Friction in my Marriage

I honestly didnt read the whole thing my mind went off at the word Pizza ... lol best of luck

Cant make somebody do something, no matter what it is.. Their heart has to be in it.
That said, maybe he will see you progress, all your hard work and how much it affects your body and get aboard!

Have you sat down and had a heart-felt conversation about this with him? Guys are WAY different than we are and if he's anything like my husband, he needs to be told EXACTLY what I want and need him to do and why. I have only been married for 5 years, but we've been together for 7 years... Ultimately, I'd start the conversation with... "I love you. I love how you support me and I can feel how much you love and care about our relationship." Stroke the ego and then continue on with the things you would like and need for him to do to help you (and himself). That's what I'd do anyway.

I honestly didnt read the whole thing my mind went off at the word Pizza ... lol best of luck

:laugh: You are definately a man!

I've been married for 4 years, with my husband for almost 10, and we have gone through this patch before.

He is amazing, absolutely amazing -- but yes, all plans were my plans. All adventures were my adventures. All changes were my changes.

I realized this about 5 years ago and it started eating at me. I'd get resentful if he didn't plan something or if he would even just AGREE with one of my crazy ideas.

For me, what worked was telling him about this and why it was hurtful. Because I was interpreting his agreeableness as complacency and almost laziness. Now I just accept that we are two very different people, but he DID come around and every once in a while will show some serious effort at spontanaeity. We joke about our 'roles' a lot, and I think that helps to alleviate tension.

Good luck with everything! I 100% understand what you are talking about!

I've just embraced my fitness and workout time as me time. Or me and the kids. We don't share the same interest in everything and time dong our own thing is good too. I've found a good balance for meals. When I cook something "crazy healthy" as he says he makes himself something. Comprimise

I have no advice except to say I can sympathise. My man is also very unhealthy, after quitting smoking he's just started smoking again this week (which causes snoring issues which cause more friction!) and he's been told by his doctor he's high risk for a heart attack. He has a gym membership he signed up for a year ago and has never been.
I have been trying to encourage him to eat better, quit the smoking properly etc and it just makes the friction worse. I've decided i need to drop it and realise he is an adult and can make his mistakes and I will get on and do what I need to do for my health because he won't take any help or support from me. Its hard watching someone eat and couch themselves to perhaps an early death.

I wish you luck on your adventure but although you say you don't want to change him it sure sounds to me like you do. Would you stop being the way you are because he wants you to be less spontaneous and enter a non active life style. PS I have been married a very long time lol... Maybe give some thought to what you really want, people dont usually really change because someone they care about asks them to. Generally I have found they just pretend to be someone they are not and that doesn't work for long!

ok what you wanna be doing is not to tell him hes on a" healthier diet" just start cutting out the fatty foods slowly and replace them with veggies ect like a veg curry for instance! 1 less sauage ect,make your own pizza and add your own toppings more vegies(mushrooms,peppers ect) and less cheese!
do it slowly and they don't notice!
thats what i done with my kids! :drinker:

good luck

after all have you just tried having a serious heart to heart with him...

(((HUGS)))

What kinds of spontaneous things are we talking about here? Like just jump in the car and go some where, or like just jump out of a plane? The difference in those two is huge! I'm kind of a control freak in my life, and I LOVE to know details ahead of time. If my bf says 'hey let's go for a drive..', it used to be impossible not to say 'well, where are we going? What time are we coming back? Do we need to pack food?' I finally learned just to say 'ok, let's go!' If he's any type of control freak at all, this may be his driving factor behind his lack of spontaneity. Control freaks don't like spontaneous, we like to see *kitten* coming! Maybe a compromise might work better for you guys...ask him today if he'd be up for doing what you want to do tomorrow. Give him a little bit of a heads up. If he seems more willing that way, then over time he's more likely to open up to the last minute requests, as well. TALK to him. Let him know how important these things are to you, and how important it is to you to share some of these experiences with him, as well.

As for the fitness. We all know that a strong metabolism doesn't really mean crap as far as health. When you cook, do you cook for the family? If so, then there's your answer. And obviously once in a while if the man wants pizza, so what! Not at all implying that you're trying to be a food monitor and eliminate all things unhealthy forever...not implying that at all. But if you're in control of at least one of the meals he eats regularly, then I'd say it's time to let him be a big boy. If you're cooking, and eating, breakfast and dinner with him then I'd say he's probably not doing horribly. The smoking you're never going to get him to stop, that's on him.

As you know, you can be thin AND unhealthy. So kudos for you for trying to get him off the couch! Women already live longer than men, so I might say something, like, "Hey, bud, I want you to stick around for awhile" I agree that he has to want to do it -- but as an incentive, how about starting slowly and offering a "reward" at the end? Maybe you guys could go for a 30-minute walk and the reward would be going out for a (healthy) dinner or you making his favorite dish (more healthy version, natch)?

Also, and this works for me, I won't work out unless I have a goal. How about you guys train for a 5K in a couple of months?

I was just thinking the other day " I wish he would take us on family adventures like my dad used to" really beating him up in my mind. I then smacked myself upside the head reminding myself that he's not my dad (although VERY similar) and if I want some adventures then I'd better go out and bloody well make them happen. Not wait for him to read my mind.

So no, you know who he is and you aren't going to change that. You'll have to find some people that you can share those things with but it doesn't sound like it's going to be him. ...or if you haven't talked to him about it he might be totally clueless. Mine, at least, is not a mind reader and somehow that still surprises me.

Good luck and keep on keepin' on.

I will be married for 14 years in June.

I know what you are saying about wanting him to be more involved with you on this journey. I joined mfp last March. My husband is a smoker to and he has been very supportive but I found with him I just gave him some time to get adjusted. I have found great recipes on here and he really enjoys them as well; and this week he joined mfp. It was not because I told him he needed to. It is because he wants to get healthier. We cannot make them make this choice but it is a lifestyle change. Be patient with him and keep on setting a good example for him. It really works and talk to him to tell him how you are feeling.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

Ditto

Also, if your husband thinks you're too hardcore, he can do something easier. For example, my husband bicycled next to me while I I did my 6-mile run last night.