Why does my boyfriend make me so mad?

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jnthwaite
jnthwaite Posts: 111
in Chit-Chat
I had been talking with my boyfriend about how pissed off I am with being so overweight. I have had to go shopping last year because my shirt size went from a 12 to a 14 to a 16. Also generally grumbling about the fact that my pants no longer fit, and I have to buy fat people clothes.

He is also overweight, and is about the same weight as me, but he's a bit shorter. I had previously joked with him about the fact that he'll run off with a skinny chick if I don't lose some weight. I was looking for support, or suggestions about how we could lose weight together. This is what I got.

:huh: He told me "well I have no place to talk" while he patted his belly. :mad:

That just wasn't good enough. I was looking for him to offer to workout together or something. He goes to the gym and delivers junk mail, and I'm still on holidays, but I'm a teacher when I go back to work.

I don't know why his response has completely upset me, but I just wanted to share / rant a bit. This has spurred me on to start doing the exercises and calorie counting on here without his support. He supports me. Hell, he even did a horrible aerobics workout with me at the park the other week. I guess I wanted to do this together. I wanted my feeling to be validated. Ugh!

Jackie
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Replies

  • adlwilmot
    adlwilmot Posts: 117
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    He's a man. Enough said. :laugh:
  • Nikki582
    Nikki582 Posts: 561 Member
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    Sometimes the Other Half just doesn't get it and you actually have to SAY that to them.. not hint but outright say. :/
  • schmorla
    schmorla Posts: 77 Member
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    Why does he have to suggest it? Why can't you suggest it?
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    Sometimes the Other Half just doesn't get it and you actually have to SAY that to them.. not hint but outright say. :/

    It was just so damned frustrating. I've started doing stuff for myself. Maybe I just didn't feel I could do it myself? IDK.
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
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    Did you actually ask him to do this with you? He isn't psychic. Nothing like plain, honest communication.
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 588 Member
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    Maybe that wasnt the answer you were looking for but unless you actually tell him what you want and expect from him what else can he do than reassure you he isnt put off by the weight gain in a jovial manner.

    We are men, most of us wont get the sublte hints or slight suggestions. If you drew it out for us in orange crayon it would still be a struggle for some. Ask him directly for support and what you mean by support, if he refuses or shows no interest, then get mad.

    my 2p.
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    Why does he have to suggest it? Why can't you suggest it?

    Good point. I think I have a major confidence / self esteem problem. :grumble: Working on it though. :wink:
  • Scott_P
    Scott_P Posts: 95 Member
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    ANYTHING we say usually lands us in hot water. "your not sensitive enough", or "You didnt have to be so rude". There is no common ground. : )
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    Maybe that wasnt the answer you were looking for but unless you actually tell him what you want and expect from him what else can he do than reassure you he isnt put off by the weight gain in a jovial manner.

    We are men, most of us wont get the sublte hints or slight suggestions. If you drew it out for us in orange crayon it would still be a struggle for some. Ask him directly for support and what you mean by support, if he refuses or shows no interest, then get mad.

    my 2p.

    Thanks. I appreciate your input. :)
  • krissa3670
    krissa3670 Posts: 76 Member
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    The only thing i would say is you ask him to do a joint workout. He is not psycic and will not know that was what you wanted from him. Most men need to be told direct what you want or you will spend forever in a frustrated mood and life is too short. Tell him what you want from him and then see what his response is. Ask if you can go to the gym with him maybe.
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    Did you actually ask him to do this with you? He isn't psychic. Nothing like plain, honest communication.

    Yeah. I'm starting to come out my shell a bit. I'm the person who usually won't say boo to someone. :)
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    Thanks for all your input guys. I know it sounds a bit silly, but you don't know what you don't know, so now I know! :drinker:
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    This is why we all eventually end up bald,sitting in a chair,staring at a TV with a beer in our hand. :ohwell:

    Honestly,people aren`t mind readers and he probably thought he was being supportive to make you feel less self concious.
    Just say,you want to lose weight and get in better shape and would like to do it as a team with him. :smile:
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Men don't read minds. They also don't pick up on dropped hints. You may think you're being very clear but he won't see it.

    Years ago when DH and I were first married we worked opposite shifts. I dropped a few hints that I thought were perfectly clear that I wanted to get a cat. He wasn't an animal person growing up so I went the "dropping hints" route. Finally after a few weeks of dropping what I thought were perfectly clear hints I came out and asked "Can I get a kitty?" He said "OK, sure." I was floored that he agreed so easily. I told him I'd been dropping hints for weeks because I didn't think he'd go for it. 17 years later and we still joke about it.
  • pixieofdoom
    pixieofdoom Posts: 356 Member
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    I think that especially when it comes to weight, a lot of men are just terrified of saying the wrong thing. He probably thought that if he said 'let's workout together' you might have then said 'oh, so you agree that I'm really fat and need to lose a ton of weight then' - I'm sure you wouldn't have said anything of the kind but he was probably just trying to play it safe.

    Definitely agree with the others, just ask him for support. Let him know this is really important to you and that you would love it if he could be part of it. If he doesn't feel he can or doesn't want to, then there are lots of other ways to meet exercise buddies too so don't let it damamge your relationship - but do give him the chance, it sounds like he might be a great help if he's already done one class with you!

    Good luck with it!
  • shazzam05
    shazzam05 Posts: 33
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    Tell him exactly what you want (words of two syllables or less may help), also, when he says something to you that can be interpreted as good or bad ALWAYS take it the good way because men don't do subtle or hints.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    because your problems aren;t his. They are your to own. I have the same issue with my wife, she is 4'10" and weighs over 200lbs. Now I am no small guy but i work out 3 days a week and swim. She complains about her knees aching all the time and I have no sympathy for her because she will not workout or try to lose weight. Do it regardless of how the other person feels. ONLY you can control how you feel. GEZZZZZ!
  • Vjb2525
    Vjb2525 Posts: 67
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    He is male!!! lol But you do need support while you are battling the cravings of fast food and soda pop so I guess it is a great thing you joined here! I am single for over a year now and with work and school my schedules I cant find a workout partner so this website is the closest thing I have. Good luck:happy:
  • happyhiram
    happyhiram Posts: 89
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    He's a man. Enough said. :laugh:

    I....but...

    ...what?

    Are you saying that as men we are predisposed to pissing off females? Because if so...awesome. Fellas! Looks like we have an excuse now!


    But anyway, OP....you should tell him exactly what you want. Why beat around the bush and then get pissed off when you don't get the reaction you want? That's very silly. I don't get why people do this.
  • clare1510
    clare1510 Posts: 30
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    My boyfriend has always said he will support me through my weight loss efforts. However he can be so matter of fact with it all which just upsets me.

    He just goes 'well just eat less and exercise more' which I know is obv how it works but its the way he says it as if I am stupid. For someone like myself who has had a bad relationship with food all my life to the point of binge eating, it isnt that easy

    So I made a pact with him that I will do it on my own and not mention my weight loss efforts to him unless he asks and in return he will stop with the sarky comments which dont help.

    My boyfriend is a lovely guy. But he is a guy and things dont always come out the way he means them lol!

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