAN OF THE "I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP" IF THE PERSON IS JUST PLAIN CREEPY. SMILE SAY THANK YOU AND GET THE HELL OUT. I'VE STOPPED GOING TO CLUBS BECAUSE MEN GT PRETTY GRABBY AND HONESTLY TOO PUSHY IN MY OPINION.
I WORK IN A HOSPITAL AND WHEN I WAS A TRANSPORTER I GOT HIT ON A LOT. WE PUSH PATIENTS AND I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, MY *kitten* DID LOOK PRETTY AWESOME IN MY SCRUBS BUT IT GOT AWKWARD SOMETIMES. I WOULD HAVE MALE NURSES JOKE ABOUT NEEDING TO WALK BEHIND ME TO SEE HOW IT'S DONE. ONE CREEP SAID HE WISHED HE COULD "BE BEHIND ME ALL DAY" HEY PERVERT.... I'M PUSHING YOUR ICU PATIENT, STFU. EVEN HAD A TECH PULL MY HAIR AND BRUSH THEIR HAND ON MY *kitten* WHILE I WAS PUSHING A BED AND RUN OFF LAUGHING.
IT SEEMS LIKE TODAYS GENERATION OF MEN WANT IT EASY AND QUICK. AND IF YOU GIVE A GUY YOUR NUMBER THEY TEXT YOU AND ASK FOR SEXY PICTURES. AT LEAST IT SAVES ME TIME FROM WEEDING OUT THE ONES WHO ARE SERIOUS RIGHT?
IT WILL GET EASIER AND YOU WILL LEARN WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU IN THOSE SITUATIONS. BE MINDFUL OF HOW YOU DRESS AND HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF. HOPE THAT GUY LEAVES YOU ALONE NOW THAT YOU'VE EXPRESSED YOUR FEELINGS.

I used to get hit on all the time, and that stopped when I gained all my weight. Now that it's coming off, I've been getting hit on more often. It's awkward at first.

The truth is that men are going to be more attracted to you and more forward than you've experienced in the past. Learn to smile, accept the compliment, and walk away without leading them on. Don't be a biotch about it, but you can say "no thanks" and express disinterest. If you like him, flirt back a little. You might end up having a great relationship or friendship.

If he's a creeper, be mean.

Thanks everyone so much for your kindness and support! Reading all these posts has really brightened my day. :flowerforyou:

Congrats on your success! You will learn how to deal with the extra attention. Like other people have mentioned, do NOT feel bad about turning attention down. Especially if the guy oversteps his boundaries. There is nothing wrong with a creeper thinking you are a bit**. Let him bother someone else. Chances are, he's hitting on anything with boobs and a pulse. Save your energy for a guy who actually has something good to say rather than trying to get right in your pants.

I've always had that problem since my early teens. I think part of it is if you look approachable and if you seem nice when approached. If someone is being creepy or too aggressive, don't worry about being nice to them, be polite but firm and assertive. It took me a while to realize, but people who are overly creepy are doing it to whoever they think they can, so no need to spare their feelings if they are intruding on your space. They may even be singling you out with the assumption you won't know how to deal or will be flattered by the attention.

With nice guys who are just misreading the situation, do be gentle in rejections as it is hard to put yourself out there. But for them, a simple "thanks, I'm flattered but just not interested in you in that way" should suffice.

This is my "backwards" comment:

I was 5'10 skinny and a natural blonde my entire life. I was what many boys/men found "attractive" As a result, there was never a shortage of guys wanting me....either to date, to hang out with or just to get in my pants. (luckily for me I had enough self respect + fear of STDs + fear of getting pregnant...not to sleep around) But they were always sniffing around.

Frankly, it got to the point where I could never tell who REALLY liked me and who just wanted to get in my pants or have me as arm candy. After several ended relationships it was quite discouraging. Truthfully, it really messed me up and made me very scared to let anyone in.

(I know this sounds so f-ing conceded, but I was never that way, I am a introvert actually LOL)

When I got FAT....... after a divorce and lose of my Grandmother who lived with me, that all changed. Guys didn't look at me anymore. They didn't hit on me constantly. I became invisible. I liked it. I was safe from getting involved and "inevitably" getting used/hurt again.

Now that I am starting to consider loosing weight and getting back to a healthier me I wonder what it will be like. Currently I am dating someone who loves ME.. He has known me for nearly 10 years and watched me gain over the past 3years. (we have been together 6months) I am embarrassed of my body and worry that he is secretly hoping I will loose weight and he will get the skinny me that he always knew. But he says that is not the case.

I guess what I was trying to say before I got on a rant...is that I understand.

Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Put yourself out there only as much as you are comfortable with.

Oh... And don't be afraid to tell as guy to take a hike back the cave he clearly crawled out of

Take a self defense class! That way when you're rockin' that hot new bod and a guy steps into your comfort zone, you know exactly what to do to protect yourself. They're very empowering!

+1. And martial arts are good exercise!

But the key thing is that engaging in a strenuous activity that forces you to train your responses to stressful situations in the dojo will build your confidence when you encounter stressful situations elsewhere in your life (and it should be noted that most of them do not involve punching and kicking! ). Predators look for what they perceive to be easy targets, and confident people don't act like prey.